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I 

I     From  nn  Act  prescribing  Rules  for  the  Gorenimeiit  of  the  State  Library, 
^7%  passed  March  Sth,  1861. 


Section  11.  The  Librarian  shall  cause  to  be  kept  a  register  nC  all 
books  issued  and  returned  ;  and  all  books  taken  by  the  members  of  the 
Legislature,  or  its  officers,  shall  be  returned  at  the  close  of  the  session. 
If  any  person  injure  or  fail  to  return  any  book  taken  from  the  Library, 
he  shall  forfeit  and  pay  to  the  Librarian,  for  the  benefit  of  the  Library, 
three  times  the  value  thereof;  and  before  the  Controller  shah  issue  his 
warrant  in  favor  o''  any  niemlier  or  otlii-er  of  the  Legislature,  or  of  this 
State,  for  his  per  diem,  allowance,  or  salary,  he  shall  be  satisfied  that 
sucii  niemlier  or  officer  has  returned  all  books  taken  mit  of  the  Lilirary  liy 
him,  and  has  settled  all  accounts  fur  injuring  such  books  or  otherwise. 

Sec.  ].'>.  Hooks  may  be  taken  from  the  Library  by  the  members  of  the 
Legislature  and  its  officers  during  the  session  of  the  same,  and  at  any 
lime  liy  the  (iovernor  and  the  officers  of  the  K.\ecutivc  Deparlnient  of 
tiiis  i^lale  who  are  ret|uired  to  kee[)  tlieir  offices  at  the  scat  of  government, 
the  Justices  of  the  Supremo  Court,  the  Attorney-General  and  the  Trustees 
of  the  Library. 


/T- 


rr'!^j^_        /i'^^'^  _     f^^^ 


LORD    BANTAM    " 


/  had  forgot  one  half,    I  do  protest. 
And  now  am   tent  again  to  speak  the  rest. 


LORD  BANTAM 


A  SATIRE 


AUTHOR   OF    ''GINX'S    BABY" 

AUTHOR'S     EDITION 


NEW    YORK 
GEORGE   ROUTLEDGE   &   SONS 

416     BROOME     STRKET 
1872 


Stereotyped  at  the 

women's     printing     housh. 

Comer  Avenue  A  and  Eighth  Street, 

New  York. 


PR    ^ 


PREFACE. 


Critic.     S'  ch  vild,  lunatic,  incongruous,  whimsical,  fan- 
tastical, grotesque,  im 

Author.     Stay    thy   prating,    friend ;    what    hast    thou 
read? 

Critic.     Read  !    why,    this   manuscript   of  thine,    every 
word  and  every  line  of  it ;  and  I  say  such  a  farrago 

Author.     Nay,  but  hast  thou  only  read  the  words  and 
lines  thou  seest  upon  the  scrip  there? 

Critic.     Wliat  else  should  I  read? 


0,'?,^-0<'^  B 


CONTENTS. 


PART   I. 


HOW   HE   CAME   INTO   THE   WORLD. 


I.  Delicate  Announcements 
II.   Preliminaries  . 

III.  A  Land  Slip    . 

IV.  A  Son     . 

V.  Tlie  First  Accident 


PART    II. 

HOW   HE   CAME   TO   BE   LORD   BANTAM. 


A  Human  Feeding  Bottle 


I 

II.   Passages  from  a  Diary 

III.  Academic  Groves 

IV.  A  Young  Aristocrat 


PART   III. 

HOW   HE    LEARNED   HIS   LETTERS. 

Words  versus  Wit   ........ 

Digression.     Benevolently  dedicated  to  American  Readers 

A  Juvenile  Tourist  and  Author 

A  Scotch  Tutor       ...... 

Catholicism      ....... 

Agape      ......  .         . 

Human  sympathy  in  its  influence  on  Catholicity 
At  the  University     ...... 

The  Radish  Club 

The  Essenes    ....... 


PAGB 

I 

3 

9 

15 

16 


iS 
21 
29 


I. 

II. 

III. 

IV. 

V. 

VI. 

VII. 

VIII. 

IX. 

X. 


PART   IV. 


31 


35 

37 
38 
42 

54 
62 

64 
67 
69 
70 


HOW    HE    CAME   TO    YEARS    OF   DISCRETION    AND    OTHERWISE. 


I.  Citizen  Bantam 

II.  A  Rank  Communist 

III.  A  School  for  fledging  Nobles 

IV.  A  Proletarian  Compliment 
V.  Newspaper  Moralizers 

VI.  Economic  Notes 

VII.  The  Seat  for  Briggshire 

VIII.  A  Startling  Lecture 


75 
73 
82 

85 
95 
97 

103 
107 


vm 


CONTENTS. 


PART    V. 
HOW   HE   BECAME   A   LEGISLATOR. 

I.  Preliminaries 

II.  Diversities  of  Operations 

III.  Taking  no  part  in  it 

IV.  Fencing 
V.  Party  Tactics 

\T.  jM  arching  Orders 

VII.  Too  much  of  a  good  thing 

VIII.  The  Placard  Trick 

IX.  A  Fogy  Candidate 

X.  Canvassing  for  Election 

XI.  Canvassing  Extraordinary 

XII.  Inconvenient  Result  of  Popular  Reform 

XIII.  Explosion — of  a  totally  new  Fulminating  Agent 

XIV.  The  Press  express  their  Opinion    . 
XV.  In  Parliament       .  .  '         . 

XVI.  Disaster  to  a  Prig  Ministry 

XVII.  The  Claims  of  Society  on  its  Gods 

XVIII.  The  Nobility         .... 

PART   VI. 

HOW    HE    EMBRACED   THE   ECLECTIC   RELIGION, 

I.  Society — at  large 

II.  The  Women's  Society  . 

III.  The  Eclectic  Religion  . 

IV.  Eclecticism  in  Raptures 
V.  By  Civil  Contract 

VI.  An  Eclectic  Symposium 

PART   VII. 

HOW  HE  COQUETTED  WITH  THE  PROLETARIAT, 

I.  Reductio  ad  absurdum  of  Philosophic  theories 

II.  The  Creed  of  Party 

III.  Parliamentary  Conscience 

IV.  Stirring  up  the  Church 
V.  Transmontane  Plots 

VI.  A  Willing  Sacrifice 

VII.  Transmontane  Reformers 

VIII.  A  New  Charter    . 

IX.  Death  and  Sunshine 

X.  Parly  versus  Principles 

XI.  A  Constitutional  Crisis 


PART    VIII. 
HOW    HE    CAME   TO    HIS    ESTATE. 
I.  The  Ruling  Passion  strong  in  Death 


PAGE 
114 
118 
121 
127 
129 

135 
138 
144 
146 

149 

156 

161 

162 
166 
169 


174 
179 
188 
192 
197 
201 


20S 
209 
214 
216 
218 
219 
221 
221 
224 
228 
230 


236 


PARTI. 

now   HE  CAME  INTO  THE  WORLD. 
I. — Delicate  Announcements. 

On  the  fifth  day  of  April,  a.d.  i8 — ,  the  following  an- 
nouncement appeared  in  the  Piccadilly  Journal  : 

Sons. 
Ffowlsmere,  Countess  of,  on  the  ist  inst.,  at  20,  Hiton 
Place. 

The  excitement  created  by  the  event  thus  dryly  and  sta- 
tistically chronicled  was  not  confined  to  the  distinguished 
lady  and  the  little  individual  of  the  species  under  which  he 
was  classified.  In  Lord  Ffowlsmere's  noble  breast,  in  that 
general  bosom  which  every  Englishman's  family  is  said  to 
possess,  and  in  the  society  wherein  the  Earl  and  Countess 
of  Ffowlsmere  were  distinguished  political  leaders,  the  birth 
thus  baldly  scheduled  sent  a  thrill  of  unusual  feeling. 

There  is  nothing  wonderful  in  the  birth  of  a  son,  even 
among  the  higher  aristocracy  when  married ;  why,  then,  may 
some  inquisitive  person  ask,  should  there  be  any  rare  ex- 
citement when  to  Lady  Ffowlsmere  happened  so  common- 
place an  accident  ?  So  might  I,  along  with  several  million 
compatriots  of  the  Ffowlsmere  family  have  inquired,  who 
were  not  sufficiently  high-bred  to  know  the  causes  that  agi- 
tate the  inner  circles  of  society :  and,  as  a  fact,  we  should 


LORD    BANTAM, 


have  been  as  ignorant  of  the  trepidation  as  of  its  reason, 
had  not  the  Ficcadilly  Journal  printed  a  few  days  after  the 
advertisement  the  following  paragraph  : 

"  We  understand  that  the  Countess  of  Ffowlsmere  is  progressing 
very  favorably  since  the  birth  of  a  son  on  the  ist  instant.  It  is  a  cu- 
rious fact  that  her  ladyship's  last  child,  the  present  Lord  Bantam,  and 
heir  to  the  peerage,  was  Dorn  so  far  back  as  June,  i8 — ,  a  period  of 
nearly  nineteen  years," 

This  delicate  intimation  awakened  in  my  mind  an  inter- 
est in  the  fate  of  the  boy  who  seemed  to  have  been  born 
out  of  time,  and  from  that  day  to  this  I  have  closely  followed 
the  changes  of  his  history.  My  original  curiosity  was  to 
ascertain  how  Earl  Ffowlsmere  would  deal  with  the  editor 
of  the  Piccadilly  Journal  or  of  the  medical  review,  from 
which  the  information  had  been  clipped,  but  he  appeared  to 
have  been  too  indifferent  or  too  haughty  to  horsewhip  those 
egregious  prigs.  The  information,  however,  having  come 
to  me  through  this  public  channel,  I  am  entitled  to  use  it. 
The  disclosure  in  question  amply  accounts  for  much  emo- 
tion on  the  part  of  the  Earl  and  Countess  of  Ffowlsmere, 
and  a  very  pretty  gossip  throughout  the  vast  bounds  of  their. 
acquaintanceship. 

I  have  rather  reflected  on  tlic  Piccadilly  Journal^  but  I 
will  report  a  conversation,  overheard  about  the  same  time 
at  the  Hon.  Mrs.  Trippety's  ball.  The  personages  were 
none  other  than  I.ady  Eaton,  Mrs.  Everard  Chesham,  and 
those  charming  girls  the  two  Misses  Du  Pont. 

Mrs.  Chesha.m.  Have  you  heard  the  news  ?  O,  so 
funny  !     Lady  Ffowlsmere  has  a  son. 


PRELIMINARI  ES, 


Laura  Du  Pont.  O,  nonsense,  dear  Mrs.  Chesham. 
You  must  be  mistaken.  Why,  Lord  Bantam  is  over 
eighteen,  and  there  are  no  other  children.  It's  quite  impos- 
sible. 

Mrs.  Chesham.  Hush,  dear,  you  don't  know  what's 
possible  or  impossible.  I'm  sure  it's  true,  because  our 
carriaare  drove  over  the  straw  as  we  came  here  to-ni^ht. 

Lady  Mary  Eaton  (convinced  by  this  evidence).  I'm 
afraid  it  is  true  ;  but  really,  is  it  not  most  extraordinary  ! 
If  I  were  Lady  Ffowlsmere,  I  could  never  show  my  face  in 
London  again.  Why,  it's  really  shocking  !  It's  like  a  loosis 
— loosis — 

Mrs.  Chesham.  Naturcc^  dear ;  you  oughtn't  to  try 
Latin  words,  you  knotv.  But,  indeed,  that  expresses  ex- 
actly what  it  ought  to  be  called — poor  thing  ! 

Et  cetera,  et  cetera,  et  cetera. 

If  the  female  part  of  society  was  scandalized  by  the  frank 
announcement  in  the  Piccadilly  Journal,  the  Editor,  for  his 
part,  might  have  retorted  on  the  ladies,  that  his  knowledge 
of  society  afforded  him  ground  to  believe  himself,  as  re- 
garded that,  quite  e7i  rapport  with  them. 

* 

II. — Preliminaries. 

How  Lady  Ffowlsmere' s  baby  came  into  the  world  is  a 
matter  involving,  on  my  part,  such  sacred  and  even  translu- 
nary  knowledge,  that  I  almost  fear,  if  I  proceed  to  divulge 
the  facts,  I  shall  either  lose  credit  with  everyone  for  truth- 


LORD     BANTAM. 


fulness,  or  be  suspected  of  some  Satanic  means  of  informa- 
tion. 

The  common  bantling  of  Mrs.  Ginx  may  come  into  the 
^  world  with  somewhat  rough  concomitancy  of  circumstances, 
but  what  are  the  happy  accidentia  of  a  birth  like  that  ot 
Lady  Ffowlsmere's  baby  ? 

As  to  Lady  Ffowlsmere  herself,  she  was  the  subject  of 
nine  months'  astonishment.  She  looked  at  young  Lord 
Bantam  when  he  came  home  from  Winton  with  sensations  of 
awkward  wonder.  How  long  ago  it  seemed  since  he  was 
little  baby  Bantam,  laughing  and  coughing  in  her  young 
ladyship's  lap.  Now,  after  a  pause  of  nineteen  years,  after 
she  had  buried  the  hopes  of  rejuvenescent  motherhood, 
when  she  had  thrown  herself  with  rare  ability  and  finesse 
into  political  intrigue,  and  had  become  the  social  head  of  the 
feminine  Prig  clique — now,  when  she  was  almost  regarded  as  a 
states;«rt;;?,  or,  at  all  events,  as  a  most  noble,  most  charming, 
but  confirmed  political  intriguante^  here,  by  a  ridiculous  ac- 
cident, she  was  obliged  to  await  an  event  which  she  knew 
would  make  her  the  laughing-stock  of  society.  I  am  bound 
to  believe  that  she  never  spent  so  uncomfortable  a  nine 
months  in  her  life. 

None  the  less  needful  was  it  to  prcjiare  for  the  coming 
trouble  in  true  aristocratic  fashion. 

Every  morning  at  eleven,  for  six  months.  Sir  Samuel  Horn- 
bill,  l-'.R.C.S.,  whose  distinguished  services  to  royalty  in  dif- 
ficulties had  procured  him  honors  not  to  be  won  in  any  other 
medical  or  surgical  field,   visited  her  ladyship  and  chatted 


PRELIMINARIES. 


with  her  for  ten  minutes,  while  she,  enveloped  in  a  rich 
Cashmere  robe,  took  chocolate  out  of  an  elegant  Dresden 
service,  presented  by  as  pretty  a  little  maid  as  ever  distressed 
a  footman's  heart.  Later  in  the  day,  her  ladyship  took  an 
airing.  Gillow,  the  coachman,  was  instructed  to  drive  with 
double  caution,  and  above  all  to  avoid  taking  her  ladyship 
in  the  direction  of  any  street  row,  monster  or  accident.  It 
was  the  groom's  special  duty  to  keep  on  the  watch  for  ex- 
traordinary instances  of  deformity  or  ugliness  on  either  side 
of  the  way,  and  to  warn  the  maid,  who  forthwith  diverted 
her  ladyship's  attention  until  they  were  past  the  dangerous 
object.  One  thing  of  which  the  Countess  had  a  rooted  dis- 
like was  red  hair.  The  most  disagreeable  relation  of  her 
husband's  family  was  a  red-headed  Marquis,  and  him  she 
hated  so  cordially  that  his  hair  could  scarcely  escape  her  re- 
sentment. Clinks,  therefore — whose  own  locks  were  snow- 
white  with  floury  filth — was  strictly  cautioned  not  to  permit 
a  carrot-head,  aristocratic  or  plebeian,  to  come  within  the 
range  of  his  mistress's  vision.  Poor  Blinks  !  He  was  sit- 
ting on  the  box  one  day,  at  the  corner,  when  that  pretty 
Jemima  Mosely,  the  undernurse  at  Lord  Evergood's,  was 
passing  with  the  little  lords  and  ladies  out  for  an  airing,  and 
never  saw  the  fiery  locks  of  the  Marquis  of  Arran,  who,  rec- 
ognizing the  carriage,  actually  rode  up  to  the  wheel,  and, 
uncovering  his  orange-tawny  pate,  bowed  it  portentously 
forward  almost  in  the  Countess's  lap.  Lady  Ffowlsmere, 
giving  a  little  shriek,  buried  her  face  in  her  handkerchief 
The  Marquis  thought  she  had  gone  mad,  and  went  off  blaz 


LORD     BANTAM. 


ing  like  a  turkey  cock.  Blinks,  after  handing  the  Countess 
up  the  steps  at  Hiton  Place,  packed  his  clothes  and  left 
without  waiting  for  his  wages  or  any  formal  excommunica- 
tion.    He  felt  like  a  man  who  had  committed  murder. 

The  children  of  rank  and  wealth  are  taken  care  of  before 
they  are  born.  What  are  we  to  expect  of  the  babes  whose 
mothers  carry  them  where  awful,  devil-features  abound,  and 
where  grotesqueries  of  Hell  are  the  environments  of  their 
daily  life  ? 

For  months  before  the  arrival  of  Lady  Ffowlsmere's  baby, 
her  ladyship  was  dangerously  excited  about  his  Jiatalia. 
Almost  daily  the  carriage  went  to  Williams's,  whose  shop 
windows  are  a  perfect  and  open  instruction  to  any  observant 
bachelor  in  all  the  mysteries  of  feminine  or  infantine  equip- 
ment. 

— Ah  !  I  well  remember  how  one  day  sauntering  in  Re- 
gent street  I  saw  my  lovely  little  cousin  Angela  in  her  pretty 
brougham  drive  up  to  such  a  shop,  with  its  white-lined  win- 
dows there  before  me,  and  that  mysterious  word  Layettes 
in  gilded  characters  upon  the  cornice,  and  I,  awkward  idiot 
that  I  was,  stood  talking,  and  never  saw  the  changing  i)inks 
upon  the  sweet  young  face,  and  even  begged  she  would  let 
me  be  her  groom  for  the  nonce,  and  hand  her  to  the  coun- 
ter ;  and  she,  how  perplexed  she  was,  and  how  sliy,  and  she 
said  she  thought  she  would  not  stay  there  just  now,  she  had 
just  driven  to  the  pavement  to  see  me — the  little  story- 
teller ! — and  how  I,  a  few  days  after,  lounging  over  the 
Chimes  at  the  club,  saw  the  announcement  of  her  first  infant^ 


PRELIMINARIES, 


and,  as  I  recalled  the  scene,  the  shop,  the  embarrassment, 
my  great  coarse  face  and  ears  grew  red  and  hot  with  shame, 
that  I  should  have  been  so  thick  a  fool !  I  reverenced  hei 
ever  after  for  that  true,  godly  touch  of  shy  innocence,  and 
everywhere  I  see  it  I  recognize  it  as  a  pure  relic  of  Eden. — 

But  I  come  back  to  Williams's.  In  the  midst  of  white 
and  colored  7-obes  de  jour  et  de  iiuit,  was  a  bust  of  a  Royal 
Princess,  fitted  with  an  exquisitely-shaped  corset  of  blue 
satin  edg-ed  with  ermine.  Other  nameless  shadows  of  form, 
elaborately  fine,  were  arranged  in  suggestive  positions. 
Why  in  ordinary  life  it  should  be  considered  right  to  conceal 
such  pretty  mysteries  beneath  conventional  robes,  yet  pro- 
per to  expose  them  to  every  rude  gaze  in  this  manner,  has 
long  been  to  me  a  matter  of  speculation.  It  is  useless  to 
say  that  the  stronger  half  of  creation  should  shut  its  eyes  to 
what  is  put  under  its  noses.  Is  there  any  necessity  for  the 
exposure  ?  Our  old  English  prudery — now,  alas  !  fast  dying 
out — and  it  was  a  grand,  dignified,  puriiic  sentiment,  used 
to  be  based  on  this  :  to  avoid  by  look  or  gesture,  by  hint  or 
display  anything  however  distantly  exciting  the  imagination 
in  a  wrong  direction.  It  was  a  point  of  training  with  our 
mothers  and  grandmothers  and  the  society  they  adorned. 

"  Mais  f  nous  avons  change  tout  cela!^'  cries  Mrs.  Cro- 
quet, and  we  all  admit  she  is  a  charming  woman.  "  We  are 
no  longer  afraid  to  call  a  spade  a  spade ;  and  I  am  happy 
to  say  my  daughters  are  strong-minded  enough  to  read,  or 
see,  or  say  anything  without  the  slightest  sense  of  impropriety. 
T.aura  made   a  speech  the  other  day  for  the  hospital  foi 


8  LORDBANTAM, 


lying-in  women,  and  went  into  the  whole  question  of  the 
reasons  for  their  being  there ;  and  every  one  was  astounded 
at  her  freedom  from  the  silly  restraints  of  conventional  de- 
corum. Evil  be  to  him  that  evil  thinks.  To  the  pure,  all 
things  are  pure.  What  a  man  can  do,  a  woman  may.  I 
have  no  notion  of  }'our  dainty  decency.  It  often  serves  for 
a  mere  cover  to  impurity." 

Dear  Madam  !  I  wish  your  apophthegms  were  relevant 
and  true  ;  I  wish  your  theories  were  consistent  with  the  facts 
of  human  nature  !  I  have  seen  rare  girls  demoralized,  nay 
lost  by  association  with  foul  ideas ;  and  God  forbid  my  little 
daughter,  whose  tender  freshness  is  the  most  pi(]^uant  joy  of 
my  life,  whose  jealously  guarded  simplicity  is  my  daily  bur- 
den and  hope,  should  ever  come  to  know  more  than  she 
docs  of  the  unnameabie,  or,  as  a  matter  of  moral  pride, 
unsex  herself  to  win  what  I  can  only  call  a  foul  and  tawdry 
admiration. 

This  though  is  a  sheer  digression  from  I.ady  Ffowlsmere's 
preparations.  These  were  extensive  enough  to  have  stocked 
a  bazaar.  Robes  miraculously  embroidered,  mantlets 
trimmed  with  ermine,  long  gowns  and  short  coats,  night 
dresses  and  day  frocks,  llannels  decorated  with  herring-bone 
stitch,  diminutive — but  there,  I  need  not  schedule  every- 
thing. The  coming  little  Bantam,  male  or  female,  had  a 
wardrobe  of  clothes  before  it  drew  breath.  In  the  North  of 
Ireland  a  christcning-robc  was  being  embroidered  to  cost  a 
hundred  guineas. 

The  bassinet  was  a  picture.     Messrs.  Jackson  and  dra- 


A     LAND     SLIP, 


ham  lavished  upon  its  production  all  their  classic  skill.  It 
was  a  white  and  gold  shell,  swung  by  gilded  cords  from  two 
Italian  pillars,  and  was,  they  slyly  informed  her  ladyship,  in 
the  purest  Re-naissatice  style.  Delicate  sky-silk  hangings 
subdued  by  the  finest  muslin  drooped  round  the  shell ;  and 
the  Countess  used  to  go  and  hang  over  it,  and  wonder  what 
little  form  would  press  the  downy  bed  and  satin-like  pillow. 

*    * 

* 

III.— A  Land  Slip. 

The  Earl  of  Ffowlsmere  was  one  of  the  wealthiest  men  in 
the  three  kingdoms,  His  possessions  in  agricultural  coun- 
ties, in  mineral  districts,  in  the  metropolis — not  to  mention 
half  the  vast  manufacturing  town  of  Ironchester — were  so 
enormous  and  their  returns  so  lucrative,  that  the  public  may 
be  forgiven  for  attributing  to  him  fabulous  riches,  and  enter- 
taining itself  with  calculations  that  every  second  of  the  day 
or  night  the  Earl  was  receiving  a  sum  equivalent  to  a  re- 
spectable man's  salary  for  a  year. 

A  clever  ancestor  of  the  Earl,  duly  encouraged  and 
assisted  by  the  laws  of  these  realms,  happening,  by  good 
luck  to  him,  to  possess  land  that  grew  in  great  request  for 
the  houses  of  a  pushing  population,  had  been  able  to  grant 
leases  of  it  to  various  tenants  for  just  ninety-nine  years.  In 
effect,  this  was  to  keep  the  real  ownership  of  the  land  in 
abeyance  while  two  or  perhaps  three  generations  lived  and 
died,  and  then,  long  after  the  clever  old  man  was  in  his 
grave,  to  cause  the  immensely  enhanced  freehold  to  fall  in 


lO  LORD     BANTAM, 


to  a  person  he  had  never  seen,  and  whom  he  could  only 
prophetically  and  vaguely  designate  as  the  next  heir  ot 
some  one.  It  was  the  merest  "  fluke," — if  I  may  use  a 
felicitous  vulgarism — that  the  Earl  of  Ffowlsmere's  father 
happened  to  be  that  fortunate  next  heir.  He  had  done  or 
conceived  of  nothing  on  earth  to  entitle  him  to  take  a  vast 
property,  a  noble  name,  a  place  in  the  legislature  of  the 
country,  the  right  of  nominating  a  hundred  clergy  to  as 
many  perishing  flocks  ;  all  that  fell  upon  him  simply  by 
fate  and  the  custom  of  England.  In  defiance  of  economy, 
the  land  was  locked  up  for  those  ninety-nine  years  from 
public  enterprise  and  general  exchange.  No  one  could 
build  on  it  anything  but  what  was  permitted  by  the  terms  of 
the  leases.  One  term,  for  instance,  had  been  that  no  shops 
were  to  be  opened  upon  the  laud.  No  shops  were  or  could 
be  opened,  and  the  line  of  healthy  trade  was  blocked  out  of 
a  large  area  to  be  sent  winding  about  in  neighboring  slums 
and  byways.  No  churches  other  than  those  of  the  estab- 
lishment were  to  be  erected  within  the  sacred  precincts. 
Hence  every  dissenter  who  lived  there  was  forced  to  wor- 
ship, like  a  leper  in  Israel,  "  without  the  camj)."  Tlic 
natural  and  legitimate  changes  which  pass  over  such  areas 
in  great  cities — the  transformation  of  dwellings  into  places 
of  business,  or  of  moderate  houses  into  palaces,  in  f:ict, 
every  concomitant  of  natural  progress  was  balked  in  this 
district  by  the  nincty-nine-year  leaseholds.  Progress  had  to 
l)ass  over  and  round  it,  and  at  great  inconvenience  to  find 
expansion  farther  off.     It  is  scarcely  possible  to  trace  out 


ALANDSLIP.  II 


with  fulness  the  vicious  effects  of  the  law  under  which  such 
a  prescription  was  legal.  How  it  locked  up  for  years  from 
public  competition,  from  healthy  and  beneficent  activity  of 
exchange,  hundreds  upon  hundreds  of  properties ;  how  it 
restrained — as  we  have  seen — the  uses  to  which  the  proper- 
ties might  have  been  put ;  how  it  limited  the  number  of 
persons  in  the  community  that  could  possibly  gain  livelihood 
or  profit  from  the  existence  of  the  land  ;  how  it  affected  the 
character  and  architecture  of  the  buildings  erected  on  the 
soil ;  how,  in  fact,  the  tendency  of  this  arrangement  was  to 
diminish  in  a  certain  proportion  for  every  man  in  England 
the  chances — chances  that  have  an  important  influence  upon 
the  enterprise  and  vigor  of  the  greater  number  of  people  in 
a  state — of  acquiring  landed  property.  "  In  fact,  it  is  no  un- 
truth to  say  that  the  State  had  permitted  this  old  peer,  in 
common  with  half  a  hundred  more,  to  rob  posterity  of  pos- 
sibilities of  action  and  advantage  to  which  it  was  righteously 
entitled. 

I  have  said  it  was  by  the  merest  fiuke  that  the  present 
Lord  Ffowlsmere's  father  happened  to  be  the  person  de- 
scribed as  the  next  heir.  But  it  is  some  compensation 
to  know  that  he  was  the  very  person  whom  the  vener- 
able grantor  of  leases,  had  he  been  alive,  would  have  given 
his  eyes  not  to  see  in  possession.     It  happened  in  this  wise. 

Earl  Ffowlsmere,  fifth  Eail,  had  issue  by  Caroline  his 
wife,  a  son  and  a  daughter.  Son  married  the  Hon.  Lucinda 
Lucretia  Bella  De  Lancey,  daughter  of  Nugent-Nugent, 
Earl  of  Foswick,  by  whom  he  had  issue  three  sons— I  need 


12  LORD     BANTAM. 


not  name  them,  for  they  all  died  unmarried  and  there  was 
an  end  of  that  line.  "While  they  were  living  and  dying,  the 
reversions  of  all  the  leases  made  by  the  fifth  Earl  were  hov- 
ering about  in  the  clouds,  waiting  to  descend  and  light  down 
on  a  certain  day  in  a  certain  year  upon  any  one  who  was  so 
fortunate  as  to  be  properly  in  the  way. 

The  only  daughter  of  Caroline,  Countess  of  Ffowlsniere, 
made  a  sad  mistake,  for  she  fell  in  love  with  the  gayest  and 
handsomest  man  in  the  army,  Captain  Harrow  of  the  — th 
Hussars,  ran  away  with  him  and  married  him  at  Gretna  Green. 
Whereupon  the  Earl  cursed  her  and  hers,  and  forbade  her  his 
presence  for  evermore.  Should  he  perchance  have  reached 
heaven  his  aristocratic  wish  may  deprive  poor  Honoria  ot 
the  joys  of  Paradise;  should  he  have  gone  elsewhere  she 
may  not  altogether  regret  the  proscription.  Captain  Harrow 
found  that  he  could  not  keep  both  his  family  and  his  regi- 
ment, so  he  sold  out.  Every  year  Honoria  presented  him 
with  a  diminutive  fresh  Harrow,  and  this?  drove  him  to  try  his 
fortunes  in  trade — the  wine  trade.  A  dragoon  in  the  wine 
trade  is  a  fish  in  the  water,  but  certainly  not  in  his  \)roi)er 
element ;  and  poor  Captain  Harrow,  tasting  too  freely  of  his 
wares,  lost  by  degrees  his  fine  gentleman's  manner,  his 
clear  manly  voice,  his  moulded  features,  his  gallant  honor — 
and  fell :  ncj  matter  where.  Honoria  would  never  own  the 
change  in  her  heart's  man,  and  shut  from  her  vision  the 
sickly  sense  of  it  that  often  came  over  her.  She  would 
love  him  all  the  same  :  and  when  at  last  hard  want  enjoined 
it,  she  worked  from  yellow  morn  to  dusky  eve,  away  up  in 


A     LAND     SLIP.  13 


a  sky  pent-house,  toiKxl  and  kept  a  dying  man  with  the 
craving  children  for  months  and  months,  with  the  energy  of 
those  white,  blue-coralled  fingers,  till  even  the  hag  who 
kept  the  house  and  exacted  the  rent  grew  sorry  and  sympa- 
thetic. So  on,  so  on,  till  one  day  Harrow  died.  Then 
Honoria  broke  down,  and  lay  there  stony-hearted,  stony- 
looking,  by  the  body — lay  while  the  children  wondered  that 
papa  and  mamma  did  not  move  or  talk.  The  woman  sent 
away  to  a  well-known  association  to  say  that  a  man  had  died 
and  a  woman  was  dying  in  her  house.  By  some  God's 
chance,  there  came  a  General,  interested  in  the  society,  who 
volunteered  to  investigate  the  case.  When  he  took  the 
face-cloth  from  the  dead  man's  face  he  recognized  an  early 
friend.  Within  a  few  hours  Honoria  opened  her  eyes  on  a 
comfortable  i\  9m,  pervaded  with  warmth  such  as  she  had 
not  felt  about  her  for  many  a  day,  a  soft  bed,  and  her  chil- 
dren transformed,  smiling  at  the  transformation.  A  few 
hundi-ed  pounds  collected  from  former  friends  of  her  hus- 
band— the  old  Earl  would  do  nothing — placed  her  in  a 
country  town  where  there  was  a  free  school.  There  she 
decently  brought  up  her  children  and  there  she  died.  Her 
eldest  boy  married  a  pretty  damsel,  daughter  of  a  not  over 
rich  vicar,  and  following  his  father's  example,  surrounded 
himself  Avith  little  shoots.  His  son  and  heir  became  a 
schoolmaster,  who  taking  a  fancy  to  a  decent  housekeeper 
at  the  neighboring  park,  also  mari-ied  and  maintained  the 
Bantam  line.  Imagine  the  surprise  of  this  worthy  couple, 
always  proud  of  the  tradition  of  their  descent,  but  hopeful 


14  LORD     BANTAM. 


of  no  good  from  it,  when  one  day  a  breathless  attorney 
rushes  by  train  into  the  town,  with  rapid  and  distracted 
inquiries  finds  them  out,  and  informs  them,  Hstening  aghast, 
that  Master  Eugene  George  Augustus  Harrow,  aged  ten,  is 
heir  to  unhmited  estates,  and  will  be  the  richest  man  in  the 
three  kingdoms !  For  the  ninety-nine  year  leases  were 
shortly  to  fall  in,  and  the  reversion  was  to  descend  upon  the 
very  last  person  whom  the  fifth  Earl  would  have  wished 
to  benefit.  The  present  Earl  had  been  that  lucky  boy. 
Reared  in  a  school  of  adversity — a  man  of  iron  rigidity 
of  character — he  was  celebrated  for  his  thrift  in  the  man- 
agement of  his  almost  regal  v/ealth.  His  business  talents 
enabled  him  to  develop  their  productive  capabilities,  spite 
of  the  legal  parasites  that  everywhere  and  continually  sought 
to  feed  upon  the  plethoric  body.  He  was  an  attorney  and 
a  tradesman  in  a  peer's  robes.  Proud  of  his  riches,  his 
pride  led  him  to  take  care  that  they  should  not  be  carelessly 
distributed.  He  watched  every  penny  of  expenditure,  every 
item  of  income.  The  aforesaid  parasites  were  checked 
though  not  always  thwarted — they  were  too  clever  for  that — 
at  every  turn. 

The  Earl  had  one  grotesque  peculiarity.  In  his  youth,  he 
had  heard  his  father  sing  with  much  spirit,  a  comic  song  en- 
titled "The  Cork  Eeg."  Some  of  the  stanzas  adhered  to 
his  memory  and  suggested  a  strange  community  between 
himself   and     the    licro    of    thciji.     They    were    constantly 


A    SON  .  15 

recalled  to   his  mind.     'Wlien  alone  and   unoccupied  with 
business  he  invariably  repeated  them  to  himself : 

There  was  an  old  merchant  of  Rotterdam — 
And  every  morning  he  said,  "  I  am 
The  richest  merchant  in  Rotterdam." 

*       * 

IV.— A  Son. 

The  day  at  length  arrived  when  the  Countess  must  face 
the  cross  of  woman's  curse.  No  avoidance — no  circuity — • 
it  stood  in  her  life-path,  and  she  should  either  pass  it  or  die 
at  its  base.     Herein  my  lady  and  Mrs.  Ginx  are  one. 

Through  the  vast  regions  of  the  mansion  thrilled  subdued 
excitement.  Some  of  its  tenants  were  anxious — some  fool- 
ish. There  was  the  grave  butler,  the  discountenanced  foot- 
man, the  deeply-agitated  cook,  the  shocked  or  giggling  maids; 
and  all  stepped  lightly  over  the  velvet  carpets,  gossipping  only 
in  whispers.  The  Earl  retired  to  his  library,  where  he  pre- 
tended to  himself  to  be  reading  a  blue-book  report  on  the 
condition  of  his  own  tenantry  in  various  shires.  In  her 
ladyship's  room — no  matter :  there  were  Sir  Samuel  Horn- 
bill,  Mr.  Burton,  F.R.C.S.,  and  the  nurse;  who  require 
neither  you  nor  me  with  any  impertinent  curiosity. 

Happily,  the  Countess  passed  through  the  gate  of  sorrow, 
faced  and  went  by  the  painful  cross — and  a  piping  little 
voice  in  the  next  room  seemed  to  her,  lying  in  a  half-sense- 
less dream,  to  come  and  go  like  a  soft,  glad  music. 


l6  LORDBANTAM 


"A  son,  Countess,"  whispered  Sir  Samuel,  mildly.  "I 
congratulate  you." 

A  palpitating  maid  outside  the  chamber  had  run  to  the 
footman  at  the  head  of  the  stairs,  and  the  footman  had  car- 
ried his  mighty  legs  swiftly  down  to  the  butler  who  waited 
in  the  hall ;  and  the  butler,  almost  void  of  speech,  had  pre- 
cipitated himself  through  the  library-door  and  caught  the 
Earl  with  the  agricultural  blue-book  in  his  hand,  standing  at 
the  mantel-piece,  blanched  with  anxiety,  which  he  endeav- 
ored to  repress  by  repeating  to  himself: 

There  was  an  old  merchant  of  Rotterdam — 
And  every  morning  he  said,  "I  am 
The  richest  merchant  in  Rotter — 

When  in  burst  Trayfoot  the  butler — 

—DAM 
said  the  Earl,  in  his  nervousness,   involuntarily   repeating 
that  syllable  out  very  loud  as  he  turned  round. 

"  I-'umbly  beg  pardon,  your  lawdship,"  gasped  Trayfoot, 
clearly  spelling  the  syllable  the  wrong  way,  and  dumbfounded 
by  the  Earl's  vehemence,  "  but  if  you  please  my  lawtl  it's  a 
son,  and  her  Ladyship's  as  well  as  could  be  expected." 

*      * 
* 

v.— The  First  Accident. 

"Thank  God,"  said  the  Earl,  and  leaving  the  bewildered 
Trayfoot  to  reconcile  this  expression  with  the  other,  set  to 
work  reading  at  his  blue-book  in  the  sheer  excitement  of 
pleasure. 


THE     FIRST     ACCIDENT.  l^ 

The  eminent  surgeon  and  his  coadjutor  had  gone  :  the 
Countess  was  to  receive  a  visit  from  the  Earl  before  she 
was  settled  for  the  night.  Softly  he  entered  the  room,  sli[)- 
ped  over  the  moss-like  carpet,  and  stood  beside  the  purple 
hangings  of  the  bed.  Gently  he  caressed  a  moment  the 
pale,  sweet,  glorified  face — glorified  by  the  joy  that  had 
come  out  of  pain. 

Countess.  Have  you  seen  him? 

Earl.  No. 

Countess.  Neither  have  I. 

Earl  (whispering  to  the  nurse,  whose  back  appeared 
through  the  door).  Struthers,  bring  the  baby. 

She  brousiht  him  in.  The  Earl  fetched  a  candle,  the 
nurse  held  up  the  little  lace-swathed  honorable,  the  Count- 
ess turned  languidly  towards  her  child — no  sooner  turned 
than  she  uttered  a  shriek  and  fainted  away.  The  Earl 
dropped  the  candle— the  nurse  dropped  the  baby. 

—The  little 

honorable' s  head  was  the 

color  of  a  Maltese  orange. 


* 


PART  IT. 

HOW   HE   CAME   TO   BE   LORD    BANTAM. 
I. — A  Human  Feedinc:  Bottle. 


■*& 


Had  the  young  honorable  fallen  on  his  head,  his  yellow 
hair  had  been  the  death  of  him.  He  luckily  touched  the 
ground  elsewhere, — in  fact  with  a  part  not  vital.  Beyond  a 
little  screaming,  he  showed  no  sign  of  harm.  He  was  other- 
wise quite  a  pretty  baby,  and  the  obnoxious  hair  being  con- 
cealed for  a  few  weeks  under  a  cap,  her  Ladyship  grew  ac- 
customed to  him,  though  she  vowed  eternal  enmity  to  her 
cousin  of  Arran. 

I  believe  no  Countess  ever  thinks  of  nursing  her  own 
baby.  Middle  and  low  class  people  enjoy  a  monopoly  of 
that  privilege.  I  think  if  I  were  a  woman — and  it  is  the 
best  thing  I  could  wish  to  be  this  side  of  heaven — I  could 
imagine  no  greater  ecstasy  than  to  enfold  with  motherly 
arms  my  own  flesh  and  blood,  while  it  drew  from  me,  a  con- 
sciously pure  fountain,  the  spring-flow  of  life.  But  to  some 
minds  that  would  seem  to  be  too  vulgar  a  sympathy.  At  all 
events,  the  Countess  required  a  proper  young  woman  not 
embarrassed  with  matrimonial  trammels  yet  in  a  situation  to 
perform  a  mother's  part;  such  an  one  as  is  frequently  de- 
scribed by  the  advertisement,  "  As  wet  nurse.  l'"inc  breast 
of  milk.     Single;  hij^hly  respectable" 

Mr.  lliulon  was  consulted. 


A     HUMAN     FEEDING     EOTTLE.  ig 

"  Burton,  mind  you  get  a  proper  person.  Please  be  care- 
ful. You  don't  know  how  terribly  I  should  feel  it  if  the 
woman  were  not  perfectly  healthy.-  Inquire  into  her  ante- 
cedents. See  the  other  members  of  her  family  and  ascertain 
if  they  have  any  deformity  or  peculiarity,  especially  insanity. 
Young  Airsleigh's  singiUarity,  you  know,  is  directly  traceable 
to  his  nurse's  aunt,  who  was  a  low  sort  of  Radical — a 
preacher  in  some  odd  dissenting  sect.  And,  by  tlie  way, 
that  reminds  me, — inquire  if  she  has  been  baptized  and  con- 
firmed, and  properly  churched — for  though  we  are  Populars, 
you  know  we  must  not  go  too  far — and  don't  get  a  shocking 
creature  with  red  hair,  whatever  you  do  ! " 

Mr.  Burton,  like  most  members  of  his  profession,  managed 
to  satisfy  his  patient's  whims  without  paying  the  least  heed 
to  them.  He  went  to  his  own  hospital,  where  a  sort  of  wet- 
nurses'  fair  was  held  every  morning,  and  picking  out  a  fresh- 
looking  young  woman,  who  declared  herself  unembarrassed, 
and  held  a  visibly  healthy  baby  in  her  arms,  informed  her 
that  she  and  her  progenitors  had  never  been  dissenters,  had 
always  been  of  exceedingly  sound  mind  and  body,  that  she 
herself  was  an  accredited  member  of  the  Church  of  England, 
and  must  forthwith  go  and  be  churched.  A  well-known 
author  has  touchingly  told  how,  by  the  rigorous  rule  of  the 
society  in  which  the  Countess  moved,  the  poor  women  who 
are  hired  to  supply  strength  to  infant  Bantams  are  also  bound 
over  to  desert  their  own  children  absolutely,  to  have  no  inter- 
views with  any  relatives  during  the  time  of  their  engagement, 
and  to  do  their  best  to  keep  themselves  in  good  health. 


20  LORD     BANTAM. 


I  think,  my  lady,  }'ou  would  have  been  touched  had  you 
seen  her,  when  the  hard  bargain  Avas  concluded,  clinging  to 
the  baby  as  one  would  do  who  was  never  to  see  it  again. 
....  Indeed  the  child  of  fortune  was  destined  to  rob  the 
child  of  fate.  The  nurse's  tine  httle  girl  was  consigned  to  a 
neighbor,  whose  trade  it  was  to  "  farm  "  such  deserted  ones, 
and  sadly  did  a  mother's  forebodings  about  the  dubious 
kindness  of  the  baby-farmer  pierce  her  heart  as  she  gave  up 
the  child.  True  and  fearful  instinct !  When  she  kissed  the 
small  face,  and  wrapped  the  little  form  as  tenderly  as  possi- 
ble  in  her  coarse  shawl,  she  might  as  well  have  buried  it 
alive  then  and  there.  It  was  the  last  kiss,  the  last  look  for 
her — the  last  touch  of  joy  for  that  little  one  on  earth.  Eight 
months  after,  when  young  Bantam  took  to  pap,  and  his  nurse 
came  out  of  the  palatial  tomb,  the  cab  she  hired  in  her  ma- 
ternal eagerness  took  her — Heaven  help  me  !  I  cannot  tell 
you  the  rest.  Imagine  it,  if  )0u  i)lease,  for  yourself.  The 
woman's  sin  had  been  buried  out  of  her  sight. 

Rackett's  place  (Rackett  was  the  woman's  name)  in  the 
mansion  at  Hiton  Place  was,  to  tell  the  truth,  simply  to  be 
a  human  feeding-bottle.  Her  foster-child  was  not  confided 
to  her  care.  She  was  not  even  jiermitted  to  enjoy  the 
thousand  pleasures,  to  a  true  natural  woman,  of  tending  and 
caressing  the  infant  she  suckled.  \Vlicn  the  young  Bantam 
grew  hungry  and  signified  it  by  vulgar  screams,  he  was  con- 
veyed by  the  extremely  lady-like  person  who  was  called  his 
nurse  to  Rackett's  room,  and  she,  when  his  cravings  were 
satisfied,  delivered  him  up   again.     Very  strict  orders  had 


TAS  SAGES  FROM  A  DIARY.  21 


been  given  by  her  Ladyship  that  the  person  was  nt)t  to  kiss 
the  child  on  any  pretence,  but  I  fear  all  concerned  were  too 
womanly  to  obey  her  orders. 

I  have  gone  into  these  nursery  details,  your  Royal  High- 
nesses, my  Lords,  Ladies,  and  Gentlemen,  not  because  I 
like  to  discuss  such  matters,  but  because  they  are  true  and 
common  as  life,  and  yet  mayhap  will  wear  a  strangely  novel 
aspect  when  thus  put  down  in  black  and  white.  I  should 
be  sorry  to  think  so  meanly  of  your  sensibilities  as  to  sup- 
pose that  the  sketch  will  simply  amuse  you. 


* 


II. — Passages  from  a  Diary. 

The  young  honorable  took  kindly  to  Rackett's  attentions, 
and  his  body  and  the  golden  hair  grew  together.  I  cannot 
afford  to  waste  much  space  over  his  infantile  experiences. 
He  fed,  he  hiccoughed,  he  drivelled,  he  screamed,  he  kicked 
like  any  other  baby  :  he  passed  through  every  phase  of  ca- 
tarrh :  but  then  he  was  bathed  in  porcelain,  swathed  in 
lawns  and  laces,  embroideries  and  velvet  ;  he  lay  in  the  Re- 
naissance cradle  with  the  soft-hued  curtains  drawn  around  him, 
keeping  out  the  evil-tempered  air.  He  was  watched  and 
waited  on  by  half  a  dozen  servants,  guarded  in  his  airings  by 
a  careful  groom,  handled  and  dandled  like  a  humming-bird's 
egg.  So  valuable  a  contribution  to  the  jiopulation  of  these 
kingdoms  must  be  reared,  spite  of  accident  or  fate.  Messrs. 
Malthus  and  Mill  never  put  their  heads  inside  a  nobleman's 


22  LORDBANTAM, 

house  to  forbid  the  banns  or  play  the  part  of  cross-legged 
Juno.  Yet  it  would  require  many  philosophic  treatises  to 
prove  to  me  that  my  young  Bantam,  as  he  lay  and  fluttered 
in  the  Renaissance  shell,  was  any  more  likely  than  the  child 
of  some  sturdy  navigator  rolling  in  a  washerwoman's  basket 
to  be  in  the  long  run  useful  to  societ)'.  Might  he  not  be- 
come a  roiie^  a  rake,  a  screw,  a  Fogey,  or  even  a  Prig  ? 

Lady  Ffowlsmere  kept  a  diary.  It  was  a  wonderful  con- 
glomeration. Among  other  things  were  occasional  hints  of 
her  baby's  life.  The  Countess's  royal  mistress  had  set  a 
fashion  for  keeping  such  records.  In  volumes  guarded  by 
handsome  Chubb' s  locks,  she  had  very  simply  and  prettily 
written  down  from  time  to  time  her  home  experiences,  and 
every  Court  lady  for  awhile  took  to  a  similar  historiography, 
not  always,  I  fear,  so  pure  and  true  as  hers — much  to  Mr. 
Chubb's  advantage.  Magnificent  bindings,  illuminated  mon- 
ograms, and  marvellous  mechanisms  with  gold  keys  often  en- 
closed from  profane  vision  some  of  the  least  or  some  of  the 
most  extraordinary  things  in  the  world.  The  Countess  wrote 
a  swift  running  hand.  I  find,  in  looking  through  the  vol- 
ume, among  social  and  political  gossip,  a  few  scandals,  notes 
of  sermons  preached  at  St.  Elias's  Chapel,  Ely  Square,  others 
of  new  fashions,  a  tolerably  constant  account  at  first  of  little 
Master  Bantam's  doings,  whence  I  extract  the  following 
memorabilia: 

"  May  lo.  Baby  christened  by  the  Bishop  of  Dunshirc.  Cou- 
sin Duke  of  Scramblcton  and  dear  Lady  (^.oding  Coding  were 
the  godfather  and  godmother.     Ffowlsmere  and  I  had  a  great 


PASSAGES     FROM    A    DIARY 


deal  of  difficulty  in  selecting  his  names,  our  circle  is  so  large. 
It  was  impossible  to  please  everybody.     He  was  christened 
Albert  Alfred  Augustus  Adolphus  Loftus  Ciceley  Chester ; 
Ave  mean  to  call  him  Albert.     We  had  a  very  pleasant  party 
afterAvards.     What  a  charming  man  the  Bishop  is  !     So  bril- 
liant, so  well-bred,  so  perfectly  a  man  of  the  world,  yet   so 
pious,  so  sympathetic  and  sentimental,  with  such  soft  and 
delicate  hands.     He  is  a  thorough  Churchman,  and  an  ex- 
quisite gentleman.     I  often  wonder  why  people  ridicule  him 
so  much.     He  is  so  able.     He  goes  about  so  mildly,  and 
seems  to  have  no  evil  whatever  in  him.     When  I  see  him,  I 
cannot  help  thinking  '  of  such  is  the  kingdom  of  heaven' — ■ 
though  I  don't  think  he  is  a  'little  child'  quite. 
Here  is  rather  an  irrelevant  but  interesting  entry  : 
'■'■June  2.  Cabinet  Council  to-day.     Ffowlsmere  says  the 
ministers  are  very  uneasy  about  the  attitude  of  the  Extrem- 
ists in  the   House.     Some  of  them  are  very  fractious,  and 
there  is  ground  to  believe  that  they  have  been  angling  with 
the  other  side  for  a  coalition.     That  must  be  impossible, 
though  in  the  present  state  of  parties  one  knows  not  what 
to  expect.     Ffowlsmere  thinks  they  want  office,  but  it  is  out 
of  the  question  to  take  any  of  them  into  the  Cabinet,  as  he 
and  the  other  Prigs  would  instantly  retire.     They  belong  to 
a  new  and  dangerous  school  of  politics ;  in  fact,  it  is  said 
some  of  them  are  Communists.     They  charge  the  Govern- 
ment with  too  uiuch  political  intrigue  and  too  little  real  re- 
form.    And  indeed  I  think  they  are  not  so  far  wrong  in  that. 
I  never  saw  it  so  difficult  to  keep  a  Government  together, 


24  LORD     BANT  AIM 


It  takes  all  my  wit  to  manage  these  new  vulgarians.  Besides, 
there  are  two  or  three  men  in  the  Cabinet  who  are  enough 
to  swamp  any  ministry.  Tandem  is  always  going  to  do 
something,  and  never  does  it.  Some  one  in  the  House  said 
the  other  night,  that  he  wished  the  President  of  the  Board 
would  be  true  to  his  name,  and  at  le7igth  do  something. 
Happily  many  of  these  Extremists  are  more  loud  than  dan- 
gerous. They  don't  like  to  risk  their  chance  of  office,  though 
they  are  obliged  every  now  and  then  to  express  violent  opin- 
ions. I  found  outlast  evening  that  Mingo's  wife  and  daugh- 
ter  are  dying  to  be  presented,  and  must  manage  it  for  them. 
Tumbril  is  troublesome.  He  has  a  large  family,  and  I  must 
show  them  some  attention.  Ay  me  !  Politics  is  a  trouble- 
some affair." 

Farther  on  I  find  that  Mingo's  wife  and  daughter  have 
been  duly  presented,  and  tliat  he  was  behaving  much  more 
reasonably,  but  that  Tandem  still,  to  the  distraction  of  his 
colleagues,  pursued  his  wavering  and  unproductive  career. 

'■'■June  23.  Little  Albert  was  this  morning  seized  with 
twitchings  in  the  face  soon  after  feeding  ;  his  moulh  worked 
fearfully,  and  there  seemed  to  be  a  discharge  from  it.  I  . 
sent  at  once  for  Mr.  Burton,  who  came  in  haste  and  pro- 
nounced it  to  be  nothing  but  colic.  I  at  once  sent  for  Mrs. 
Rackett  and  blew  her  up 

"Sept.  5.   (Shufllcstraw  Castle.)     We  had  a  great  alarm 
to-day  with  little  Allx^rt.      I  went  into  the  nursery,  and  found   1 
him  screaming  with  might  and  main.      His  fare  was  .Cf'r/r/c'/. 
Swanston  could  not  pacify  him  ;  and  lh(jugh  he  was  taken  to 


PASSAGES     FROM     A     DIARY.  25 

Mrs.  Rackclt,  lie  would  not  be  quiet.  At  length  it  seemed 
certain  it  would  end  in  conzndsio?is ;  and  Mr.  Bellew  was 
fetched  from  Rotherhedge.  He  was  unpleasantly  calm  about 
it,  and  said  no  boy  could  be  very  ill  who  screamed  like  that. 
He  insisted  on  taking  off  his  clothes,  and  found  that  Swan- 
ston's  maid,  in  dressing  the  poor  little  fellow,  had  bound  a 
nursery  pin  tightly  into  his  little  back,  so  as  to  mark  him  se- 
verely. It  was  so  grossly  careless,  I  instantly  dismissed  her. 
I  am  glad  to  see  that  his  hair  is  getting  a  little  browner. 

"  Sept.  20.  We  are  full  of  company — a  great  shooting 
party  with  us.  The  bishop  is  here,  and  stays  at  home  with 
the  ladies.  I  haven't  much  time  for  little  Albert.  Mr.  Bel- 
low vaccinated  him  to-day,  from  a  very  fine  child,  after  a 
careful  examination  to  decide  whether  he  was  strong  enough 
to  bear  it. 

Sept.  24.  Alfred's  vaccination  took  :  he  is  very  feverish 
and  resdess.  I  asked  Mr.  Bellew  and  he  tells  me  he  never 
knew  it  to  be  fatal. 

"  Sept.  25.  Alfred's  arm  very  much  inflamed.  Svvan- 
ston  says  he  is  a  screamer,  and  attributes  it  to  his  red  hair. 
She  says  all  children  with  red  hair  are  bad  tempered.  What 
a.  pity,  to  be  sure  I     Otherwise  he  is  perfect. 

"  I've  had  a  most  terrible  fright.  The  ])erson  Mr.  Bellew 
brought  to  the  casde  the  other  day,  with  her  child,  to  vacci- 
nate Albert  from,  was  recognised  by  some  of  the  servants, 
and  it  turns  out  that  she  is  the  wife  of  that  shoemaker  Broad- 
bent,  7vho  is  an  infidel  Chartist .'  /  I  the  plague  of  the  town. 
He  is  repeatedly  addressing  meetings  and  getting  up  oppo- 


26  LORDBANTAM, 


sition  to  us  at  elections,  and  has  insulted  the  vicar  by  calling 
him  "  an  ecclesiastical  speaking-trumpet."  I  was  most  in- 
digjiant  that  such  shocking  blood  should  be  transferred  to 
poor  little  Alfred,  and  sent  for  Mr.  Bellew  immediately.  He 
had  nothing  to  say  for  himself,  except  that  it  was  the  healthi- 
est child  in  the  neighborhood  !  I  told  him  he  ought  to  have 
known  that  though  we  were  free  in  our  politics,  we  hated 
such  vulgar  and  seditious  wretches;  and  it  was  an  everlast- 
ing disgrace  to  us  to  have  their  brand  on  a  scion  of  our 
house.  The  Earl  gave  him  a  cheque,  and  he  is  never  to 
enter  the  castle  again.  I  have  sent  to  town  for  Mr.  Burton 
to  come  and  see  him.  I  shall  be  in  terror  now,  lest  the 
child  has  been  inoculated  with  some  \o\\-  Red  opinions.  The 
Earl  says  he  is  not  likely,  with  the  property  lie  will  get,  to 
practise  them,  even  if  they  are  in  his  blood ;  but  I  have  the 
utmost  horror  of  extremists." 

The  Countess  was  uncpiestionably  a  Prig. 

Later  on  I  fmd  little  scraps  here  and  there  which  I  need 
not  date.  "Albert  beginning  to  teeth.  Mr.  Burton  has 
been  to  see  him  every  day  for  a  fortnight.  Albert  terribly 
cross."  The  family  have  evidently  returned  to  town  and 
Mr.  Burton  again.  "  Stcedman's  soothing-powder  to  Al- 
bert." "  Gave  Albert  magnesia.  Convulsions  threatened. 
Afr.  Bui  ton  waited  here  to  lunch,  and  for  some  hours.  A 
higlily  gciUlemanly  person  and  peculiarly  clever  with  chil- 
dren." "  Lady  Coding  Coding  recommended  me  to  try  the 
'  Sister  of  .Mercy  for  the  Nursery,'  a  new  soothing  compound, 
for  Utile  Albert.     I  got  some  from  Corbyn,  and  Swanston 


PASSAGES     FROM    A    DIARY.  2/ 


tells  me  it  stops  his  worst  fits,  and  she  seems  to  like  it.  She 
is  a  very  experienced  and  valuable  nurse."  Next  day  I 
find  :  "  I  happened  to  mention  to  Burton  that  we  were 
using  the  '  Sister  of  Mercy  for  the  Nursery,'  and  he  was  hor- 
rified I  He  said  it  was  a  morphitic  drug !  of  a  highly  dctri- 
vtenial  nature,  sometimes  producing  idiocy  ! !  I  threw  the 
bottle  into  the  fire,  and  gave  Swanston  a  sound  rating  for  not 
knowing  better  than  to  administer  poison  to  a  child.  I  am 
seriously  thinking  of  looking  out  for  another  nurse.  It  is 
positively  frightful  to  think  of  his  taking  any  incentive  to 
idiocy." — "  Litde  Albert  has  a  tooth!  I  can  just  sec  a 
white  line  in  the  lower  gum,"  etc.,  etc.,  etc.,  etc.  Then  he 
Avalked,  then  he  talked,  then  he  grew,  then  he  fell  into  his 
hot-water  bath  before  the  cold  had  been  added,  and  for  a 
while  his  head  was  denuded  of  its  objectionable  orange  at- 
tachments. This  accident  led  to  the  extradition  of  poor 
Swanston,  who  happened  to  be  absent  from  the  room  at  the 
time,  a  fact  of  which  her  maid  was  taking  advantage  to  signal 
out  of  the  window  to  a  groom  in  the  mews  behind. 

Why  do  I  transcribe  these  frivolous  items  ?  Not  certainly 
to  induce  a  smile  at  Lady  Ffowlsmere's  expense,  who,  God 
bless  her,  was  writing  so  far  as  her  child  was  concerned  the 
petty  details  of  a  large  and  honest  affection  ;  proving  herself 
natural  indeed,  spite  of  philosoph)',  politics,  and  position. 
Yet  I  would  have  you  note  the  weakness  there  was  in  that 
love  and  estimate  of  her  child  which  was  biassed  enough  to 
overpower  the  sense  of  justice  to  others  :  how  unconsciously 
sellish,  foolish   and  unfair  a  woman  may  be  in  the  strengtlj 


28  LORD    BANTAM, 


of  maternal  affection  and  the  assumption  of  class  superiority  : 
further,  how  extreme  a  contrast  you  may  draw  between  the 
minute  anxiety,  the  lavish  carefulness  bestowed  uj^on  this  in- 
fant compatriot,  and  the  dubious,  cursory,  nay  injurious  dis- 
regard, whereof  many  a  sad  young  immortal  in  these  rich 
islands  is  a  daily  martyr.  The  satirist  who  turns  his  glass 
upon  these  discrepancies  of  humanity  executes  no  willing 
task  if  he  be  a  true  man,  yet  most  certainly  is  discharging  a 
public  duty.  We  need  throughout  society  a  wider  recogni- 
tion of  human  equality,  not  in  condition,  but  in  right  and 
fact.  In  the  high  latitudes  of  aristocratic  birth  and  breed- 
ing, I  for  one  grudge  no  little  lord  or  lady  devoted  kindness 
and  all  the  minute  luxurious  comfort  money  can  secure. 
But  let  them  not  congratulate  themselves  that  this  is  more 
than  circumstance,  or  that  it  confers  a  right  to  qualify  the 
rights  of  others.  The  egotism  of  class  is  a  danger  impreg- 
nate with  bitter  seeds.  It  is  fostered  at  the  expense  of  that 
broad  humanity  which  seeking  finds  on  every  hand  some 
chain  of  sympathy  with  those  around  it — which  recognizes  a 
duty  rising  above  self  and  reaching  also  downwards  to  the 
very  depth  of  brother-nature.  The  prejudices  based  in  this 
assumption  corrupt  even  still  the  principles  of  legislation  and 
the  roots  of  society.  Title  is  made  a  term  of  substance, 
not  of  relation  ;  vested  interests  are  accepted  as  a  justifica- 
tion for  the  intolerable  ;  property  is  looked  u]ion  as  a  thing 
of  right  and  not  of  trust;  superiority,  even  in  its  relation  to 
social  status  a  fallacious  and  impudent  assumjition,  is  made 
the  ground  of  an  unequal  distribution  of  jiower  and  the  in- 


ACADEMIC    GROVES.  29 


equitable  administration  of  justice.  No  marvel  if  the  man 
who  suffers  from  these  brilliant  impostures  of  society,  who 
is  sensible  how  much  they  impede  the  fine  sweep  of  free 
principles,  should  sometimes  turn  with  a  sort  of  horrified 
resignation  to  force  as  the  only  solvent  of  conditions  too 
hard  to  be  longer  endured  ! 

You,  who  in  exalted  places  have  in  your  own  pure  souls 
struggled  successfully  against  the  blinding  vanity  of  class,  are 
heroes  and  heroines  whom  I  reverence, — for  your  tempta- 
tion is  not  such  as  is  common  to  man. 


*      * 
* 


III. — Academic   Groves. 

At  this  period  of  our  hero's  life,  the  affairs  of  his  elder 
brother.  Lord  Bantam,  began  to  attract  the  painful  attention 
of  his  father,  as  they  had  for  some  time  acquired  a  curious 
notoriety  out  of  doors.  The  Earl  brought  up  his  heir  as  he 
had  himself  been  reared.  He  restricted  him  to  a  small 
allowance,  and  urged  him,  as  a  matter  of  habit,  to  maintain 
over  his  expenditure  a  rigid  control.  Then  he  sent  him  to 
Winton.  There  Lord  Bantam  repaid  the  advice  he  had  re- 
ceived by  incurring  debts  to  the  extent  of  ^3,000.  His 
creditors  were  too  glad  to  have  such  a  debtor,  and  too  clever 
to  let  out  the  young  nobleman's  secrets.  So  his  father  knew 
nothing  of  them,  and  supposed  that  he  had  managed  well  on 
his  allowance  of  ^100  a  year.  These  debts  were  running 
on  at  thirty  per  cent,  interest  compounded  every  three 
months.     From  Winton  he  went  to  Camford. 


3©  L  O  R  D     B  A  N  T  A  M 


Camford  to  visit  is  a  charming  place  ;  it  seems  to  breathe 
of  quiet,  of  patient  monastic  study  and  noble  wisdom-bearing 
silence.  Its  gray  stones  are  as  if  strewn  with  the  hoar  ot 
antit[ue  and  classic  pedantry.  As  you  pass  through  its 
groined  passages,  cross  its  cloistered  quadrangles,  survey  its 
stately  halls  or  worship  in  its  venerable  churches,  you  think 
that  here  at  least  learning  has  found  her  proper  seat ;  se- 
questered from  the  rough  passions  of  the  world,  secure  from 
the  intrusion  of  vanity  and  debauch,  silent  with  Herself,  Her 
duty,  and  Her  God.  It  ought  to  be  so,  but  it  is  not.  I 
know  hot  why  it  should  not  be.  The  passage  through  those 
splendid  portals  no  gold  should  buy,  no  rank  should  gain. 
It  should,  with  all  the  honors  and  comforts  of  these  noble 
foundations,  be  free  to  any  son  of  England  who  has  the 
worth  and  wit  to  win  the  right.  Surely  you  should  shut  from 
thence  your  maudlin  or  your  fool,  your  roue,  your  turfman, 
your  fashionable  lounger,  whatever  his  name  or  estate  ;  and 
open  these  serious  gates  alone  to  the  sons  of  work  and 
thought  and  duty.  As  it  is,  in  this  rank  soil,  many  a  prom- 
ising grain  of  wheat  is  choked  and  smothered  amidst  the 
strong  growths  of  folly  and  sin,  while  the  husbandmen  look 
on,  their  hands  too  idle  or  too  craven  to  weed  them  out. 

Depend  upon  it,  you  select  company  of  ecclesiastics,  dons 
and  tutors,  if  you  don't  set  about  this  reform  yourselves,  a 
healthy  tide  from  without  will  sweep  into  and  around  your 
cosy  haven,  and  drift  you  out  to  perdition  with  the  foul 
wreck  you  have  permitted  to  accumulate  about  you. 


*     * 


A    YOUNG     ARISTOCRAT.  3I 


IV. — A  young  Aristocrat. 

To    Caniford  went  Lord  Bantam.      Its   trading  harpies 
hastened  to  ofter  to  so  good  a  customer  every  facility  for 
ruining  himself      He  accepted  their  kind  offices.      Never 
even  in  that  luxurious   place  were   rooms    so  handsomely 
furnished,  horses   so   good,  traps  so   elegant,  dinners   and 
wines   so   expensive,    pictures    so   costly,    and   women    so 
fast   as   those  of  Lord   Bantam's  establishments   in    High 
Church  and  the  town.     Much  of  this  was  notorious  through- 
out  the  university,  and  must  have  been  as  patent  to  some 
of   the  dons  as  to  the  gossips  in   High  street.     But   they 
made  no  protest  except  when  the  noble  undergraduate  came 
under  proctorial  notice  in  a  drunken  row  ;  and  once,  when 
he  and  a  few  select  companions  had  contrived  to  enter  tlie 
cathedral   at  night,  and  color  a  fine  marble  with  lines  in 
zebra-fashion,   they  expelled  two  of    his  accomplices  who 
were  so  unfortunate  as  to  have  no  titled  name  to  dishonor ; 
forced  the  young  gentleman  to  apologize,  and  wrote  to  the 
Earl  that  "a  recurrence  of  such  conduct  mi</ht  lead  to  the 
most  serious  consequences."     The  syndicate  must  have  had 
a  curious  notion  of  education.     They  could  hardly  have  be- 
lieved that  the  spectacle  of  folly  and  prodigality  was  so  in- 
nocuous to  university  tone  and  discipline  !     Is  it  theirs  only 
to  open  their  eyes  to  deficiencies  in  ecclesiastical,  classical 
and  philosophic  acquirements,  and  to  shut  them  to  the  ex- 
travagance and  sin  of  the  aUunni  ?  or  were  it  not  a  chiefest 


32  LORD    BANTAM. 


part  of  education  to  teach  the  lessons  of  high  hiimanit}  — 
ingenu(Z  et  humancz  artcs  ?  Should  it  be  possible  for  any 
pupil  at  a  seat  of  learning  to  emulate  the  vices  of  Com- 
niodus.  or  ought  not  sumptuary  laws  to  confine  the  rivalry 
of  prodigals  within  bounds  less  perilous  to  studious  morali- 
ties ? 

Of  a  morning,  towards  noon,  a  quadrangle  hard  by  the 
great  cathedral  rang  with  loud  voices.  Perched  upon  his 
window-sill,  velvet  capped,  with  pewter  in  hand,  Lord  Bantam 
held  spicy  converse  with  the  son  of  a  prime  minister  who 
leaned  smoking  out  of  an  opposite  casement,  or  exchanged 
bets  and  jokes  of  a  dubious  character  with  a  knot  of  noisy 
men  on  the  pavement  below.  You,  an  honest  Englishman, 
wishing  well  for  your  country,  and  having  a  kindly  heart  for 
manly  and  generous  youth,  might  well  wonder  as  you  tra- 
versed the  court  and  gazed  upon  this  scene,  whether  idle 
nobility  and  parvenu  wealth  sliould  be  afitbrded  in  the  pre- 
cincts of  hallowed  shrines  and  the  cloisters  of  learning,  foot- 
holds to  corruiJt  the  hopes  of  coming  generations. 

Lord  Bantam's  expenses,  his  first  year  at  Camford,  were 
;^i5,ooo;  he  owed  ^,£"1  i,ooo  to  uionc} -lenders  on  his  own 
notes  and  those  of  his  fiiends.  His  father's  steward  had 
managed  to  get  him  allowed  ^4,000.  His  tailor  stood  cred- 
itor for  ;;^3,ooo.  That  clever  gentleman  did  not  confine  his 
shears  to  cutting  cloth ;  he  snipped  off  many  a  young  man's 
income  with  a  sharpness  and  skill  soinetimes  wanting  in  his 
l)roper  w<irk.  lie  charged  young  BaiUaiu  in  liis  lull  with 
clothes  and  jewellery  never  supplied  ;  ainl  thus,  on  ct)ixdition 


A    YOUNG    ARISTOCRAT. 


of  sharing  the  product,  enabled  him  to  cheat  his  father.  The 
noble  youth  began  to  evince  a  taste  for  the  turf.  He  won 
the  High  Church  sweepstakes  for  the  Derby — in  \\hich,  by 
the  way,  several  dons  had  their  money — amounting  to  "800 
sovs — "  as  at  Winton,  under  the  noses  of  the  masters,  he  had 
won  a  school  sweepstakes  before.  He  picked  up  a  shrewd 
gambler  named  Tom  Rendle,  made  him  his  factotum,  and  in 
his  name  bought  and  ran  his  horses.  At  first  they  were  suc- 
cessful. He  resolved  to  have  stables  of  his  own.  Rendle 
was  an  admirable  factotum.  He  found  the  money,  the 
horses,  the  stables,  the  jockeys,  took  sheaves  of  notes,  nego- 
tiated them  with  innocent  friends,  and  never  troubled  his 
master  with  accounts.  He  looked  upon  the  young  lord  as 
the  richest  mine  in  England  for  a  clever  man.  All  this  was 
concealed  from  the  Earl,  who,  engrossed  in  politics  and  Rot- 
terdam riches,  knew  little  of  racing  matters,  would  not  have 
known  his  son's  colors  if  he  had  seen  them  ;  and  society 
does  not  care  to  tattle  the  peccadillos  of  a  coming  star  to  a 
noble  statesman.  When  he  came  of  age  Lord  Bantam  owed 
;^4o,ooo.  By  the  end  of  that  year  his  liabilities  reached 
^95,000,  and  in  two  years  more  were  ^^200,000.  He  had 
of  course  left  Camford,  and  had  his  secret  nests  about  the 
country;  formed  haison  after  liaison  with  masculine  indif- 
ference to  the  other  sex  ;  and  at  length  fell  into  the  net  of  an 
infinitely  clever  beauty,  provided  along  with  the  other  animals 
by  the  attentive  Rendle.  This  person  was  now  a  gentleman, 
a  "financier,"  Avho  kept  his  carriage  and  gave  select  dinners 
to  the  princes  of  the  turf     The  woman  was  his  slave.     She 


34  L  O  R  D     B  A  N  T  A  M 


pretended  that  Lord  Bantam  had  seduced  her.  He  was  in- 
fatuated with  her  ahnost  to  idiocy.  She  threatened  to  expose 
him  to  the  Earl,  was  backed  up  by  Rendle,  and  the  pair, 
keeping  their  game  for  a  fortnight  in  a  state  of  alternate 
drunkenness,  maudlinism  and  fear, — at  length  succeeded  in 
getting  him  to  many  her.  Returning  from  the  unholy 
ceremony  as  with  a  blast  upon  him  from  the  shrine  he  had 
profaned;  wedded  in  delirium  and  never  recognizing  his 
infamous  wife       *  *  *  * 

5|»  *|s  "I*  T*  ^ 

«  4c  4:  *  * 

*  iff  *  *  * 

Does  any  one  ask  whether  it  be  true  that  a  thing  so  horri- 
ble could  happen  in  England  in  these  days  ? 

The  Earl  paid  his  son's  debts  like  an  Earl.  After  all,  they 
did  not  absorb  a  year's  income.  Not  long  after  the  factotum 
married  Lady  Bantam. 

Thus  at  four  years  old  our  hero  became  Lord  Bantam, 
and  it  was  fortunate  for  him  that  he  was  too  young  to  know 
the  scandal  he  inherited  with  the  name.  It  was  a  scandal 
of  a  sort  whereof  society  does  not  make  more  than  a  nine 
day's  wonder.  There  is  great  repairing  power  in  an  Earl- 
dom and  several  hundred  thousands  a  year. 


••* 


PART  III. 

HOW  HE  LEARNED  HIS  LETTERS. 
L — Words  versus  Wit. 

Earl  Ffowlsmere  was  so  distraught  by  the  hapless  fate 
of  his  elder  son  that  he  shrank  from  sending  our  hero  to 
Winton.  He  therefore  provided  tutors  at  home.  No  doubt 
this  had  a  peculiar  influence  on  the  young  lord's  future" 
character.  It  deprived  him  of  a  society  in  which  he  would 
have  found  rank,  prospects  and  good-breeding  on  a  par 
Avith  his  own,  yet  not  unduly  asserting  themselves  over  less 
fortunate  accidents.  He  might  also  have  acquired  a  con- 
siderable skill  in  writing  verses  in  languages  hardly  an 
Englishman  would  venture  to  attempt  to  speak,  a  quantity 
of  valuable  aphorisms  for  quotation  in  his  future  elevated 
sphere,  a  crude  idea  of  English,  an. ingeniously  bad  handwrit- 
ing, and  probably  some  proficiency  in  cricket  and  rowing. 
The  curriculum  would  not  have  afforded  him  much  more,  un- 
less indeed  we  include  an  acquisition,  perforce  of  continued 
iteration,  of  certain  prayers,  psalms  and  lessons  of  the 
Church.  At  home,  if  he  were  deprived  of  the  companion- 
ship and  the  sports  and  the  finished  elegance  of  classic  com- 
position, his  range  of  acquisition  went  deeper  into  the  well 
of  knowledge  and  wider  over  its  fields.  He  was  taught 
French  and  German  by  conversation.  He  learned  his 
Latin  to  speak  it,  not  neglecting  the  verses  as  trifles  con- 


$6  L  O  R  D     B  A  N  T  A  M  . 

tributlng  to  polish  his  style.  A  scientific  German  tutor 
opened  to  him  the  rich  veins  of  natural  science,  and  laid  the 
foundation  for  some  knowledge  of  the  world  about  him. 
'l"hc  Earl  himself  took  in  hand  historical  instniction,_  con- 
veyed more  by  conversation  and  illustration  than  by  tasks, 
seeking  to  indoctrinate  him  as  he  advanced  from  boyhood 
ivith  his  own  political  ideas  and  a  reverence  for  the  British 
Constitution.  This  latter  teaching  afterwards  refuted  its 
own  purpose ;  for  the  youth,  as  we  shall  see,  did  not  accept 
with  perfect  faith  the  political  theses  of  the  statesman.  The 
Earl  was  particularly  eager  that  his  son  should  be  "a 
speaker."  Recognizing  the  power  of  talk  in  modern  repre- 
sentative systems,  he  desired  that  the  future  Earl  should  be 
versed  in  all  its  clever  and  seductive  tricks.  Almost  before 
he  had  emerged  from  boyhood  he  trained  him  in  elocution  ; 
he  set  him  to  declaim  the  orations  of  ancient  and  modern 
masters  :  he  drilled  him  in  Quintilian.  Adopting  the  exam- 
ple of  Lord  Chatham  with  his  son,  he  put  him  to  translate 
extempore  from  classic  authors  :  finally,  he  announced  to 
him  topics  for  off-hand  speeches.  Hence  at  fifteen,  when 
Lord  Bantam  went  to  Oxbridge,  he  was  an  cx[)ert  speaker, 
and  took  his  place  at  the  Union  among  its  chief  debaters. 
Whether  this  facility  of  utterance  was  given  at  the  expenise 
of  better  acquirements  may  hereafter  appear;  at  present  we 
may  mention  it  procured  for  our  hero  the  sobriquet  of 
"Crowing  Bantam."  If  sobriciucts  were  only  fatal,  one 
would  hope  that  such  an  one  might  be  attached  to  not  a  few 
of  our  i^arliamentarian  orators.      It  is  conceivable  that  tlic 


DIGRESSION. 


ensuing    mortality    might   be    a   wholesome   thing   for    the 

State. 

*     * 
* 

II. — Digression.     Benevolently  dedicated  to  American  Readers. 

I  HAVE  seen  occasional  suggestions  in  the  press  that  on 
this  branch  of  education  it  would  be  well  to  assimilate  our 
system  to  that  of  America.     But,  if  there  is  a  root  of  wisdom 
in   the  hint,  there  are  also  roots   of  evil.      Mr.  Carlyle   has 
embodied  in  language  too  vigorous  and  noble  to  be  emu- 
lated his  protest  against  present-day  chatter,  and  one  may 
only  very  diffidently  say  a  word  or  two  on  the  matter  in  its 
relation  to  education.     In  the  United  States  the  culture  of 
speech-making  begins  almost  before  the  culture  of  thought. 
Indeed,  not  long  after  a  few  words  and  ideas  have  found  some 
lodgment  in  a  young  mind,  they  are  casually  and  cursorily 
shaken  up  within  it  by   the  demand  for  an  '^oration"  on 
some   impossible  thesis.     Fact  and  history  are  necessarily 
awanting  to  such  juvenile  spouters,  wherefore  they  are  forced 
to  concoct  their  exercitations   partly  from  imagination  and 
])artly  from  imperfect  data.     They  are  encouraged  to  be 
theorists  before  they  become  cognizant  of  truths.     So  uni- 
versal is  the  Yankee  propensity  to  orationizing,  that  to  it  must 
be  attributed  in  no  small  degree  the  singularly  metaphysical 
and  theoretic  character   of  ordinary   American   reasoning, 
even  on  the  commonest  matters  of  social  or  political  life  ; 
still  more  those  rare  and  monstrous  forms  of  argument  they 
are  wont  to  advance  in  international  noimtiation.     You  hnd 


38  LORD     BANTAM. 


your  neighbor  at  a  dinner-table,  in  defiance  of  Baconian 
maxims,  elaborately  generalizing  from  one  particular.  No 
people  in  the  world  has  equal  talent  for  the  ornamental  ex- 
pression of  nothing.  Tracing  the  efiect  of  this  on  all  popu- 
lar thought,  all  popular  opinion,  all  popular  action, — it  is  to 
substitute  "  smartness  "  for  learning — plausibility  for  fact — 
to  dissolve  instead  of  to  crystallize  truth  in  words.  Few 
Americans  estimate  a  word  at  its  correct  value.  Few  of 
them  seem  to  feel  it  to  be  a  precious  thing  not  to  be  squan- 
dered  :  not  to  be  abused  to  set  untruth  or  commonplace  or 
unreality :  a  thing  which  wielded  with  exactness  and  care 
carries  in  it  a  glorious  might,  but  which  thrown  out  with 
slovenly  or  shallow  incaution  is  a  folly  or  a  sin.  To  be 
ready  in  expressing  the  results  of  study  and  thought  is  a 
faculty  of  faculties  :  to  cover  with  thin  and  melting  flakes  of 
eloquence  an  undergound  of  ignorance,  is  to  spread  delu- 
sion for  the  weakest  and  most  numerous  of  mankind. 


*     * 


III. — A  juvenile  Tourist  and  Author. 

Our  hero  having  safely  passed  the  measles,  reached  the 
comparatively  mature  age  of  twelve  years.  "Compara- 
tively" with  all  the  children  and  most  of  the  adults  that  were 
huddled  together  in  the  nnuky  mews  and  alleys  over  which 
he  looked  from  his  high  schoolroom  windows.  Mature  in 
things  they  recked  not  of — a  reader,  a  speaker  of  French  with 
a  touch  of  (lerman,  advanced  in  Latin  :  deft  at  composing 


A     JUVENILE     TOURIST    AND     AUTHOR.  39 

elegant  nonsense  lyrics  :  a  juvenile  methematician  :  learned 
in  Bible  and  Catechism ;  familiar  with  that  skeleton  of  the 
past  called  history. 

He  could  also  cut  a  tolerable  figure  in  a  drawing-room, 
make  a  neat  bow,  and  give  an  opinion  with  sufficient  aristo- 
cratic confidence.  In  other  matters  comparison  finds  him 
unequal  to  his  hapless  compatriots.  In  forward  shrewdness, 
cat-like  cunning,  ready  resource,  bold  defiance  of  law  and 
cool  irrecognition  of  gospel,  in  early  precocity  of  talent  for 
business,  he  was  necessarily  inferior  to  his  inferiors.  As 
nature  had  imperfectly  constructed  him  for  fighting,  he  would 
also  have  taken  a  mean  place  in  an  alley  scrimmage. 

Is  there  no  drawing  these  two  extremes  nearer  together, 
the  one  up,  the  other  down  ?  Is  it  the  inevitable  predestina- 
tion of  the  Almighty  that  the  young  Lord  Bantam  shall  be 
and  dwell  thus  :  and  the  child  of  Ginx  shall  be  and  dwell  so 
— Lazarus  and  Dives,  with  a  great  gulf  fixed  between 
them  ? 

At  this  stage  of  their  son's  life,  the  Earl  and  Countess  re- 
solved upon  passing  some  months  at  various  Courts  on  the 
continent.  Like  the  meteors  their  movements  were  chroni- 
cled in  the  newspapers,  and  gave  rise  to  grave  conjectures 
that  they  had  gone  abroad  on  some  political  mission.  From 
Paris  the  correspondent  of  the  Electro  Magtiet  wrote  the 
startling  information  that  he  "  had  met  the  Earl  at  a  pcfii 
dejexiner  of  three,  in  a  certain  Imperial  sanctum,  where 
secrets  had  transpired  which  mortal  might  not  utter  ;  but  he 
might  say,  without  breaking  any  confidence,  that  the  world 


40  LORDBANTAJNI, 


would,  in  the  course  of  three  weeks  or  so,  hear  news  that 
would  rouse  Empires  and  disturb  the  equilibrium  of  centu- 
ries." 

The  result  was  a  confidential  despatch  from  Berlin  to  the 
Prussian  Ambassador  in  London,  instructing  him  to  ascertain 
if  possible  what  secret  mission  was  sending  the  Earl  and 
Countess  of  Ffowlsmere  intriguing  in  half  the  Courts  of 
Europe.  The  ambassador's  reply  was  as  sarcastic  as  it  was 
reassuring.  Ele  informed  his  Government  that  "  he  had 
lived  long  enough  in  England  to  learn  that  its  diplomacy 
proceeded  not  by  intrigue  but  by  blunders  :  that  it  was  im- 
possible to  suppose  his  excellent  and  mediocre  friend  the 
Earl  of  Ffowlsmere  to  be  engaged,  either  of  his  own  motion 
or  by  direction  of  the  British  Government,  in  any  diplomatic 
mission  ;  that,  as  to  the  Government,  it  was  the  English  cus- 
tom to  declare  its  objects  beforehand  :  and  even  if  the  re- 
port were  true,  he  was  sure  no  harm  could  come  of  it  to  any 
nation  but  England  herself,  since  the  avowed  course  of 
English  policy — by  which  the  Earl  must  necessarily  be  re- 
stricted— was  to  disown  anything  but  peace  and  its  result- 
money  ;  and  to  play  for  plausible  if  sometimes  undignified 
releases  from  inconvenient  obligations." 

''  Young  Banlam  wilh  his  tutor  accompanied  this  distin- 
guished i)arty  from  London  to  Paris  :  from  Paris  to  Vienna  : 
from  Vienna  to  the  Danubian  Trox  inccs  :  lo  Constantinople, 
Athens,  and  Rome.  He  was  observant,  was  well  priincil  by 
his  tutor,  conversed  with  his  fithcr  on  elementary  politics, 
and  was  petted  by  Princes  who  dcsiird  lo  maintain  good  re- 


A    JUVENILE    TOURIST    AND    AUTHOR.  41 

lations  with  England.  He  received  the  Pope's  benediction. 
As  with  other  young  persons,  when  liis  mind  began  to  work 
it  became  eager  to  afford  visible  evidence  thereof ;  so  the 
young  lord  wrote  a  book.  It  is  the  fashion  nowadays  for 
youthful  lords,  baronets  and  gentlemen  of  wealth  to  make 
grand  tours  in  out-of-the-way  regions,  and  to  record  their 
hasty  observations  and  necessarily  limited  generalizations  in 
books  that  not  many  years  afterwards  they  are  glad  if  others 
are  as  willing  to  forget  as  themselves.  "  The  Danubian 
Provinces  :  with  notes  social  and  statistical :  by  Lord  Ban- 
tam," was  not  the  worst  of  such  productions  I  have  seen. 
It  related  very  simply  what  he  had  experienced ;  recorded 
opinions  founded  on  facts ;  and  being  written  by  an  Earl's 
son  and  to  be  had  at  all  the  libraries  could  not  fail  to  gain  a 
temporary  notoriety  in  middle-class  drawing-rooms.  I  may 
select  a  specimen  from  the  chapter  on  "  Rowmania." 

"  Lord  F and  I   went  to    call  upon   the  Prince  of 

Rowmania.  He  did  not  look  like  a  Prince.  He  was 
bandy-legged.  I  did  not  wonder  therefore  when  I  was  told 
that  his  people  did  not  like  him.  While  he  was  talking  to 
papa  he  said  he  was  a  good  deal  on  horseback.  He  also 
said  he  had  to  keep  horses  saddled  day  and  night,  because 
every  few  weeks  there  was  a  revolution,  and  he  had  to  ride 
away  for  his  life.  I  asked  him  why  he  did  not  cut  off  tlie 
heads  of  the  people  who  rebelled.  He  said  that  if  he  were 
to  do  that  he  would  have  no  subjects  left.  It  struck  me,  on 
the  other  hand,  that  it  would  be  better  to  do  that  than  to 
have  one's  own  head  cut  off:    and  my  father  said  'there 


42  L  O  R  D     B  A  N  T  A  M  . 

were  precedents  for  that  opinion  of  a  ruler's  duty  to  him 
self.'  Coming  a\vay,  another  remark  of  Lord  F par- 
ticularly struck  me  :  namely,  '  that  it  was  a  wonder  any  one 
should  persist  in  trying  to  govern  when  it  was  so  plain  his 
efforts  were  unsatisfactory  to  the  people :  but  that  the 
ambition  of  ruling  often  makes  men  insensible  to  its  ab- 
surdities.'  " 

Simple  as  were  young  Bantam's  observations,  there  was 
found  to  be  an  unconscious  satirical  flavor  about  them, 
which  one  or  two  clever  journalists  utilized  for  home  appli- 
cation. 

*      * 

* 

IV. — A   Scotch  Tutor. 

One  of  the  tutors  engaged  for  Lord  Rantam  was  a  Mr. 
Kelso,  a  Scotchman,  who  had  been  strongly  recommended 
to  tht  Eav\.  The  latter  and  his  lady  both  hesitated  about 
bringing  the  young  heir  into  contact  with  a  man  whom  they 
expected  to  be  imbued  with  the  religious  views  of  the  Pres- 
byterians— but  on  the  other  hand,  they  had  reason  to  be- 
lieve that  his  ability  and  morality  were  unexceptionable.  It 
turned  out  that  this  gentleman  had  been  educated  at  a 
Scotch  University,  and  liad  undergone  the  necessary  studies 
to  Ht  liliu  for  the  mini^Jtry  of  the  Scotch  Church.  In  tlie 
course  of  his  reading — he  was  onniivorous  in  books — he 
struck  out  for  himself  some  lines  of  thought  not  ([uite  con- 
sistent with  the  intciprctalion  put  by  his  ('hui(li  Courts 
ui)on   the  Confession   of  I'ailh.      Hence  when  he  came  to 


A    SCOTCH    TUTOR.  43 


apply  to  the  Presbytery  to  license  liim  as  a  preacher,  and  to 
submit  himself  for  the  necessary  examination,  it  was  discov- 
ered that  on  some  points  of  doctrine  he  was  "  unsound." 
He  was  not  quite  clear  about  the  legal  obligation  of  the  Sab- 
bath, though  he  admitted  it  to  be  practically  enjoined  on  his 
conscience.  This  was  hinted  to  the  Presbytery  by  some 
ready  officer,  and  without  proof  that  his  heterodoxy  was 
heinous,  a  vote  consigned  him  to  perpetual  laity,  so  far  as 
that  Church  was  concerned.  I  have  nothing  at  this  moment 
to  do  with  the  merits  of  the  objections — but  I  have  to  do 
with  the  fact  that  they  drove  into  opj^osition  a  man  whom 
perhaps  a  little  kindliness  would  have  brought  either  to  ab- 
jure his  errors  or  to  show  that  he  had  none.  As  it  was,  he 
left  with  a  sense  of  injury  that  rankled  deeply  in  his  breast, 
and  he  looked  upon  the  rejectors  as  a  lot  of  unconscientious 
bigots,  which  they  really  never  meant  to  be. 

We  have  the  measure  of  I>ord  Bantam's  groundhig  in  the 
faith.  He  had  been  taught  with  some  rigor  the  truths  of 
the  Christian  religion  and  the  formulas  of  his  Church.  He 
could  state  them  all  with  tolerable  readiness  and  exactness 
— so  far  as  words  went.  They  were  not,  however,  crystal- 
lized in  his  life.  But  then  he  had  been  taught  to  be  afraid 
not  to  believe,  instead  of  to  believe  and  not  be  afraid. 
TIktc  could  haidly  be  much  groundwork  of  faith. 

No  doubt  the  Earl  and  Countess  would  Iiave  been  deei)ly 
and  sincerely  resentful  had  any  one  suggested  a  question 
of  their  religiousness.  Were  they  not  extremely  precise  in 
their  conduct?    honorable  and    sensitive  in  their  motives? 


44  LORDBANTAM 


sufficiently  attentive  to  the  ritual  of  their  Church  ?  Was 
there  any  voice  so  firm  as  the  Earl's,  so  decorously  reverent 
as  that  of  the  Countess  in  the  responses  to  the  service  ? 
Did  they  not  with  regularity  receive  the  sacrament  of  Com- 
munion ?  Were  not  all  forms  of  heresy  equally  odious  to 
them — whether  it  were  Erastian  or  Roman  or  Arian  or 
Socinian  ?  Yet  it  may  be  that  in  their  deep  probing  of  other 
things,  the  noble  pair  had  but  scratched  the  surface  of  true 
religion.  The  fact  that  they  would  have  resented  criticism 
of  the  character  of  their  faith  would  have  evidenced  how 
little  they  had  appreciated  what  a  religion  is ;  for  true  reli- 
gion is  insensible  to  criticism  :  it  is  beyond  its  reach.  This 
is  a  matter  irrespective  of  the  mere  substance  of  belief.  A 
religion,  in  its  integrity,  whatever  a  man  may  believe,  is  that 
which  informs  Zind  possesses  his  soul  and  rules  with  despotic 
sway  his  whole  life.  You  could  scarcely  say  that  of  the  high- 
bred consent  Accorded  by  Lord  and  Lady  Ffowlsmere  to  a 
supremely  respectable  form  of  church  doctrine  and  ritual. 
You  may  test  it,  if  you  please,  by  their  conduct  respecting 
young  Bantam.  They  brought  him  up  as  they  themselves 
had  been  brought  up.  He  was  duly  catechised,  the  Earl 
himself  not  disdaining  to  overlook  so  important  a  business. 
He  went  to  church  and  attended  morning  i:)rayers  as  regularly 
as  the  Earl's  servants — and  with  equally  good  results.  He 
was  warned  of  sundry  deadly  sins,  which  however  it  seemed 
to  be  as  much  a  part  of  gentility  as  of  religion  to  avoid.  He 
heard  continually  expressed  and  saw  rejieatedly  exhibited 
his  parents'  abhorrence  of  all  manner  of  meanness,  bias- 


ASCOTCH    TUTOR.  45 

phemy,  impropriety  and  heresy.  But  nothing  he  heard  or 
saw  or  was  taught  went  down  to  the  roots  of  his  nature,  and 
that  is  the  very  part  of  a  man  where  true  rehgion  begins 
to  work,  and  thence  Hke  nourishment  to  a  tree  flows  up  in 
healthy  sap,  carrying  strength  and  hfe,  and  greenness,  and 
fruitfulness  through  the  whole  being.  To  sum  up  the  result 
of  his  religious  discipline,  it  taught  him  to  be  moral  and  rev- 
erential— but  not  to  be  religious.  He  learned  to  respect  the 
Church,  but  was  not  quite  so  fixed  in  his  affection  for  God — 
a  Deity  who  loves  his  creatures,  and  whom  it  becomes  them 
ingenuously  to  love.  That  was  presented  to  his  mind  as  an 
Entity  too  awful  and  sequestered  to  be  a  subject  of  common 
thought. 

— Yet  there  is  a  noble  passage  in  the  preaching  of  a 
noble  Apostle — which  says  that  God  is  not  far  from  any  one 
of  us  ;  and  it  seems  to  me  that  the  Church  or  the  creed  or  the 
ritual  or  the  dogma  that  intervenes  with  a  screen,  however 
beautiful  and  elaborate,  between  me,  panting  for  a  parent's 
love  and  daily  familiarity,  and  the  parent  yearning  for  my 
childlike  affection,  is  a  barrier  to  be  swept  away,  unless  it 
will  of  itself  open  up  to  show  me  more  clearly  the  vision  and 
fruition  of  that  divine  joy. 

His  first  tutor,  a  former  Westminster  man,  had  followed 
with  his  pupil  the  course  prescribed  in  that  celebrated 
school,  and  had  carefiilly  conveyed  through  the  chilling 
winter  cfimate  of  "Pearson  on  the  Creed,"  a  mind  just 
budding  into  its  young  spring  life,  and  unequal  to  the  cold 
hardness  of  the  mctaphysic,  before  it  liad  learned  to  appre- 


46  LORDBANTAM, 


ciate  the  practical  bearings  on  his  daily  actions  of  religious 
and  moral  principles.  To  touch  his  heart,  to  reach  his 
conscience,  to  awaken  his  most  generous  sentiments,  to 
prompt  his  aspirations  after  all  things  pure,  noble,  virtuous, 
honest,  of  good  report,  to  raise  his  thoughts  to  God  as  his 
Creator,  Redeemer,  and  Friend, — all  this  was  made  second- 
ary— though  not  entirely  forgotten — to  defining  in  his  mind 
a  strict  outline  of  dogmas,  the  truth  or  untruth  of  which 
matters  not  in  this  relation.  The  more  truthful,  the  greater 
the  impolicy  of  pressing  them  in  this  hard  form,  and  at  this 
stage  of  growth  on  the  fledgling  mind. 

Bantam  became  very  fond  of  his  Scotch  tutor.  There 
was  something  attractive  in  the  man's  peculiar  shrewdness 
and  tenacity  of  intellect,  the  breadth  of  his  comprehensive 
views  of  every  topic,  the  enormous  store  of  material  which 
loving  and  incessant  study  had  accumulated  in  his  mind. 

The  quaint  humor,  the  genial  tenderness  of  sympathy, 
the  half-worshipping  appreciation  of  great  men  and  great 
words  :  the  reverence  and  piety,  along  with  the  strange  cold 
dogmatism  of  much  of  his  belief;  the  whole  tempered  by 
the  charity,  not  so  much  of  principle  as  of  a  loving  nature, 
made  a  character  not  uncommon  in  Scotland,  and  perhaps 
-agreeable  only  to  a  select  few.  From  this  man  the  young 
lord  learned  many  heresies.  Kelso  had  read  history  as  men 
seldom  read  it,  with  a  broad  apprehension  of  movements 
and  results  which  gave  to  his  conclusions  peculiar  force  and 
splendor.  lie  tracked  with  keen  scent  the  course  of  liberty 
in  the  communities  of  Greece,  in  Rome,  througli  th(,'  Dark 


ASCOTC  II    TUTOR.  47 

Ages ;  took  ui)  the  double  thread  of  her  movement  in  re- 
ligious and  political  combination  at  the  Reformation,  and 
showed  how  Bible  principles,  and  Bible  forms  of  thought, 
and  the  subtle  puissant  influences  of  Christ's  wonderful 
teaching,  had  helped  to  dissolve  the  ancient  forces  of 
society,  had  even  marked  the  outlines  of  modern  liberalism, 
and  aided  in  modifying  forms  of  government.  To  the 
Puritan  or  Presbyterian  element  he  showed  how  much  of 
modern  republican  and  democratic  sentiment  was  due, 
based  as  its  ecclesiastical  organization  had  always  been  on 
the  recognition  for  the  laity  of  freedom  of  thought  and 
equality  of  representation  in  church-government.  He 
showed  how  this,  backed  by  a  strangely  fnm  faith  in  a  few 
great  dogmas,  had  worked  with  almost  invincible  power, 
and  so  always  must  work  when  such  an  organization  is  true 
to  its  principles  and  itself.  Bantam,  whose  vague  young 
notions  had  exalted  episcopacy  to  almost  divine  establish- 
ment, began  to  believe  that  it  and  the  monarchical  and 
aristocratic  institutions  of  his  country  all  stood  on  the  same 
basis,  human  invention — lived  only  on  the  same  condition 
— human  patience ;  and  that  there  was  good  reason  to 
doubt  if  any  or  all  of  these  vast  institutions  would  bear 
criticism  in  the  light  of  truth  or  Christianity,  of  experience, 
or  even  of  common  sense.  Instead  of  feeling  proud  of  his 
lineage,  his  wealth,  and  his  religion,  he  was  led  to  question 
the  honor  of  the  one,  the  justice  of  the  other,  and  the  purity 
of  the  third.  At  the  same  time  Mr.  Kelso  pointed  out  to 
him  how  nnieh  good  there  was  in  each. 


48  L  O  R  D     B  A  N  T  A  M 


Specially  did  Kelso  protest  to  his  young  charge  against 
the  creed- worship  of  the  day.  "  A  creed,"  he  used  to  say, 
"  is  a  declaration  of  faith  ;  it  ought  to  be  the  crystallization 
in  words  of  a  man's  soul-thoughts  and  faith,  the  outlines  of 
his  daily  life  with  God.  In  fact  the  best  creed  I  know  is  the 
beatitudes.  They  embody  practical  faith.  But  simply  ac- 
cepted from  another  man,  adopted  in  terror,  and  held  under 
the  threats  of  a  terrible  sanction — not  grasped  and  brought 
into  the  soul,  and  incorporated  with  its  life — a  creed  is  only 
a  semblance ;  it  is  '  Nehushtan  : '  stuffs  not  life.  Strauss 
used  to  begin  one  of  his  lectures  by  saying,  '  Gentlemen,  we 
will  now  proceed  to  construct  God.'  He  was  not  more  pro- 
fane than  many  a  man  who  shrinks  from  his  profanity.  I 
have  often  thought,  when  I  have  seen  men  going  about  to 
construct  creeds,  or  limning  out  for  themselves  God's  fea- 
tures and  decrees,  in  their  own  words  and  ideas,  of  Isaiah's 
scornful  satire  on  the  wooden-god  makers  of  his  day  : 

Tlie  carpenter  strctclieth  out  his  rule ;  he  marketli  it  out  with  a  line  ; 
he  futdh  it  with  planes,  and  he  marketh  it  out  with  the  compass,  and 
niaketh  it  after  the  figure  of  a  man,  according  to  the  beauty  of  a  man  ; 
that  it  may  remain  in  the  house. 

lie  hewetli  liim  down  cedars,  and  taketh  tlie  cypress  and  the  oak, 
which  he  strcngtheneili  for  himself  among  the  trees  of  the  forest  :  he 
planteth  an  ash,  and  the  rain  doth  nourish  //. 

Then  shall  it  he  for  a  man  to  burn :  for  he  shall  take  thereof  and 
warm  himself;  yea,  he  kindlcth  //,  and  baketh  bread;  yea,  he  makcth 
a  god,  and  worshippcth  // ;  he  makcth  it  a  graven  image,  and  falkth 
down  thereto. 

lie  burnetii  part  thereof  in  tiic  fire  ;  with  part  thereof  he  eatctli  flesh  ; 
he  roaslcth  roast,  and  is  satislied  :  yea,  he  warmcth  /liinse.'f,  and  sailh, 
Alia,  I  am  warm,  I  have  seen  the  fire: 


ASCOTCIITUTOR.  49 

And  the  residue  thereof  he  maketh  a  god,  even  his  graven  image  :  he 
falleth  down  unto  it,  and  worshippeth  it,  and  prayeth  unto  it,  and 
saith,  Deliver  me ;  for  thou  art  my  god. 

"What  cutting  ridicule,  what  a  sarcastic  rebuke  of  man's 
assumption  !  And  there  is  little  difference  between  wood 
and  words.  From  both  you  may  make  your  idols  :  your 
fetish  may  be  one  of  sentences.  Unless  we  bow  reverently 
before  God,  own  our  ignorance  and  His  omniscience,  hum- 
bly and  contritely  wait  upon  the  high  and  lofty  One  who  in- 
habiteth  eternity,  till  He  condescends  to  invision  with  Him- 
self the  lowly  spirit — unless  we  will  permit  God  to  declare 
Himself,  instead  of  ourselves  constructing  Him,  Ave  can  have 
no  genuine  insight  into  His  being,  or  into  our  relations  to 
Him." 

Kelso's  secular  teaching  was  equally  broad,  and  I  am  not 
prepared  to  exonerate  him  from  blame  for  taking  advantage 
of  his  position  to  instil  such  ideas  into  the  mind  of  a  young 
lord,  already  red-headed,  and  vaccinated  with  Radical  lymph. 
The  tutor's  views  were  singularly  unlike  those  of  the  Prigs. 

"  Look,"  said  he,  "  at  the  way  in  which  the  high  business 
of  our  government  is  now  carried  on.  Can  you  pick  out  a 
single  man  who  looks  beyond  the  limits  of  the  present,  or 
the  narrow  circuit  of  these  islands,  or  who  takes  any  broad, 
practical  view  of  the  Imperial  future  ?  One  only  of  them 
all  has  uttered  a  timorous  squeak  about  a  great  confedera- 
tion of  English-speaking  peoples  ;  but  from  the  rest,  on  the 
destinies  of  Empire,  we  have  had  nothing  but  dead  silence, 
or  twitterings  about  cost  and  policy,  as  abject,  narrow,  and 


50  LORD    BANTAM. 


disloyal  as  they  were  perilous.  As  yet  no  man  of  them  has 
propounded,  in  noble,  heart-stirring,  vivid  language,  the  idea 
of  an  united  Britain — not  the  isolated  nodules  of  these  i^etty 
isles,  but  the  far-stretching  Imperial  boulder  of  a  third  of  the 
globe.  The  grand  effort  of  organizing  the  disjecta  memh-a 
of  this  enormous  dominion  into  a  concrete  federation  appalls 
men  bent  on  conciliating  Irish  irreconcilables  with  Church 
bills,  Westmeath  commissions,  and  the  truncheons  of  police- 
men or  the  cutlasses  and  revolvers  of  a  constabulary. 

"  Let  us  look  at  home.  Take  the  conditions  of  our  so- 
ciety. See  the  laboring  classes  seething  and  uneasy,  feeling 
the  pressure  of  a  3'oke  they  cannot  define,  though  it  is  hard 
as  iron,  restless  for  remedies  they  know  not  how  to  invent : 
conscious  only,  and  rightly  conscious,  that  their  state  is  not 
what  God  meant  it  to  be,  nor  what,  in  the  face  of  man,  it 
ought  to  be,  nor  what,  by  the  help  of  God  to  the  contrary, 
they  intend  it  shall  be.  Where  is  the  statesman  who  seems 
to  appreciate  the  perils  of  the  hour — wlio,  by  temperate  and 
judicious  handling  of  the  body  politic,  can  facilitate  the  re- 
adjustment of  the  disproportioned  or  disjointed  members, 
and  set  it  fairly  on  its  four  feet  ?  The  Commune  flourishes 
on  the  antagonism  of  the  economists — living  logic  of  facts 
against  dead  logic  of  principle.  Is  there  no  God-ordained 
statesman  to  see  that  vents  must  be  found  for  the  pent-up 
forces  of  society,  or  that  inevitable  explosion  of  fierce,  pe- 
trolous  horror  will  shatter  it  again  to  a  chaos  of  primitive 
atoms.  Let  us  be  sure  of  one  thing — sure  as  the  sun  shines, 
sure  as  God's  existence — such  a  man  must  rise,  must  lead 


A     SCOTCH    TUTOR.  51 

the  people  of  these  reahns  in  the  direction  of  reforms  now 
scouted  by  the  self-inspired  so-called,  economic  seers,  shin- 
ing newspaper  demi-gods,  and  Idol  Statesmen,  or  Inferno  it- 
self will  come  up  through  the  ground,  and  spread  its  horrors 
over  this  fair  England.  Happy  for  us  that,  from  time  to 
time,  such  vents  have  been  found  in  Reform  Bills,  in  eman- 
cipation from  religious  bondage,  in  Free  Corn,  and  Free 
Trade  ;  but  now  these  have  largely  worked  out  their  remedy, 
society  is  getting  clogged  again,  and  the  voice  of  resistless 
human  progress  shouts  for  more.  Do  you  think  you  can 
stop  it  with  doctrinaire  objections  ?  Do  you  think  you  can 
choke  it  with  political  sugar-plums,  with  the  ballot,  with  half- 
concessions  to  trades  unions,  nay,  even  Avith  education  ? 
This  education  is  the  lever  which  must  upheave  the  very 
foundations  of  our  present  society.  Will  the  Nehushtans  of 
monarchy,  of  State-Church,  of  House  of  Peers  and  heredi- 
tary successions,  of  Land  Monopolizers,  Charitable  Corpor- 
ations, Bumbledoms,  stand  when  that  huge  lever,  Avorked  by 
twenty  millions,  is  brought  to  bear  upon  them  ?  No  ! 
Hence  the  man  who  would  see  these  ancient  tenements 
gradually  and  securely  taken  to  pieces,  not  shattering  down 
with  blood  and  terror  on  their  hapless  inhabitants,  will  wisely 
commence  his  reforms  now,  lest  the  tower  of  Siloam  prove 
a  grave  to  many  not  unrighteous  persons.  We  must  recog- 
nize the  fact  at  once,  that  society,  which  means  the  state,  has 
more  to  do  than  register  the  occurrence  of  politico-economic 
facts  :  it  must  grasp  and  deal  with  the  evils  of  the  com- 
munity in  a  spirit  of  politic  generosity.     The  spirit  of  legis- 


52  LORD     BANTAM. 


lation  must  be  transformed.  Revolutionary  remedies  are 
not  necessary.  They  may  by  judicious  foresight  be  pre- 
vented. The  coming  struggle  is  between  laissez-faire  and 
that  almost  equally  bad  and  perilous  socialism  which  looks 
to  the  State  to  do  everything.  Between  these  two  lies  the 
happy  mean.  The  State  cannot  refuse  to  take  its  part  in  its 
own  reorganization  ;  the  people  must  do  their  part  in  their 
own  improvement.  You  are  shut  in  with  them  ;  you  must 
face  them  and  their  demands  ;  you  must  admit  their  diffi- 
culties, disabilities,  distresses  ;  you  must  concede  to  them 
that  you  owe  tiiem  more  than  the  duty  of  paying  some  im- 
perfect quid  pro  quo  ;  you  must  find  out  some  way  of  dis- 
tributing more  equally  the  plethoric  wealth  of  these  king- 
doms amongst  its  people,  or  prepare  for  the  deluge.  Even 
the  ancient  Spanish  family  that  liad  an  ark  of  its  own  in 
Noah's  inundation  would  be  hard  bestead  to  fmd  anything 
that  would  lloat  above  this  one." 

Another  time  he  spoke  in  a  somewhat  similar  strain  : 
"  Make  the  best  of  your  day.  Your  class  and  wealth  dis- 
tinction is  one  that  your  grandchild  may  not  sec.  This 
is  a  rapid  era.  The  strata  of  society  that  hitherto  have 
looked  so  solid  and  fixed  give  signs  of  volcanic  motion. 
The  aristocratic  fabric  of  our  constitution  is  swiftl)',  daily 
becoming  inconsistent  with  the  rising  i)ower  and  forces  of 
society.  There  are  two  methods  of  convulsion  :  either  the 
lowest  stratum  will  be  upheaved  willi  tiMiific  force,  and 
bursting  through  the  others  conic  up  at  last  to  the  surface 
through  llie  old  red  sandstone  of  fcudocracy ;  or   it  is  just 


A    SCOTCH    TUTOR.  53 

possible  that  such  a  fortunate  convulsion  may  take  place  as 
you  can  see  in  a  bay  in  the  Isle  of  Wight,  where  all  the 
strata  have  risen  together  and  stand  almost  perpendicular, 
side  by  side,  mutually  supporting,  no  one  above  another. 
Much  depends  on  the  upper  stratum.  If  it  is  thick  and  in- 
flexible, it  will  be  split  and  shivered  by  the  lower  upheaving 
forces.  The  feudal  system  has  been  decaying  with  the 
growth  of  English  liberty — which  like  ivy  has  spread  and 
flourished  over  its  crumbling  glories.  Relics  still  remain, 
but  they  are  incompatible  with  the  changes  that  have  been 
wrought  in  our  social  ideas  and  political  bases  ;  they  must 
give  way,  and  your  class  gives  way  with  them.  It  will  be 
the  last  to  give  way,  because  of  the  vitality  constantly  im- 
ported into  it  from  the  middle  classes.  But  two  dangers 
menace  it.  One  danger  is  the  weakness,  ignorance,  or  folly 
of  the  class  itself.  The  other  is  the  breaking  down  of  its 
main  tower,  the  monarchy.  An  unpopular  monarch  will 
not  only  commit  suicide  for  the  royalty  of  England,  but  will 
carry  with  him  to  extinction  the  fabric  of  aristocracy.  Pos- 
sibly the  former  will  be  the  method  of  disaster  to  the  most 
concrete  anomaly  of  modern  constitutions — an  aristocracy 
based  on  feudal  Actions,  existing  on  popular  sufterance,  and 
maintained  only  by  the  fortuitous  dignity  and  sagacity  of  its 
members.  You  must  see  that  such  a  patent  incongruity 
cannot  long  brave  the  criticism  of  political  philosophy  or  the 
selfish  keenness  of  vulgar  instinct." 

*      * 
* 


s 


54  LORDBANTAM. 


V.  — Catholicism. 

One  peculiar  phrase  of  Mr.  Kelso's  teaching  afterwards 
exercised  on  Lord  Bantam's  opinions  a  permanent  influ- 
ence. 

The  tutor  might  boast  of  a  broad  experience  of 
"  churches."  As  a  student  for  the  ministry  he  had  been  at 
various  times  utilized  by  Wesleyans,  Baptists,  Primitives, 
and  Independents :  he  had  preached  for  Morrisonians, 
Burghers,  Anti-Burghers,  Old  Lights  and  New  Lights — and 
Plymouth  Brethren.  Of  each  and  all  he  could  sharply  ex- 
pose the  weaknesses ;  but  of  every  one  he  also  held  some 
approving  opinion.  He  endeavored  to  convey  to  his  pupil 
the  lesson  he  had  himself  learned  from  this  unique  inter- 
course with  the  sects  ;  namely,  that  while  there  was  much 
that  was  grotesque  in  each, — while  every  one  needed 
apology,  reform,  and  "  the  gift  of  charity," — there  was  not 
one  in  which  might  not  be  found  many  good  points.  In  his 
view,  each  of  these  sects  had  a  great  deal  to  learn  from  the 
others.  His  comprehensive  acquaintance  with  them  enabled 
him  also  to  illustrate  the  fact,  that  many  of  the  matters 
wherein  they  were  most  viciously  antagonistic  were  those 
that  appeared  to  be  the  least  relevant  to  a  broad  and  true 
religion. 

"You  see,"  said  Kelso,  one  day,  "religion  ought  to  be 
ada[)tive.     If  it  were  not  so  it  could  not  be  universal,  and 


CATHOLICISM.  55 


no  religion  not  fitted  to  become  universal  can  be  a  true  re- 
ligion. It  is  impossible  to  conceive  of  so  unreasonable  a 
thing  as  a  religion  to  be  true  when  appropriate  only  to  a 
fraction  of  mankind.  The  Christian  religion  alone,  in  its 
purity,  answers  to  that  test.  It  meets  all  natures  and  all 
circumstances  and  all  times.  Hence  you  observe  its  various 
aspects.  With  some  people  it  assumes  the  form  of  an  intel- 
lectual adoption  of  principles  with  rigid  adherence  to  regu- 
lations. In  other  cases,  it  is  a  matter  of  emotion  or  even 
passion,  and  plays  upon  its  subjects  with  strange  and  almost 
grotesque  influences.  With  some  it  is  a  soft  spiritual  influ- 
ence transfusing  the  life — to  others  a  rough  series  of  strug- 
gles, with  their  alternating  hope  and  despair.  Endless 
modifications  naturally  result ;  but  after  all  you  will  find  at 
the  bottom  of  many  of  them  the  same  facts,  the  same  ideas, 
producing  the  various  developments  of  religious  feeling,  ac- 
tion, form — and  that  the  greatest  apparent  discrepancies  are 
incrustations  on  a  pure  and  common  ideal.  I  now  disregard 
these  incrustations,  and  with  difficulty,  but  I  hope  with  suc- 
cess, seek  this  pure  basis.  I  can  worship  with  almost  any 
sect  of  Christians,  since  I  can  disregard  the  accidents  and 
agree  in  the  substance." 

"  I  have  never  seen  any  religious  ceremonies  other  than 
those  of  our  own  Church,"  said  young  Bantam,  "and  am 
curious  to  know  the  distinctions  in  ritual  and  manner  be- 
tween the  various  denominations." 

"  That,"  said  Kelso,  "  would  undoubtedly  be  useful  to 
you      Many  of  the  prejudices  maintained  between  opposing 


56  LORD     BANTAM 


sects  would  melt  away  or  be  qualified  by  more  intimate  con 
tact  with  them.  I  have  been  often  struck  with  the  igno- 
rance displayed  by  polemical  disputants  of  the  real  practice 
and  belief  of  their  antagonists.  In  many  cases,  no  doubt, 
a  hopeless  want  of  human  sympathy  or  a  dishonest  inditler- 
ence  prevents  men  from  acquiring  such  knowledge." 

They  agreed  to  visit  some  of  the  dissenting  chapels,  and, 
as  a  specimen  of  their  experiences,  it  is  necessary  that  I 
should  describe  the  first  introduction  of  the  young  aristocrat 
and  churchman  to  an  unfamiliar  phase  of  Protestantism. 

One  day  the  tutor  and  his  pupil,  in  the  course  of  a  long 
Avalk  from  Shufiflestraw  Castle,  returning  through  the  town 
of  Ffowlsmere,  noticed  a  placard  on  an  obscure  chapel  of 
the  sort  that  sometimes  crouch  in  the  neighborhood  of  old 
town  churches.  It  announced  that  the  Reverend  Dr.  Roper, 
a  famous  leader  among  the  Primitive  Christians,  would 
preach  at  a  certain  service  to  be  held  in  the  chapel  on  the 
succeeding  evening,  and  that  after  the  service  a  love-feast 
would  be  held. 

Kelso  seized  the  opportunity. 

"  You  cannot  do  better  than  go  to  this,"  said  he  ;  "  I  have 
heard  this  man,  wlio  really  has  a  great  deal  of  originality, 
and  the  'love-feast'  is  sure  to  acquaint  you  with  an  interest- 
ing jjhase  of  enthusiasm." 

Accordingly,  the  next  evening  the  two  slijij^cd  away  from 
the  castle.  The  chapel  was  a  rectangular  structure  of 
brick,  with  a  false  pediment  of  the  same  material.  On  the 
frieze  below  il,  in  stucco  letters,  were  the  words, 


CATHOLICISM.  57 


ZEBOIM. 

1789. 

Within,  it  presented  an  array  of  high,  narrow  pews  on  the 
floor,  galleries  supported  on  wooden  columns,  which  exhibited 
an  alarming  tendency  to  bulge,  and  a  pulpit  in  shape  having 
the  appearing  of  a  red  mahogany  tulip  exalted  on  a  very  in- 
adequate stem.  To  this  a  serpentine  staircase  afforded  ac- 
cess. Entering  the  gallery  the  gentlemen  found  that  the 
seats  seemed  designed  to  prove  that  purgatory  might  exist 
on  earth,  and  therefore  need  not  be  looked  for  half-way  to 
heaven.  But  the  people  appeared  unconscious  of  discom- 
fort. They  were  of  a  class  somewhat  novel  to  the  church- 
going  young  lord :  many  women,  tradespeople,  small  farm- 
ers, laborers  and  domestics.  Some  of  them  had  walked  ten 
or  twelve  miles  to  hear  the  preacher,  and  would  afterwards 
walk  home  again  without  grumbling.  As  Lord  Bantam 
looked. round,  he  observed  a  freedom  of  demeanor,  which 
indicated  that  for  them  the  place  itself  had  no  special  sacred- 
ness. 

Some  talked,  one  or  two  men  retained  their  hats,  but  3 
few  seemed  to  be  engaged  in  silent  prayer.  Presently  a 
small  door  behind  the  pulpit  opened,  and  two  or  three 
persons  came  out,  one  a  short,  stout  man,  with  a  round 
face,  straight  black  hair,  and  a  large  mouth,  his  white,  ex- 
pansive, and  untidy  necktie  designating  the  preacher  of  the 
day.  The  others  were  clearly  official  brethren  of  some 
weight  in  the  community,  one  of  whom  Lord  Bantam 
recognized  as  the  principal  grocer  of  Ffowlsmere. 
3* 


58  LORD     BANTAM. 

Instant  silence  fell  upon  the  congregation  as  the  heavy- 
looking  minister  slowly  labored  up  the  corkscrew  staircase 
to  the  pulpit,  holding  the  rails  on  either  hand,  and  creaking 
the  steps  with  his  weight  as  he  went.  Once  up  and  shut 
sharply  into  the  tulip  by  the  attendant,  he  knelt  in  prayer, 
and  on  rising  opened  the  book  before  him  and  gave  out  a 
hymn.  When  he  had  read  the  hjinn  through,  he  re-read  the 
first  two  lines.  A  pause  ensued.  It  was  clear  the  musical 
resources  of  the  meeting  were  limited.  The  minister  looked 
round  calmly  and  said  : 

"Is  there  no  one  who  can  start  the  tune  ?" 

Lord  Bantam  smiled,  but  a  whisper  from  Kelso  warned 
him  not  to  allow  his  own  sense  of  ecclesiastical  decoruni  to 
warp  his  judgment. 

"  This  is  unusual  to  you,"  said  he  ;  "  but  nothing  really 
absurd  has  happened  as  yet.  With  these  people,  you  see, 
religion  is  quite  an  at  home  affair." 

No  one  seem  inclined  to  "start  the. tune,"  whereupon  in 
a  cheery  voice  the  minister  himself  led  off  to  a  jolly  air, 
which  was  instantly  taken  up  with  spirit  by  the  whole  con- 
gregation, Lord  Bantam  hnding  himself  irresistibly  drawn 
into  the  performance.  After  reading  a  lesson  from  Scrip- 
ture, Dr.  Roper  knelt  down,  and  waiting  a  few  seconds  for 
the  establishment  of  perfect  stillness,  began  in  a  low,  well- 
managed  tone,  a  prayer  that  seemed  to  strike  and  thrill 
through  every  fibre  of  the  people's  hearts.  He  appeared  to 
have  forgotten  everything  but  tlie  Maker  above  and  the 
creatures  below — the  majesty  of  the  one,  the  abjectness  of 


CATHOLICISM.  59 

the  other ;  and  as  one  or  other  idea  came  uppermost  in  his 
mind,  his  voice  rose  and  rung  Ulce  a  war-shout,  or  fell  into 
the  whisper  of  penitential  sorrow  and  entreaty.  Young 
Bantam  had  often  heard  the  Bishop  of  Dunshire  animadvert 
on  the  irregular  extempore  exercitations  of  sectaries,  but 
as-  his  eyes  shot  down  the  eager  drops  upon  the  floor,  he 
bore  witness  to  a  power  which,  whatever  its  results,  had 
never  been  present  to  him  elsewhere.  One  peculiarity 
about  it  was,  however,  obnoxious  to  the  young  man.  The 
Doctor  was  praying,  but  he  was  also  preaching.  Every 
now  and  then  his  doctrine  came  out  in  some  strong,  sharp 
proposition  which  prefaced  its  appropriate  entreaty. 

"We  know,  O  God,  that  Thou  art  a  Judge— terrible  in 
Thy  power  !  inflexible  in  Thy  justice  !  that  to  be  consistent 
with  Thyself  Thou  must  and  wilt  punish  the  wicked.  Yet, 
how  merciful  Thou  art !  providing  a  Saviour  in  Christ :  and 
here  are  sinners  before  Thee — men  and  women  lost  in  sin, 
who  have  never  sought  Thee,  who  know  not  the  love  ot 
Jesus,  who  have  not  found  peace  in  their  Saviour,  who  have 
not  realized  the  power  of  His  redeeming  blood,  who  have 
not  put  on  the  robes  of  His  righteousness  :  they  are  dead 
in  trespasses  and  sins,  they  are  lost  to  grace,  they  descend 
the  paths  of  destruction.  Hell  opens  its  mouth  unto  them 
with  eternal  fires— O  God  of  mercy,  have  mercy,  and — 

"  ' —  snatch  them  from  the  burning  grave  ! ' " 

The  congregation  grew  gradually  excited,  the  occasional 
"aniens"  gave  place  to  fervent  and  repeated  exclamations 


6o  LORDBANTAM. 

from  all  parts  of  the  building.  A  low  wail  here  and  there 
showed  some  conscience-stricken  soul  to  be  giving  vent  to  its 
feelings,  and  Lord  Bantam  began  to  feel  it  too  painful  to  be 
endured.  At  length  the  man  ceased,  and  changing  his  tone 
rapidly  repeated  the  Lord's  Prayer.  As  he  ended,  a  great 
sigh  went  up  from  the  people,  and  a  general  movement  for 
a  few  moments  delayed  the  service.  The  minister  stood 
•wiping  the  beads  from  his  face.  He  had  been  having  a 
strong  wrestle  with  Satan.  Moved  as  Bantam  was,  he 
thought  all  this  in  shockingly  bad  taste,  but  he  began  never- 
theless to  have  a  respect  for  the  jircacher.  After  another 
hymn  had  been  sung,  Dr.  Roi)er  announced  his  text :  "  It  is 
a  faithful  saying,  and  worthy  of  all  acceptation,  that  Christ 
Jesus  came  into  the  world  to  save  sinners." 

He  began  at  the  last  word,  and  jjaintcd  in  lively  colors  the 
"natural  state  of  man."  He  showed  him  lost  and  hopeless, 
and  with  powerful  fancy  and  pathos  depicted  his  certain  fate 
in  the  defect  of  any  succor.  He  unquestionably  reached 
the  imagination  of  his  hearers  with  his  striking  descri|ition  of 
the  sorrows  and  iH'nalties  of  sin  ;  while  liis  anal)sis  of  the 
consciousness  of  it  was  singularly  complete  and  startling. 
Then  he  showed  that  Christ  Jesus  came  to  .save  such  sinners, 
and  briefly  declared  the  nature  and  operation  of  the  Atone- 
ment. To  this  succeeded  a  perfectly  irrelevant  and  gratuit- 
ous attack  on  various  other  churches  ! 

His  exegesis  was  sim[)le,  and  liis  Irealim-nt  o(  man)-  points 
novel  and  graphic.  It  was  clear  tliat  he  was  more  careful  to 
bring  these  points  home  to  his  hearers'  hearts  than  to  work 


CATHOLICISM.  .  6 1 


out  a  symmetrical  and  logical  discourse.  He  concluded 
with  a  powerful  appeal  to  them  to  "  accept  the  Cross,"  and 
begin  at  once  a  self-dedication  to  holy  life. 

Simple  as  were  the  elements  of  the  discourse,  the  cftect 
upon  the  hearers  was  very  potent.  Some  could  not  restrain 
their  feelings,  and  had  sunk  upon  their  knees  sobbing  or 
groaning. 

The  preacher  took  advantage  of  the  excitement.  He  an- 
nounced that  the  service  would  be  "  protracted"  for  a  while, 
and  in  a  few  words  invited  those  who  were  "  convinced  of 
sin  to  come  up  to  the  communion-rail,"  where  "  Brothers 
Patton  and  Simpson  would  receive  them."  Meanwiiile  the 
congregation  was  intreated  to  ])ray  heartily  for  the  "in- 
quirers." What  was  the  young  lord's  astonishment  to  see 
several  persons  respond  to  this  invitation,  and  go  forward 
to  kneel  in  front  of  the  congregation  while  fervent  prayers 
were  offered  on  their  behalf.  Every  now  and  then  some 
cheery  soul  in  the  crowd  set  up  a  spontaneous  hymn, 
Avhich  was  instantly  joined  in  by  the  people.  At  the  end 
of  half  an  hour  it  was  announced  that  "  a  brother  and 
sister  had  found  peace,"  and  prayers  were  intreated  for 
others  "  under  conviction."  The  service  was  concluded,  and 
the  people,  in  a  subdued  and  solemn  maimer,  jirepared  to  de- 
part, such  of  them  remaining  as  were  entitled  to  attend  the 
Hve-feast.  Kelso  had  already  obtained  permission  from  one 
of  the  "  leaders-"  to  be  present  at  this  meeting. 

*    * 
* 


62  LORDEANTAM 


VI. — Agape. 

To  the  love-feast,  persons  were  admitted  by  small  tokens 
or  tickets.  Wlien  these  had  been  verified,  and  one  of  the 
brethren  had  been  invited  by  Dr.  Roper  to  "  engage  in 
prayer,"  baskets  containing  soft  plain  biscuits  were  handed 
round,  followed  by  large  jugs  of  water,  out  of  which  the  cel- 
ebrants drank  without  the  medium  of  cups.  This  simple 
service  was  performed  in  silence.  The  preacher  then  op- 
ened the  more  serious  part  of  the  proceedings  with  a  brief 
address,  which  concluded  with  an  intimation  that  it  was  free 
to  the  brothers  or  sisters  "  to  give  their  experience." 

"  I  feel  how  good  the  Lord  is,"  said  a  man  with  his  eyes 
shut  and  in  a  trembling  voice.  "  He  brought  nie  out  of  the 
miry  clay.  He  set  my  feet  upon  a  rock — He  hath  estab- 
lished my  goings.  I  served  the  Devil  many  years.  He 
trivid  me  sorely.  I  was  the  prey  of  evil  passions.  I  used 
to  gamble,  drink,  and  neglect  my  work.  I  was  fast  going 
down  to  Hell.  AVhen  my  Saviour  stopped  me,  I  was  in  the 
gall  of  bitterness.  One  evening  as  I  was  going  from  my 
work,  intending  to  visit  the  theatre,  a  man  came  up  to  me 
in  the  street  and  gave  me  a  tract.  He  looked  at  mc  and 
said,  "  The  7vay  of  transgressors  is  /lard."  I  could  not  get 
it  out  of  my  mind.  I  felt  my  way  was  hard.  It  led  me  to 
waste,  folly,  and  ruin.  It  made  every  morning  a  pain  with 
remorse  for  the  deeds  of  the  night  before.  It  made  my 
work  unhappy — my  amusements  were  irksome.     I  read  the 


AGAPE.  6;^ 

tract.  It  was  addressed  To  the  ungodly,  I  trembled,  I  be- 
came convinced  of  sin,  I  went  on  my  knees  and  prayed,  but 
could  get  no  comfort.  The  heavens  seemed  black  above 
me.  I  was  in  that  state  for  weeks — till  one  day  I  happened 
to  be  passing  a  Chapel.  I  heard  singing,  and  went  in — and 
there  I  found  peace.  I  have  ever  since  been  walking  in  the 
way  of  life.  Glory  be  to  God.  I  am  weak,  but  Christ  is 
strong." 

Lord  Bantam  had  listened  attentively. 

"  There  is  nothing  so  repulsive  in  that,"  whispered  Kelso, 
"  granting  the  Christian  premises,  this  man  has  very  simply 
told  a  very  ordinary  experience." 

After  a  long  silence,  an  old  woman  stood  up,  and  detailed 
her  story  in  blank-verse  sentences,  with  a  quavermg  sing- 
song, in  this  wise  : 

I  want  tu  tell  ov  my  luv  for  Jesus, 

'Ee  luved  mean'  I  luv  "im. 

'Ee  av  ben  a  good  Siiviour  tu  me  : 

'Ee  'av  a'  ben  my  friend  these  many  'yers. 

An'  shall  be  ontu  death. 

I  remembers  well  'ow  first  'Ee  cum  tu  me. 

I  wos  young  an'  silly  fond  ov  vanity  an'  shaw — 

0  'ow  good  of 'im  to  bearwi'  may  sins  ! — 

1  'ardencd  my  yeart  agenst  the  'Oly  Wurd. 
My  fiiathcr  and  muther  besowt  me  tu  giv 
My  yeart,  tu  'im — 

But  I  woold  not  : 
I  luved  the  Oorld,  the  flesh  an'  the  Devil. 
The  day  it  was  'Ee  cum  to  me — 
I  remembers  it  clear  as  yestemday  i 
I  wos  goin'  hout  in  the  gloamin'  tu  the  well  for  water. 
An'  suddintly,  jist  as  I  wos  a  unyoalking  the  piial, 
1  saw  a  bright  liglit  drup  down  upon  the  well, 
It  were  like  a  ball  o'  fire— an"  I  yeard  'im  siiy  to  me, 
"  Meary,  why  do  'ee  'ate  me?     I  am  yower  Saviour." 
— .'\n'  I  swoondcd  away  ! 


64  LORDBANTAM, 


V.Tien  I  cum  m  I  began  to  pray. 
Thank  God  I  found  peace,  an'  ever  since 
I've  served  my  Saviour, 
Glorj-  be  to  God.     Aiimen. 

The  old  woman  subsided  amidst  a  chorus  of  glories,  and 
Bantam  and  his  tutor  took  advantage  of  the  break  to  get 

away. 

*      * 

* 

VII. — Human  sympathy  in  its  influence  on  Catholicity. 

The  young  lord  was  for  some  time  lost  in  thought.     So 

» 
novel  and  so  extraordinary  had  been  the  ex])erience  of  the 

night  that  it  seemed  to  him  like  a  dream — and  I  am  bound 
to  say  not  a  pleasant  one.  It  is  a  very  rude  transition  from 
the  impassioned  dignity  and  self-control  of  refined  culture  or 
a  cool  temperament  to  hysterical  emotion  and  vulgar  unre- 
straint.    At  lensjth  he  broke  silence. 

Bantam.  I  Iiardly  know  what  to  think  of  this.  It  rakes 
one's  feelings  very  uncomfortably.  Yet,  I  must  confess  to  a 
strange  influence  upon  me. 

Ket.so.  There  would  no  doubt  be  a  certain  amount  of 
emotional  sympathy  amidst  such  excitement.  But  try  to 
form  a  judgment  on  it. 

Bantam.  I  am  puzzled.  I  must  own  we  have  witnessed 
earnestness,  anxiety,  and  talent  of  a  i)eculiar  sort  in  the 
high  business  of  '  saving  souls.'  We  have  also  seen  appar- 
ently genuine  feelings  of  shame,  humiliation,  anguish,  confes- 
sion, on  the  part  of  persons  who  were  unused  to  such  emo- 
tions.    There  must  have  been  people  at  that  Cunununion 


HUMAN     SYMPATHY.  65 

rail — as  the  preacher  called  it — who  two  or  three  hours 
since  had  as  much  intention  of  going  to  the  moon  as  of  ex- 
posing themselves  publicly  under  the  influence  of  acute 
feeling.     How  long  does  this  last  ? 

Kelso.  With  many  of  them  it  rapidly  ])asses  awa}',  widi 
others  it  is  clearly  genuine.  It  completely  alters  their  lives. 
Believe  me  this  is  so. 

Bantam.  But  it  seems  so  irrational. 

Kelso.  But  it  is  :\.fact,  and  you  and  I  are  arguing  on 
the  basis  of  revelation  and  of  a  faith  in  most  points  common 
with  that  of  these  people.  You  are  discontented  more  at 
the  majiner  of  its  action  than  at  the  results  or  the  cause  of 
it. 

BANTA^L  Yes.  Their  wild  emotions,  their  strange  expres- 
sions, their  crude  form  of  worship,  their  still  more  singular 
exposure  of  inner  feelmgs  and  secrets  too  sacred,  I  should 
think,  for  display  to  the  curiosity  of  a  public  meeting,  test 
my  charity  very  much.  Are  these  things  consistent  with 
reverence,  humility,  self-forgetful ness  and  sincerity. 

Kelso.  Experience  has  proved  that  they  are.  Many 
men  of  as  refined  a  nature  as  yours  have  become  familiar 
with  these  scenes,  have  themselves  passed  through  such  ex- 
periences and  have  afterwards  been  able  to  join  in  them 
with  pleasure.     Take  Wesley  himself  for  an  instance. 

Bantam.  I  could  not  possibly  become  accustomed  to  this 
sort  of  thing. 

Kelso.  Possibly :  but  it  might  be  owing  more  to  want  of 
sympathy  in  yourself  than  to  any  real  defect  in  the  people. 


66  LORDBANTAM 


This  is  the  religion  that  suits  them — less  emotional  forms 
please  others — but  you  must  have  learned  enough  to-night 
to  cause  you  to  look  with  respect  and  charity  even  on  dem- 
onstrations like  these.  I  admit  that  they  contain  many  ob- 
jectionable elements. 

Bantam.  Then  there  was  the  old  woman  !  She  is  a  trial 
to  your  theory.  She  repeated  that  odd  and  utterly  incred- 
ible story  as  if  she  had  learned  it  off  by  heart. 

Kelso.  No  doubt  she  has  by  constant  repetition. 

Bantam.  But  it  is  untrue. 

Kelso.  Not  quite.  Consider  her  age.  What  she  affects 
to  describe  must  have  happened  nearly  si.xty  years  ago.  I 
can  account  for  it  satisfactorily  ;  so  do  most  of  those  ^\■ho 
hear  her.  They  take  it  in  the  figurative  sense  in  which,  in 
her  younger  days,  no  doubt,  she  originally  used  to  couch  the 
recital  of  her  conversion.  Gradually  the  poor  old  soul,  from 
constant  brooding  on  it,  has  come  to  believe  that  the  spir- 
itual influence,  which  she  used  to  liken  to  a  fire  and  a  voice, 
did  reach  her  through  visible  and  audible  realities,  and  it 
does  not  harm  her.  She  believes  in  the  real  thing,  which  is 
after  all  the  great  matter. 

Bantam.  These  are  phenomena  to  be  studied.  I  never 
looked  at  them  in  this  way  before. 

Kklso.  Very  few  people  do.  It  needs  a  large  human 
sympathy  to  understand  the  varieties  of  human  feeling  and 
to  overlook  the  mere  accidents  of  its  expression.  Cultivate 
that,  and  you  will  be  astonished  to  find  how  many  barriers 
will  be  broken  down  between  yon  and  your  human  brotheis. 


AT    THE     UNIVERSITY.  6^ 

Bantam's  method  of  applying  Kelso's  principles  turned  out 
to  be  wrong,  but  to  candid  men  the  principles  must  answer 

for  themselves. 

*      * 
* 

VIII.— At  the  University. 

It  was  resolved  that  the  second  Lord  Bantam  should  go 
for  a  year  to  the  sister  university.  The  inexpediency  of 
sending  him  to  the  scene  of  his  brother's  errors  was  obvious. 
He  was  therefore  entered  at  the  ancient  foundation  of  St. 
Thomas,  in  the  University  of  Oxbridge.  No  one  expected 
him  either  to  work  or  to  win  University  honors,  but  it  could 
not  be  otherwise  than  a  good  thing  for  him  to  mix  in  learned 
society.  Up  to  this  time,  as  we  have  seen,  he  had  had  the 
advantages  of  almost  hothouse  forcing  in  every  branch  of 
learning  ;  of  travel ;  of  a  precocious  introduction  to  poHtics, 
and  of  intercourse  with  an  extraordinarily  vigorous  and  origi- 
nal mind.  As  to  religion,  he  had  only  I  fear  brought  away 
the  lesson  to  be  broad  without  being  deep.  In  fact,  admir- 
able and  genial  as  was  Kelso's  teaching,  it  could  only  take 
root  and  bear  fruit  in  a  groundwork  of  faith  :  not  the  faith  of 
dogmas  ;  not  a  faith  formulated  in  however  perfect  a  creed  ; 
but  a  faith  informing — to  use  that  word  in  its  ancient  sense 
— the  life.  So  different  are  the  outshoots  of  the  same  things 
in  different  grounds  !  Bantam  never  had  a  religion — he 
therefore  had  none  to  lose.  The  charities  which  his  tutor 
so  earnestly  enforced  upon  him,  were  to  him  sentiments  ; 
they  were  not  living  experiences  of  his  soul. 


68  L  O  R  D     B  A  N  T  A  M  , 


In  the  University  an  undergraduate  so  eminent  as  our  hero 
in  both  name  and  prospects  was  sure  to  find  free  to  him  tlie 
cream  of  its  intellectualism.  From  the  venerable  master  of 
his  College,  from  a  well-known  coterie  of  mutual  admirers  in 
literature  and  philosophy  to  obscurer  religious  or  political 
associations,  he  was  everywhere  welcome.  A  disciple  so  ex- 
alted, such  a  consociate,  was  a  tower  of  strength  to  any  theory. 
The  benefit  of  the  strangely  diversified  intercourse  this  posi- 
tion afforded  him,  was  real  enough,  but  not  unalloyed  with 
evil.  Opinions  in  themselves  worth  little,  Avere  by  the  hear- 
ers of  them  weighted  with  undue  gravity  when  they  fell  from 
his  lips,  and  it  is  not  strange  that  he  came  to  form  an  extrav- 
agant estimate  of  himself.  Moreover,  the  ease  with  which 
tolerably  clear  views  of  various  subjects  could  be  accjuired  by 
him  in  conversation  with  some  of  the  ablest  talkers  of  the  day, 
tended  to  divert  him  from  tlie  more  thorough  and  trouble- 
some labor  of  studying  them  for  himself  Hence  by  a 
semi-royal  road  the  child  of  fortune  became  an  ade[it  without 
being  a  student. 

His  disposition  was  to  philosophic  reading  and  disquisi- 
tion ;  and,  whether  owing  most  to  his  hair  or  the  unlucky 
vaccination  or  Mr.  Kelso's  arguments,  I  cannot  say,  he 
soon  begaii  to  develop  "advanced" — even  revolutionary 
tendencies.  He  affected  reading  considerably  beyond  him 
at  that  stage  of  his  life — Voltaire,  ]s.ousseau,  Comic, 
I'.entham,  Emerson — and  it  j^rovcd  the  wisdom  of  Agricola's 
mother  as  described  by  Tacitus,  tliat  these  difficult  authors 


THE     RADISH     CLUQ-.  69 

seemed  to  throw  off  its  balance  his  too  ardent  and  ambitious 

mind. 

*     * 
* 

IX.— The  Radish  Club. 

Two  clubs  of  essentially  different  character  at  this  time 
existed  in  Oxbridge.  One  was  the  Radish  Club,  so  called 
from  the  color  of  its  opinions  and  perhaps  from  their  pun- 
gency. The  Radish  Club  consisted  of  what  were  termed 
"advanced  men."  It  was  said  their  ideas  were  revolution- 
ary, but  when  these  came  to  be  examined  they  were  found 
to  be  consistent  with  a  great  deal  of  liberalism  to  existing 
institutions.  True,  some  of  the  opinions  enunciated  by  the 
young  gentlemen,  and  two  or  three  professors  whose  names 
alone  gave  any  lustre  to  the  club,  were  startling.  Appar- 
ently nothing  short  of  an  abolition  of  Queens,  Lords  and 
Commons,  and  a  periodical  redistribution  of  property, 
would  satisfy  this  blood-red  association.  At  the  time, 
nothing  could  be  less  practical  or  more  foolish  than  such  an 
association.  Any  one  who  attentively  studied  the  constitu- 
tion of  England  must  have  seen  that  with  all  its  faults  it  was 
far  better  adapted  to  the  best  purposes  of  legislative  Reform 
than  any  other  governmental  institution  in  the  Avorld.  It 
might  in  fact  be  correcdy  termed  a  Republican  Monarchy, 
and  as,  after  all,  forms  of  government  and  political  recon- 
struction are  only  means  to  an  end,  it  was  well  worth 
considering  whether  the  constitution  did  not  afford  every 
facility  for  safe  and  sure  social  reforms,  and  whether  these 


70  LORD     BANTAM, 


were  not  the  matters  that  at  the  moment  required  the 
gravest  attention.  But  for  youths  possessed  of  the  "  incai- 
siim  ac  fiagrantem  anhnwn,^'  as  well — alas  ! — as  for  some 
statesmen  of  maturer  growth,  the  brilliancy  of  political 
revolution  seems  to  be  more  attractive  than  the  humble 
utilitarian  movements  of  social  reform.  It  is  doubtful 
whether  these  earnest  gentlemen  were  all  so  anxious  for  the 
success  of  their  opinions  as  for  the  sweets  of  notoriety. 
Even  a  tin  kettle  at  the  tail  may  seem  to  some  animals 
better  than  absolute  oblivion  and  silence.  However,  here 
Bantam  was  to  be  persuaded  that  he  himself  was  an  anomaly 
— a  living  specimen  of  unjust  laws  and  unwise  political 
economy ;  that  the  monarch  was  an  anachronism ;  that  the 
purest  and  best  form  of  government  was  a  republic  ;  that 
the  proper  check  to  the  danger  of  a  republic  was  education 
and  the  minority  system  of  representation  ;  and  with  this 
singular  programme,  and  a  denial  of  all  religious  ideas,  this 
club  was  prepared  to  go  forth  and  regenerate  or  enlighten 
mankind.  In  this  large  project  it  has  hitherto  failed,  and 
we  have  yet  to  see  its  influence  upon  that  unit  of  man, 

I^ord  Bantam. 

*      * 
* 

X. — The  Essenes. 

The  other  club  was  a  religious  club,  or  rather,  a  club  with- 
out a  religion,  since  it  subjected  all  firilhs  to  the  H  priori 
test,  and  found  them  wanting  ;  and  up  to  that  time  had  been 
unable  to  construct  by  any  eclectic  formulae  a  system  of  its 


THEESSENES.  71 


own.  It  was  breadth  without  length  or  any  substance. 
With  that  strange  straining  after  paradox  thr.t  was  in  vulgar 
use  at  the  time,  the  members  called  themselves  The  Essenes, 
although  in  fact  they  combined  the  self-conceit  of  the  Phar- 
isees with  the  scepticism  of  the  Sadducees.  The  meetings 
of  this  club,  which  were  held  on  Sunday  evenings,  took 
place  in  the  rooms  of  a  fellow  and  tutor  of  some  eminence, 
whose  father,  the  Rev.  Shadrach  Vcntom,  had  been  a  fa- 
mous dissenting  minister.  His  son,  Reginald  Ventom,  dis- 
tinguishing himself  at  a  grammar  school,  won  a  mathemati- 
cal scholarship,  and  with  a  robust  body  and  unwearied  in- 
dustry attained  the  position  of  Senior  Wrangler.  Of  no 
particular  religious  bias,  he  had  not  permitted  his  father's 
creed  to  interfere  with  his  own  elevation,  and  had  qualified 
for  a  fellowship  by  making  a  declaration  that  was  untrue — 
an  event  too  common  to  be  worth  criticising  in  this  instance. 
With  equal  indifference,  and  for  the  same  purpose,  he  adopted 
the  clerical  profession.  Let  any  one  read  carefully  the  Ser- 
vice for  the  Ordination  of  Deacons  in  the  Book  of  Common 
Prayer,  if  he  would  gauge  the  unconscientious  nature  of  this 
proceeding  and  the  deadness  of  a  moral  sense  which  could 
face  that  solemn  ordeal  with  indifference,  much  more  with 
disdain.  I  cannot  say  it  affected  his  belief  He  had  never 
been  troubled  with  any.  His  mind  was  large — his  body 
healthy — his  instincts  were  animal — he  was  wide  in  his  sym- 
pathies, though  these  to  a  shrewd  observer  seemed  rather 
assumed  and  sensational — easy-going  rather  than  principled 
in  his  charity.     He  thought  he  was  always  looking  for  truth, 


72  LORD     BANTAM. 


but  in  fact  he  was  never  expecting  to  find  it.  From  the 
narrowness  of  his  father's  creed  he  had  turned  with  abhor- 
rence. It  was  far  too  exacting,  too  inspired  with  the  idea  of 
sacrifice,  for  a  man  unprepared  to  concede  to  any  rehgion 
more  than  a  fraction  of  his  being.  He  sought  for,  and  was 
content  with,  a  general  average  of  good  in  mankind ;  that 
is,  in  all  portions  not  "  Evangelical."  Towards  that  section 
Avhom  he  called  "  Calyinists,"  he  ceased  to  be  charitable  ;  he 
was  vindictive. 

Round  liim  Ventom  had  attracted  a  coterie  of  similarly 
ersy-fitting  minds.  These  gentlemen  made  the  loudest  pro- 
fessions of  catholicity.  They  took  an  ostentatious  interest 
in  lower-class  propagandism.  Their  humanity  was  extrava- 
gant. Their  sentimental  protests  against  evil  and  wrong 
were  even  exaggerated.  Their  breadth  was  enormous. 
They  professed  to  find  in  Quakerism  symptoms  of  "a  phil- 
osophic basis  of  practical  religion  ;  "  viewed  in  Methodism, 
"  some  aspects  of  the  highest  evidences  of  an  emotional 
spiritualism  ; "  and  studied  Mormonism  in  its  phenomena 
of  "  an  abnormal  development  of  one  of  the  divine  ideas." 
In  their  researches  among  these  "peculiar  phases  of  fetish- 
ism" they  also  included  investigations  into  the  unnatural 
outbreaks  of  human  enthusiasm,  whereof  a  work  of  some 
notoriety,  entitled  "  Hyper-Transcendent  Spouses,"  was  a 
fitting  textbook.  They  were  Athenian  in  their  readiness  to 
hear  every  new  thing — but  their  credulity  was  reserved  for 
negatives.     Compare  this  with  the  lesson  whicli  Kelso  had 


THEESSENES.  73 


drawn  for  the  young  Lord  from  their  singular  visits  to  vari- 
ous sectarian  services. 

It  is  impossible  to  deny  the  charm  wherewith  this  breadth 
of  theoretic  sympathy  enveloped  this  society.  It  seemed  as 
if  the  millennium  had  dawned  in  a  few  preliminary  streaks 
upon  a  dozen  or  two  of  common-place  students  in  that  un- 
likely place.  No  man's  faith  was  actually  despised — nor  was 
any  man's  unbelief  matter  of  abhorrence.  They  professed 
to  be  scientific  searchers  after  truth,  and  regarded  the  relig- 
ions as  part  of  their  facts.  A  priori  was  their  watchword 
against  an  antiquated  authoritative  formula,  Thus  saith  the 
Lord.  If  it  was  an  advantage  of  their  religious  art  that  it  had 
no  principle,  it  was  a  natural  correlative  of  it  that  had  no 
practice. 

Between  these  two  associations  Lord  Bantam's  principles 
and  politics  assumed  an  alarming  shape.  Lie  began  to  as- 
tonish his  tutors  by  his  political  contortions  and  the  breadth 
of  his  disbelief;  but  throwing  over  faith  is  not  throwing  over 
credulity.  In  fact  he  became  a  conspicuous  instance  of 
that  increasingly  common  paradox,  a  credulous  believer  in 
anything  that  is  unbelief.  This  was  very  far  beyond  Mr. 
Kelso,  and  doubtless  a  partial  reason  of  his  extravagance 
was,  that  he  had  heard  Mr.  Kelso's  conclusions,  without 
reaching  the  bases  of  that  vast  fabric  of  knowledge  on  which 
they  were  built.  The  change  was  gradual.  He  at  first  pro- 
fessed to  be  a  Catholic  in  the  broadest  sense — to  recognize 
the  good  in  all,  the  pre-eminence  of  none.  Then  he  dis- 
claimed the  superiority  of  the  Bible  over  other  philosophical 


74  LORDBANTAM. 

or  religious  authorities,  and  shifted  the  tests  from  the  field  of 
revelation  to  that  oi  api'iori  reasoning  This  is  dangerous, 
unless  a  man  has  an  almost  infinite  range  of  knowledge,  for 
a  priori  to  ignorant  or  half-instructed  minds  is  little  else  than 
Ego. 

The  bonds  of  religion  and  the  restraints  of  society  be- 
came equal  wrongs  in  his  eyes.  He  saw  in  property  a  rob- 
bery of  the  community  by  a  selfish  individual.  He  saw  in 
Churcli  and  Dogma  a  tyranny  over  the  individual  by  the 
community.  These  anomalies  it  would  be  his  duty  to  help 
to  redress.  He  was  clearly  unfitting  himself  for  the  respec- 
table superstition  and  the  selfish  complacency  necessary  to 
sustain  the  role  of  an  aristocrat. 


*     * 


PART  IV. 

HOW  HE  CAME  TO  YEARS   OF  DISCRETION  AND 

OTHERWISE. 

I. — Citizen  Bantam. 

Lord  Bantam  returned  home  from  the  University.  He 
might  now  claim  to  be  somewhat  of  a  man.  His  title  had 
brought  him  in  contact  with  men  who  without  it  would 
scarcely  have  condescended  to  talk  with  him.  The  care 
taken  with  his  education  had  produced  some  fruit  in  qualify- 
ing him  to  take  a  prominent  position  at  the  Union.  His 
reputation  as  a  fluent  speaker  had  transcended  the  bounds 
of  the  University.  He  Avas  shortly  to  come  of  age.  The 
Earl  and  Countess  had  been  considering  plans  for  those  vast 
festivities  which  were,  in  accordance  with  aristocratic  custom, 
to  signalize  this  event.  The  stewards  of  the  various  estates, 
manors,  mines  and  properties,  had  been  invited  to  send 
suggestions  for  the  proper  celebration,  in  their  respective 
jurisdictions,  of  the  heir's  majority  ;  and  the  Earl's  chamber- 
lain was  over  head  and  ears  in  plans,  estimates  and  contracts 
connected  with  the  approaching  fetes.  The  Countess  re- 
ferred to  the  trouble  one  day  in  a  jocose  manner  to  her  son, 
who,  having  taken  earnestly  to  the  study  of  the  French  phil- 
osophy, paid  little  attention  to  f.imily  matters. 

"  You  must  really  throw  away  your  books  for  a  while," 
said  she,   "  and  help  us  in  devising  how  to  bring  you  oul 


76  LORDBANTAM. 


with  due  honor.  It's  an  affair  of  months,  for  you  know  we 
have  thousands  of  people  to  provide  for." 

"  To  provide  for  thousands  of  people  !     What  for  ?  " 

"  For  the  fetes  on  your  coming  of  age.  The  heir  to  the 
wealthiest  earldom  in  England  must  have  no  ordinary  rejoic- 
ings on  attaining  his  majority." 

"Rejoicings!  My  dear  mother,  what  is  a  birthday? 
And  what  is  the  good  of  rejoicing  because  I  have  attained  a 
certain  anniversary?  You  would  put  me  on  a  par  with 
young  Foley,  who  is  the  greatest  idiot  I  know  :  and  they  say 
his  people  spent  ten  thousand  pounds  to  celebrate  his 
reaching  the  indifferent  age  of  twenty-one  years.  Surely, 
my  father,"  he  added,  with  a  twinkle  of  satire,  "  won't  waste 
any  money  on  my  majority." 

"  Indeed,  he  will,"  replied  her  ladyship,  "  and  more  than 
ten  thousand  if  it  is  necessary.  On  a  matter  of  that  kind  no 
one  shall  surpass  us." 

"  Well  then,  my  dear  mother,  let  me  tell  you  what  to  do 
with  the  money.  Give  it  away,  and  spare  the  folly  and 
license  and  absurdity  of  such  an  exhibition  in  a  civilized 
country." 

"  Folly,  Albert !  License  !  Absurdity  !  in  a  civilized 
country.     What  </<?  you  mean  ?  " 

"  I  mean  that  I  am  ashamed  of  my  position,  one  I  have 
done  nothing  to  deserve,  and  one  quite  inconsistent  with 
social  rights.  Altogether,  I  am  pained  that  I  should  succeed 
to  so  much  while  others  succeed  to  nothing  ;  and  my  claim 
to  a  title  ought  not  to  depend  on  my  being  born  to  it,  but 


CITIZEN     BANTAM.  77 

should  be  proved  by  my  work.  I  am  entirely  opposed  to 
an  aristocracy  at  all,  and  only  wish  I  had  been  born  in  a 
garret.  Instead  of  spending  money  on  fetes,  we  should  be 
ashamed  to  celebrate  our  own  monstrous  selfishness." 

"  Good  God !  "  said  the  Countess,  "  what  has  befallen 
you  ?  How  wildly  you  are  talking.  Why,  sir,  you  don't 
deserve  your  good  fortune.  Born  in  a  garret  forsooth  !  Oh, 
I  see,"  added  the  poor  Countess,  covering  her  eyes  as  his 
red  hair  flashed  upon  them,  but  too  good  a  woman  and  too 
noble  a  lady  to  allude  to  that  to  her  son,  "  that  horrid  vac- 
cination !  I  knew  it  would  be  so  !" 

"  Vaccination,  Lady  Ffowlsmere  ;  what  can  that  have  to 
do  with  my  opinions  ?  " 

"  You  were  vaccinated  from  that  Radical  child,  and  I  am 
sure  it  has  affected  you,"  said  the  Countess,  having  recourse 
to  her  handkerchief 

Bantam  heard  of  his  Radical  inoculation  for  the  first  time 
and  was  highly  amused,  not  to  say  gratified,  to  learn  that  he 
had  some  vulgar  fluid  in  his  body.  He  strove  to  comfort 
his  mother,  while  he  smiled  at  her  superstition,  at  the  same 
time  assuring  her  that  he  could  not  conscientiously  allow 
himself  to  be  made  the  subject  of  any  foolish  demonstrations. 
He  preferred  to  be  considered  "  Citizen  Bantam,"  and  to 
give  away  a  few  thousands  in  charity  would  please  him  bet- 
ter than  many  rejoicings  and  feasts.  I  need  not  say  that 
every  word  he  spoke  was  making  the  Countess  worse.  His 
vaccination  had  "taken"  with  a  vengeance. 

*     * 


78  LORD     BANTAM, 


II. — A  Rank  Communist. 

The  Countess  said  not  a  word  to  the  Earl  about  her  curi- 
ous conversation  with  our  hero.  The  preparations  went  on. 
She  wisely  resolved  to  allow  her  husband  to  tind  out  his 
son's  views  for  himself.  The  dhwilmeiit  was  not  long  in 
coming. 

_  One  morning  the  trio  were  seated  at  the  breakfast  table  in 
Hiton  I'lace,  her  ladyship  sipping  her  cofiee,  the  young 
lord  deep  in  the  leaders  of  the  Chivies,  and  the  Earl  reading 
his  letters,  when  an  unusually  excited  exclamation  from  the 
peer  startled  his  companions. 

Bantam.  What's  the  matter,  my  lord? 

Earl.  That  stupid  fellow  Cringeley,  steward  of  my  Pen- 
slnirst  proper!}',  has  failed  in  an  action  of  ejectment;  it  will 
cost  me  a  i)retty  ])enny.  lie  wrote  me  he  was  certain  of 
succeeding,  as  he  had  retained  all  the  best  counsel  on  the 
Circuit.  Now  he  tells  me  that  the  tenant  specially  retained 
that  clever  fellow  Hawkeye,  the  sharpest  advocate  in 
England,  and  they've  succeeded — not  even  a  point  of  law 
reserved  by  the  Chief  Justice. 

Bantam.  What  was  tlic  point  ? 

Earl.  The_  tenant  Turfman  has  a  long  lease  at  a  low 
rental,  and  lias  been  at  sword's-point  with  my  people  down 
there  for  the  last  five  years.  They  have  been  keei)ing  a 
sharp  lookout  on  him,  in  lioi)e  of  finding  a  chance  to  turn 
him  out — he's  rather  a  speculative,  needy  sort  of  fellow   I 


A      RANK    COMMUNIST.  79 

think  :  actually  stood  for  Parliament  once — a  tenant  farmei 
— stood  for  the  House,  and  was  beaten  two  to  one,  and 
served  him  right. .  His  property  lies  very  awkwardly  right 
across  the  estate,  and  somehow  or  other  he  tricked  old  Ball, 
Cringeley's  predecessor,  into  giving  him  a  lease  with  right  to 
destroy  all  the  ground  game.  Since  then  rabbits  have  be- 
come very  valuable,  and  if  it  were  not  for  that  restraint  on 
the  game,  the  whole  of  which  he  prevents  from  crossing  the 
estate,  we  could  make  ;^2oo  a  year  out  of  that  alone.  But 
this  infernal  fellow  comes  between.  He  keeps  terriers,  and 
not  a  single  lop-ear  dare  show  itself  his  side  of  the  hedge. 

Bantam.  But  you  don't  mean  to  say,  my  lord,  you  object 
to  that?  Ground  game  destroy  cultivation.  It's  contrary 
to  good  management  to  encourage  it  at  all.  I  wouldn't 
have  a  lop-ear  on  my  estate.  And  the  man  has  his  rights, 
has  he  not  ?     Is  it  a  question  of  money  ? 

Earl.  ^Vhy,  sir,  of  course  it  is ;  I'm  entitled  to  make 
all  I  can  out  of  my  property. 

Bantam.  Yes,  subject  to  his  rights  legal  and  moral,  and 
your  duties  legal  and  moral,  my  lord ;  and  I  may  also  add, 
the  proper  economy  of  society. 

Earl.  I  am  aware  of  that.  Lord  Bantam,  except  as  to 
what  you  call  "  the  proper  economy  of  society,"  which  I 
take  to  be  that  every  rnan  must  look  out  for  himself;  but  I 
may  be  allowed  to  regret,  that  owing  to  the  folly  of  my  for- 
mer agent  I  am  proscribed  from  controlling  my  own  estate  : 
and  owing  to  the  incapacity  of  the  present  one,  I  have  not 
recovered  that  power. 


8o  LORDBANTAM. 


Bantam,  But,  my  dear  father,  do  you  mean  to  say  that 
you  have  put  this  poor  fellow  to  the  expense  of  defending 
his  tenancy,  because  your  agent  thought  he  had  detected 
some  flaw  in  his  conduct  which  worked  a  forfeiture  of  his 
lease  ? 

Earl.  Good  heavens  !  sir,  why  not  ? 

Bantam.  Why,  my  lord,  because  it  is  inhuman  and  un- 
just for  you,  a  great  Earl,  with  an  immense  income,  to  take 
advantage  of  any  such  circumstances  to  injure,  perhaps  to 
ruin  a  man  who  happens  to  be  inconvenient  to  you.  Ad- 
mitting you  were  legally  right,  it  seems  to  me  that  agent  of 
yours  has  acted  most  inic^uitously,  and  you  ought  to  pay  the 
poor  man's  expenses.  If  not,  you  will  have  used  your  su- 
perior wealth  and  position  to  damage  the  rights  of  a  man  en- 
titled to  perfect  equality  with  you,  before  God  and  the  coun- 
try. 

Earl.  Heyday,  my  young  moralist,  what  Jiave  "  God 
and  the  country"  to  do  with  my  property  at  Penshurst,  I 
wonder?  And  hasn't  the  man  an  equality,  as  you  call  it? 
He  goes  before  a  jury,  and  gets  his  rights  just  as  I  do. 

Banta>l  No,  he  has  not  an  equality.  He  seems  to  have; 
that  is  to  say  the  law  treats  him  exactly  as  it  treats  you,  but 
you  have  the  advantage.  You  can  afford  to  be  indifferent  to 
the  result,  he  cannot.  Cringeley  with  your  money  bought 
up  all  the  available  talent  of  the  Circuit  to  help  to  win  your 
case — which  if  it  were  an  lionest  one  ought  not  to  need  it 
— in  the  hope  of  gaining  an  unfair  advantage.  That  is  legal, 
but  is  it  fair  dealing  between    niaix   and    man?     He  was 


A    RANK    COMMUNIST.  8l 

luckily  able  to  checkmate  you,  by  getting  a  first-class  advo- 
cate ;  but  I  suppose  at  great  expense,  perhaps  a  ruinous  one. 
He  has  not  been  treated  generously,  or  as  one  fellow-citizen 
ought  to  be  treated  by  another  ;  therefore  I  take  it  he  is 
wronged.  This  is  not  social  communism  or  equality  of 
rights. 

The  Earl  was  accustomed  to  command  his  temper,  or  he 
might  have  received  this  harangue  with  a  resentment  fatal  to 
the  forward  young  gentleman's  political  education.  He  gave 
a  long  low  whistle. 

Earl.  What  do  you  think  of  that.  Lady  Ffowlsmere  ? 
Social  Communism  I  Equality  of  Rights  !  is  that  what  you 
have  learnt  at  Oxbridge  ?  However  (said  the  old  diplomat, 
smiling),  you  may  thank  your  stars,  sir,  that  your  condition 
and  prospects  will  compel  you  to  drop  these  dangerous  here- 
sies. A  man  with  a  half  a  million  a  year  is  not  likely  to  be 
a  Communist. 

The  young  lord  stoutly  maintained,  amid  deprecating  cries 
from  his  mother,  that  he  was  a  Communist  and  in  favor  of 
an  equal  distribution  of  property.  The  Earl  became  amused. 
The  joke  was  too  good.  For  the  wealthiest  man  in  England 
to  advocate  Communism,  was  like  a  bishop  preaching  the 
untruthfulness  of  Moses.  So  he  terminated  the  discussion 
by  retreating  to  his  libmry,  where  for  a  long  time  he  might 
have  been  heard  whistling, 

There  was  a  rich  merchant  of  Rotterdam— 
And  every  morning  he  said,  "  I  am 
The  richest  merchant  in  Rotterdam." 

4* 


82  LORDBANTAM 


— "  and,"  said  he  to  himself,  "  a  Communist  !     He !     He  ! 

He!" 

*     * 
* 

III. — A  School  for  fledgling  Nobles. 

Lord  Ffowlsmere  was  a  shrewd,  long-headed  man.  He 
maintained  towards  his  son  the  most  perfect  kindliness.  His 
policy,  declared  to  and  approved  by  the  Countess,  was  to 
offer  no  opposition  to  the  young  lord's  whims.  He  even 
compromised  the  majority  matter.  There  was  to  be  but 
one  celebration  at  Shufflestraw  Castle,  to  which  all  his 
Shufflestraw  tenants  and  the  inhabitants  generally  of  the 
town  of  Ffowlsmere  were  to  be  invited.  For  the  rest,  the 
day  was  to  be  signalized  by  concessions  to  the  tenants  on 
the  various  estates,  and  by  the  distribution  of  gifts  to  vast 
numbers  of  employes.  Moreover  sundry  charities  were  to 
be  some  thousands  the  better  of  the  heir's  majority. 

The  distressing  peculiarities  of  the  youth  led  the  Earl  to 
consider  that  it  would  be  healthy  to  divert  his  attention  as 
soon  as  possible  from  theoretic  and  philosophic  to  practical 
politics.  In  working  out  these,  he  conceived,  his  son's 
ideas  would  gradually  be  led  to  harmonize  more  completely 
with  the  si)irit  of  the  age  and  the  princijilcs  proper  to  his 
station.  He  took  an  opportunity  of  broaching  this  to  Lord 
Bantam,  suggesting  that  soon  after  he  was  qualified  he 
should  prepare  himself  to  take  a  seat  in  the  House  of  Com- 
mons. Valuable  institution,  which  aflbrds  a  free  school  of 
politics  to  an  unoccupied  aristocracy  ! 


A     SCHOOL     FOR     FLEDGLING     NOBLES.  83 


"  Every  young  man  in  your  position  should  obtain  a  seat 
in  the  Lower  House  hrst.  It  brings  him  in  contact  with  the 
most  powerful  body  in  the  kingdom,  and  with  men  who  arc 
the  best  tutors  in  political  principles  and  tactics.  It  also 
enables  him  to  judge  of  the  tendency  of  present  legislation, 
and  is  a  training-school  for  office,  should  he  have  the  ability 
to  obtain  it.  The  actual  power  of  the  House  of  Peers  as  a 
House  is  decreasing,  but  that  decrease  of  power  may  be 
partially  balanced  by  taking  every  opportunity  to  acquire, 
through  relatives  or  nominees,  increased  representation  in 
the  Lower  Chamber.  As  leader  of  the  party  in  the  Upper 
House  I  shall  no  doubt  be  able  to  seat  you.  I  have  several 
places  of  my  own,  but  I  think  )-ou  should  aim  at  some  pop- 
ular constituency,  where  3'our  return  would  be  a  triumph  to 
you  and  an  actual  gain  of  influence  to  me.  I  can  always 
get  safe  men  for  my  boroughs." 

"  I  am  sure,  my  lord,"  said  the  incorrigible  Bantam,  "  you 
are  sincerely  anxious  for  my  welfare  ;  but  I  am  very  sorry 
that  neither  my  opinions  nor  my  ambition  coincide  with 
yours.  A  man  should  go  into  Parliament  with  a  purpose, 
with  some  inspiration  of  a  duty  to  be  done  ;  not  as  the  tool 
of  his  party,  or  even  of  his  own  ambition " 

"  Oh  !  hang  your  opinions,"  says  the  Earl ;  "  I'll  take  the 
risk  of  that.     I  want  you  to  learn  politics — " 

"  But  how  can  I  possibly  work  with  you,  my  dear  father  ? 
I  am  a  Radical,  you  are  a  Prig.  I  wish  to  see  all  undue 
influences  in  the  State  neutralized  ;  }'ou  wish  to  strengthen 
them.     You  desire    to   give    the   people    exactly  the  least 


84  L  O  R  D     B  A  N  T  A  M  , 


freedom  that  will  pacify  them.  I  wish  to  see  complete  and 
unqualified  acknowledgment  of  their  just  rights.  I  cannot 
help  deeming  myself  the  most  unfortunate  man  in  the 
world  !  There  is  no  scope  for  my  ambition.  I  am  placed 
on  an  aristocratic  tramway  ;  I  must  either  run  along  it,  or 
run  off  to  ruin  and  confusion." 

"  Most  fortunate  for  you,  Sir,  that  you  are  so  restricted. 
Many  would  be  glad  to  change  places  with  you.  You  are 
the  most  unreasonable  man  I  ever  heard  of !  You  are 
unworthy  of  your  good  fortune." 

"  Good  fortune,  my  lord !  The  best  fortune  is  a  good 
conscience  and  a  true  aim  in  the  world.  And  what  are  my 
hopes?  Those  of  every  young  peer  who  keeps  himselt 
respectable.  I  may  enter  the  House  of  Commons  for  a 
few  years,  and  there  by  judicious  airing  of  my  democratic 
sympathies  startle  the  middle-class  men  into  raptures.  I 
may  even  manage  to  absorb  into  my  nature  by  a  sort  of  en- 
dosmose" — 

"  Hem  !  "  said  the  Earl. 
— "  Some  notion  of  the  feelings  and  aspirations  of  the  lower 
classes,  and  be  enthusiastic  a  while  against  my  own.  But 
should  you  decease — which  God  avert  in  my  lifetime  ! — cus- 
tom decrees  that  I  should  cast  away  my  private  opinions 
and  accept  an  uncongenial  role.  In  the  House  of  Lords  I 
could  not  be  a  democrat.  The  air  would  freeze  my  enthu- 
siasm. Vainly  shoukl  I  i)ly  my  lance  against  ihe  hide  of 
class  prejudice!  I  should  become  a  bore,  a  nuisance,  a 
malapert,  a  madman  ;  not  only  inside,  but  worst  of  all,  out- 


A    PROLETARIAN    COINIPLIMENT.  85 

side  the  House.  I  read  somewhere  the  other  day  :  Tht 
world  never  forgives  a  man  for  not  succeeding  in  his  own 
line  of  life.  No  other  arena  would  be  open  to  my  ardent 
desire  for  propagandism,  but  that  of  which  the  stump  is  the 
rostrum  ;  and  I  fear  if  I  tried  it  the  people  Avould  soon  tum- 
ble me  off  that  as  an  asinine  incongruity.  Even  the  most 
extreme  of  them  would  never  believe  a  peer,  who  practically 
disendowed  and  disestablished  himself,  to  be  a  man  of  sense." 
"  Hum,"  said  the  Earl ;  who  had  noticed  with  some  in- 
ward satisfaction,  how  precociously  the  young  man  express- 
ed and  argued  his  views,  the  more  since  at  the  same  time 
he  recognized  the  barriers  that  shut  him  in  from  any  other 
destiny. 

*     * 

IV. — A  Proletarian  Compliment. 

The  festivities  which  marked  Lord  Bantam's  attainment 
of  manhood  require  no  lengthened  notice  from  the  historian. 
In  one  respect  they  were  remarkable,  and  I  select  that  par- 
ticular as  a  subject  of  history. 

Shufiflestraw  Castle,  through  its  broad  sweep  of  lawn  and 
park,  its  beechen  walks,  its  terraces  and  courts,  and  even 
over  its  cold  gray  stones  and  battlemented  towers,  wore  the 
brilliant  tokens  of  a  festal  time.  Flags  and  banners,  tents 
and  pavilions,  triumphal  arches  and  vast  wreaths  or  festoons 
of  leaves  and  flowers  everywhere  entertained  the  eye ;  while 
under  and  among  them  all  thousands  of  brightly-dressed  and 


86  LORD    BANTAM, 


happy-faced  people  enlivened  the  scene.  The  sounds  of 
trumpets  or  bands,  the  ringing  shouts,  the  voices  of  some 
impromptu  choir  cheered  the  soft,  sleepy  air  of  a  summer's 
day.  Over  the  park,  under  the  broad-timbered  ancient 
beeches,  far  away  by  the  glittering  lake,  and  in  and  through 
the  sloping  tents  thronged  the  tenants  of  the  estate  and  the 
middle  and  lower  classes  of  Ffowlsmere.  In  the  castle- 
rooms,  on  its  trim  gardens,  over  its  brilliantly  flowered  ter- 
races, among  the  gay  pavilions  circled  the  aristocracy  of  the 
county  and  the  vast  concourse  of  the  Earl's  relations.  Staid 
elders  chatted  softly  in  the  gilded  summer-houses ;  happy 
couples  loitered  in  the  pleached  walks,  or  sat  on  tlic  soft 
turf  listening  to  the  plash  and  bubble  of  the  fountains  ; 
youths  and  misses  crowded  the  canvas  theatre  wherein  the 
prima  donnas  of  the  day  gave  the  tribute  of  their  sweet 
voices  to  a  young  noble's  birth — for  a  consideration.  All 
went  merry  as  a  marriage-bell. 

But  in  the  midst  of  this  happiness  there  were  two  disturb- 
ing elements.  One  was  the  heir  himself  He  looked  or 
affected  to  look  with  disgust  upon  the  huge  outcry  made 
about  so  simple  an  occurrence  as  the  anniversary  of  his 
birth.  'J"hc  other  was  nothing  less  than  the  obnoxious  Broad- 
bent,  now  an  old  man  of  rugged  and  leonine  as])ect,  the 
Nestor  of  the  Socialists  of  I'Towlsmere,  the  person  whose 
blood  had  tainted  the  body  of  Bantam  with  revolutionary 
matter.     What  was  he  doing  at  Shufllestraw  Castle  ? 

When  notice  was  given  to  the  Mayor  and  Council  of 
Ffowlsmere  that  the  noble  Earl  and  Countess  requested  the 


A     PROLETARIAN     COMPLIMENT.  87 

honor  of  the  company  of  the  aforesaid  dignitaries  of  the 
town  and  the  rest  of  its  inhabitants  at  the  festivities  to  take 
place  on  the  attainment  of  the  majority  of  Lord  Bantam  ; 
and  when  they,  in  accordance  with  instructions  to  that  effect, 
forwarded  to  every  house  a  gilded  and  emblazoned  card 
conveying  this  invitation  and  calling  upon  all  good  and  103'^al 
inhabitants  to  come  forward  and  represent  the  town  in  a 
proper  and  becoming  manner  ;  and  when  they  proposed 
that  an  address  to  the  Earl  and  his  Lady  and  to  the  young 
Lord,  should  be  drawn  up  ''  for  the  auspicious  occasion," 
and  engrossed  upon  vellum  in  notable  and  brilliant  charac- 
ters, Broadbent's  brows  bent  with  a  portentous  frown. 
Llere  was  nobility  patronizing  the  sovereign  people.  Not 
only  that,  it  was  trying  to  bribe  them  to  acquiesce  in  their 
own  enslavement  in  the  old  way,  through  "  guzzling  and 
soddening,  getting  at  their  hearts  by  way  of  their  bellies," 
said  Mr.  B.  And  here  were  the  guardians  of  the  freedom 
of  a  free  town  proposing  to  "  Kotow  to  a  blank  Fetish." 
Mr.  Broadbent  determined  all  this  should  not  pass  unchal- 
lenged. He  was  a  shoemaker,  a  man  we  have  said  of  leo- 
nine countenance,  grizzly,  big-browed,  \\niy  is  it  that  shoe- 
makers are  so  often  revolutionary  ?  Is  it  that  their  cramped 
attitude,  notwithstanding  the  hard  muscular  employment  of 
their  arms,  induces  indigestion  and  morbidity  ?  Mr.  Broad- 
bent  was  a  good  talker,  a  strong  thinker,  well-read  and  as- 
tute. He  concocted  a  remonstrance  against  the  proposed 
address  in  terms  the  reverse  of  parliamentary,  and  sent  it 
round  to  his  compact  little  party  for  signature.     The  town 


88  LORD     BANTAM 


council  considered  it  for  three  hours  with  closed  doors,  and 
eventually  resolving  "  not  to  consider  it,  on  account  of  its 
improper  terms,"  returned  it  to  the  memorialists.  Upon 
this  Broadbent  changed  his  tactics.  He  and  his  friends  ac- 
cepted the  invitations  to  the  Castle  ;  and  here  they  were  all 
together,  lying  and  talking  apart  from  the  general  throng 
under  a  clump  of  trees  in  the  park.  It  was  clear  they  had 
something  in  hand.  So  the  mayor  and  council  thought,  and 
so  they  suggested  to  the  Earl's  steward.  Consequently, 
some  of  those  gentlemen  denominated  "  policemen  in  plain 
clothes "  were  always  loitering  in  the  neighborhood  of  this 
dangerous  body. 

So  the  day  wore  on,  and  tables,   groaning  under  noble 
loads,  were  rapidly  released  from  the  incubus,  and  oceans 
of  jolly  ale   or  finer  tipples  told,  not   only  on  the  feelings, 
but  on  the  spirits  of  the  guests.     At  length  a  great  bell  rang 
out  a  signal  for  a  general  concoursCj  and  preceded  by  a  fine 
band  a  procession    in  which    Lord  Bantam  occupied   an 
honorable  though  awkward  place,  filing  majestically  out  of 
the  castle,  wended  its  way  to  a  gloriously  decorated  plat- 
form, in  front  of  which  on  the  green  turf  thousands  of  seats 
had  been  prepared.     Then  the  addresses  from  tenants  and 
others  were  delivered,  and  a  general  toast  was  drunk,  and 
universal  enthusiasm  was  culminating  towards  the  point  of 
the  young  lord's  speech,  when  the  aforesaid  leonine  head  of 
Broadbent — an  apparition  at  which  the  Countess  shuddered 
and  hid  her  face — was  raised  upon  four  strong  shoulders, 
and  he,  holding  up  a  scroll  in  his  hand,  in  a  steady  voice 


A     PROLETARIAN     COINIPLIMENT.  89 

asked  leave  to  present  the  young  lord  with  another  address. 
At  the  same  moment  a  few  rough-looking  Titans  closed 
round  the  old  man,  while  through  the  crowd  as  by  one  im- 
pulse twenty  or  thirty  determined  men  evidently  bent  on 
dissolving  the  shoemaker's  party,  were  seen  converging  on 
the  spot.  The  clever  old  Earl  took  the  cue  in  a  moment. 
Holding  up  his  hand  for  silence  he  called  out : 

"  I  think  I  recognize  Mr.  Broadbent,  an  old  friend.  [Mr. 
Broadbent's  grimace  was  a  study.]  I  see  he  wishes  to  pre- 
sent some  memorial.  I  am  sorry  we  did  not  know  of  it  be- 
fore, so  as  to  have  arranged  for  its  reception ;  but  if  you  will 
kindly  open  the  way  for  Mr.  Broadbent  and  his  friends,  we 
will  make  room  for  them  on  the  platform." 

In  a  few  minutes,  dukes,  marquises,  earls,  and  their  cor- 
relatives in  the  female  department  had  vacated  twenty  chairs 
in  the  very  front  and  midst  of  that  brilliant  throng,  and 
thither  with  the  deepest  gravity  and  attention  the  republicans 
were  escorted  by  two  stewards.  They  came  up  the  back 
steps  boldly  enough,  but  when  they  stood  out  in  face  of  the 
noble  assemblage,  and  felt  themselves  riddled  with  the 
quiet,  cynical  stare  of  hundreds  of  eyes,  they  looked  rather 
abashed.  Even  their  leader  was  afiflictcd  with  awkwardness. 
But  he  recovered  himself,  like  a  wild  beast  at  bay. 

"  Earl  Ffovvlsmere,"  he  said,  "  I  and  my  friends  are  here 
to-day  by  your  invitation,  but  not  of  our  own  liking.  We 
are  simple  townsmen  asking  only  our  rights,  and  wishing  to 
interfere  with  no  one  else's.  You  invited  us  ;  v/e  did  not 
want   to   see   your   heir   or   to   mix  with  yorj  aristocratic 


go  L  O  R  D    B  A  N  T  A  M 


friends" — looking  round  on  the  imperturbable  arra}'^  about 
him  their  quiet  Jiautcur  stung  him — "  Some  of  them,  per- 
haps," added  he,  "not  the  folk  for  honest  people  to  mix 
with." 

There  was  a  roar  from  the  front,  and  the  broad  shoulders 
of  hundreds  of  men  rose  uneasily  from  the  seats  among  the 
crowd.  Broadbent  saw  that  he  had  only  done  a  vulgar  thing, 
and  made  some  foolish  sort  of  apology,  which  was  received  as 
imperturbably  as  the  insult.  A  beckon  from  the  Earl  sent 
all  the  broad  shoulders  down  beside  wives  and  sweethearts 
again,  and  from  that  moment  the  whole  assembly  entered 
into  the  spirit  of  his  treatment  of  this  insolent  intrusion. 
To  resent  it  would  be  to  pay  it  too  high  a  compliment. 

Just  at  this  moment,  Lord  Bantam  stepped  forward  and 
held  out  his  hand  to  Broadbent,  who  after  a  moment's  hesi- 
tation shook  it  heartily.     'J'hen  Broadbent  went  on  : 

"Those  who  think  with  me^no  offence  meant — think 
that  the  day  of  aristocracy  has  gone  by.  We  think  it  is  a 
monstrous  injustice  that  vast  estates  like  this,  with  all  these 
broad  lands,  ]5retty  as  they  are,  should  be  kejit  for  the 
amusement  of  a  few  select  persons  and  not  adai)tcd  for  the 
benefit  of  all.  You,  Karl  Ffowlsmere,  never  did  anything  to 
entitle  you  to  your  enormous  wcallh,  never  worked  for  it, 
and  do  little  good  with  it ;  and  yom-  son  is  tlic  same.  He 
lakes  it  from  you  in  the  same  way,  and  he  will  use  or  abuse 
it  just  as  you  do.  And  to-day  you  are  celebrnliug  the  jire- 
liminary  of  that  injustice,  and  I  say  your  feast  is  taken  from 
the  i)Oor  man's  table,  and  your  joy  is  robbed  from  the  poof 


A  PROLETARIAN  COMPLIMENT.        9I 

man's  comfort,  and  your  pleasure  is  bought  Avilh  the  pool 
man's  blood."  Another  great  roar  from  the  crowd.  Then 
Lord  Bantam  said  : 

"  I  think,  Mr.  Broadbent,  you  have  an  address  to  present ; 
1  shall  be  happy  to  receive  it." 

"  Oh,  you  want  to  stop  my  mouth,  young  man  ?  AVell, 
it's  no  use  talking,  perhaps.  By  your  leave  I'll  read  you  a 
short  address." 

The  old  man  placed  his  wide-awake  on  the  platform,  put 
his  scroll  of  paper  between  his  bandy  legs,  took  out  a  large 
wooden  spectacle  case  from  his  pocket,  and  withdrew  there- 
from a  mammotn  pair  of  pebbles  rimmed  with  a  broad  brass 
frame;  these  being  duly  adjusted,  the  sun  slanting  across  his 
big  shock  head  and  lighting  up  the  grizzly  hairs,  he  looked 
so  like  an  ancient  owl  that  a  roar  of  laughter  enlivened  the 
whole  audience  from  platform  to  turf.  The  address  was 
plainly  constructed  on  an  American  model. 

"To  Citizen  Albert  Alfred  Augustus  Adolphus  Loftus 
Cicely  Chester  Bantam,  the  protest  and  remonstrance  of  the 
undersigned  people  of  England  : 

"  Whe7-cas  Poverty  is  abroad  in  her  cruellest  and 
most  shocking  forms  ;  and 

"  Whereas  the  feudal  system  and  all  that  springs 
from  it  is  the  bane  and  curse  of  this  country. 

"  Whereas  ^nstocxdicy  \^  an  absurd  and  unjust  ])rivi- 
lege  conferred  on  the  least  worthy  and  most  indo- 
lent portion  of  society. 


92  LORDBANTAM 


"  JVhereas  it  has  been  declared  on  high  authority  that 

if  a  man  will  not  work  neither  shall  he  eat. 
"  Whereas  the  locking  up  of  vast  domains  of  land  in 
the  hands  of  a  few  persons  is  socially  and  politi- 
cally and  economically,  and  morally "  [as  the  old 
man  rolled  out  these  portentous  words   shouts  of 
laughter  rent  the  air]  "  unjust. 
• "  W/iereas  the  only  true  principles  of  government  are 
Liberty,  Equality  and  Fraternit}',  no  right  ought  to 
be  recognized  not  common  to  all. 
"  Whereas  it  is  expedient  at  once  to  begin  to  estab- 
lish the  Great,  True,  and  Universal  Republic,  to 
abolish  all  titles,  and  to  legislate  for  the  equaliza- 
tion of  property  : 
"  We,  the  undersigned,  as  brother  citizens,  address  you  on 
the  occasion  of  your  attaining  to  an  age  of  discretion,  the 
age  when  you  are  permitted  to  exercise  your  civil  rights. 

"  We  hail  you  as  a  brother  citizen  entitled  to  the  same 
privileges  with  ourselvQS,  and  nothing  more. 

"  We  protest  against  your  assumption  of  a  title  unearned 
by  any  great  or  noble  acts  of  yours  ;  and  ask  you  as  a 
brother  and  a  citizen  to  repudiate  it. 

"We  protest  further  against  your  succession  to  the  un- 
righteously excessive  amount  of  property  which  the  law  has 
impolitically  permitted  your  forefathers  to  accumulate. 

"Wherefore  we  pray  that  you  will  consider  the  rights  of 
the  poor,  wh<^  are  your  fellow-men,  and  will  pledge  yourself 
that  you  will,   on  attaining  to   the  inordinate  property  of 


A     PROLETARIAN     COMPLIMENT.  93 

which  you  arc  the  heir,  distribute  it  among  your  brother  citi- 
zens— " 

Roars  of  laughter  drowned  the  remainder  of  the  sentence 
and  the  names  of  the  memorialists.  Then  Broadbent,  hand- 
mg  the  scroll  to  the  young  lord,  took  off  his  spectacles  and 
donned  his  chapeau.  He  was  accommodated  with  a  seat. 
Meanwhile  Lord  Bantam,  taking  off  his  hat,  stood  forward, 
the  sun  llaunting  brilliantly  on  his  auricomous  poll.  The 
cheery  cheering,  the  waving  hats  and  kerchiefs,  the  tears 
that  stood  in  old  and  young  folks'  eyes,  were  enough  to 
soften  any  man. 

"  My  lords,  ladies  and  gentlemen,  and  brother  citizcus  " — 
turning  to  the  republicans — "  I  know  not  in  what  terms  to 
express  the  emotion  which  your  affectionate  and  cordial 
greetings  stir  in  my  heart.  I  have  never  so  thoroughly  felt 
the  privilege  of  manhood,  of  human  sympathy  (cheers).  I 
thank  you  every  one,  from  my  dear  father  and  mother  who 
take  so  deep  an  interest  in  my  happiness,  and  whose  best 
gift  to  me  in  life  has  been  the  example  of  noble  conduct 
(great  cheering),  and  the  advantages  of  training  under  their 
eye  ;  from  these,  I  say,  my  nearest  and  dearest,  through  the 
long  list  of  my  other  relatives,  to  you  all,  whoever  and 
whatever  you  may  be.  Si^ecially,  let  me  say,  do  I  thank  my 
brother  citizens  (laughter  and  cheers)  who  have  come  here 
to-day  to  remind  me  of  that  which  I  have  not  forgotten, 
which  to  confess  to  you  all  the  real  truth  is  a  burden  on  my 
heart  this  day— of  an  inequality  of  conditions  resulting  from 
impolitic  laws  and  upheld  on  unjust  principles." 


94  I.  O  R  D     B  A  N  T  A  M  . 


If  you  know  wliat  it  is  to  see  something  like  a  chill  shud- 
der pass  through  a  vast  assemblage,  }-ou  may  picture  to 
yourself  the  effect  of  these  words  on  Lord  Bantam's  amazed 
hearers.  The  Earl  was  biting  his  lip  viciously,  and  repeating 
his  Rotterdam  formula  to  himself  in  a  sort  of  desperation; 
the  brother  and  sister  aristocracy  were  amused,  the  bucolic 
crowd  was  dazed  or  thunderstruck. 

"  Yes,  my  friends,  I  believe,  and  would  have  you  all  be- 
lieve, that  much  which  is  contained  in  this  scroll  is  true,  and 
needs  to  be  thought  on  sacredly  and  seriously  by  those  who, 
in  such  a  position  as  I  to-day  occupy,  are  the  individious 
claimants  of  extravagant  rights  (No,  no).  I  say  Yes  !  yes  I 
and  I  cannot  as  a  conscientious  man  but  have  much  sym- 
pathy with  the  position  taken  by  Mr.  Broadbent  and  his 
friends." 

At  this  point  Bantam's  eye  happened  to  light  on  his  mother, 
who  was  weeping  hysterically.  Simultaneousl}',  a  lusty  voice 
far  down  in  the  middle  remarked, 

"  E  doUnt  moind  that  d — d  Broadbent,  do'ee  ?  E  aint  ycr 
brother  no  more  than  Oi  be !  " 

An  inadequate  joke,  which  made  a  perfect  earthquake  in 
the  human  mass.  I  am  not  sure  that  I  have  not  heard  an 
answer  about  equal  to  this  in  wit  and  logic  carry  its  day 
when  uttered  by  an  agricultural  representative  in  a  great 
Deliberative  Assembly.  Bantam's  heart  smote  him,  and  the 
resolution  which  he  had  long  been  forming  to  discharge  this 
day,  with  heroic  Roman  courage,  the  duty  of  repudiating  all 


NEWSPAPER     MORALIZERS.  95 

aristocratic  theories,  rights  and  appointments,  succumbed  to 
his  affection.     With  a  few  words  more  he  sat  down. 

Is  it  not  possible  for  a  man  to  make  an  abjectly  heroical 
fool  of  himself  ?  It  would  be  painful  to  describe  the  mor- 
phitic  change  that  came  over  the  spirit  of  the  festivities,  ex- 
cept among  the  Republicans,  and  their  triumph  was  so  du- 
bious that  the  Earl  wisely  ])rovided  them  with  a  picked  escort 
to  their  homes.  The  aristocrats  simply  wondered.  Most 
of  them  seemed  to  think  it  was  the  privilege  of  an  heir  to  be 
wilful,  and  were  inclined  to  take  it  as  a  joke.  A  few  who 
were  in  the  secret  exchanged  significant  whispers  respecting 
the  dangers  of  republican  vaccination. 

* 

V. — Newspaper  IMoralizers. 

Our  hero's  singular  escapade  was  sure  not  to  escape  the 
notice  of  the  press.  In  fact  it  was  reported  at  large  in  the 
county  papers,  and  formed  the  theme  of  not  a  few  articles  in 
those  of  the  metropolis.  The  young  lord's  character  and 
the  effect  of  his  declaration  on  his  father's  political  inlluence 
were  discussed  with  remarkable  frankness.  The  Banner  put 
him  down  as  "  one  of  those  priggish  young  gentlemen,  whom 
the  new  educational  influences  at  work  in  Oxbrido-e  Univcr- 
sity  were  sending  broadcast  into  the  world  with  the  shallowest 
hold  on  religion,  morals,  true  i^olitical  principles,  or  common 
sense." 

Bat  it  was    the  Chimes  which    rang  out   ^\'ith  the    most 


g6  LORDBANTAM 


solemn  grandeur  on  this  event.  It  was  peculiarly  a  case 
for  them.  They  could  not  refrain  from  preaching  a  sermon 
to  the  unwise  and  inexperienced  youth  who  had  so  early,  so 
publicly,  and  at  so  inopportune  a  time  declared  himself  for 
principles  incompatible  with  the  common  sense  of  mankind. 
"  Lord  Bantam,"  it  said,  "  has  proved  himself  even  younger 
than  his  age.  He  appears  not  to  have  imbibed  from  his  tutors 
at  Oxbridge  the  very  elementary  princii)les  of  econom)^ — 
principles  no  man  can  either  subvert  or  disdain.  Tlie  ideal 
theorizing  which  leads  men  to  the  absurd  conclusions  of 
equality  is  only  dangerous  because  it  makes  its  appeal  at 
once  to  the  basest  passions  and  the  most  stupid  ignorance. 
The  doctrine  of  the  Commune  lies  at  the  base  of  the  ideas — 
propagated,  shall  we  say  ? — nay,  that  have  miscarried  in 
Lord  Bantam's  brain.  A  perfect  junior  in  his  own  class,  he 
has  foolishly  gone  out  of  his  way  to  attack  it.  He  has  not 
yet  apprehended  the  high  privileges  of  his  birth.  He  proves 
incapable  of  considering  its  relations  to  the  social  system. 
Nor  has  he  examined  by  how  nice  an  adjustment  of  our 
social  structure  and  our  legislative  action  we  have  gradually 
reached  a  state  close  upon  political  perfection.  In  the  fact 
that  he  will  succeed  to  the  name  and  the  estates  of  Iiis  father, 
irrespectively  of  any  simi)le  accidents  of  ability  or  industry, 
he  sliould  have  discerned  a  reason  recognized  by  the  wisdom 
of  our  forefathers.  The  fact  that  without  our  aristocracy  our 
system  of  government  would  not  be  what  it  is,  exposes  at 
once  the  amazing  shallowness  of  the  ideas  embraced  and 
avowed  by  the  heir  of  one  of  the  wealthiest  and  noblest  of 


ECONOMIC    NOTES.  97 

our  great  houses,"  etc.  etc.  To  find  in  the  existence  of  a 
thing  a  reason  for  its  existence  is  a  form  of  fallacious  rea- 
soning not  uncommon  with  some  of  the  leaders  of  public 
opinion. 

VI. — Economic  Notes. 

The  Earl,  whatever  his  chagrin  at  the  exhibition  so  infe- 
licitously  made  by  his  son,  showed  no  sign  of  it  to  the  latter, 
and  before  the  world  treated  it  with  that  dry  good-humored 
deprecation  which  disarms  the  bitterest  critic.  He  sagely 
conceived  the  idea  of  permitting  the  young  man  to  see  the 
extent  of  his  prospective  wealth,  and  accordingly,  as  the 
shooting  seasoa  was  nigh,  arranged  that  he  should  make  a 
tour  of  all  the  estates,  finishing  the  magnificent  progress  in 
Scotland,  at  the  half-royal  seat  of  Drumdrum  Castle,  whither 
he  invited  an  elite  and  numerous  company  for  the  shooting 
season. 

Lord  Bantam  acquiesced  with  alacrity  in  a  proposal  which 
promised  him  a  rare  opportunity  of  studying  the  social  ques- 
tions just  then  exercising  his  mind.  He  had  paid  several 
surreptitious  visits  to  the  notorious  Broadbent,  who  somewhat 
further  enlightened  hiin  upon  the  views  entertained  of  the 
land  question  by  the  proletariat.  He  began  to  feel  an  un- 
easy sense  of  injustice  in  his  position,  present  and  prospec- 
tive. One  object  that  he  set  before  him  as  a  motive  to  his 
journey,  was  to  ascertain  the  number  and  classes  of  persons 
then  gaining  a  livelihood  on  the  Earl's  domains,  and  to  insti- 
5 


oS  LORDBANTAM. 


tutc  a  comparison  between  this  and  the  possible  results  of  a 
dissipation  of  his  property  through  the  community ;  clearly 
a  vague,  impracticable  inquiry  for  him  as  to  the  latter 
branch.  With  regard  to  that,  endless  theorizing,  innumera- 
ble arguments  from  analogy  and  multitudinous  examples  or 
illustrations  from  other  states  of  society  would  obviously  be 
necessary  if  any  useful  demonstration  were  to  come  out  of 
his  labors. 

I  ought  not  to  attempt  to  follow  him  over  the  entire  field 
of  his  inquiries.  I  subjoin,  however,  an  abbreviated  copy 
of  a  schedule  drawn  up  by  him,  with  some  more  extended 
notes  upon  one  of  tlie  Metropolitan  estates,  that  of  Crane 
Gardens. 

There  was  a  root  of  wisdom  in  the  young  lord's  proceed- 
ing, not  yet,  so  far  as  I  know,  properly  uneartlied  by  busy  re- 
forming economists.  To  apply  their  industry  in  ascertaining 
and  comparing  the  res[)ective  numbers  of  persons  that  do 
make  a  living  out  of  a  huge  estate  and  llie  maximum  that 
might  be  maintained  on  and  out  of  it ;  and  from  the  re- 
sults to  invent  some  system  which,  without  wrong  to  any 
living  person  or  perilous  disregard  of  economic  laws,  should 
tend  to  encourage  the  distribution  of  tlic  land  among  the 
aforesaid  maximum,  is  the  problem  of  problems  for  us  to 
solve  in  England  just  now.  I>ook  not  at  it  askance,  O  ye 
Select  and  Meaven-ordaincd  body  of  Primogenilals — it  must 
be  solved  or  you  be  dissolved.  It  is  a  question  between 
you  and  the  Maximum  !  To  it,  honest  Reformers  !  Not 
will?,  ujalicious  animosity  against  a  i)ecragc,  though  possibly 


ECONOMICNOTES.  99 

you  may  find  that  to  be  inextricably  involved  in  the  land 
system,  or  with  insensate  envy  of  wealth,  or  with  mere  revo- 
lutionary passion,  but  in  the  pure,  healthy,  earnest  impulse 
of  a  deliberate  reform  spirit.  The  land  must  no  longer  be 
for  the  k\v,  but  for  the  many.  Pray  and  work  that  the  trans- 
fer may  be  made  without  confiscation  or  plunder  or  terror 
through  a  gradual  process  of  solvent  legislation. 

NOTES  BY  LORD  BANTAM. 

"  Coal  Mines  in  Blackshirey — I  found  that  upon  the  Collieries 
there  were  employed  the  following  persons  :  A  manager,  ;^2000  per 
annum,  and  i  per  cent,  on  returns  ;  steward,  2\  per  cent,  on  profits, 
per  annum  ;  4  overmen,  ;^250  per  annum  each ;  an  engineer,  ;^400 
per  annum  ;  2  assistant  ditto,  at  ^250  per  annum  each  ;  consulting  en- 
gineer, ,^300  per  annum;  16  viewers,  ,^2400;  engine-drivers,  stokers, 
fitters,  boiler-makers,  carpenters,  ^^1350;  plate-layers,  blacksmiths, 
etc.,  ^720;  stablemen  and  horses,  ;^2 100 ;  colliers,  butties,  putters, 
etc.,  etc.,_^3S5o  men  and  boys,  ^^  180, 200  per  annum.  Total,  ^192,870. 
Ofllce  book-keepers  and  clerks,  ;^i400  per  annum.  I  found  also  that 
the  solicitors  for  this  property,  whose  main  work,  I  should  judge,  was 
taking  care  of  the  title-deeds,  generally  contrived  to  bring  up  their  bill 
to  ^3000  per  annum.  The  steward  receives  ;i^4507  los.,  and  the  man- 
ager, additional,  ;^375o;  making  the  expense  ^^204, 127  ioj.,  out  of  an 
annual  return  of  ;i^'375,ooo. 

On  this  I  note  that  probably  these  mines  can  be  most  efficiently 
worked  by  a  great  capitalist,  and  could  not  well  be  subdivided  into 
small  proprietorships ;  but,  on  the  other  hand,  when  I  looked  at 
the  laborers,  and  saw  how  terrible  was  the  work  they  had  to  do, 
and  how  little  real  interest  they  had  in  its  results ;  when  I  saw 
how  much  went  into  the  coffers  of  one  who  hardly  ever  saw  them, 
and  perhaps  rarely  thought  of  their  existence  except  as  useful 
machines  for  the  creation  of  income  ;  when  1  saw  how  much  agents 
and  parasites  were   making  out   of  this  property  compared    with 


too  L  O  R  D     B  A  N  T  A  M  . 

those  to  whose  labor  it  owed  its  value ;  when  I  saw,  above  all,  the 
hovels  in  which  they  herded  together — small,  foul,  pestilential,  and 
found  that  the  Manager,  in  his  endeavor  to  economize,  had  even 
failed  to  provide  them  in  their  mines  with  the  ventilator  shafts 
necessary  for  safety  and  health  or  those  facilities  of  exit  from  their 
dreadful  labor,  which  with  any  other  brutes  would  be  deemed  indis- 
pensable; when  I  found  on  inquiry  that  many  of  the  little  boys  I  saw 
employed  in  these  places  were  no  older  than  ten,  and  worked  as 
many  hours  a  day,  without  education,  with  nothing  that  could  be 
called  recreation,  with  no  variety  save  the  regular  transition  from  the 
i}ifcr7w  below  to  purgaiory  above  ;  I  had  a  sickening  sense  that  the 
system  under  wliich  all  this  exists  was  inhuman — the  society  which 
permits  it  rotten — the  man  who  grows  rich  by  it  criminal.  My 
father's  profits  are  ^170,872  per  annum  !  It  cannot  long  endure. 
Surely  property  has  other  duties  than  the  mere  payment  of  wages 
and  reception  of  profits  !  And  as  it  seems  to  me,  under  the  best 
economic  regulations,  there  would  be  some  cooperation  between 
capitalist  and  workman,  by  which  the  latter — contributing  his  due 
share  to  tlie  adventure — might  be  elevated  from  a  state  akin  to 
brutality  to  self-respect  and  independence.  It  cannot  be  called 
economy  to  sufi"er  that  most  valuable  article,  a  man,  to  go  to  waste 
or  to  waste  himself,  if  anything  can  be  done  to  prevent  it. 

It  will  be  seen  at  once  by  any  economist,  that  the  5^oting 
man's  generosity  and  inexperience  affected  his  judgment. 
Such  sentiments  as  these  belong,  according  to  the  best  ati- 
thorities,  to  the  unreal  dreams  of  the  Commune,  not  to  the 
sober  resolutions  of  Manchester  finance. 

Here  is  another  leaf  from  Lord  Bantam's  note-book: 

"METROPOLITAN  PROPERTY. 
"THE    CRANE    GARDENS  ESTATE. 

•*  Consisting  of  5  squares :  22  streets :  mews,  gardens, 
etc.,  etc.  Include  2125  houses,  the  ground,  held  by  54 
tenants  under   liic  head  leases  at  99  years :  their  holdings 


ECONOMICNOTES.  lOI 


varying  from  jC200  to  ;^3000  a  year.     Total  income  per 

annum  ^25,700 

"Mem.  It  may  be  taken  that  there  are  2125  tenants  of  as  many 
houses.  These  houses  are  of  a  good  class,  and  may  be  taken  to  average 
in  value  at  least  ;^200  a  year,  which  is  of  course  paid  to  the  54  lessees 
or  their  assigns,  etc.,  by  the  sub-tenants. 

"  To  collect  the  Earl's  rents  and  attend  generally  to  the  legal  busi- 
ness arising  out  of  his  interest  in  his  estate,  one  firm  of  solicitors  is 
employed,  who  manage  to  return  to  my  father's  chamberlain  a  bill  for 
between  ;,^2000  and  ^3000  a  year.  Two  collectors  of  rents  are  also 
employed  at  a  salary  of  ^200  a  year. 

"  Few  law-suits,  and  no  defaults,  since  the  land  is  now  worth  many 
times  the  head  rents. 

"  No  rates  or  taxes  on  the  gi'ound  landlord,  except  income-tax. 

"  Mem.  The  Earl  therefore  pockets  the  whole  of  this  large  revenue 
out  of  this  parish,  without  making  any  contribution  to  its  rates,  and 
might  live  and  spend  his  money  out  of  the  kingdom  with  equal  immunity 
from  the  local  burdens.     Qy.     Justice  of  this  ? 

"  JVote.  The  property  represented  by  this  great  income  is  immov- 
able. Practically  it  never  changes  hands,  it  is  not  divisible,  it  does  not 
come  into  the  market.  The  only  dealing  is  in  the  subordinate  lease- 
holds ;  clearly  a  very  different  thing  from  sale  and  exchange  of  free- 
holds. The  persons  to  whom  that  part  of  the  property  which  is 
represented  by  this  income  of  ;^27,500  a  year  gives  employment  are 
few,  and  they  are  mere  parasites.  But  suppose  there  had  been  a 
separate  owner  for  say  every  under-tenancy — had  2125  freeholders  been 
living  and  dying,  marrying  and  making  settlements,  becoming  bank- 
rupt, mortgaging,  selling,  buying,  the  amount  of  healthy  action  in  this 
commodity,  land,  would  have  been  enhanced  many  fold  more  than  it 
can  possibly  be  at  present.  A/".!).  Tlie  permutations  and  coml/mations 
to  be  considered.  A/so,  to  take  into  consideration  probable  number  of 
dealings  in  the  limited  and  more  restricted  interests,  created  by  the 
relations  of  landlords  and  tenants  ;  both  as  under  existing  regime,  and 
under  that  of  tlie  hypothetical  division  of  the  freehold  amongst  many 
holders. 

Another   memorandum   made  by  Lord  Bantam    at   the 


I02  LORD     BANTAM. 

time,  noted  on  a  loose  digressive  sheet,  marked  Private,  yet 
deserves  to  be  transcribed.     He  says,  in  his  dry  way  : 

•'Among  the  uses  of  an  aristocracy,  with  its  wealth  so  elaborately 
and  carefully  pillared  up  by  the  joint  ingenuity  of  class-selfishness  and 
the  laws — one  would  deem  not  the  least  important  to  be,  that  it  should 
take  the  lead  in  all  schemes  of  rational  benevolence  or  social  improve- 
ment, imparting  body  and  vigor  to  charity — and  proving  how  beneficial 
to  society  these  anomalous  aggregations  of  resources  in  one  hand  can 
be  made. 

"  Knowing  that  my  father  was  a  fair  specimen  of  aristocratic  benev- 
olence, I  took  some  pains  to  ascertain,  wherever  I  went,  what  local  or 
general  charities  received  his  assistance.  I  take  it  that  his  average 
income  is  ^700,000  a  year. 

"  Last  year  out  of  this  sum,  so  far  as  I  can  learn,  he  made  the  follow- 
ing donations.  I  remember  seeing  some  of  them  described  in  the  news- 
papers  as  '  munificent.' 

"  To  build  a  '  I'Towlsmere  wing'  to  the  '  Royal  Hospital 

for  Unendurables '.......    ^5,000 

To  the  'Crane  Gardens'  hospital,'  '  Bellowsbury  hospital,' 
'Artisan's  institution  at  Ffowlsmcrc,'  '  Restoration  of 
Duncansby  Abbey,'  'Idiots'  Asylum,'  '  Blackshire  dis- 
tress,' etc.,  etc.,  ten  donations  of  ;^iooo  each    .         .       10,000 
Fifteen  Subscriptions  at  ;f^5oo  each       ....         7»Soo 

Twenty  "  ;i{rioo  each        ....         2,000 

Sundries 1,225 


Total   .         .         £2S,72S 

Say  about  ^i^ih  of  an  income  perfectly  safe,  liable  to  few  fluctuations 
except  that  of  increase,  and  on  which  he  |iays  comparatively  lighter 
taxes  than  burden  several  millions  of  li  s  conijiatriots.  I  was  informed 
by  Kelso,  that  wealthy  merchants  among  the  Dissenters  were  most  lav- 
ish contributors  to  the  funds  of  their  sects,  and  to  other  benevolent 
objects.  And  that  he  had  known  instances  in  which  men  gave  away 
annually  twenty  and  thirty  and  even  fifty  per  cent,  of  their  income. 
\'et  that  is  not  liy  any  means  as  assured  as  llio  iiuonu's  (li-]iciideiU  on 
bettlcnicnts.      It  will  lie  my  <luty,  if  ever  I  am  iuvcsled  willi  the  rcspon- 


THE     SEAT     FOR     URIGG  SHIRE.  103 

sibility  of  these  vast  estates,  to  dispense  their  benefits  over  a  wider  area. 
One  cannot  help  feeling  pride  at  a  position  wliich  enables  a  man  to  1j(J 
so  royal  in  the  amount  of  his  charities  :  but  this  is  qualified  by  a  sense 
of  shame  at  a  comparison  of  the  sums  thus  given  away  by  my  father, 
with  the  magnificence  of  revenues  outrivalling  those  of  many  a  sov- 
ereign." 

The  value  of  these  memoranda,  wliicli  might  be  termed 
Revelations  of  an  Aristocrat,  can  hardly  be  over-estimated. 
Indicating  clearly  some,  shadowing  forth  other  incidentia  of 
our  aristocratic  institutions,  and  memorialized  for  us  by  one 
immediately  concerned, — though  at  the  time  he  was  a  hostile 
critic, — they  raised  some  very  grave  and  curious  questions 
which  the  reader  may  resolve  for  himself. 

*     * 
* 

VII.— The  Seat  for  Briggshire. 

Drumdrum  Castle  might  be  denominated  the  feudal 
centre  of  the  whole  of  Brigs^shire.  It  had  been  the  effort  of 
the  Ffowlsmere  ancestry,  and  in  that  effort  the  present  Earl 
consistently  followed  them,  to  absorb  into  the  vast  estate 
from  time  to  time  the  best  of  the  holdings  in  the  county  ; 
and  so  with  patient  watchfulness  the  Earl's  steward  ])ur- 
chased  any  property  coming  into  the  market :  now  one  hun- 
dred acres,  now  ten,  now  three  hundred.  Money  was 
nothing  to  the  Earl  in  this  connection.  He  was  able  in  the 
pursuit  of  a  proud  yet  mean  ambition  to  set  economy  politi- 
cal and  private  at  defiance,  and  much  of  this  property  had 
been  purchased  over  the  heads  of  energetic  and  improving 


I04  L  O  R  D     D  A  N  T  A  M  , 


farmers  at  prices  that  did  not  leave  a  profit  of  one  per  cent, 
to  legitimate  agriculture.  The  effect  of  these  monopolizing 
tactics  was  to  shut  all  the  fanners  in  Briggshire  within  their 
own  limits,  and  to  deny  them  all  hope  of  expansion.  On 
the  other  hand,  it  facilitated  the  Earl's  objects,  since  any 
extra  energetic  man  desiring  a  larger  field  for  his  energies, 
must  needs  sell  out  and  seek  it  in  another  locality.  One 
family  had  held  out  against  the  Earl's  predecessors  with  pro- 
voking obstinacy.  Their  estate  was  awkwardly  interned  in 
the  Earl's.  They  were  poor,  but  they  had  Scotch  Royal 
Blood  in  their  veins  (what  Scotchman  has  not  ?),  no  matter 
how  obtained.  The  estate  of  nearly  fifteen  hundred  acres 
kept  in  a  poor  way  the  laird,  and  about  fifty  tenants  of  small 
holdings  up  and  down  the  hills  on  little  spots  carelessly 
tilled,  yet  yielding  to  the  simple  people  enough  for  their 
wants,  and  leaving  them  freedom  to  be  happy.  The  Earl's 
agent,  being  a  Scotchman,  was  the  proi^er  person  to 
set  to  catch  a  Scotchman.  He  laid  a  trap  for  the  Laird, 
who  was  known  not  to  be  Hush  of  money.  He  won  over 
the  Laird's  lawyer,  to  whom  solemn  injunctions  had  been 
given  in  all  business  transactions  to  avoid  any  contact  with 
the  Earl  or  his  people.  This  man  had  been  the  constant 
medium  of  supplies  to  his  impoverished  client.  He  alone 
knew  the  ins  and  outs  of  his  private  affairs.  The  property 
was  over-mortgaged,  and  the  mortgages,  one  by  one,  had 
through  his  villanous  agency  come  into  the  possession  of  the 
Earl's  agent.  "When  the  time  was  ripe,  the  mine  exploded. 
The  agent  was  able  to  write  to  Lord  Ffowlsmcre  that  now 


THE     SEAT    FOR    BRIGGSHIRE.  I05 


there  was  no  hindrance  to  his  seizin  of  Naboth's  vineyard — 
though  I  need  not  say  he  did  not  write  in  those  terms.  The 
poor  Laird  went  to  Canada  with  his  family.  Notice  to  quit 
was  served  on  all  the  tenants,  numbering  forty-five  male  or 
female  householders,  with  one  hundred  and  thirty-seven 
other  adults  and  children.  I  would  spare  you  the  pain  of 
reading  a  description  of  the  anguish,  the  sorrow,  the  in- 
dignation, the  despair  kindled  in  one  hundred  and  eighty- 
two  human  hearts  by  this  economic  proceeding.  For  the 
Earl  afterwards  wrote  a  pamphlet  to  prove  that  it  was  con- 
sistent with  the  soundest  ecoiiomy  to  sweep  away  these  petty 
holdings  and  convert  the  whole  estate  into  sheepwalks,  a 
condition  in  which  they  were  far  more  profitable,  yielding 
more  for  less  labor  :  or  into  deer  forests  which  produced  a 
larger  rental,  and  venison  for  the  London  market !  Un- 
questionably, if  "  economy  " — that  much-wronged  word — 
means  the  advantage  of  the  rich,  the  Earl  was  right,  and  so 
long  as  he  and  his  class  can  make  laws,  they  will  make  them 
on  that  basis.  But  what  of  the  greatest  number  ?  The 
hundred  and  eighty-two  people  who  used  to  live  contentedly, 
if  wretchedly,  on  the  soil ;  who  might  and  ought  to  have 
been  taught  to  improve  their  rude  cultivation — to  extend  it 
around  upon  the  rocky  slopes— whose  children  at  all  events 
might  have  been  educated  to  better  things  ?  Would  to  God 
the  Earl  were  alive,  and  I  could  bring  him  face  to  face  with 
the  things  that  actually  ensued  upon  his  economic  leforms — 
the  fate  of  the  living,  the  story  of  the  dead  !  When  they  went 
away,  to  each  of  them  was  given,  as  a  sop  to  public  criticism. 


5* 


Io6  LORDBANTAM 


and  the  Earl's  conscience,  a  small  sum  sufficient  to  keep  them 
for  a  few  months,  or  convey  them  to  Canada.  The  historian 
could  rnn  a  bright  flash  through  these  pages,  by  narrating  the 
luck  of  the  men  wlio  chose  this  happy  alternative.  They 
found  in  Canada  a  settlement  of  their  own  clan,  in  a  rich 
country,  a  glorious  climate,  with  unlimited  scope  for  the  en- 
ergies peculiar  to  their  race.  Now  they  or  their  children  are 
wealthy.  But  of  the  rest?  Government,  in  its  wisdom,  had 
provided  neither  information  nor  facilities  to  draw  them  to  a 
colony.  The  greater  number  drifted  to  the  large  towns  or 
fishing  villages.  In  the  towns  they  added  to  the  crowds  of 
searchers  for  employment,  but  the  work  they  were  accus- 
tomed to  do  was  not  always  the  work  wanted  in  towns.  The 
men  were  mostly  driven  to  chance  jobs,  in  which  their  great 
strength  was  useful ;  a  few  of  the  girls  and  boys  obtained 
situations  as  servants  ;  but  the  married  women, the  aged  ones, 
the  "uncanny"  males  and  females — ah! — they  gradually 
dwindled  down  to  the  point  of  starvation — and,  curiouslj' 
enough,  at  that  j^oint  they  died.  The  Earl  has  since  then, 
from  an  opposite  point,  gone  to  meet  them.  It  is  possible  he 
now  wishes  he  had  looked  forward  to  that  ugly  contingcnc)'. 
The  sheep  and  the  doer,  meanwhile,  thrived  vigorously  on 
the  spots  that  would  have  kept  these  people  alive,  while  no- 
ble lords,  in  company  with  gay  young  officers,  vulgar  i)arvcnus, 
and  members  of  the  Lower  House,  ranged  and  took  their 
l)leasure  over  llic  deserted  heaths.  I  cannot  trace  out  the 
long  lines  of  sorrow  that  diverged  from   that  single  centre ; 


A     .STARTLING     I-  E  C  T  U  R  E  .  I  o  7 


the  deaths,  ihe  diseases,  the  struggles,  the  poverty,  the  de- 
preciation of  bodies  and  souls. 

Ill  fares  the  land,  to  hastening  ills  a  prey, 
Where  wealth  accumulates,  and  men  decay. 

May  we  not  fitly  stay  a  moment  here  and  ask,  Is  there  a 
converse  of  tins'?  If  such  woe  and  need — such  unsooth  gain 
of  wealth  or  pleasure  to  the  rich  at  the  expense  of  the  poor, 
at  the  expense  of  the  truest,  wisest,  clearest  human  econ- 
omy, ensue  upon  evictions  from  these  little  homesteads,  what 
sorrow  and  wrong  is  there,  what  false  economy,  in  permitting 
the  operation  of  law  and  custom  to  shut  whole  masses  of 
the  population  out  from  the  hope  of  settling  over  the  face 
of  the  land  they  live  in.  Will  you,  I  pray,  honestly  suppress 
for  a  few  minutes  your  rising  prejudices,  and  forget  your 
selfish  interests,  and  ask  yourself,  whether  it  were  not  a  wise 
and  a  just  thing  to  aim  at  such  legislation  as  should,  without 
wrong  to  you  or  any  other  person,  facilitate  the  establish- 
ment of  cottier  homes  throughout  this  land,  and  distribution 
of  people  over  our  vast  possessions  beyond  the  seas?  Is  it 
not  worth  thinking  and  setting  about  for  some  time,  even 
though  the  problem  seems  inscrutable,  and  it  is  not  certain 
you  may  succeed  ?     For  what  is  it  that  will  kick  the  other 

scale  ? 

*      * 
* 

VIII. — A  Startling  Lecture. 

At  Drumdrum  Castle  deer-stalking  was  the  business  of 
Ijfe.     At  3.11  early  hour  of  the  morning  a  crowd  of  powerful 


Io8  LORD     BANTAINI 


and  canny -looking  keei>ers  and  beaters  assembled — the 
keepers  ^\'ith  their  hounds  in  loash — and  awaited  the  com- 
pany that  were  to  issue  from  the  Castle-gate,  various  in  their 
mien  and  dress ;  some  evidently  no  tyros  at  the  sport, 
some  as  clearly  inexperienced,  as  they  seemed  by  nature 
unfitted  for  a  long  stride  over  stonv  hills  and  heather 
braes,  or  for  a  clean  shot  with  a  steady  hand  when  the  time 
came.  Yet  it  was  a  fine  thing,  as  the  signal  bugle  bleAV  from 
the  Castle  wall,  to  see  them  bear  away  for  a  cool  ten  hours' 
toil,  the  weaker  on  sturdy  little  ponies,  not  a  few  in  native 
or  adopted  Highland  costume ;  it  was  a  fine  thing,  I  say,  to 
see  these  men,  from  Cabinet  Council  and  official  desk,  from 
Lombard  Street,  or  even  from  the  Bishops'  Bench,  start  off 
in  the  bracing  air,  expiring  the  unhealthy  inhalations  of 
metropolitan  life  and  inspiring  the  glorious  strengthfulness 
of  a  Scotch  air.  It  was  the  best  excuse  to  be  afibrded  for  a 
deer-forest  that  health  to  so  many  couched  in  its  rough  re- 
cesses. But  I  am  bound  to  admit  the  excuse  is  a  limited  and 
lop-sided  one. 

Such  a  party  had  one  morning  left  the  Castle,  not  the 
least  of  them  the  old  Earl  himself  Lord  Bantam,  never  a 
keen  sportsman,  still  loved  to  breathe  the  air  and  breast  the 
hills,  scenting  the  healthy  ground-smell  or  the  sweet  heather. 
The  Bailiff,  Sandy  Mclvor,  a  celebrated  deer-stalker,  always 
managed  the  field,  picking  out  the  best  stations  for  the 
crack  shots,  and  with  Caledonian  shrewdness  giving  the 
bad  ones  nothing  to  do.  Among  these  was  the  young  lord, 
who  found  himself  left  like  a  sentinel  behind  a  small  cairn, 


A     STARTLING     LECTURE.  I09 


with  directions  to  keep  his  eye  on  the  opposite  hill,  where 
an  indistinct  line  in  the  heather  denoted  a  track  down  which 
he  might  hope  to  see  a  buck.  There  he  had  stood  for  an 
hour  half-dreaming,  his  gun  loosely  lying  on  his  arm.  Sud- 
denly it  was  snatched  from  him,  and  he  was  confronted  by 
a  ragged,  powerful  old  Highlander,  with  bonnet  rakishly 
cocked  ;  his  long,  strong,  grizzly  hair  escaping  beneath  it ; 
a  face  roughed  and  hewn  by  time,  and  care,  and  grief;  and 
in  its  rugged  cavities  two  fierce  eyes  fixed  firmly  on  the 
startled  young  aristocrat. 

"Who  arr  you  an  where  are  ye  from  that  stan  on  Angus 
MacAngus's  hairth-stone,  my  braw  lad?"  shouted  the  appar- 
ition in  an  unnatural  voice,  and  with  a  strong  Celtic  accent, 
pointing  to  a  moss-clothed  stone  on  which  Lord  Bantam 
was  unconsciously  standing :  "Ye'll  be  the  Airl's  son,  I'm 
thinkin?" 

"  I  am,"  said  Bantam,  his  high  breed  recovering  him  in 
a  moment,  "  and  my  party  are  not  far  off.  What  do  you 
mean  by  taking  my  gun  from  me  in  that  wild  way  ?  Give 
it  me  at  once,  or  I'll  call  them  on  you." 

'"T  wud  be  yer  dyin'  cal',  my  lad,"  repUed  the  other, 
coolly,  giving  his  gun  an  uncomfortable  twist  in  the  direction 
of  the  young  lord's  red  head ;  "  Angus  MacAngus  is  no'  the 
man  to  be  taken  up  for  naethin." 

"  I  tell  you  again,  whoever  you  are,  I  am  the  Earl's  son, 
and  you  had  better  not  threaten  or  hurt  me.  1  can  bring 
twenty  guns  upon  you  in  a  minute." 

Truth  obliges  me  to  say  that  Lord   Bantam,  though  he 


no  LORD     BANTAM. 

Uttered  these  bold  words,  did  not  look  like  a  chieftain  whose 
foot  was  on  his  native  heath,  and  who  felt  confident  as 
Roderick  Dhu  that  his  whistle  would  make  the  glen  alive 
with  followers. 

Highlander.  Just  that ;  and  I  have  a  word  or  two  to 
say  to  ye,  young  man ;  an'  ye  needna  fear  Angus  AlacAngus 
if  ye'll  only  tak  yer  foot  from  Angus's  hairth-stone,  whare 
ye're  standin'  noo. 

BANTA^L  O,  certainly,  if  it  annoys  you  I  will  move  ;  but 
why  do  you  call  this  your  hearth-stone  ?  There  never  was 
a  house  here  surely  ? 

Highlander.  No  hoose  !  no  hoose  !  ye  say.  Ay,  my 
lad,  for  many  a  day  whare  noo  ye  see  the  bracken  and  the 
heather  so  thick  among  the  stones,  was  Angus  MacAngus'.s 
home.  A  black  place  it  is  noo,  an'  a  purty  place  it  was 
then.  Many  a  time  I've  sat  an'  look't  into  the  bonny  blaze 
on  yon  stone,  wi'  my  auld  Maggie  knittin'  on  the  ither  side, 
an'  Jamie,  an'  Sawney,  and  Tonuld,  an'  my  own  little  Mag- 
gie wi'  hair  as  golden  as  the  broom.  O  my  God,  why  did 
I  live  to  see  the  like  o*  this  !  cried  he,  throwing  himself 
down  on  the  deserted  stone,  and  covering  his  face  in  his 
ragged  plaid. 

Lord  Bantam's  fear  was  gone,  and  curious  sympathy  took 
its  place.     He  said  kindly  : 

Bantam.  Come,  my  man,  get  up  and  icU  me  all  about 
this.     It  is  new  to  me.     When  did  you  live  here  ? 

liiGiiLANDER.  Even  since  you  were  born,  young  man, 
this  was  a  joyful  home,  wi'  a  good  farm  and  dacent  people 


A    STARTLING    LECTURE.  Ill 

about  US  yonder,  and  yonder,  and  yonder,  where  ye  see  the 
cairns.  Anither  laird  we  had  then,  a  goot  kind  man  he  Avas 
too,  God  be  wi'  him  wheriver  he  is  ;  an'  here  ye  see  I  had 
my  wee  cot,  and  tlicrc  was  Maggie's  garden,  an'  the  byre 
for  the  coo,  an'  here  we  hved  from  year's  end  to  year's  end, 
without  sickness  or  sorrow,  till  that  damned  old  scourge,  the 
Airl  an'  the  Deil  sent  here,  foreclosed,  and  harried  out  the 
poor  laird,  an'  then — an'  then — " 

Bantam.  Turned  you  out ! 

Highlander.  Ay !  turned  us  out,  if  ye  will ;  gied  us 
the  Deil's  farewell  ;  pulled  down  our  hooses,  an'  as  ye  see, 
gave  up  the  hairths  an'  homes  o'  a  hunthered  an'  eighty  souls 
to  deer  and  devastation. 

Bantam.  Is  it  possible?  My  father's  steward?  I  never 
heard  of  this  before.  Why,  it's  clearly  wrong.  "Where  did 
you  all  go  to  ? 

Highlander.  Go  till  ?  to  the  Deil  most  o'  us,  whare 
doubtless  the  damned  factor  and  yersel  will  find  them  in 
goot  time.  Some  went  to  Canada  wi'  the  Laird,  and  some 
to  Perth,  an'  some  southwards. 

Bantam.  Where  did  you  go  to  ? 

Highlander.  I  took  my  wife  and  bairns  to  Leith,  an' 
there  I  strove  to  keep  them,  but  I  wasna  canny  at  toon  work, 
and  could  na'  get  much.  My  poor  wee  Maggie,  she  sickened 
first  and  pined  away  in  thae  crookt,  crampt  closes,  an'  my 
wife  Maggie,  she  soon  followed  her  bairn,  an'  they're 
all  dead — they're  all  dead — an'  may  God  call  them  to  ac- 


112  LORDBANTAM. 

coont  who  worked    such  awful  grief — an'    nae   doobt    He 
will. 

The  old  man  rubbed  his  brown  hand  across  his  eyes,  and, 
rising,  was  about  to  hand  the  gun  back  to  the  young  Lortl, 
when  his  quick  eye  lighted  on  a  young  buck,  that  had  just 
topped  the  crest  of  the  hill  and  was  descending  to  the  val- 
ley ;  in  an  instant,  the  gun  was  at  his  shoulder,  and  at  its 
report,  the  animal  leaped  out  from  the  hill  and  crashed 
down  its  side  among  the  stones  in  the  rivulet  beneath.  For 
a  moment  the  excitement  inspired  him  ;  then  he  looked 
down  with  a  dejected  air  upon  the  dead  thing  far  beneath 
his  feet. 

"  I  could  not  help  it,"  said  he  ;  "  'twas  a  goot  shot,  an' 
Angus  MacAngus  has  avenged  on  a  poor  beastie  the  wrong 
o'  them  that  put  it  in  his  place  ;  but  I'm  sorry  it  wasna  the 
factor  himsel'."  Then  giving  Bantam  the  gun,  and  taking 
off  his  bonnet  and  standing  before  the  heir,  a  weird  yet  ma- 
jestic embodiment  of  wrong  and  sorrow,  he  said  solemnly  : 

"  I  warn  ye  before  God,  that  shall  judge  ye  at  the  last, 
that  should  ye  come  lo  be  Laird  o'  these  braw  lands,  whare 
yer  fellowmen  an'  their  fathers,  an'  their  fathers'  fathers  once 
freely  aimed  life  and  happiness,  that  yc  remember  j'^//;-  goot 
""an'  pleasure  is  no  all  ye  have  to  look  till  in  what  yc  do.  An 
unjust  law  may  gie  ye  ri[;ht  to  evic'  an'  rob  o'  home  and 
livin',  poor,  weak,  innocent  folk  that  can't  l)alk  yer  will : 
Init  there's  a  duty  above  right,  an'  a  right  al)ove  law,  an'  a 
(lod  above  all — an'  if  ye  wrong  the  i>oor  an'  escape  yer  pun- 
ishuicnt  in  this  wurld,  as  ye  are  like  to  do,  for  it's  a  bad  one, 


A     STARTLING     LECTURE.  II3 


you  must  just  make  yer  accoont  to  take  it  out  elsewhares. 

Woe,  woe  to  them  that  join  hoose  to  hoose,  and " 

With  that  MacAngus  plunged  down  a  narrow,  bush-ridden 
deft,  famiUar  to  him,  and  about  which  doubtless  he  led  a 
wild  life;  leaving  Lord  Bantam  to  ponder  on  the  singular  les- 
son in  humanity  and  economy  that  had  just  been  read  him, 
and  to  account  to  his  friends  for  his  magnificent  shot. 


PART   V. 

HOW  HE  BECAME  A  LEGISLATOR. 
I. — Preliminaries. 

It  had  been  agreed  that  our  hero  should  take  advantage 
of  the  first  opening  that  offered  in  the  serried  ranks  of  the 
House  of  Commons.  The  theoretic  ideal  of  a  popular 
selection  of  the  fittest  man  to  represent  an  honest  majority's 
views,  is  rarely  if  ever  attained  in  perhaps  the  only  country 
in  the  world  where  a  political  Diogenes  would  think  it  worth 
while  to  look  for  it.  In  reality  there  is  a  practical  juggle  by 
which  the  converse  has  become  the  rule  and  the  ideal  an 
exception.  It  is,  in  nine  cases  out  of  ten,  the  member  wlio 
chooses  the  constituency,  not  the  constituency  that  selects 
the  member.  Of  course,  externally  the  process  seems  per- 
fect enough.  There  is  a  spontaneous  generation  of  enthusi- 
asm suddenly  created  in  the  minds  of  "  leading  men,"  which 
spreads  its  widening  ripples  over  the  surface  of  a  constit- 
uency, and  ends  in  a  demonstration  to  the  world  that  the 
proper  stone  has  found  its  bottom.  But  (he  antecedent 
action  upon  the  leading  men  by  which  the  motives  origi- 
nated are  not  exposed.  Indeed,  so  depraved  has  become 
our  general  political  action,  that  though  this  is  broadly  sus- 
pected or  perhaps  recognized,  pojiular  feeling  seems  not  to 
treat  it  with  repulsion.  How  then  are  we  to  expect  reform? 
This  and  all  otln-r  apjiroaches  towards  the  higher  electoral 


PRELIMINARIES.  II5 

ideal  by  means  of  legislation  can  have  no  effect  unless  the 
popular  jHorale  comes  up  to  the  level  of  it.  Hence,  in  the 
present  instance,  a  Peer,  his  son  and  his  excellent  parlia- 
mentary agents  Messrs.  Shellers,  consulted  together  with 
perfect  candor  and  the  most  naive  inattention  to  popular 
rights  or  perfect  theories,  how  to  impose  Lord  Bantam  on 
the  next  constituency  that  happened  to  require  a  member. 
Lord  Bantam  agreed  to  hold  himself  ready  to  go  anywhere  : 
the  solicitors  held  themselves  prepared  to  do  anything :  and 
the  Earl,  on  his  part,  held  himself  responsible,  as  a  Cabinet 
Minister,  for  giving  the  earliest  notice  of  a  prospective  or 
actual  vacancy.  The  constituencies  were  regarded  as 
squares  in  a  chess-board — to  be  played  upon.  The  coveted 
opportunity  was  afforded  by  the  sudden  demise  of  the  hon- 
orable Member  for  Woodbury. 

Woodbury,  situated  in  the  county  of  Gorseshire,  was  the 
centre  of  a  busy  district,  agricultural  and  manufacturing. 
Many  other  towns  had  dropped  down  with  their  black  can- 
opies and  eager  hives  of  men  upon  the  vales  and  hill-sides 
of  the  district,  so  that  this  one  was  neither  overweening  in 
size  nor  conspicuous  in  importance.  Yet  with  a  Mayor  and 
Council,  a  mace,  a  market-square,  a  town  hall  and  assize 
courts,  and  thirty  policemen,  it  might  justly  claim  to  hold  up 
its  head  among  provincial  towns.  Of  the  1700  electors,  830 
lived  on  property  of  a  deceased  millionnaire  named  Antro- 
bus,  whose  trustees  were  a  local  banker  and  a  noble  mem- 
ber of  the  existing  Government — the  President  of  the 
Council.     Mr.   Antrobus    died    very    wealthy — a    friend    ot 


Il6  LORDBANTAM. 

many  a  nobleman  whom  he  had  benefited  at  the  rate 
of  from  twenty  to  fifty  per  cent.  This  town,  containing  an 
inadequate,  ignorant  and  stupid  number  of  British  citizens, 
nevertheless,  in  the  usual  English  defiance  of  political  equi- 
ties, returned  two  members.  \\Tien  the  first  Reform  Bill 
threw  the  nomination  of  those  two  persons  out  of  the  hands 
of  the  Antrobus  interest,  after  two  or  three  severe  struggles 
between  it  and  the  radical  division,  a  compact  was  tacitly 
made  that  each  should  return  one  of  the  members,  and 
Woodbury  may  be  said  to  have  been  then  fairly  represented. 
The  Millionnaire  interests  had  long  been  Fogy.  The 
trustees  were  Prigs.  The  cestui  que  trust  was  a  female  and 
a  minor.  Popular  opinion  decidedly  predominated  in  the 
borough  if  its  action  were  unfettered,  and  the  surviving  mem- 
ber, a  thorough  Prig  of  the  old  stamp,  had  been  returned 
avowedly  as  the  nominee  of  the  Millionnaire  interest. 
Hence  the  two  principal  parties  in  the  borough  were  the 
Millionnaire  party  and  the  people's  party  or  "Inde- 
pendents." The  Fogies  were  in  a  hopeless  minority. 
When  therefore  they  lost  their  representative,  the  Radicals 
considered  themselves  entitled  to  nominate  the  candidate 
of  the  Popular  party.  I  am  compelled  to  add,  that  the  two 
sections  li\-cd  with  each  other  a  Socrates  and  Xantippe  life, 
the  reverse  of  happy  for  their  political  matrimony. 

The  interests  were  managed  in  characteristically  different 
ways.  No  sooner  had  the  honorable  member  vacated  the 
seat,  than  the  solicitor  for  the  Millionnaire  estate,  who  of 
course  had  regular  and  rapid  information,  and  was  in  the 


PRELIMINARIES.  II7 

confidence  of  the  Treasury,  called  into  his  office  three  oi 
four  Prigs  "of  the  highest  respectability,"  and  announced 
that  "  the  party  in  London  "  wished  Lord  Bantam,  son  and 
heir,  etc.,  to  stand,  and  that  they  could  do  nothing  better 
than  accept  a  candidate  so  distinguished.  This  solicitor's 
name  was  Pike,  of  Pike  and  Shrimp,  and  at  that  very  inter- 
view he  had  in  his  pocket  a  cheque,  enveloped  in  a  letter 
from  Messrs.  Shellers  retaining  him  as  Lord  Bantam's  agent. 
This  letter  had  reached  him  simultaneously  with  another 
from  a  distinguished  authority,  by  which  he  was  informed  of 
the  vacancy.  There  could  be  no  objection  to  so  highly 
respectable  a  candidate  on  the  part  of  such  highly  respect- 
able constituents,  the  less  when  they  were  informed  that  the 
Millionnaire  interest  was  to  go  in  his  favor.  It  Avas  there- 
after affirmed  chat  Lord  Bantam  had  been  adopted  as  the 
Popular  candidate  by  the  local  leaders  of  the  party  in  Wood- 
bury. The  whole  of  this  operation  had  been  conducted  on 
the  strictest  Prig  principles. 

Not  many  hours  afterwards  the  walls  were  decorated  with 
a  yellow  placard,  informing  the  electors  that  a  Popular  can- 
didate of  great  eminence  was  coming,  and  that  his  name 
would  shortly  be  announced.  Meanwhile  an  extravagant 
excitement  in  the  best  reception-rooms  of  the  Moon  and 
Green  Cheese,  the  great  Millionnaire  house,  intimated  to  all 
Woodbury  that  that  interest  had  settled  on  its  man,  and  was 
about  to  produce  him  forthwith. 


*      * 
* 


Il8  LORDBANTAM. 


II. — Diversities  of  Operations. 

Mr.  Blupell,  Chemist,  Congregationalist  and  Radical, 
had  come  out  of  his  Httle  back  room  to  his  shop,  with  his 
spectacles  raised  up  upon  his  bald  head,  at  the  summons  of 
another  Radical  of  somewhat  vagrant  and  electric  political 
activity,  who  had  rushed  in  to  inform  the  leader  of  the  inde- 
i:)endent  party  that  a  vacancy  had  occurred.  This  was  Nutt 
the  baker.  After  him  close  came  the  little  bow-legged 
Trades  Unionist  journeyman  tailor,  Tom  Stretcher,  with  a 
head  that  seemed  to  be  suffering  from  political  hydrocephalus, 
though  indicating  a  careful  abstention  from  water  applica- 
tion to  its  exterior. 

The  three  discussed  the  news. 

"It's  our  turn  to  nominate,"  said  Nutt.  "You'd  better 
get  your  coat  on,  Mr.  Blupell,  and  let's  go  to  Pike.  We 
ought  to  get  the  party  together,  and  send  a  deputation  to 
some  one." 

"  I  know  who  it  must  be,"  said  Tom  Stretcher,  in  a  tone 
rather  decided  for  a  conference  ;  "  it  will  have  to  be  a  work- 
ing-man this  time,  Mr.  Blupell.  The  Trades  have  resolved 
on  that,  I  can  assure  you." 

"What!"  cried  Nutt,  "a  working-man?  I  think  I  see 
you  getting  a  working-man  in  with  Mr.  Pike's  help  !  Why, 
he  wouldn't  look  at  a  candidate  with  less  than  three  thou- 
sand to  spend  on  a  contest." 


I 


D  I  V  E  R  S  I  ']•  I  E  S     OF     OPERATIONS.  I  I  9 

"  I  know  that,  Mr.  Nutt ;  but  why  need  we  go  to  Pike  at 
all  ?     It's  our  turn  to  nominate,  ain't  it  ?  " 

"  Yes,"  said  the  experienced  Bkipell,  "  we  may  nominate, 
hut  the  question  is,  whether  they  will  accept  our  nominee. 
They  are  very  strong  now  in  the  Council,  and  may  take  it 
into  their  heads,  as  this  is  a  single  vacancy,  to  try  and  pop 
a  man  in  for  the  other  seat,  and  there  !  as  I'm  a  living  man 
— what's  that  Jack  Traddles  is  pasting  up  yonder?" 

In  another  minute  Jack  Traddles  was  in  the  shop,  and  a 
damp  copy  of  the  yellow  placard  was  spread  out  upon  the 
counter  under  the  suggestive  noses  of  the  triumvirate. 

"  I  half  expected  this,"  said  Blupell,  "when  I  heard  your 
news.  Pike  passed  me  this  morning  without  noticing  me, 
though  I'm  sure  he  saw  me.  There's  some  mischief  up,  gen- 
tlemen. We  must  get  to  work  at  once.  They  have  the 
start  of  us.  He  can't  get  his  man  here  before  to  morrow 
night,  I  should  think,  if  then.  Let  us  put  out  a  counter-no- 
tice at  once,  and  hold  a  meeting  at  the  Red  Hoofs  to-night." 

In  a  short  time  a  pink  placard,  from  the  establishment  of 
the  Radical  printer,  was  being  posted  about  Freshtown,  call- 
ing u]")on  the  electors  to  "  remember  the  compact,  and  to 
commit  themselves  to  no  candidate  for  the  present." 

War  was  declared. 

Now  the  exact  position  of  parties  in  the  borough  at  this 
time  was  as  follows.  The  Millionnaire  party  could  count  on 
550  votes  out  of  the  800  odd  in  any  contest  between  Popu- 
lar and  Popular,  the  Fogy  tenants  on  the  estate  always  votirig 
with  the  landholder,  as,  under  ordinary  circumstances,  the 


I20  LORDEANTAM 


only  relic  of  party  principle  left  for  them  to  practise.  They 
numbered  about  140.  The  remainder  of  themillionnaire  ten- 
ants were  not  under  discipline.  There  were  200  other  Fogy 
voters  in  the  town  who  could  generally  be  relied  on  to  vote 
one  way,  because  they  were  kept' well  in  hand  by  the  four 
or  five  principal  employers  of  labor,  specially  by  one  Mug- 
geridge,  a  brewer.  About  370  voters  were  artisans  and 
trades-unionists,  all  independent  and  Radical  to  the  back- 
bone :  200  more  respectable  electors  generally  co-operated 
with  the  independents.  The  balance  consisted  ot  moderate 
Liberals  of  little  means,  and  some  freemen  ;  and  how  they 
would  all  vote  used  to  be  a  mystery  until  they  had  voted. 
To  add  to  the  complexity,  the  dissenting  interest  was  very 
strong.  Here  were  materials  for  some  very  pretty  conjunc- 
tions. 

Word  was  passed  to  all  the  leaders  of  the  independent 
jmrty  to  be  on  the  alert  in  the  evening,  and  if  in  the  early 
part  of  the  day  the  Moon  and  Green  Cheese  had  had  its 
hysterics,  in  the  evening  the  Red  Hoofs  had  their  turn  of 
excitement.  The  long,  low-ceiled  room,  with  its  old  and 
rattling  casements,  its  bulging  walls,  dismal  paper  and  skir- 
mishing long  tables,  was  occupied  by  a  lively  committee. 

During  the  afternoon,  the  barrister  who  happened  to  be 
nearest  the  scene  of  action,  hearing  of  the  opening,  hurried 
to  the  spot  and  called  on  the  leaders  of  the  independent  sec- 
tion.    Law,  like  nature,  abhors  a  vacuum. 

At  this  meeting,  the  Trades  came  out  in  unusual  force, 
ami  Tom  Stretcher,  who  spoke  witli  ama/ing  nerve  and  pith, 


TAKING     NO     PART     IN     IT.  121 

declared  that  to  a  man  they  had  decided  on  puttuig  up  a 
candidate  of  their  own  class — a  Mr.  Ruggles  of  Ironch'iister. 
Several  Popnlars,  a  manufacturer,  two  solicitors,  a  physician, 
and  a  retired  captain,  etc.,  all  of  whom  professed  extreme 
principles,  protested  however  against  this  proposal.  "  Rug- 
gles was  a  notorious  agitator,  and  not  a  gentleman.  What 
could  he  do  in  the  House  ?  How  could  he  support  himself? 
It  would  be  ridiculous."  Every  word  they  uttered  in  this 
wise  was  driving  in  Ruggles' s  nails  for  him,  and  securely 
fixing  him  in  the  affections  of  the  artisans.  .  The  meeting 
broke  into  two  divisions  and  adjourned  till  next  evening, 
Mr.  Blupell  solemnly  warning  them  that  the  breach  would 
ruin  their  party  ;  but  then  his  only  solution  of  the  difficulty 
was  that  the  rough  majority  should  succumb  to  the  genteel 

minority 

*      * 
* 

III. — Taking  no  part  in  it. 

The  election  at  Woodbury  was  not  confined  to  Wood- 
bury itself.  A  small  share  of  its  real  importance  concen- 
trated there.  The  chief  struggle  was  elsewhere.  We  now 
turn  to  this  extra-mural  portion  of  the  conflict. 

The  death  of  Mr.  Wilton,  M.P.,  was  announced  in  an 
evening  journal  and  known  at  all  the  London  Clubs  within 
a  few  hours  of  the  event.  There  were  at  the  moment  loung- 
ing about  town  nearly  two  hundred  gentlemen  of  every  rank, 
profession  and  state  of  wealth  or  impecuniosity,  who  were 
conscious  of  a  Heaven-ordained  prescription  that  they  should 


122  LORD     BANTAM. 


go  into  Parliament.  How  many  and  various  these  beings 
that  also  stood  and  waited  near  the  poliiical  sanctuary  ! — 
leeches  longing  to  get  a  suck  at  the  body  politic — late  mem- 
bers or  ex-ministers  eager  to  return  to  the  political  pastures 
out  of  which  they  had  been  driven — young  gentlemen  whose 
ambitious  fathers  desired  to  procure  for  them  the  opportu- 
nity of  learning  statesmanship  at  the  expense  of  the  public — 
barristers  hungry  for  judgeships  and  willing  to  hold  a  perpet- 
ual brief  for  their  party  in  the  prospect  of  a  handsome  settle- 
ment for  life — wealthy  and  vulgar  tradesmen  struggling  for  a 
social  jDosition — railway  directors  and  stock-jobbing  specu- 
lators plotting  to  make  money  out  of  the  highest  trusteeship 
of  human  experience — all  with  quick,  keen  noses  scenting 
the  carrion  scent  of  the  departed  life,  swoojiing  down  upon 
the  place  where  the  carcass  had  been,  but  certainly  not 
worthy  to  be  compared  with  eagles. 

The  same  afternoon  three  peers  with  their  sons,  two  rail- 
way directors,  and  half  a  dozen  Queen's  Counsel,  who  hap- 
pened to  be  acquainted  with  Lord  Haricot,  the  President  of 
the  Council  and  Co-trustee  of  the  Millionnaire  estate,  had 
called  at  Brook  Street  to  solicit  his  influence.  He  was 
"out"  to  them  all.  To  tell  the  truth  he  was  closeted  with 
Mr.  Carnifax,  the  astute  Whip  of  the  Popular  Party. 

Mr,  Carnifex  was  like  all  Whips.  In  describing  one  you 
describe  another.  To  whatsoever  side  he  belongs  a  Whip  is 
a  man  who  agrees  to  maintain  no  principles  of  his  own — 
though  he  does  not  agree  not  to  have  them.  He  is  at  once 
the  slave  and  the  tyrant  of  the  party.     To  him  looks  the 


TAKING    NO    PART    IN     IT.  1 23 

Prime  Minister  for  information,  organization,  pressure,  screw 
or  cajolery  :  to  him  cringe  the  average  members  of  his  party 
for  advice  or  assistance  or  interest.  When  his  side  is  in 
power  he  is  the  dispenser  of  the  smaller  patronage ;  the 
middleman  who  goes  between  a  minister  desirous  of  purchas- 
ing a  doubtful  vote,  and  a  member  ready  to  sell  his  princi- 
ples for  place  or  position.  He  is  partially  in  the  secrets  of 
the  Cabinet.  It  is  his  business  to  know  the  private  aims  of 
every  man  of  his  party.  Representatives  of  doubtful  con- 
stituencies look  to  him  to  procure  appointments  for  un- 
manageable electors.  To  nine  men  out  of  ten  on  his  side 
the  house  his  word  is  law.  When  the  ruck  of  members 
comes  surging  up  from  smoking-room,  and  library,  and 
brandy  and  seltzer  on  the  terrace  to  some  critical  division, 
he  has  been  seen  to  stand  and  point  with  his  finger  to  the 
sheep  as  they  flocked  towards  him,  and  they  have  been  seen 
to  obey  his  signal.  He  pumps  opinions  whereby  to  guide 
the  course  of  a  time-serving  government ;  he  ascertains  what 
policy  is  safest  before  any  policy  is  announced ;  how  far  a 
ministry  may  go  and  no  farther.  He  acts  the  part  between 
statesman  wooers  and  state  courtesans. 

Such  an  office  is  a  study  to  a  political  critic.  It  seems 
so  concrete  and  abject  a  recognition  of  the  baseness  of 
humanity.  However,  I  never  heard  that  any  gentleman  of 
stainless  honor  refused  to  accept  so  powerful  a  post.  It  is 
only  in  the  kingdom  of  heaven  that  such  self-respect  could 
be  looked  for. 

Mr.  Carnifex,  the  Prig  Whip,  was  closeted  with  my  Lord 


124  LORD     BANTAM, 


Haricot.  I  have  said  that  the  late  miUionnaire  was  a  Fogy, 
and  when  he  was  aUve  his  tenants,  Prig,  Fogy  or  Radical, 
had  all  voted  consistently  one  way.  He  was  a  terribly 
tyrannical  old  disciplinarian,  having  risen  from  the  lo\vest 
ranks.  He  would  have  turned  in  his  grave  had  he  known 
that  his  trustee  was  using  the  estate  influence  for  the  other 
party. 

Said  IvOrd  Haricot : 

"  I  am  willing  and  anxious  to  oblige  PTowlsmere.  His 
family,  you  know,  are  connections  of  Lady  Haricot.  Besides, 
as  the  leader  of  the  party  in  the  Lords,  he  is  entitled  to  any- 
thing I  can  do.  I  have  heard  the  young  fellow  well  spoken 
of  for  ability,  though  they  say  he  is  too  *  earnest '  a  Radical. 
But  all  that  will  tone  down.  I  would  rather  see  a  man 
before  than  behind  his  age,  if  he  is  not  a  fool." 

"No  doubt  he'll  tone  down.  Ffowlsmere  makes  a  gi-eat 
point  of  getting  him  in.  We  sorely  need  some  clever  juniors 
just  now." 

"  Well,  you  know  I  am  only  trustee  of  the  propert}'  at 
Woodbury,  and  I  have  rarely  interfered  in  the  elections, 
never  openly.  The  fact  is,  Pike,  the  agent,  has  had  every- 
thing his  own  way,  and  you  understand  how  to  make  him 
right,"  added  the  Lord  President,  significantly,  "  Probably 
you  have  more  acquaintance  with  the  borough  than  I  have. 
It's  a  nasty  place  to  fight.  There's  a  strong  an ti- MiUionnaire 
l)arty,  and  I  think  poor  AVilton  represented  them.  Won't 
they  wint  to  i)ut  uj)  their  man  this  time  ?  There  is  a 
Doctor   Dulcis,    a   liaptist,    who   has   great   influence — the 


TAKING    NO    PART    IN     IT.  1 25 

apostle  of  the  sect  in  England,  I  hear.     Bantam  must  be 
sure  to  get  him." 

"01  know  the  details  pretty  well ;  we  have  ample  in- 
formation. I  have  always  found  the  people  troublesome, 
bat  Bantam's  name  and  position  will  go  down  well  with  the 
Fogies,  and  if  we  get  him  out  first  we  shall  be  able  to  put  a 
screw  on  any  other  candidate,  by  charging  him  with  dividing 
the  part}^  In  fact  I  intend  that  Lord  Bantam  shall  leave  at 
once  for  the  borough,  and  I  only  delayed  until  I  had  settled 
with  you  to  put  no  other  man  in  the  field." 

"  I  have  no  one  to  send.  Look  here — "  and  the  peer 
pointed  to  a  row  of  cards  on  his  table  as  a  lackey  brought 
in  another.     "  I  have  not  seen  one  of 'em." 

"  One  thing  more.  No  doubt  Ffowlsmere's  agent  will 
have  made  the  estate  agent  all  right ;  but  to  clinch  the 
matter  and  give  him  ground  with  the  people,  I  think  it  would 
be  well  for  you  to  let  him  have  a  letter  of  introduction  to 
Mr.  Pike." 

"Oh,  you  know  I  must  not  mix  myself  up  with  it  at  all. 
There'd  be  a  deuce  of  a  row;  Cabinet  Ministers  interfering 
with  the  freedom  of  election,  and  that  sort  of  thing." 

jj"  I  think  I  can  manage  that  for  you,"  replied  the  wily 
Parliamentarian.  "  You  could  send  a  simple  letter  of  intro- 
duction, saying,  if  you  like,  that  you  don't  intervene  at  all. 
Pike  will  understand  it  perfectly,  and  it  will  have  its  effect." 

The  peer,  an  honest  old  fellow  in  his  way,  shrank  even 
from  this,  but  at  length  allowed  himself  to  be  persuaded  by 
the  Whip,  who,  to  tell  the  truth,  had  his  doubts  about  Wood- 


126  LORD     BANTAM, 


bury.     He  wrote  the  following  letter  in  autograph  from  a 
draft  prepared  by  Mr.  Carnifox. 

Mr.  Pike,— 

Lord  Bantam,  son  and  heir  of  the  Earl  of  Ffowls- 
trere,  Secretary  of  State  for  Imperial  Appendages,  is,  J  am 
given  to  understand,  likely  to  visit  Woodbury  07i  business  con- 
nected with  the  election  consequent  on  the  death  of  your  late  la- 
mented Meinber.  He  may  need  some  advice  from  competent 
persons  in  the  locality.  I  know  no  one  better  qualified  to  give 
him  such  advice  than  you,  and  I  may  say  that  any  attentions 
you  i7iay  pay  him  will  be  an  obligation  to  myself 

With  reference  to  the  approaching  election,  I  hope  it 
will  go  off  quietly.  Of  course  I  do  7iot  intend  to  take  any 
part  in  it  whatever. 

Your  faithful  servant. 

Haricot. 

"  It  is  very  important  not  to  lose  this  place  in  our  present 
shaky  condition,"  said  Carnifex  in  taking  leave  of  the  peer. 
"  But  Ffowlsmere's  desire  to  get  in  his  son  is  very  awkward 
for  us.  There's  Ewing  has  been  waiting  for  a  seat  these  two 
years,  and  you  know  he  fought  West  Cardshire  twice.  I 
])romiscd  him  the  next  chance.  Then  there's  Foley  and 
Brampton  and  nearly  a  dozen  others  on  the  list,  besides  one 
of  those  d — d  working-men  candidates,  who  are  going  to 
give  us  a  lot  of  trouble  I  fear  everywhere." 


*     * 


FENCING.  127 


IV. — Fencing. 

When  Mr.  Carnifex  reached  his  room  at  the  Treasury, 
after  his  interview  with  Lord  Haricot,  his  private  secretary 
handed  him  the  card  of  an  Irish  politician  well  known  to  be 
looking  for  a  seat  in  the  House,  and  informed  him  that  two 
other  gentlemen  were  waiting  in  the  ante-room.  One  was 
Mr.  Ewing,  late  M.P.  for  Biston,  a  man  of  business,  specially 
valuable  to  the  Ministry,  for  he  never  spoke,  worked  dili- 
gendy  on  Committees,  voted  consistently  with  his  party,  and 
wielded  a  good  deal  of  quiet  influence.  Mr.  Carnifex  was 
really  vexed  to  be  obliged  in  tliis  instance  to  throw  him. 

"  Well,  Carnifex,"  said  Ewing  as  he  came  in,  "  I  think 
this  chance  will  do.  I've  telegraphed  to  Pike,  the  Antrobus 
interest,  you  know,  and  my  agent  has  gon€  down.  There 
can  be  no  one  in  the  way.     This  death  is  so  unexpected." 

"  I'm  sorry  you  have  sent  any  one  down,  my  dear  fellow," 
replied  his  friend  with  some  embarrassment. 

"Why?"  cried  the  other,  somewhat  dashed. 

"  Why,  I've  just  heard,  privately,  you  know,  entirely  a 
party  secret,  that  young  Bantam  has  been  fixed  upon  by  the 
Antrobus  interest — old  Haricot,  you  know,  trustee — relative 
of  his  mother.  I  am  not  sure  he  has  not  gone  down  al- 
ready. It  would  be  awkward  to  interfere  wuh  such  an  ar- 
rangement." 

"Young  Bantam  !  Good  Heavens,  he's  hardly  of  age — 
a  red  republican,  and  his  father  with  a  dozen  boroughs  in 


128  LORD     BANTAM 


his  hands.  Why,  this  is  extortionate.  I  made  certain  of 
this  chance.  Ton  my  word,  Carnifex,  I  don't  think  I  shall 
stand  it.     Now  I've  begun  I'll  go  on." 

"I  fear  there  is  no  chance,"  said  the  other.  "You  see 
my  hands  are  tied.  At  all  events,  if  j^ou  go  down  and  look 
at  it,  promise  me  you  won't  divide  the  party." 

"  Not  to  let  in  a  Fogy.     Good-by  for  the  present." 

"  Good-by,"  said  Carnifex,  "  I  will  see  what  can  be  done 
for  you." 

He  would  have  more  accurately  expressed  it  had  he  said 
that  he  would  see  his  friend  done  for. 

The  other  gentleman  was  shown  in  :  JNTr.  Tilson  contested 
Shoeborough,  Titmouse,  Ruggleton — all  unsuccessfully — 
therefore  supposed  to  have  immense  claims  on  the  party. 

"  All,  Tilson  !  Anything  up  !  What's  the  news  from  Shoe- 
borough  ?     I  hoping  you  are  nursing  it  carefully  ?  " 

"  Oh  yes,  my  subscriptions  are  all  paid  regularly,  but  I 
have  come  to  you  about  Woodbury.  I  ought  to  have  a 
chance  there.  My  cousin  Richey,  the  banker,  has  a  great 
deal  of  influence,  and  as  a  dissenter  I  should  do  well  in  the 
borough.  My  agent  went  down  by  the  last  train.  Is  any 
one  else  in  the  field  ?  " 

"  Why,  yes.  Ewing  is  talking  of  going  down,  and  he's  a 
very  strong  man  anywhere,  and  we  very  much  want  him  in 
the  House." 

"Any  one  else?" 

"Two  or  three  are  spoken  of,  but  I  shall  know  more  to- 
morrow.    Will  vou  come  in  in  the  aflcrnoon?" 


PARTY    TACTICS.  1 29 

The  Whip  was  perplexed,  and  needed  time  for  reflection. 
This  man  with  a  cousin  a  local  banker,  was  not  a  comforta- 
ble interpellant,  and  too  important  to  be  flouted. 

"  I'm  at"raid  that  will  leave  it  very  late,"  said  Mr.  Tilson, 
"  but  I  depend  on  you  to  do  your  best  for  me." 

This  utterly  gratuitous  expression  of  confidence  made  the 
Whip  wince,  and  rather  annoyed  him. 

*     * 
* 

v.— Party  Tactics. 

Five  minutes  later  a  Treasury  messenger  in  a  hansom 
was  conveying  to  our  hero  the  Lord  President's  letter  with  a 
message  to  be  off  by  the  next  train,  as  there  was  likely  to  be 
opposition  ;  and  he  was  warned  to  avoid  travelling  Avith  Mr. 
Ewing,  should  he  be  going  by  tlie  same  train. 

Mr.  Carnifex  then  put  on  his  hat  and  went  to  St.  Ste- 
phen's Gardens,  to  the  office  of  the  Prig  Association,  the 
headquarters  of  the  party  organization  throughout  the  king- 
dom. The  head  of  this  department  was  virtually  the  Whip's 
factotum.  He  was  in  all  the  electoral  and  not  a  few  of  the 
political  secrets  of  the  party — a  man  whose  face  was  a  mask, 
whose  head  was  a  geometric  maze  whereof  he  only  held  the 
skein  ;  a  man  of  the  world,  polished  and  brilliant :  of  good 
position  :  of  vast  experience,  able,  astute,  inscrutable. 
There  was  self-restraint  and  hidden  tact  in  the  very  cut  ot 
his  coat.  What  tales  could  he  have  told  of  human  ambi- 
tions and  failures,  of  human  follies  and  foibles  !  Pie  sat  in 
6* 


130  LORD     BANTAM, 


a  room  from  which  by  merely  ringing  a  bell  he  could  com- 
municate almost  directly  with  any  part  of  the  kingdom.  In 
an  adjacent  chamber  half  a  dozen  busy  and  silent  clerks 
wrote  and  filed  correspondence,  conned  reports,  abstracted 
or  minuted  information  contained  in  letters  and  newspapers. 
It  was  a  wonder  that  an  organization  so  elaborate  and  so 
perfect  did  not  preserve  more  harmony  than  was  at  that 
time  commonly  apparent  in  the  ranks  of  the  party.  It  is 
just  possible  that  it  may  have  been  too  mechanical  in  its 
movements,  and  not  sufficiently  adaptive  or  tactical— but 
such  a  criticism  may  be  deemed  impertinent,  and  I  withdraw 
it.  How  perfect  their  clerical  work  was,  appeared  when  the 
Whip  entered,  and  taking  a  chair,  evidently  kept  for  him, 
said : 

"  Fugleman,  what  do  we  know  about  Woodbury  ?" 
Mr.  Fugleman  rang  a  bell.     A  clerk  entered. 
"  Bring  in  the  electoral  note-book  for  Gorseshire." 
A  large  volume  was  brought  in,  and  opened  at  a  page 
headed  Woodbury,  opposite  which  was  a  map  of  the  borougli, 
with  certain  portions    indicating  .the   various  "interests" 
colored.      Mr.    Carnifex  sat  perusing  a  carefully  compiled 
account  of  the  voters,  properties  and  influences  of  that  con- 
stituency. 

"  I  see  the  Wcsleyans  are  strong  down  there.  Lord  Ban- 
tam is  rather  a  free-thinker,  from  what  I  hear.  He  must  be 
cautioned  to  keep  his  opinions  to  himself." 

"  1  don't  lliink  he'll  have  any  difficulty  with  them,"  said 
Mr.  Fugleman  ;   "but  1  have  just  received  a  telegram  from 


PARTY    TACTICS.  131 


Pike.  A  barrister  with  some  local  influence,  named  Heneage, 
is  already  canvassing  the  borough,  and  the  trades  are  talk- 
ing of  a  candidate  of  their  own,  Ruggles  of  Ironchester.  If 
either  of  them  stands,  the  party  will  be  split,  and  a  Fogy 
may  have  a  chance." 

*'  Hum  !  you  had  better  send  word  to  Sheller  at  once. 
He's  a  shrewd  fellow,  and  maybe  able  to  stave  off  the  work- 
man. But  here's  Ewing  gone  down  already,  and  Tilson 
talking  of  going.  I  see  by  this  memorandum,  Richey,  his 
cousin,  'controls  some  fifty  to  eighty  votes,  principally 
among  small  tradesmen.'  I  put  Tilson  off  till  to-morrow ; 
but  really  I'm  puzzled  to  know  how  to  deal  with  him,  for  we 
must  have  Richey's  support  at  any  cost." 

"  A  nice  mess  they'll  make  of  it,"  said  Fugleman.  "  We 
must  stop  this  at  once  or  the  borough  is  lost." 

"  Well,  what  are  we  to  do  ?  " 

*'  You  can  manage  Tilson  if  he  is  determined,  and  win  his 
cousin's  interest  at  the  same  time.  He  only  wants  a  seat  to 
make  good  his  claim  to  an  appointment.  That  Stickleback 
Bank  business  affected  him  very  considerably,  and  he  has 
claims  on  the  party.  You  might  offer  him  the  governorship 
of  Mungopore." 

"  That  I  know  Lord  Ffowlsmere  has  already  promis2d  to 
Norton.  But  he  can  give  him  the  next  vacancy.  Tliere's 
British  Liana,  where  the  governors  don't  stay  very  long. 
You  must  see  him  to-night  and  arrange  it.  We  cannot  af- 
ford to  let  him  go  down." 

"  I  don't  think  there's  much  fear  of  Ewing,"  said  the  saga- 


132  LORD     BANTAM. 

cious  Fugleman.  "  He's  too  good  a  man  to  fight  a  useless 
contest.  It  is  these  pestilent  barristers  and  pauper  politi- 
cians and  ambitious  working-men  that  give  us  so  much  trou- 
ble. Heneage  is  the  most  dangerous  feature  against  the 
young  lord.  True,  he  is  a  Popular,  but  he's  nobody.  Then 
these  barristers  never  like  to  take  their  teetli  out  when  they 
have  once  laid  hold,  unless  they  are  offered  a  bite  at  better 
meat ;  and  he  is  altogether  too  young  for  an  appointment. 
If  it  came  to  a  duel  between  Bantam  and  Ruggles,  there 
would  be  little  doubt  of  the  result  with  the  Fogy  vote  foi 
us ;  but  that  fellow  Heneage  will  certainly  weaken  our 
party.     His  family  stands  well  in  the  whole  county." 

That  evening  Mr.  Fugleman  saw  Mr.  Tilson  at  his  own 
house.     When  he  came  away  Mr.  Fugleman  understood  that 
Mr.  Tilson  did  not  intend  to  stand  for  Woodbury,  and  Mr. 
Tilson  understood  that  it  had  for  some  time  been  the  inten- 
tion of  the  Government,  in  consideration  of  his  past  services, 
to  confer  on  him  a  Colonial  governorship,  a  desire  to  be  put 
into  execution  on  the  occurrence  of  the  next  vacancy  ;  the 
two  understandings  being  also  understood  to  be  perfectly 
independent  of  each  other.     Mr.  Tilson  withdrew  his  agent 
from  the  borough,  because  Mr.  Fugleman  had  conclusively 
proved  to  liim  that  the  field  was  already  occupied  l^y  Lord 
Bantam  ;  and  Mr.  Fugleman  incidentally  disclosed  to  Mr. 
Tilson  the  aforesaid  good  intentions  of  the  Ministry,  which 
made  it  hardly  worth  while  for  Mr.   Tilson  to  gp  into  the 
House. 

I  should  like  to  know  what  the  Colony,  to  whose  lot  hap- 


MARCHING     ORDERS.  T33 

pened  to  fall  this  broken  politician,  would  have  thought 
of  the  method  in  which  the  cards  of  its  government  were 
shuffled ;  or  whether  any  empire  under  heaven  could  long 
maintain  its  position,  if  so  grave  a  business  as  the  selection 
of  rulers  for  its  matchless  provinces  were  conducted  in  so 

scurvy  9,  manner  ? 

*     * 
* 

VI. — Marching  Orders. 

Mr.  Sheller  was  certainly  a  shrewd  man  at  an  electioru 
For  thirty  years  he  had  been  managing  electoral  contests, 
county  and  borough,  open  and  close,  pure  and  the  reverse. 
He  knew  the  history  of  every  English  constituency,  the 
means  and  influences  required  in  each.  We  have  already 
seen  that  his  provisional  retainer  on  Lord  Bantam's  behalf 
was  in  Mr.  Pike's  pocket  almost  whilst  the  deceased  member 
was  yet  warm.  Now  it  was  a  cardinal  rule  of  Mr.  Sheller' s 
business,  that  he  never  attended  to  any  of  it  himself  He 
did  everything  by  proxy,  and  proxy  always  had  the  responsi- 
bility. In  the  present  case,  for  so  great  a  client,  unlimited 
means,  etc.,  etc.,  Mr.  Sheller  would  if  necessary  have  gone 
a  long  way,  but  he  acted  with  his  usual  caution.  He  sent 
for  the  cleverest  man  on  his  staff;  named,  by  a  strange  per- 
version, Simpleton. 

"Simpleton,"  said  Mr.  Sheller,  looking  straight  into  the 
shrewd  face  of  the  agent,  with  its  puckered  mouth,  resolute 
nose  and  chin,  crow-footed  temples,  all  transhgurcd  by  a 
bland  smile,  "you  are  to  leave  town  by  five  forty  train  for 


134  LORDBANTAM, 


Woodbury.  Vacancy  caused  by  death  of  Charles  Peter  Wil- 
ton, Esquire.  Our  candidate  is  Lord  Bantam,  only  son  ot 
the  Right  Honorable,  the  Earl  of  Ffowlsmere.  Pure  Prig 
interest.  You  know  the  borough.  You  worked  it  in  the 
religious  interest  for  the  late  Mr.  Jeremiah  Nye,  late  Baptist 
and  ship-owner.  They  say  there  is  to  be  a  Trades'  Candi- 
date. If  so  all  your  tact  will  be  required.  I  need  not  tell 
you,  Mr.  Simpleton,  that  no  effort  must  be  spared — no  effort^ 
you  understand,  Mr.  Simpleton — to  return  our  client.  I 
have  complete  confidence  in  you.  I  therefore  place  the 
whole  matter  in  your  hands.  I  need  not  remark  that  money 
is  of  no  consequence  to  our  client — that  is  for  any  legitimate 
expense — any  legitimate  expense,"  said  Mr.  ShcUer,  tapping 
his  snuff-box  on  the  table,  with  stern  emphasis,  and  steadily 
gazing  into  Mr.  Simpleton's  eyes,  which  bore  the  examina- 
tion with  equal  steadiness.  "Three  thousand  pounds  will 
be  placed  to  your  credit  at  Messrs.  Richcy  and  Thurston's 
bank,  and  I  shall  expect  a  careful  and  exact  account  of 
every  penny,  Mr.  Simpleton.  The  greatest  caution  must  be 
observed,  for  I  need  not  tell  you  this  rs  a  very  important 
client,  Mr.  Simpleton — a  most  important  client,  Mr.  Simple- 
ton—rtt  client  that  ought  never  to  fail,  Mr.  Simpleton  I  You 
will  no  doubt  be  too  occupied  to  communicate  with  me,  Mr. 
Simi)leton  ;  and  sliould  any  further  funds  be  required,  you 
will  telegraph  direct  to  Earl  Ffowlsmere's  solicitors,  Messrs. 
Ilawke,  Hawkc,  and  Peckham,  if  you  please.  There  is 
p^ioo  in  five-pound  notes,  Mr.  Simpleton.     Be  good  enough 


TOO  MUCH  OF  A  GOOD  THING,       135 

to  count  it  and  give  me  a  receipt.  Thank  you.  Good-day 
and  good  luck  to  you,  Mr.  Simpleton." 

As  Mr.  Simpleton  and  his  small  brown  portmanteau 
drove  to  the  station  where  he  was  to  meet  Lord  Bantam,  he 
winked  at  the  cabman's  back  and  smiled  to  himself. 

"  A — cautious  bird,  old  Sheller — a — very — cautious  bird. 
He  means  Lord  Bantam  to  be  returned  at — all — events,  and 
he  doesn't  want  to  know  anything  about  it.  Very  well, 
Mr.  Sheller.  If  possible,  Lord  Bantam  shall  be  returned  at 
all  events,  and  you  shall  not  know  anything  about  it.  You 
shall  have  a  careful  account  of  every  penny, — of  course  you 
shall,  Mr.  Sheller.  Cautious  bird — a — very — cautious  bird. 
Ha  !  ha  !  " 

The  cabman  pulled  up.  "  I  beg  your  pardon,  sir.  What 
did  you  say?" 

"  Nothing.  Oh  !  nothing — ,"  responded  he,  smiling, 
"I  was  blowing  my  nose. — A  very  cautious  bird." 

* 

VII. — Too  much  of  a  good  thing. 

We  will  return  in  the  train  with  Lord  Bantam  and  Mr. 
Simpleton  to  the  borough  of  Woodbury,  While  they,  re- 
ceived by  Mr.  Pike  and  partner,  two  local  magnates  and  a 
respectable  company  of  the  Millionnaire  tenants,  entered  a 
carriage  and  drove  in  state  to  the  Moon  and  Green  Cheese, 
let  us  ascertain  what  has  been  doing  in  the  interval  of  oui 
absence.     Mr.    Heneage,  the  barrister,  was  well-known  to 


136  LORD     BANTAM 


the  Woodburyers  as  one  of  the  leading  juniors  on  the  Cir 
cuit.  His  wife  was  the  daughter  of  a  Squire  who  hvcd  on  a 
handsome  estate  some  five  miles  out  of  the  place.  Willi  » 
barrister's  alacrity,  he  set  to  work  and-  earwigged  severai 
important  members  of  the  Independent  party.  Availing 
himself,  with  some  skill,  of  the  point  that  it  was  their  turn  to 
nominate  a  candidate  ;  while  he  set  them  strongly  against 
Pike  for  attempting  to  usurp  the  place  of  party  dictator, 
he  had  succeeded  in  gaining  considerable  support.  On  the 
other  hand,  an  afternoon  parliamentary  train  had  brought  in 
from  Ironchester  the  notorious  Ruggles,  and  to  meet  and 
escort  him  to  his  humble  lodging,  the  Trades  of  Oldship  had 
turned  out  in  a  body,  losing  half  a  day.  A  City  of  London 
warehouseman  of  the  Baptist  persuasion  and  enormous 
wealth  had  also  come  down,  and  was  endeavoring  to  form 
amon<'f  his  co-rcli^ionists  the  basis  for  a  fiulher  raid  among 
the  secularists.     There  was  no  lack  of  candidates. 

Blupell  was  exercised  beyond  endurance.  He  asked 
what  wickedness  the  town  had  committed  to  be  so  dchiged 
with  talent.  When  Heneage  came,  then  Ruggles  came, 
then  Tomkins  came  ;  his  patience  gave  way,  and  he  re- 
tired to  bitter  rcllections  in  his  back-room.  In  the  evening 
the  various  headquarters  were  in  full  blast.  Lord  I'antam 
was  introduced  to  about  a  hundred  of  his  supjiorlers  at  his 
inn.  The  Independents  had  their  meeting — a  very  stormy 
one,  the  effect  of  which,  instead  of  promoting  harmony,  was 
to  increase  the  discord.  Most  of  the  respectables  declared 
for  Mr.  Heneage  ;  the  Baptists  said  they  should  hold  off  at 


TOO  MUCH  OF  A  GOOD  THING.       137 


present  in  favor  of  Mr.  Torakins,  and  the  Trades  said  tliat 
Ruggles  or  a  Fogy  should  have  their  votes,  upbraiding  the 
others  for  their  want  of  liberality  in  not  yielding  to  the 
majority  and  adopting  a  working-man. 

Next  morning  at  eight  o'clock  Lord  Bantam's  address 
was  upon  all  the  walls.  At  nine  o'clock  the  bill-sticker  of 
the  Trades  pasted  Mr.  Ruggles'  address  over  the  placards  of 
the  noble  lord.  At  ten  o'clock  an  address  was  issued  by 
Mr.  Heneage,  "  emboldened  by  the  almost  unanimous  wish 
of  the  electors,"  and  relying  on  his  "  long  and  intimate  con- 
nections with  the  borough."  At  eleven  o'clock  a  jolacard 
announced  a  meeting  in  the  evening  to  hear  an  address 
from  Mr.  Tomkins.  The  electors  were  bewildered.  The 
Freemen  alone  retained  their  composure.  They  lounged 
leisurely  in  the  market-place  with  hope  beaming  softly  in 
their  faces  as  they  contemplated  the  coming  struggle. 

In  his  address,  the  young  lord,  spite  of  the  remonstrances 
of  Mr.  Simpleton,  introduced  a  distinct  appeal  to  the  democ- 
racy. He  declared  "his  sympathies  to  be  with  those  who 
felt  that  the  time  was  rapidly  approaching  for  the  removal 
of  many  of  the  restrictions  on  land,  on  labor  and  on  the 
conscience;  and  that  it  was  not  unlikely  that  organic 
changes  in  the  Constitution  would  be  necessary  preludes  to 
those  great  reforms." 

Mr.  Simpleton  and  Mr.  Pike  calculated  that  under  ordi- 
nary circumstances  this  sentence  ought  to  lose  him  a  hun- 
dred votes ;  but  they  comforted  themselves  that  there  was  a 


138  LORD     BANTAM, 


compensating  balance  in  his  illustrious  wealth  and  station. 
Some  of  the  Trades  even  spoke  of  him  approvingly. 

Mr.  Ewing  did  not  appear.  His  agent  met  him  at  the 
station,  and  deterred  him  from  alighting  or  exposing  himself. 
He  entered  the  train  with  him,  having  taken  tickets  to  the 
next  town.  He  was  too  shrewd  to  let  his  client's  name  slip 
into  the  newspapers  connected  with  a  hopeless  candidature. 

*      * 
* 

VIII.— The  Placard  Trick. 

The  experienced  Mr.  Pike,  the  experienced  Mr.  Shrimp, 
and  the  experienced  Mr.  Simpleton,  held  a  consultation. 
They  had  their  man  in  the  field,  but  forty-eight  hours  had 
completely  changed  its  aspect.  The  unexpected  attitude 
of  the  Trades,  and  the  appearance  of  Mr.  Hcneage,  were 
both  vexatious  incidents.  Mr.  Pike  knew  perfectly  well,  he 
had  found  it  out  by  experience  in  the  municipal  elections, 
that  the  Trades  influence  detcrminatoly  put  forth  was  over 
many  of  the  Millionnaire  tenants  stronger  than  his  own,  and 
that  a  cool  half  hundred  of  his  voters  and  others  whom  he 
had  hoped  to  inlluencc  for  Lord  Bantam  would,  whatever 
the  consccjuences,  assuredly  go  for  Ruggles.  Again,  a  num- 
ber of  the  most  respectable  MilUonnaire  supporters  would 
be  led  b)'  local  sympatliy  10  adopt  Hcneage — thus,  as  he 
expressed  it,  "cutting  off  the  young  lord's  tail  at  both  ends  ;" 
and  now,  Mr.  Simpleton  having  reviewed  the  field,  pro- 
nounced it  as  a  certainty  that  a  Fogy  would  be  started  if 


THE     PLACARD     TRICK 


139 


they  did  not  clear  away  one  or  the  other  of  the  rivals  in 
twenty-four  hours.  After  an  animated  consultation,  they 
resolved  to  adopt  a  bold  and  original  course  suggested  by 
Simpleton.  A  huge  blue  placard,  without  printer's  name, 
shortly  afterwards  illuminated  the  walls  and  shop  windows 
of  the  town.     It  was  in  these  words  : 


FOGY 

ELECTORS ! 

Reserve 

YOUR   PROMISES.       A    FIRST-CLASS 

FOGY 

CANDIDATE 

IS 

COMING  ! 

About  an  hour  after  its  appearance  Mr.  Pike  procured  a 
copy  and  went  over  to  Blupell  the  apothecary.  That  per- 
son received  him  with  reserve. 

Pike.  Look  here,  Mr.  Blupell  (unfolding  the  placard). 

Blupell.  Ah  ! — well,  I  suppose  now  you'll  see  your  way 
to  withdraw  your  man. 

Pike.  Don't  be  in  such  a  hurry,  my  dear  fellow.  I  of 
course,  like  yourself  and  the  whole  Popular  party,  will  not 
consent  to  let  in  a  Fogy.  I  came  to  consult  with  you  about 
the  action  we  should  take.  We  ought  to  agree  upon  a 
candidate  without  further  delay. 

Blupkll.  If  you  really  have  come  to  consult  wi*.h  me 
about  it,  Mr.  Pike,  I  have  but  one  course  to  recommend, 
the  only  honest  and  straightforward  one,  and  that  perhaps 


140  LORD     BANTAM. 

won't  suit  )-ou  ;  withdraw  your  man.  I  must  say  it  is  rather 
cool  of  you,  after  breaking  a  well-understood  compact,  by 
bringing  in  a  man  without  notice  to  any  of  us,  to  come  and 
say  we  ought  to  agree.  You  never  took  the  proper  way  to 
make  us  agree,  which  was  to  call  a  meeting  of  the  party. 

Pike.  Oh  !  I  see  you  are  clearly  laboring  under  a  misun- 
derstanding. Lord  Bantam  is  here  to  appeal  to  all  classes. 
I  can  answer  for  it  he  is  willing  to  submit  his  candidature  to 
the  whole  party. 

Blupell.  Why  did  you  not  do  this  at  first?  We  have  no 
personal  objection  to  him  ;  indeed,  I  rather  like  him.  He 
is  move  independent  than  his  supporters  ;  but  we  do  object 
to  your  dictating  to  the  borough  and  bringing  a  man  down 
without  consulting  with  the  rest  of  us. 

Pike.  Well,  I  may  have  made  a  mistake,  but  I  am  anxious 
to  rectify  it.  We  must  do  so  at  once.  I  have  reason  to 
believe  that  a  Fogy,  very  highly  connected,  will  be  brought 
forward,  and  unless  we  all  pull  together  we  shall  lose  the 
seat.  \ 

Blupell.  And  serve  you  right  if  we  do,  Mr.  Pike.  I  am 
not  going  to  help  you  out  of  the  scrape.  I  have  promised 
Mr.  Heneagc  my  support  this  morning — there  ! 

Pike.  Very  well,  Mr.  Blupell.     I  shall  never  forget  this. 

Blupell.  You  do  me  an  honor. 

Pike's  face  was  a  study  as  he  turned  out  of  the  chemist's 
shoj).  BIupcll's  decision  was  a  blow  in  itself,  and  was  be- 
sides  an  indication  of  more  serious  defection. 


THE     PLACARD     TRICK.  I4I 

He  crossed  the  High  Street,  and  went  down  it  to  the 
tailor's  shop,  where  Mr.  Thomas  Stretcher,  presiding  over 
eight  brother-snips,  constituted  with  them  one  man,  accord- 
ing to  the  proverb.  Mr.  Pike  had  hitherto  ignored  Mr. 
Stretcher  very  much  in  all  his  political  action.  It  was  rather 
a  humiliation  to  be  obliged  to  go  to  him,  but  a  retainer  is 
very  exacting.  On  asking  for  the  Unionist,  he  was  referred 
to  a  back  yard,  thence  up  a  rickety  staircase,  thence  along  an 
intoxicated  passage,  and  finally  he  went  unexpectedly  down 
a  step  through  a  door  and  into  a  circle  of  cross-legged  trades- 
unionists  busily  plying  their  needles. 

"  Oh  !  ah  !  Mr.  Stretcher,"  said  Pike  ;  "  could  I  speak  to 
you  a  moment  ?" 

"Yes,"  said  Stretcher,  quietly  passing  his  goose  down  the 
selvage  of  a  waistcoat  he  was  making ;  "  you  can  speak  to 
me,  Mr.  Pike,  I  s'pose.     It's  a  free  country." 

"Ha!  ha!  yes.  Very  good;  but  I  want  to  say  a  few 
words  to  you  in  private." 

"No  need  to  talk  in  private,  Mr.  Pike.  I  guess  your 
business  well  enough,  and  we're  all  friends  here.  If  you've 
got  anything  .to  say,  say  it  out  like  a  man.  I've  no  time  to 
spare  gossipping  in  whispers  with  you  or  any  one  else  in 
hours." 

Even  Mr.  Pike's  experience  was  unequal  to  talking  pri- 
vately to  a  man  in  the  hearing  of  eight  persons.  However,  he 
made  the  best  of  it. 

"  Well,"  said  he,  "  I  agree  with  you  ;  the  more  who  hear 
me,  the  better.     We  all  have  one  aim.     Have  you  seen 


142  LORD     BANTAM 


this  ?  "  he  contmued,  seating  himself  in  a  confidential  way 
on  the  doorstep,  and  opening  up  the  placard.  The  men 
looked  up  and  read  it  in  silence,  then  went  on  Avith  their 
work.  "This  shows  what  will  happen,  if  our  party  is  not 
united." 

"  Our  party,  Mr.  Pike  ?"  said  Tom  Stretcher  ;  "  what  is 
our  party  ?  You  represent  the  land  and  money  interest ; 
we,  the  claims  of  labor.  You  have  your  young  lord,  with 
his  spurious  liberalism,  very  like  your  own,  with  a  good  deal 
of  soft  sawder  for  us  poor  working-men  when  we  can  be  use- 
ful to  you,  but  precious  little  to  say  or  do  when  the  time 
comes  to  help  us.  You  represent  the  landlord  screw  ;  we 
are  the  true  freemen.  No  ;  we  have  ceased  to  lean  on  that 
reed :  our  hands  have  been  pierced  often  enough  already. 
There's  an  instance  of  it  in  your  hole-and-corner  way  of 
bringing  this  young  man  down  into  the  borough.  You  have 
gone  and  brought  him  here  without  asking  any  questions  of 
us,  and  v/e  have  nothing  to  do  with  him,  and  don't  mean 
to." 

The  ^ths.  Hear,  hear! 

Stretchkr  {continuing).  We've  had  enoi^h  dictation 
from  the  millionnaire  power — a  great  deal  too  much.  But 
the  day  of  power  for  the  people  is  coming,  and  all  these 
tyrannical  interests  will  have  to  succumb  to  the  rising  sov- 
ereign. It  is  time  we  should  have  representation  of  our  own 
class  in  a  Parliament  composed  of  landowners,  capitalists 
and  blood-sucking  professionals;  and  we  mean  to  strike  out 
a  line  for  ourselves.     The  Trades  arc  going  for  a  man  of 


THE     PLACARD    TRICK.  143 

their  own — Mr.  Ruggles,  and  depend  upon  it  we  shall  re- 
turn him  or  a  Fogy. 

Pike.  That  is  exactly  what  I  wanted  to  know  and  to 
speak  about.  I  recognize  the  working-man's  claims  to  the 
full ;  so  does  my  client.  I  only  ask  that  we  should  take 
means  to  ascertain  our  relative  strength,  and,  when  that  is 
discovered,  let  us  unite  the  whole  party  on  one  of  them.  If 
Mr.  Ruggles  is  decided  upon,  why  you  can  rely  on  the  whole 
of  us  to  assist  you. 

Stretcher.  No,  we  can't.  It's  no  use  sitting  there  and 
telling  lies,  Mr.  Pike.  We  know,  as  well  as  you  do,  that 
you,  and  all  like  you,  would  rather  vote  for  a  Fogy  than  a 
working-man,  and  we  can  see  that  if  3'ou  want  us  to  go  into 
negotiations  for  a  settlement  it  is  with  the  intention  on  your 
part  of  settling  it  one  way.  We  vuiderstand  you.  You  have 
had  your  fee  and  you  must  earn  it.  We  are  looking  for  a 
representative  ;  you  are  working  for  a  client. 

Mr.  Pike's  face  was  a  browner  study  than  before.  It  was 
useless  for  him  to  vent  his  rage  upon  nine  Unionists  in  a 
small  back  room  eighty  feet  from  the  front  door  ;  so  he  with- 
drew, and  had  the  mortification  to  hear  a  hearty  outburst  of 
laughter  as  he  went  down  the  long  passage. 

The  placard  trick  had  turned  out  a  failure. 

In  the  evening  Mr.  Tomkins  held  what  was  termed  an  en- 
thusiastic meeting,  and  no  doubt  to  a  superficial  observer 
would  have  appeared  so.  But  three-fourths  of  the  crowd 
was  composed  of  Fogies  or  trades-urionists  or  freemen,  anxi- 
ous to  di"aw  another  champion  into  the  melee. 


144  LORD     BANTAM 


IX.— A  Fogy  Candidate. 

While  the  Populars  were  thus  crystallizing  into  organism, 
representing  the  healthy  variety  of  their  opinions  or  their 
personal  and  local  piques,  a  few  shrewd  Obstructives  in  the 
borough  opened  communications  with  headquarters.  They 
had  come  to  the  conclusion  that  if  any  two  of  the  existing 
candidates  went  to  the  poll,  there  was  a  fair  chance  for  a 
Fogy  ;  and  if  all  three  persisted  in  their  candidature  the 
Obstructive  success  was  certain.  Their  tactics  were  in  ex- 
treme contrast  to  those  of  their  opponents.  A  committee 
of  a  dozen  met  privately  at  the  house  of  Mr.  Muggeridge, 
the  brewer.  The  rest  of  the  party  contentedly  awaited  their 
decision,  and  not  a  word  of  their  counsels  escaped  to  the 
other  side.  They  themselves  knew  every  move  of  the  Popu- 
lars almost  as  soon  as  it  was  made.  In  applying  to  the  party 
leaders  in  London  to  procure  them  a  candidate,  they  warned 
them  that  their  policy  was  not  to  produce  him  till  a  late  hour. 
Mr.  Pike  heard  of  the  meetings,  and  felt  sure  there  was  dan- 
ger in  the  air,  but  he  could  discover  nothing.  Simpleton 
wrote  to  Mr.  Carnifex,  urging  him  to  take  means  to  draw  off 
Heneage.  Lord  Bantam  and  Heneage  canvassed  vigorously, 
and  Ruggles  addressed  the  electors  every  evening. 

Mr.  Fugleman's  ingenuity  exhausted  itself  in  trying  to 
find  a  solution  of  this  electoral  knot.  Heneage  was  offered 
a  Recordership.  His  vanity,  however,  accepted  this  as  a 
proof  how  dangerous  he  was,  and  he  refused  it.     The  writ 


A     F  O  G  Y     C  A  N  D  I  D  A  T  E  .  1 45 

was  issued  ;  but  Pike  being  the  town-clerk,  and  the  ma3-or 
an  Antrobus  man,  it  was  clear  the  election  would  be  de- 
layed till  the  latest  moment.  No  sooner  was  the  writ  pro- 
claimed, than  the  Fogy  mine  was  spnmg.  The  walls  of 
Woodbury  effloresced  in  blue  placards,  informing  the 
Obstructive  electors  that  a  candidate  was  coming.  He  duly 
arrived  by  the  afternoon  train.  Mr.  Muggeridge,  with  his 
friends  and  a  large  body  of  freemen,  who  now  saw  their 
brightest  hopes  about  to  be  realized,  received  him  with 
enthusiasm  at  the  railway  station.  He  was  a  young  honor- 
able— a  captain  in  the  army,  cousin  to  a  peer  whose  splen- 
did domain  was  the  resort  of  the  townsfolk.  No  sooner  had 
he  reached  the  borough  than  significant  circumstances  were 
noted  by  experienced  observers  on  the  Popular  side.  His 
address  was  issued — with  a  compliment  to  the  trades-union- 
ists— referring  to  his  high  lineage,  and  the  proximity  of  one 
of  the  estates  of  his  brother,  and  to  his  service  in  Her 
Majesty's  livery  (not  using  those  words).  It  declared  him 
to  be  a  moderate  Fogy,  "  desirous  of  advancing,  at  a  pace 
consistent  with  safety,  without  hazarding  the  Crown,  the 
Church,  or  the  Constitution,  the  highest  interests  of  the 
working-man." 

He  pronounced  against  the  ballot,  but  was  in  favor  of 
giving  to  the  artisan  his  legitimate  rights. 

On  these  grounds  he  requested  to  be  returned,  and  began 
an  energetic  canvass  of  the  borough. 

Another  significant  circumstance  was  the  unwonted  facility 
of  credit  offered  by  the  publicans  for  draught  ale,  and  the 


146  LORDBANTAM, 


vast  number  of  drunken  persons  who  paraded  the  streets, 
uttering  warm  exclamations  of  adherence  to  Captain  Caven- 
dishe  "  ash  she  besht  man." 

More  significant  still  was  the  coolness  exhibited  by  num- 
bers of  persons  previously  favorable  to  one  or  other  of  the 
popular  candidates,  whose  eyes  had  been  opened  to  their 
errors  by  the  appearance  of  the  young  Captain. 

Mr.  Fugleman  himself  arrived  in  Woodbury  by  the  train 
succeeding  that  which  had  conveyed  the  Honorable  Captain 
Cavendishe.  He  had  lett-ers  of  introduction  from  the  Whip 
to  various  tried  friends.  One  from  Tilson  to  his  banker 
cousin  ;  and  others  from  a  certain  peer  of  the  realm  to  the 
agent  of  a  certain  estate  and  to  Mr.  Richey. 


X. — Canvassing  for  Election. 

Mr.  Fugleman  had  seen  Lord  llantam  and  his  agents, 
and  had  taken  the  bearing  of  the  position.  To  his  ex- 
perienced eye  it  looked  very  blue  in  more  senses  than  one. 
Tilson's  cousin  had  been  visited  by  the  young  lord,  but  was 
hanging  fire.  Mr.  Simpleton  had  come  to  tlie  conclusion 
that  he  meant  to  support  Mr.  Heneage,  who  was  known  to 
be  plying  liim  wilh  personal  and  family  influences.  Mr. 
Richey  belonged  to  the  independent  i)arly  in  the  borough, 
and  felt  liimself  nuich  aggrieved  by  the  assumption  of  Mr. 
Pike,  in  introducing,  without  consulting  that  party,  a  can- 
didate who  was  clearly  a  Ministerial  "  bantling  "     this    was 


CANVASSING    FOR    ELECTION.  147 

Mr.  Richey's  mild  play  on  the  young  lord's  name.  Had 
the  compliment  of  consulting  Mr.  Richey  been  paid  to  him 
before  Lord  Bantam's  arrival,  there  can  be  no  doubt  he 
would  have  esteemed  him  the  most  eligible  candidate  in  the 
world,  so  seriously  is  our  judgment  affected  by  the  method 
of  presenting  things. 

When  Mr.  Fugleman  called  upon  Mr.  Richey,  he  was 
politely  but  dryly  received. 

"  I  have  had  a  very  long  and  pressing  letter,"  said  he, 
frankly,  "  from  Tilson,  and  am  glad  to  hear  he  has  been 
so  well  provided  for.  I  have  had  to  help  him  a  little  lately 
I  Avish  I  could,  in  return,  aid  his  views  and  yours,  consist- 
ently with  my  conscience ;  but  of  course  you  would  not 
Avish  my  judgment  to  be  warped  by  any  generosity  of  the 
Government  to  a  relative  of  mine." 

'"  Oh  !  certainly  not,"  responded  Mr.  Fugleman.  "These 
matters  should  always  be  kept  entirely  distinct." 

"Yes,"  repeated  the  other,  "these  matters  should  be 
kept  entirely  distinct.  And  I  propose  to  keep  them 
distinct.  Tilson  has  done  the  Government  good  service  in 
the  past,  and  it  is  for  that  no  doubt  they  have  given  him  his 
reward.  I  may  as  well  say  at  once,  I  this  morning  came  to 
the  determination  to  support  my  friend  Mr.  Heneage." 

Mr.  Fugleman  expressed  his  regret,  affirmed  the  hopeless- 
ness of  the  barrister's  chance,  explained  the  position  of  the 
party,  the  importance  of  returning  Lord  Bantam,  who  was  a 
most  brilliant  and  promising  young  man — 

"  Rather  extreme,  eh  ?  "  hinted  Mr.  Richey.     Extreme  in 


148  LORD    BANTAM, 


theory,  but  practically  under  his  father's  able  influence  and 
the  necessities  of  his  fortune,  of  a  safe  conservative  spirit, 
it  had  been  quite  taken  for  granted  that  Mr.  Richey  would 
as  usual  support  the  Government  and  use  his  immense  influ- 
ence in  helping  to  heal  the  divisions  in  the  party.  Already 
was  it  becoming  too  late  to  do  it  since  the  Fogy  was  in  the 
field.  He  urged  Mr.  Richey  to  reconsider  his  determina- 
tion. Lord  Bantam  was  the  Government  candidate,  and  he 
might  reckon  that  he  had  t"he  support  of  Lord  Haricot,  who 
had  given  him  a  letter  to  Mr.  Pike,  the  Antrobus  agent. 

Mr.  Richey  was  intractable.  He  declined  to  change  his 
mind.  Then  Fugleman  produced  Mr.  Tilson's  introduction, 
with  Tilson's  urgent  appeal  to  his  relative,  and  a  letter 
from  Lord  Haricot,  as  an  old  friend  and  one  who  in  his 
trust-capacity  had  had  considerable  dealings  with  Mr. 
Riche/s  bank,  asking  him  to  support  '*  the  party  candidate" 
and  the  son  of  a  most  intimate  friend.  Mr.  Riche/s  father 
and  father's  father  had  been  bankers  in  Woodbury,  and  Mr. 
Richey  was  a  proud-nosed  man.  His  nostrils  dilated  when 
he  read  this  letter.  Bowing  stiffly  to  Mr.  Fugleman  he  told 
him  he  could  not  see  his  way  to  support  Lord  Bantam. 
Mr.  Fugleman  took  his  leave. 

He  was  more  fortunate  in  his  next  venture.  Mr.  Tom- 
kins  was  still  in  the  way ;  and  Mr.  Tomkins's  vanity  was 
not  hard  to  touch. 

By  an  adroit  use  of  combined  promise  and  flattery,  the 
Treasury  agent  succeeded  in  imbuing  Tomkins  with  the  no- 
tion that  he  was  the  most  dangerous  rival  in  the  field,  and 


CANVASSING    EXTRAORDINARY.  149 

^'       ■>■■■" — ■ — ■ " * — — ^ ■ 

that  his  retirement  would  turn  the  election.  This  to  Tom- 
kins  was  next  best  thing  to  getting  in  himself,  and  in  the 
proud  consciousness  of  his  importance,  he  at  once  offered 
his  best  support  and  his  influence  among  the  Dissenters  to 
the  Ministerial  candidate.  He  was  introduced  to  Lord 
Bantam,  and  his  services  were  put  in  requisition  to  bring 
the  young  lord  into  communication  with  the  noted  Baptist 

preacher,  Dr.  Dulcis. 

*     * 
* 

XI. — Canvassing  Extraordinary. 

Dr.  Dulcis  was  one  of  the  most  remarkable  of  living  Dis- 
senters. A  profound  theologian,  a  singularly  ripe  and  ele- 
gant scholar,  a  powerful  rhetorician,  eloquent,  refined,  a 
man  of  science,  he  had  shed  the  rays  of  his  genius  far  be- 
yond the  atmosphere  of  his  rather  narrow  denomination. 
Few  men  of  letters  or  of  science  were  unacquainted  with  the 
brilliant  and  industrious  minister,  and  he  won  their  affection, 
along  with  their  regard,  by  the  strangely  magnetic  attraction 
of  his  manner.  Circumscribed  as  hasty  opinion  would  have 
deemed  his  Calvinistic  creed,  he  displayed  towards  all  men 
the  broadest  kindliness,  while  he  boldly  indicated  by  word 
and  life  where  his  own  sheet-anchor  was  fixed.  His  facile 
pen  played  with  an  almost  bewitching  skilfulness,  procuring 
for  him  a  reputation  high  among  the  literary  men  of  his  day. 
It  was  no  wonder  that  a  man  of  such  quaUties  should  be  a 
man  of  influence,  and  he  was  looked  upon  by  the  agents,  in 
their  business-like  estimate,  as  one  of  their  best  "cards." 


150  LORD     BANTAM, 


Accordingly,  under  Mr.  Tomkins's  "  jegis,"  as  he  called  it, 
Lord  Bantam  and  Mr.  Simpleton  waited  upon  the  minister. 
He  was  a  man  of  some  means — of  which  his  dwelling,  an 
old-fashioned  town  residence,  with  a  good  walled  garden  in 
the  rear — gave  evidence. 

As  they  entered  the  house,  they  heard  the  tones  of  an  or- 
gan. The  maid  opened  a  door  into  the  room  from  which 
the  sound  proceeded.  Several  voices  were  singing  a  quaint 
tune  ;  and  Lord  Bantam,  stopping  the  servant's  announce- 
ment, signed  to  his  companions  to  pause  and  listen.  The 
scene  before  them  at  the  end  of  the  large  room  was  engag- 
ing. A  fair-faced  girl,  with  a  crown  of  golden  hair,  sat  at 
the  organ,  to  which  a  tall,  thin,  but  not  ungraceful  man — 
evidently  Dr.  Dulcis — was  energetically  supplying  breath 
while  he  used  up  his  own.  Round  tliem  were  grouped 
three  or  four  children,  ranging  in  age  from  four  to  thirteen, 
and  all  were  singing  clearly  and  heartily  to  a  Scotch  melody 
the  words — 


How  great's  the  gf^odness  Thou  for  them 
That  fear  Thcc  keep'st  in  store  : 

And  wrought' St  for  ihcm  that  trust  in  Thee, 
The  sons  of  men  before  ! 


In  secret  of  Thy  presence  Thou 
Shalt  hide  them  from  man's  pride  : 

From  strife  of  tongues  Thou  closely  shalt, 
As  in  a  tent,  ihcm  hide. 


All  praise  and  thnnVcs  be  to  the  Lord  ; 

I''or  Me  halh  magnified 
His  wondrous  love  to  me  within 

A  city  fortified. 


CANVASSING     EXTRAORDINARY.  151 


For  from  Thine  ej-es  cut  off  I  am, 

I  in  my  haste  had  said, 
My  voice  yet  heard'st  Thou,  wh.n  to  Thee 

With  cries 


At  this  point  a  velvet-coated  little  cherub,  rolling  his  eyes 
round  the  room,  happened  to  fix  them  on  the  strangers  at 
the  door,  whereupon  dropping  the  line,  he  shouted,  "  Papa, 
look  ! " 

Dr.  Dulcis  turned  from  his  labors,  and  came  forward. 
His  face  was  flushed  with  exertion,  but  endued  with  all  the 
self  possession  of  a  gentleman,  he  exceedingly  impressed  the 
young  lord  with  the  dignity  of  his  manner. 

"  You  find  me  at  a  favorite  amusement,  my  lord,"  said  he, 
as  if  unconscious  of  the  kindly  irony  which  his  term  for  the 
occupation  of  singing  such  uncouth  verses  suggested  to  the 
minds  of  his  hearers.  "  We  are  all  fond  of  singing,  and 
specially  fond  of  sonle  of  those  old  Scotch  versions  which 
preserve  so  much  of  the  ruggedness  and  simplicity  of  the 
original.  These  verses  afforded  consolation  to  very  dif- 
ferent men.  Luther,  a  man  of  action,  used  to  dwell  with 
pleasure  on  that  thirty-first  verse  ;  and  the  next  was  a  fa- 
vorite one  of  Melancthon,  whose  gentle  mind  was  peculiarly 
sensitive  to  the  '  strife  of  tons[ues.'  " 

It  is  needless  to  say  that  this  opening  rather  placed  the 
two  agents  outside  the  conversation,  but  the  young  lord  took 
it  up  very  cordially.  A  propos  of  the  Tsalms,  he  forthwith 
plunged  into  a  discussion  on  the  Hebraism  of  Milton,  and 
was  astonished  by  the  acute  and  brilliant  comn:«jnts  made 
by  his  interlocutbr.     The  agents  were  peculiarly  vexed;  the} 


LORD     BANTAM. 


deemed  this  a  sheer  -waste  of  time  ;  they  were  men  of  the 
world  in  a  sense,  but  their  wisdom  stopped  at  a  low  level. 
They  did  not  know  what  Lord  Bantam's  higher  instincts  told 
him,  that  with  the  man  before  him  he  was  doing  more  good 
by  this  conversation  than  by  several  hours  of  political  bab- 
ble.    At  length  the  doctor  himself  came  to  the  point. 

"  I  am  very  glad  to  see  you,  my  lord,"  said  he,  "  for  your 
movements  have  not  been  without  interest  to  me.  Your 
boldness  in  casting  off  the  restraints  of  class-interest,  in 
your  circumstances  and  at  so  early  an  age,  has,  if  you  will 
pardon  the  liberty  I  take  in  expressing  it,  won  my  prelimi- 
nary regard." 

"  I  am  for  right  and  justice,"  said  the  noble  proletarian  ; 
"  a  right  and  justice  based,  I  believe,  on  the  original  princi- 
ples of  a  great  Teacher,  whom  you  honor  as  a  divine  prophet, 
and  I  as  a  human  philosopher  of  singular  insight  and  power. 
In  the  early  simplicity  of  His  disciples,  before  casuistic  and 
transcendental  refinement  had  been  introduced  by  specula- 
tive theorists  like  Paul,  or  entliusiasts  like  John  and  James, 
the  tendency  of  the  followers  of  Christ  was  to  that  perfect 
Commune  which  the  purest  and  most  advanced  philosophy 
of  this  day  regards  as  the  highest  ideal  of  human  social  or- 
ganization." 

The  two  agents  were  stupefied.  Dr.  Dulcis  seemed  to 
overlook  the  combination  of  ungracious  inferences  involved 
in  the  young  man's  speech — the  result  of  tliat  intellectual  ar- 
rogance which  is  the  most  common  and  intolerable  of  our 
University  affectations.     He  said,  (juietly, 


CANVASSING     EXTRAORDINARY.  153 

♦'  We  could  hardly  discuss  at  this  time  all  the  points  raised 
by  your  lordship.  I  of  course  regard  them  in  a  different 
light  and  with  another  judgment.  What  I  am  happy  to  see 
is  that  you  express  broad  and  liberal  opinions — such  as  in 
my  belief  must  always  when  sincerely  held  and  freely  ex- 
pressed tend  to  bring  truth  out  of  darkness  and  fix  it  in  hu- 
man conduct.  Politically  I  am  inclined  to  agree  with  you 
that  there  is  much  to  be  learned  in  modern  economic  polity, 
from  the  simple  social  principles  of  Christ ;  but  I  am  afraid 
it  is  dangerous  to  say  so.  Men  are  unhappily  not  prepared 
for  the  millennium." 

"  But,"  intruded  the  business-Hke  Mr.  Simpleton,  "  do 
you  think,  Dr.  Dulcis,  you  can  give  his  lordship  your  sup- 
port at  this  election  ?  " 

"I  think  I  can,"  said  the  doctor  j  "and  if  you  should  be 
returned,  as  I  hope  you  may  be,  perhaps  we  shall  have  fre- 
quent opportunities  of  comparing  notes  on  many  important 
subjects." 

The  young  lord  drew  himself  away  with  difficulty  from  the 
charming  Dissenter  to  the  harassing  and  degrading  business 
of  canvassing.  There  is  probably  no  occupation,  short  of  a 
crime,  more  demoralizing — and  none  certainly  so  disheart- 
ening, as  the  door  to  door  mendicancy  of  a  candidate  for 
the  honor  of  representing  a  borough  in  the  Parliament  of 
these  kingdoms. 


7* 


*      * 


154  LORD     BANTAM, 


XII.  — Inconvenient  Results  of  Popular  Reform. 

Mr.  Fugleman's  next  move  was  towards  the  democracy. 
He  was  in  Woodbury,  not  to  secure  the  return  of  a  Popular, 
but  to  obtain  a  seat  for  a  Government  nominee.  To  check- 
mate the  dangerous  barrister,  it  was  essential  that  the  Trades- 
unionist  should  first  be  dismissed  the  field.  And  Mr.  Fugle- 
man called  upon  Ruggles.  They  had  met  before.  Ruggles 
was  an  agitator,  and  had  taken  part  in  many  contests  on  be- 
half of  other  persons.  His  rude  and  straightforward  abilities 
were  antipathies  of  the  Treasury  agent. 

"Ah  !  Mr.  Fugleman,"  said  the  Unionist,  "are  you  down 
here?  There's  sure  to  be  some  mischief  up.  You  are  not 
come  to  help  me,  I  know." 

"I  am  down  here,"  said  the  other  blandly,  "  to  help  the 
party.  With  this  excess  of  Popular  candidates  the  party  will 
go  to  the  wall.  Is  there  no  way  of  negotiating  a  compro- 
mise ?     Take  me  into  your  confidence." 

"  If  I  took  you  in  tliere,"  said  Ruggles,  "  you  would  soon 
take  me  in  another  way,  I'm  thinking.  However,  I'll  be 
frank  with  you.     There  is  one  negotiation  that  will  answer." 

"  What's  that  ?  "  asked  the  other. 

"  Withdraw  the  other  candi4atcs " 

"  Oh  !   I  have  no  influence  over  them  whatever." 

"Yes  you  have,  Mr.  I'ugleman,  pardon  mo.  The  Treas- 
ury has  ways  of  getting  rid  of  candidates  when  tlicy  want  to 
get  in  a  gentleman.     Let  tlicm  show  their  sincerity  towards 


RESULTS  OF  POPULAR  REFORM.      155 

US  by  helping  me  to  the  seat  now  there  is  a  good  chance  of 
returning  me." 

"  Impossible,"  said  Fugleman.  "  Lord  Bantam  has  the 
Antrobus  influence  and  you  cannot  expect  him  to  withdraw, 
nor  can  you  offer  him  any  inducements  to  do  so.  As  for 
Mr.  Heneage,  I  understand  he  is  unmanageable." 

"  Of  course.  He  is  a  barrister  looking  for  place,"  said 
Ruggles  bitterly. 

"  Well,  now,  Ruggles,"  said  Fu_gleman,  "  you  and  I  have 
worked  together,  and  understand  each  other " 

"  Do  we  ?  "  interjected  the  shoemaker  in  an  undertone. 

''  And  really,  my  dear  fellow,  such  a  town  as  this  is  not 
the  place  for  you.  You  are  a  reasonable  man,  and  have 
sense  enough  to  see  that  this  is  an  aristocratic  and  middle- 
class  borough,  and  such  people  need  educating  up  to  the 
point  of  adopting  a  working-man  candidate.  I  admit  the 
stupidity  of  their  prejudice,  but  as  a  practical  man  I  entreat 
you  to  consider  how  hopeless  it  is  to  overcome  it.  If  you 
will  show  me  any  borough  in  which  there  is  a  sufficient  num- 
ber of  working-men  to  give  you  a  chance,  honor  bright,  I 
promise  you  the  support  of  the  Treasury,  and  the  money  shall 
be  found." 

"  Stay  a  minute,"  said  the  unruly  Ruggles  :  "you  propose 
to  return  me  somewhere  by  working-men.  I  am  fighting  for 
a  wider  principle  than  the  mere  return  of  a  working-man  by 
working-men.  We  are  insisting  that  there  ought  to  be  110 
class  in  i)olitics,  and  that  a  working-man  who  has  equal  or 
higher  abilities  ought  tq  have  as  generous  support  from  the 


156  LORD     BANTAIM 


upper  classes  as  the  gentlemen  get  from  the  lower.  We  are 
determined  also  that  we  will  be  consulted  in  every  election, 
and  have  no  hole-and-corner  nominations  by  self-constituted 
leaders.  Those  are  the  principles  I'm  fighting  for  here  ; 
and,  it  strikes  me,  they  are  principles  none  of  you  will  un- 
derstand thoroughly  until  we  have  let  a  lot  of  Fogies  slip 
into  Parliament." 

Fugleman  bit  his  lips.  He  was  thinking  what  infinite 
idiots  were  the  reforming  busybodies  who  had  made  these 
awkward  electoral  incidents  possible.  They  were  the  dis- 
traction of  a  party — especially  of  a  Popular  party  with  its 
confounded  variety  of  opinions. 

*     * 
* 

XIII. — Explosion — of  a  totally  new  fulminating  Agent. 

Meantime  a  storm  was  brewing  for  Mr.  Fugleman,  of  a 
very  unexpected  character.  No  sooner  had  he  left  Mr. 
Richey,  than  that  gendeman  put  on  his  hat  and  went  over 
to  Mr.  Heneage's  committee-rooms.     He  was  excited. 

"Mr.  Heneage,"  said  he,  "Lord  Bantam's  friends,  and 
my  Lord  Haricot,  and  the  Treasury  have  to-day  passed  an 
insult  upon  me  which  I  venture  to  say  is  unprecedented  in 
my  family  history.  Read  that  letter  [^Lord  H.'s'],  and  that 
[  Tihon's^ . 

Heneage  read  and  profit cd.  lie  handed  llicm  to  his 
agent,  whose  eyes  twinkled.  The  latter  seemed  to  be  re- 
volving some  programme  or  newspaper  placard  in  his  mind; 


EXPLOSION     OF     A     NEW     AGENT.  157 

for  he  said,  musingly,  "  Unprecedented  affair — Treasurj- 
dictation  in  elections — extraordinary  perversion  of  a  trust 
for  political  purposes  by  a  Ministerial  peer.  Mr.  Richey," 
said  he,  -'you  have  won  us  the  election." 

After  half  an  hour's  consultation,  the  following  letter  was 
addressed  to  the  Prime  Minister : 

TO    THE  RIGHT  HONORABLE     UDOLPHO 
POLKINGHORNE, 

Treasury,  Whitehall. 
SIR, 

I  have  the  honor  to  address  yoii  on  a  matter  0/  extreme  importajtce. 
A  most  unusual  and  improper  interference  in  the  freedom  of  election 
has  taken  place  on  the  part  of  your  subordinates  in  the  Treasury,  and 
of  a  Cabinet  AIi>tister  of  high  position — of  so  grave  a  character  as 
seriously  to  jeopardize  the  Ministry,  if  made  public. 

A  Treasury  agent  has  been  sent  down  to  the  borough  during  a  con- 
tested election,  for  the  express  purpose  of  assisting  a  particular  liberal 
candidate,  though  there  are  two  others  in  the  field,  who  has,  without 
eiien  paying  me  the  courtesy  of  calling  upon  me,  canvassed  on  behalf 
of  that  candidate  ;  and  has,  moreover,  endeavored  to  use  undue  influ- 
ence in  weaning  from  me  some  of  my  supporters. 

I  cannot  conceive  that  conduct  so  disingenuotts  and  so  utterly  at  va- 
riance with  the  proper  management  of  a  great  party  should  have  been 
adopted  with  your  concurrence. 

I  have  further  to  inform  you  that  the  Right  Honorable  the  Lord 
President  of  the  Council — who  is  a  trustee  of  the  estate  to  which  the 
largest  interest  in  this  borough  is  attached — has  zised  the  fortuitous 
position  given  him  by  that  relation,  to  exercise  undue  influence  and 
pressure  upon  the  tefiant  of  that  estate  in  favor  of  Lord  Bantam.  It 
is  unnecessary  for  me  to  point  out  the  damaging  effect  which  a  disclos- 
ure of  this  fact  would  have  iipon  the  prestige  of  the  Ministry,  and  I 


158  LORD     BANTAM. 

appeal  to  yo2t  to  see  that  such  remedy  is  applied  as  may  afford  me  com- 
plete reparation  for  this  most  injurioics  atid  improper  ititerveiition. 
I  have  the  honor  to  be^ 
Sir, 

Your  most  obedient,  humble  Servant, 

FREDERICK  COKE   HENEAGE. 

This  letter  was  forwarded  by  train  and  specially  delivered. 
It  acted  like  a  shell  at  the  Treasury.  Messengers. radiated 
in  all  directions.  A  telegram  conveyed  the  news  to  Fugle- 
man, whose  quick  apprehension  took  in  the  effect  of  the  let- 
ter in  a  moment.  This  was  electioneering  of  the  highest 
order.  By  the  down  train  arrived  a  Treasury  messenger, 
with  a  letter  to  Heneage,  boldly  refuting  all  his  inferences ; 
asserting  that  Tord  Haricot  had  positively  declined  to  inter- 
fere in  the  election,  and  had  strictly  adhered  to  his  determin- 
ation ;  that  his  letter  to  Pike  had  been  simply  one  of  cour- 
tesy (copy  enclosed),  and  that  Mr.  Richey  had  evidently 
mistaken  the  tenor  of  the  communication  made  to  him. 

What  tlie  Treasury  communicated  to  Mr.  Fugleman,  he 
kept  to  himself  But  he  called  together  Lord  Bantam's 
inner  council.  A  very  long  conference  ensued.  That  also 
was  secret.  Mr.  Simpleton  expressed  himself  there  with  some 
animation,  and  juotestcd  that  they  ought  to  go  on.  He  as- 
sured them  that  he  had  "  been  over  the  borough,"  and  felt 
perfectly  certain,  if  matters  were  left  in  his  hands,  that  he 
could  return  his  lordship.  r>cforc  the  daylight  had  closed,  it 
was  whispered  about  town  that  the  young  k)r{l  had  retired, 
and  the  crowd  that  collected  round  the  "  Moon  and  Green 
Cheese"  soon  read    the    confirmation  in  an  advertisement 


THE     PRESS     EXPRESS     THEIR     OPINION.      1 59 


posted  on  either  side  of  the  door.  Simpleton's  disgust  was 
inexpressible.  He  had  got  hold  of  six  experienced  fellows 
by  whom  he  would  have  succeeded  in  convincing  a  large 
number  of  voters  of  Lord  Bantam's  superiority — at  any 
price.  But  he  confessed  that  the  new  ways  of  electioneering 
were  "  unsettling  his  stomach." 

Heneage's  triumph  was  only  momentary.  At  the  nomi- 
nation Ruggles  had  the  show  of  hands ;  at  the  poll  the 
Honorable  Captain  Cavendishe  led  his  opponents  by 
nearly  two  hundred  and  fifty  votes.  Of  these,  one  hundred 
were  friends  of  the  Trades-unionist,  and  the  other  hundred 
and  fifty  were  supporters  of  Mr.  Heneage.  The  arguments 
that  had  transformed  them  were  employed  during  the  course 
of  the  night  that  preceded  the  day  of  polling. 

*      * 

* 

XIV. — The  Press  express  their  opinions. 

The  fiasco  at  Woodbury  afforded  an  opportunity  to  the 
press  for  some  sparkling  criticisms.  Nearly  everybody  had 
a  ra[)  over  the  knuckles.  Mr.  Heneage  was  blamed  for  his 
"unjustifiable  ambition,"  his  " overweening  self-confidence," 
his  "  disregard  of  the  amenities  of  party  discipline,"  threat- 
ened with  everlasting  political  reprobation  for  "  dividing  the 
party."  The  Ministerial  journals  were  specially  vicious. 
Lord  Bantam's  success,  it  was  represented  with  great  truth, 
would  have  been  certain,  had  no  other  candidate  appeared 
in  the  field.     He  was   the  first  to  offer  himself,  had  been 


l6o  LORD     BANTAM, 


selected  by  the  local  heads  of  the  party,  approved  by  the 

leaders  in  London  ;   and  it  was  most  unreasonable  that  a 

gentleman  of  comparatively  unknown  name,  without   any 

claims  upon  the  party,  should  have  taken  advantage  of  some 

small  local  discontent  to  organize  opposition.     Populars  all 

over  the  country  were  warned  that  discipline  was  essential 

to  party  success,  and    reminded   that  free-lance  politicians 

were    parliamentary    nuisances.      Poor    Ruggles    had    no 

mercy.     His  assumptions  were  characterized  as  impudent, 

and  the  fallacious  nature  of  the  claims  of  working-men  to 

representation  were  rather  illogically  pointed  out  on  the  one 

hand,  while  it  was  argued  on  the  other  that  in  effect  there 

was  already  a  fair  proportion  of  working-men  representatives 

in  the  House.     Tomkins  was  asked  why  he  should  have 

interposed  his  vain  and  hopeless  candidature  at  so  critical  a 

period,  thereby  distracting  the  attention   of  the   electors. 

Amidst  all  these  objurgations  it  was  omitted  to  be  observed 

that  the  object  of  a  party  organization  and  a  parliamentary 

whip  and  a  Treasury  agent  was  to  prevent  such  occurrences. 

Whether  a  little  more  tactical  skill  at  headquarters  might 

not  have  secured  a  victory  for  the  party  at  the  expense  of  a 

disappointment  to  the  Government,  was  not  asked,  though  a 

most  pertinent  question.     Mr.   Ruggles,  in  a  letter  to  the 

Chimes,   very  bluntly   told  the    Ministry   that   "the  people 

cared   very  little    about    Ministries    but  very   much    about 

principles,  and    that    if  they  attempted   to   dictate  to  free 

boroughs  who  their  representatives  were  to  bo,  or  to   use 

undue   inlluenccs   in  favor  of  one  class  or  quality  in  their 


IN    PARLIAMENT.  l6l 

own  party  against  another,  they  would  deserve  to  be  de- 
feated by  the  Fogies  at  every  election  until  they  had  come 
to  a  sense  of  what  the  Popular  party  was,  and  how  only  it 
could  be  managed." 

The  reins  which  are  to  direct  a  party  of  progress  must 
necessarily  be  looser  than  the  curbs  which  are  to  hold  in 
hand  the  party  of  obstruction.  The  Tartar  will  drive  half  a 
hundred  wild  and  unsociable  dogs  in  a  pack,  without  reins, 
by  his  voice  ;  your  aristocratic  whip  holds  in  his  pampered 
four-in-hand  with  double  curbs  and  flogs  them  with  an  active 
lash.  They  are  both  masters  in  driving,  and  both  succeed 
in  getting  out  of  their  team  the  largest  possible  results,  but 
their  different   tactics  are   owing  to   the  difference  in  the 

animals. 

*      * 
* 

XV. — In  Parliament. 

The  annoyance  caused  to  the  Ffowlsmere  family  by  this 
failure  was  short-lived.  The  borough  of  Ffowlsmere  was 
held  by  an  obedient  servant  of  the  Earl,  who  shortly  after 
found  him  an  office,  and  thereupon  Lord  Bantam  was  re- 
turned Avithout  opposition.  On  his  presenting  himself  to  the 
constituency,  the  inveterate  Broadbent  formed  a  party  to 
oppose  liim ;  but  our  hero  developed  a  breadth  of  view 
which  completely  won  over  the  Chartist  leaders.  He  even 
professed  many  of  their  principles.  His  religion  was  clearly 
as  unsettled  as  their  own,  and  his  Communistic  views  were 
in  such  strange  contrast  with  his  enormous  prospects,  that 


l63  LORD     BANTAM. 


Broadbent  began  to  hope  that  this  was  to  be  the  inaugura . 
prophet  of  a  new  Socialistic  era.  For  the  present  the  shoe 
maker  was  compelled  to  be  satisfied  with  vague  pledges,  but 
he  looked  forward  to  creating  in  the  borough  a  party  strong 
enough  to  demand  something  more  speciiic.  The  young 
lord  scandalized  his  most  respectable  supporters,  by  insisting 
that  Broadbent  should  second  him  at  the  nomination — a 
humiliation  to  whicli  it  took  all  the  weight  of  his  wealth  and 
position  to  reconcile  them  to  submit.  In  this  way,  Lord 
Bantam  became  a  Member  of  Parliament. 


*      * 

* 


XVI. — Disaster  to  a  Prig  Ministry. 

Lord  Bantam  took  the  oaths  and  his  seat  for  Ffowlsmere 
at  this  time.  The  state  of  parties  in  the  House  and  the 
position  of  the  Ministry  were  peculiar.  It  was  suffering  from 
a  Prig  incubus.  Its  chief — one  may  say  its  heaviest — mem- 
bers were  of  that  anachronistic  class  that  ap])crtain  to  the 
era  of  primary  reform  ;  an  era  A\hich  has  almost  become  to 
the  scientific  student  of  politics,  a  fossil  period,  wherein  are 
stratified  not  a  few  monsters  and  other  relics — in  stone. 
The  Prigs  arc  a  well-known  party.  They  are  zealous  for 
l)rogress — when  it  is  least  agitated.  They  have  a  Dervish- 
like i)roficicncy  in  tergiversation.  Their  theoiics  and  profes- 
sions are  in  many  i)oinls  most  liberal  ;  but  ihc)-  are  the  most 
niggardly  of  political  benefactors.  A  I'lig  is  a  Fogy  without 
liriiuiple  and  a  Radical  without  practice. 


DISASTER  TO  A  PRIG  MINISTRY.      1 63 

The  Ministry  then  in  power  was  that  of  Lord  Polking- 
horne,  a  Prig  by  birth  and  education.     He  was  ably  supple- 
mented  by   Earl    Ffowlsmere,    Lord    Haricot,    and   othei 
distinguished  Prigs.     A  cruel  vulgarism  was  current  regard- 
ing the  connection  of  this  last-mentioned  peer  with  the  Min- 
istry, that  he  was  always  making  a  hash  of  it.     A  few  diluted 
Radicals  taken  into  the  Cabinet  as  a  concession  to  the  ex- 
tremists, but  rigidly  selected  with  reference  to  their  modera- 
tion or  their  known  impressibility,  were  insufficient  to  infuse 
into  this  highly  respectable  Government   the  lite -blood  of 
progress.     I'or  some  years,  peace  on   the   Continent,  and 
prosperity  at  home,  had  prolonged  conditions  favorable  to 
the  quiescence  of  this  Ministry.     But  unhappily  men  will 
think.     Requiescat  in  Pace  is  only  written  on  dead  men's 
tombs  ;  and  Lord  Polkinghorne  found  that  it  was  not  to  be 
inscribed  on  his  administration.     The  people  became  con- 
scious of  social  wants  and  of  corresponding   Government 
neglects,  and  in  looking  round  to  remedy  these,  found  them- 
selves obstructed   by  the  state  of  the   political  machinery 
wherewith  the  regeneration  must  be  worked.     The  Public 
Health  was  in  an  unendurable  state,  and  there  was  neither 
law  nor  organization  to  improve  it.     They  observed  that  no 
efforts  were  being  made   to  redress  those   inequalities  be- 
tween the  capitalist  and  laborer,  which  must  exist  and  in- 
crease unless  the  latter  has  some  artificial  aid  to  adjust  the 
balance  from  a  power  superior  to  both.     They  discovered 
that  the  chronic  agitations  of  an  island  attached  to  the  em- 
pire had  become  so  serious  as  to  necessitate  immediate  legis- 


1 64  LORDBANTAM. 


lation,  and  they  resolved  that  the  long-tried  methods  of 
quieting  the  aspirations  of  the  people — fiery  and  foolish  in 
too  many  things,  yet  having  their  rights  before  God  and  man 
— must  now  be  displaced  by  measures  more  rational.  A 
strong  national  feeling  was  growing  in  favor  of  the  provision 
of  education  by  the  State,  and  a  subordinate  agitation  arose 
out  of  it  concerning  the  question  of  procuring  the  necessary 
schools  by  a  concurrent  endowment  of  denominations.  The 
labor  organizations  were  demanding  that  Government  should 
superintend  the  migration  of  labor  within  the  kingdom,  and 
the  emigration  from  it.  In  fact,  the  country  had  clearly  re- 
solved that  it  had  rested  and  been  thankful  with  exemplary 
patience,  and  it  now  began  to  yawn  and  stretch  its  arms 
portentously.  In  doing  so,  like  Gulliver  with  the  Lillipu- 
tians, it  shook  the  Ministry  rather  roughly. 

As  is  too  frequently  necessary — and  perhaps  much  too 
often  needlessly  considered  necessary — the  minds  of  the 
people  looked  towards  the  accomplishment  of  these  great 
ends  by  overhauling  the  political  machinery.  A  tremendous 
agitation  shook  the  country,  having  for  its  aim  the  Rcconsti- 
tution  of  Electoral  Districts.  It  was  represented  that  many 
small  constituencies  were  more  powerfiil  than  large  ones — 
that  glaring  inequalities  yet  remained  as  a  legacy  from  the 
past — that  the  effect  of  these  inequalities  was  to  cripple  the 
popular  vote  and  give  undue  power  to  the  limited  classes. 
Until  this  was  changed,  it  was  alleged,  there  could  be  no 
hope  of  obtaining  a  true  Popular  House  and  a  true  Popular 
Ministry. 


DISASTER     TO     A     PRIG     MINISTRY.  1 65 

The  government  of  Lord  Polkinghorne — pledged  so  fax 
as  hustings-speeches  went  to  facihtate  representation  of  the 
people — found  itself  compelled  to  take  up  the  question.  It 
had  brought  in  several  bills  on  successive  sesssions — and 
had  permitted  them  not  to  succeed.  At  length  the  country 
would  brook  delay  no  longer.  Excitement  ran  high.  Vast 
public  meetings  Avere  held  in  large  halls  or  in  the  open  air. 
Immense  bodies  of  men  from  six  to  ten  abreast  filed  for 
hours  before  the  clubs  and  palaces  at  the  West  End  of  the 
metropolis,  for  the  purpose  of  enabling  their  tenants  to 
count  the  numbers  of  persons  who  disagreed  with  them — 
perhaps  not  an  altogether  useless  lesson  in  arithmetic. 
Squirmingham  went  into  hysterics,  with  its  mayor  incessantly 
in  the  chair.  Cottonchester  wasted  its  hours  in  spinning 
indignant  orations.  Liversedge,  Ironchester,  Radford,  sent 
deputations  to  the  Prime  Minister.  He,  on  account  of 
their  magnitude,  was  obliged — with  the  leave  of  the  Domes- 
tic Minister,  who  had  all  obstructions  carefully  removed  for 
the  purpose — to  receive  them  in  the  Park,  and  paid  them 
extreme  courtesy.  The  "  Redistribution  League,"  consti- 
tuted by  some  very  able  artisans  in  I>ondon,  spread  its  ram- 
ifications through  the  country.  Of  course  the  Government 
had  been  obliged  to  bring  in  a  bill,  and  of  course  it  was  un- 
satisfactory. It  had  the  flavor  of  Priggism.  It  preserved 
too  carefully  the  county  influence,  and  the  very  object  of  the 
Radicals  was  to  reduce  that  influence  to  the  minimum.  The 
Fogies  were  dissatisfied  with  it  because  it  was  too  Radical, 
and  uniting  with  their  opponents  below  the  gangway  in  a 


l66  LORD     BANTAM, 


division  on  the  second  reading,  they,  just  three  weeks  after 
Lord  Bantam  had  become  a  member  of  the  House,  threw 
out  the  bill  and  the  Ministry. 

The  young  lord,  who  sat  below  the  gangway,  had  been 
eager  to  show  that  he  was  a  Minerva  legislator  and  needed 
no  suckling.  He  spoke  twice  before  the  catastrophe — once 
on  the  question  of  facilitating  the  acquisition  of  homes  by 
artisans  in  great  cities — and  the  second  time  (on  the  Redis- 
tribution Bill)  in  a  very  ambitious  speech  against  the  Govern- 
ment, of  which  his  father  was  a  member.  At  this  the  Earl 
lost  his  temper,  and  rated  him  soundly  for  his  unnatural 
conduct.  To  which  he  replied  that  his  conscience  had  com- 
pelled him  to  act  as  he  had  done.  Wliereupon  the  Earl, 
with  true  Prig  consistency   "  d — d  his  conscience." 

*      * 
* 

XVII. — The  Claims  of  Society  on  its  Gods. 

Now  fairly  launched  upon  the  world — Peer's  son,  Rotter- 
dam heir,  member  of  Parliament,  budding  statesman,  author 
— Lord  Bantam  was  a  conspicuous  object.  A  star  like  this 
could  shine  with  no  dim  splendor.  But  if  stars  are  sublunary 
enough  to  be  reached  by  human  enterprise  their  destiny  is  to 
do  more  than  twinkle.  The  young  lord  had  taken  some 
quiet  chambers  at  St.  James's,  expecting  to  be  left  to  do  his 
work  as  a  people's  representative. 

In  a  few  weeks  the  number  of  circulars,  cards,  letters, 
newspapers,  forwarded  to  him  from  all  parts  of  the  United 


1 

THE     CLAIMS    OF     SOCIETY    ON     ITS     GODS.       167 

Kingdom,  from  people  of  every  nation,  sex,  and  profession, 
from  corporate  and  incorporate  bodies,  and  from  the  clergy, 
strack  him  aghast.  He  found  it  necessary  to  hire  another 
room  and  employ  a  secretary.  He  was  good-natured,  he 
was  energetic,  he  was  open  to  flattery,  he  was  heir  to  fabu- 
lous wealth.  These  were  dangerous  qualifications  in 
England  just  then.  So  many  people  were  anxious  to  take 
advantage  of  them.  The  number  of  agents  who  called  for 
subscriptions  to  societies,  philanthropic  or  otherwise,  was 
legion.  He  went  into  a  good  deal  of  their  work  with  avidity. 
He  became  Vice-President  of  the  "  Poor  Authors'  Society" 
at  the  usual  expense  of  ;^5o.  He  held  the  same  office  for 
the  "Centenarian  Widows'  Fund"  and  the  "Society  for  the 
Reclamation  of  Waste  Women."  He  became  a  Patron  of 
the  "Good  Samaritan  Insurance  Club,"  the  only  appropri- 
ateness one  could  distinguish  in  the  name  being  that  it  was 
certain  to  land  its  client  on  the  back  of  an  ass. 

But  Lord  Bantam  proved  of  too  earnest  and  practical  a 
turn  of  mind  for  the  managers  of  some  of  these  charities.  In 
many  of  them  these  qualities  were  gladly  welcomed  and  hap- 
pily utilized.  Others  deemed  him  needlessly  intrusive  into 
the  conduct  of  their  business  or  the  state  of  their  accounts. 
Thus  he  scandalized  the  managers  of  the  Centenarian 
Widows'  Fund,  by  suggesting  that  the  annual  dinner  should 
be  foregone  by  the  subscribers  and  devoted  to  the  widows, 
but  the  secretary  and  managers  hastily  explained  that  din- 
ners were  means  to  extract  aid  from  the  consumers  of  them. 
Lord  Bantam  was  incredulous.      He  would  not  believe  that 


1 68  LORD     BANTAM, 


the  gift  of  any  really  charitable  person  could  be  given  or 
withheld  on  grounds  so  gross  and  trivial.  But  he  was  admit- 
tedly a  novice.  The  officials  were  better  acquainted  with 
the  grounds  of  British  benevolence,  and  since  their  own  liv- 
ing was  at  stake  they  may  be  taken  to  have  been  correct 

He  was  besieged  both  in  and  out  of  the  House,  by  pro- 
moters of  public  companies,  who  set  before  him  authentic 
estimates  for  making  money  without  trouble.  He  was  sim- 
ply asked  to  "  lend  his  name  "  as  a  director.  It  is  a  singu- 
lar fact  that  to  such  allurements  Lord  Bantam  was  particu- 
larly open.  Wealth  never  seems  to  oversatisfy  its  possessor. 
The  insatiable  more  rules  the  millionnaire  and  tlie  pauper 
alike.  It  was  a  pleasure  to  him  to  exhibit  a  talent  for 
business  and  to  increase  his  already  exorbitant  riches.  The 
Earl  his  father  was  not  disinclined  to  encourage  him  in  this 
line,  cautioning  him  to  investigate  carefully  every  scheme 
proposed  to  him.  In  the  course  of  a  year  Lord  Bantam's 
name  adorned  nearly  twenty  prospectuses  of  public  compa- 
nies, along  with  other  peers,  M.P.'s,  and  supposititious  capi- 
talists. To  any  other  man  the  results  would  have  been 
ruinous.  It  was  not  until  he  had  narrowly  escaped  a  crimin- 
al prosecution  that  he  had  the  strength  to  resist  the  tempting 
proposals  set  before  him  by  stock-jobbing  fellow-legislators 
in  the  lobbies  of  Parliament. 


* 


Til  E     N  O  B  I  LIT  Y.  1 69 


XVIII.— The  Nobility. 

1  AM  inclined  to  think  that  at  this  time  our  hero  was  the 
prey  of  an  ambition  such  as  sometimes  afflicts  ardent  minds 
even  outside  of  asylums.  Broadbent  had  thoroughly  con- 
vinced himself  and  succeeded  in  persuading  the  young  lord 
that  "  there  was  a  great  career  before  him."  This  career 
was  to  come  to  a  glorious  consummation  in  the  transfiguration 
of  labor  and  the  regeneration  of  society.  It  was  pointed  out 
to  Lord  Bantam  that,  as  labor  must  get  its  rights,  and  society 
was  sure  to  be  regenerated,  it  would  be  no  mean  honor  to 
be  the  leader  in  that  illustrious  movement.  There  is  a  patent 
vagueness  in  the  terms  employed,  and  as  much  in  the  object, 
but  both  sounded  and  seemed  very  magnificent.  To  a  man 
of  such  forced  intellectual  activities,  various  sympathies  and 
supreme  philosophies  as  Bantam,  the  prospect  was  transcen- 
dent, and  the  few  mountains  of  obstruction  which  appeared 
in  the  way  dwindled  into  mole-hills.  The  dreams  of  the  pro- 
letariat rested  upon  a  condition  of  things  which  I  must,  at  the 
risk  of  being  tedious,  describe  with  a  little  detail. 

In  the  political  character  of  the  British  artisan,  there  was 

much  to  discourage   his  most   generous  admirer.     The  ui- 

fluence  of  feudal  tyranny,  of  debasing  patronage,  of  a  vicious 

system  of  poor  relief,  of  reckless  and  inordinate  charity,  of 

an  ignorance, — the  peril  and  evil  of  which  lay  at  tlie  door 

of  long-protracted    Prig    iiuliffcrcnce,    supported    by    Fogy 
8 


170  LORDBANTAM, 


Stupidity  and  clerical  bigotry, — showed  their  cruel  effects  in 
the  condition  of  the  working-classes. 

Against  this  state  of  things,  how  could  they,  poor  weak- 
lings !  fight  ?  Out  of  the  mire  of  it  how  blindly,  wildly, 
must  they  struggle  !  What  generous  sympathy  and  patient 
forbearing  help  did  they  require  in  their  difficult  efforts  to 
enhance  their  position  ! 

This  was  the  state  in  which  Lord  Bantam  found  them, 
and,  I  regret  to  say,  has  left  them.  They  had  organized 
themselves  in  a  rough  A\'ay  at  first,  but  afterwards,  with  re- 
markable success,  into  associations  for  protecting  the  Rights 
of  Labor.  In  doing  tliis,  no  wonder  if  they  often  erred, 
often  Avent  to  extremes,  often  broke  the  conditions  of  the 
social  compact ;  the  injustice  was  not  always  on  their  side. 
They  had  in  certain  instances  recognized  objects  of  com- 
mon good,  and  with  the  aid  of  noble  men  from  other  classes 
had  attained  ihom.  They  were  still  dissatisfied.  They 
were  conscious  that  they  needed  more — not  always  sensible, 
nor  always  agreed  what  that  more  was.  Some  looked  to 
political  change  and  revolution,  as  the  torch  of  their  social 
improvement.  Others  looked  to  projects  apparently  more 
utilitarian  and  less  ambitious,  such  as  that  the  State  should 
organize  the  labor  of  the  country ;  superintend  the  dispo- 
sition of  i)rofits,  of  land,  of  food ;  in  fact,  that  the  Govern- 
ment should  be  the  father  and  mother  of  the  nation.  They 
did  not  see  how  impracticable  such  a  scheme  was  ;  that  the 
freest  of  governments  must  of  necessity  be  the  least 
paternal  ;  that  the  best  wliicli  is  tlonc  for  a  man  is  what  h<; 


THE    NOBILITY.  171 

does  for  himself;  that  the  most  they  could  ask  society  to  do 
— and  that  was  much — was  to  prompt  and  foster  judicious 
measures  when  there  was  danger  of  their  lying  undone  for 
want  of  such  aid — to  remove  the  impediments,  legal,  social, 
political,  religious,  which  on  nearly  every  hand  obstructed 
progress ;  and  lastly,  that  though  society  did  ignore  many  of 
its  duties,  the  proposed  remedies  would  almost  have  in- 
volved its  destruction. 

Among  these  men  had  arisen  able  leaders,  not  always 
wise  or  discreet  perhaps,  some  of  them  not  always  trust- 
worthy, but  many  of  them  men  of  good  metal  and  earnest 
spirit.  But  envy,  detraction,  jealousy,  incompatibility  of 
view,  temper,  aim,  religion,  struck  wide,  savage  gaps  through 
the  vast  mass,  and  everywhere  it  yawned  with  divisions  and 
lost  its  concrete  strength.  No  wonder  with  such  a  mass  ! 
So  terribly  inert,  so  sadly  ignorant,  so  corrupted  by  the  evil 
education  of  the  past,  so  deficient  in  the  elements  of  po- 
litical cohesion.  How  weeds  and  thorns  flourished  in  it ! 
How  Infidels,  Revolutionists,  Red  Communists  spread  their 
vicious  contagion  among  the  reeking  millions,  and  how 
society  looked  on,  and  trembled,  and  wondered  what  the 
end  would  be — and  did  nothing. 

Lord  Bantam  looking  on  these  things  thought,  with  hasty 
and  impulsive  generalization,  that  the  end  was  to  be  the 
Commune,  and  that  he  would  be  doing  a  patriot's  duty  in 
pioneering  that  end.  He  enthusiastically  dedicated  himself 
to  the  propagation  of  theories  of  free  thought  and  free  life. 
He  disregarded  the  less  lofty  but  equally  noble  and   mare 


I72  LORD     BANTAM, 


practical  possibilities  of  good  lying  at  his  hands :  in  the  va- 
rious measures  for  giving  to  the  laborer  healthier  homes, 
better  dwellings,  facilities  for  internal  and  colonial  transit ; 
for  opening  to  their  energies  the  vast  land  resources  of  the 
empire  and  encouraging  their  development  of  them  ;  in  im- 
proving their  relations  with  their  employers ;  in  removing 
all  hindrances  to  their  free  association  and  cooperation  ; 
in  extending  to  them  the  benefits  of  ordinary  and  technical 
education;  in  freeing  the  land  from  feudal  restraints  and 
superstitions,  from  an  impolitic  law  of  settlement,  from  the 
evils  of  primogeniture,  from  the  incubus  of  mortmain,  and 
from  the  obstructions,  legal  or  otherwise,  to  its  cheap  and 
easy  transfer  ;  in  reclaiming  for  the  settlement  of  laborers 
vast  tracts  now  lying  waste ;  and  in  those  thousand-and-one 
remedies  which  lie  in  removal  of  restrictions.  These  great 
measures,  which  society  might  with  some  safety  engage  in, 
were  discarded  by  our  hero  for  the  impracticable  dreams  of 
the  Commune. 

He  naturally  came  under  the  notice  of  political  intriguers. 
He  subscribed  to  a  Society  for  the  Abolition  of  the  Sabbath, 
and  attended  meetings  held  in  Bcllowsbury  by  a  miserable 
brawler,  who  combined  secret  plotting,  open-air  preaching, 
and  organizing  demonstrations  on  every  question  affecting 
the  working-classes,  with  a  shallow  irrcligion.  This  person 
made  a  living  out  of  ingenious  blasphemy,  and  procured 
currency  for  opinions  not  otherwise  vendible,  by  mixing 
thcin  with  profanity. 

Lord  Bantam's  ostentatious  principles  of  general  humanity 


THENOBILITV.  1 73 

led  him  to  overlook  these  evil  accidents,  and  he  professed  to 
find  in  this  man's  work  a  ground  of  good  and  verity  which 
justified  him  in  assisting  it.  So  grossly  had  he  mistaken 
Kelso's  teaching.  How  much  capacity  of  good  he  himself 
may  have  lost  by  his  indiscreet  and  needless  boldness,  he 
never  seems  to  have  considered,  and  we  are  not  called  upon 
to  estimate. 


PART    VI. 

HOW  HE  EMBRACED  THE  ECLECTIC  RELIGION. 

I. — Society — at  large. 

Our  hero  had  spent  his  hfe  thus  far  somewhat  apart  from 
the  company  of  the  fairer  sex.     The  Countess's  fashionable 
chques  did  not  attract  him.     It  was  the  society  of  a  lady  in- 
triguing for  a  party  with  which  he  had  few  sympathies.     The 
fresh  young  belles  of  the  season  were  unknown  to  a  young 
lord  engaged  in  revolutionary  politics,  philosophic  philan- 
thropies and  the  exercise  of  eloquence.     It  was  therefore 
not  without   awkwardness  that  he  at  first  made  his  debdt. 
Both  the  Earl  and  Countess,  hoping  to  wean  him  from  his 
"  odd  views,"  impressed  upon  him  the  necessity  of  taking 
his  place  in  the  social  intercourse   of  his   class.     Perhaps 
they  looked  forward  to  a  lucky  alliance  with  some  charming 
devotee  of  the  party  to  disperse  his  youthful  illusions.     In 
acceding  to  their  desire,  he  did  so  wiih  bad  grace.     Society 
was  anxious  to  see  him,  not  only  for  liis  distinguished  posi- 
tion, but   because  of  his  peculiarities.      His   red  hair  and 
notorious  opinions  were  suggestively  coupled  wlierever   the 
former  appeared.     On  the  other  liand,  he  was  cool  and  self- 
confident  in  argument :  his  speech  had  a  startling  and  rather 
rude    directness;    his   voice    even   was    somewhat    strident. 
When  the  time  came  for  him   to   dine  at    I, ady  Singleton's, 
and  to  take  down  the  most  fascinating  belle  of  the  season, 


SOCIETY AT     LARGE.  175 


the  Honorable  Emmelinc  Wycherley,  who  was  equal  to  any- 
thnig  and  anybody,  from  the  Derby  or  tableaux  vivants  with 
those  gay  lords,  Stableton  and  Guy,  to  a  royal  garden  parly 
or  an  Evangelical  bishop,  young  Bantam  was  a  mere  baby  in 
her  hands.  She  chatted  so  brightly  and  so  rapidly — with 
such  naive  affectation,  such  sly,  coy  wit — the  young  lord  did 
not  know  where  he  was.  He  had  formed  in  his  celibate  and 
abstracted  mind  his  own  ideal  of  a  woman — something  quite 
different  from  the  sparkling  creature  beside  him  ;  something 
pensive  and  powerful,  tender  yet  strong,  able  to  wrestle  with, 
yet  always  submissive  to  his  mightier  nature — an  angel  and 
a  Goddess  of  Reason.  But  this  actual  young  lady  played 
with  his  gravest  premises,  cut  short  his  conclusions,  laughed 
at  his  most  serious  argument,  and  dispersed  with  gay  con- 
tumely his  serried  array  of  opinions. 

Why  she  would  flout  the  devil,  and  make  blush 

The  boldest  face  of  man  that  ever  man  saw. 

He  that  hath  best  opinion  of  his  wit. 

And  hath  his  brain-pan  fraught  with  bitter  jests 

(Or  of  his  own  or  stolen  or  howsoever), 

Let  him  stand  ne'er  so  high  in  's  own  conceit, 

Her  wit's  a  sun  that  melts  him  down  like  butter. 

And  makes  him  sit  at  tal)le  pancake-wise. 

Flat,  llat,  and  ne'er  a  word  to  say. 

She  asked  him  about  the  races. 

He  protested  ignorance  of  the  turf — well  he  might — and 
raised  his  eyebrows  when  she  told  him  she  already  had  sev- 
eral "  ponies  on  the  Oaks." 

She  unfolded  a  wide  and  varied  intimacy  with  theatrical 
gossip,  both  from  before  and  behind  the   scenes  ;  and   told 


176  LORD     BANTAM, 


him  how  that  sad  fellow,  Lord  Herrick,  was  quite  infatuated 
with  the  celebrated  Bella.  The  celebrated  Bella  was  un- 
knoAvn  to  Lord  Bantam,  and  he  said  so.  The  beauty  affect- 
ed to  raise  her  eyebrows  this  time. 

She  then  gave  him  a  lively  account  of  her  brother's  elec- 
tion for  Wrongwich,  when  she  canvassed  a  whole  district  for 
him  ;  how  she  and  her  mamma  helped  him  to  floor  his  oppo- 
nent, a  military  officer,  by  an  earnest  crusade  against  the 
Outrageous  Distempers  Bill.  Had  he  ever  gone  into  that 
question  ?  Did  he  know,  her  mamma  and  she  were  members 
of  a  committee  for  agitating  against  the  bill  ?  Lord  Bantam 
blushed  most  foolishly,  and  owned  that  he  had  never  ex- 
amined the  literature  of  that  question.  Very  well ;  she 
would  be  sure  and  tell  mamma  to  send  him  a  package  of 
the  pamphlets  :  every  one  was  interested  in  the  subject  now, 
and  she  herself  had  made  two  colonels  jjromise  to  vote 
against  it  in  the  House.  She  hoped  he  would  be  converted, 
and  would  help  them. 

By  the  way,  talking  of  that  l)ill,  her  friend,  her  dearest 
friend,  Sophronia  Enequil, — daughter  of  Lord  Chepstowe,  you 
know — was  one  of  those  who  had  come  forward  to  engage 
publicly  in  the  crusade  against  the  bill.  She  ahva)'s  v/as  a 
blue-stocking,  and  indeed  every  one  admitted  she  was  very 
clever.  Her  speeches  and  essays  were  getting  to  be  (juitc 
celebrated.  Had  he  read  "  Woman  and  W-\  Master,  or  the 
Tables  Turned"  ?     This  work  had  escaped  his  observation. 

Sophronia  was  connected  also  with  the  "  Society  for  De- 


SOCIETY  —  AT    LARGE.  I  77 

veloping  the  Mental  and  Moral  Stamina  of  Women" — in 
fact,  was  its  honorary  secretary. 

Bantam  admitted  that  this  was  a  new  phase  of  sociology 
to  him,  and  promised  to  study  it. 

Had  he  heard  the  new  Dean  ?  All  the  world  was  going 
to  hear  him.  His  sermons  were  so  touching  and  so  grace- 
ful, with  so  much  thought,  and  in  such  a  manner.  It  quite 
thrilled  one,  and  made  one  cry  sometimes.  Besides,  the 
Dean  was  always  preaching  to  statesmen,  and  she  under- 
stood Lord  Bantam  was  really  expected  to  be  a  very  distin- 
guished statesman — a  sly  compliment  which  brought  down 
the  color  from  his  hair  into  his  cheeks. 

Wlien  the  gentlemen  rejoined  the  ladies  in  the  drawing- 
room,  Bantam  found  himself  insensibly  attracted  to  the  side 
of  the  vexatious  charmer.  She  was  placing  a  new  photo- 
graph in  her  album.  It  was  that  of  an  exquisitely  pensive 
face,  with  such  finely  moulded  features,  such  ripe,  sweet  lips, 
such  a  Grecian  chin,  and  over  what  seemed  to  be  magnifi- 
cently lustrous  eyes,  such  long,  bewitching  lashes.  Ignorant 
as  he  was  of  the  deuii-monde,  he  recognized  it  instantly  as 
one,  common  enough  in  fast  men's  rooms  at  the  university, 
of  a  woman  whose  name  was  notorious  in  every  mouth ;  and 
looking  at  it  aghast,  he  rather  hastily  stayed  the  young  lady's 
hand  as  she  was  slipping  the  card  into  the  book. 

"  You  are  very  rude,"  said  she,  half  playfully  and  half  in 
earnest. 

"  I — I — I  beg  your  pardon,"  said  Lord  Bantam  in  some 

confusion.     "  I  was  struck  by  the  likeness  ;  and  I  thoughi- 
8* 


178  LORD     BANTAM 


■ — in  fact,  I  know  whose  portrait  this  is,  and  I  was  sure  you 
did  not.  Perhaps,  if  you  knew,  you  might  not  hke  to  have 
it  among  the  faces  of  your  friends." 

"  Oh,"  rephed  Miss  Wycherley,  laughing,  as  she  completed 
the  setting,  "you  must  not  go  about  giving  moral  lectures 
in  society.  I  know  who  it  is  perfectly  well.  I  have  seen 
her  often  enough  in  the  Park  with  Lord  Guy.  It  is  Nora 
Day.  He  told  me  her  story,  and  her  face  is  very  charming. 
I  don't  mind  who  the  person  is,  so  long  as  the  face  is  pretty." 

He  silently  looked  over  the  pages,  and  again  and  again 
detected  faces  and  forms  of  dubious  French  aspect,  along- 
side of  Her  Majesty,  Her  Majesty's  daughters,  the  beautiful 
Princess  of  Denmark,  the  Honorable  Miss  Wycherley' s 
most  cherished  lady-friends,  her  dearest  relations ;  and  con- 
ceitedly resolving  in  his  own  mind  that  his  likeness  should 
never  be  seen  in  that  singular  galaxy,  rather  abruptly  took 
his  leave. 

"  Heigho  !  "  cried  Miss  Wycherley  to  her  mamma,  "Lord 
Bantam  is  a  philosojihical  fop,  without  manners,  who  at 
twenty-one  (she  was  just  nineteen)  assumes  to  give  the  cue 
for  morals  to  the  rest  of  society.     A  bus  Ics  despots  .' " 

"Emmeline,"  replied  her  ladyship,  cautiously,  "he  will 
be  the  richest  man  in  England." 

When  virtue  speaks  with  the  lips  of  the  richest  man  in 
England,  she  is  entitled  to  be  despotic,  and  vanity  may  well 
hold  hor  tongue. 

The  Honorable  Miss  Wycherlcy's  conversation,  trivial  as 
it  seems,  did  not  pass  speedily  from  tlie  young  lord's  mem- 


THE    women's     society,  1 79 

cry.  He  kept  his  promise  to  study  the  subject  of  tlic  sub 
jection  of  women — a  study  for  which  already  ample  literature 
was  provided.  His  facile  mind  soon  seized  upon  the  points, 
and  he  regarded  them  with  favor.  At  the  Radical  club  he 
met  with  an  advanced  philosopher  of  high  literary  standing, 
who  set  before  him  the  correct  theses  of  the  new  school. 

So  rapidly  do  convictions  grow  in  this  tropical  era — espe- 
cially amongst  ambitious  statesmen — it  was  not  many  months 
before  our  young  lord  could  have  viewed  with  resignation 
almost  any  pretensions  put  forward  by  what  he  had  hitherto 
regarded  as  the  w^eaker  sex. 

II. — The  Women's  Society. 

In  the  era  of  his  budding  enthusiasm  for  the  cause  of 
woman,  Lord  Bantam  came  into  contact  with  the  Society  for 
Developing  the  Mental  and  Moral  Stamina  of  Women.  His 
connection  with  it  had  an  important  influence  on  his  future  life. 
The  Countess  of  Ffowlsmere  had  been  for  a  short  time  a  pat- 
roness of  this  institution,  and  had  attended  its  meetings.  In 
its  incipient  stages  it  was  a  mild  form  of  blue-stocking  fever. 
In  fact,  it  was  a  literary  club,  where  what  are  termed  strong- 
minded  views  were  entertained — that  term  I  presume  being 
relative  to  the  persons  concerned.  At  the  meetings  every- 
thing was  discussed  that  did  not  immediately  and  properly 
relate  to  woman  and  her  duties  in  life — duties  most  of  which 
are  prescribed  by  nature  witli  vexatious  rigidity.     One  of  the 


I  So  LORD     BANTAM 


most  annoying  facts  the  ladies  had  to  meet  was,  that  although 
a  woman  might  refuse  to  take  into  her  hands  so  paltry  yet 
useful  a  thing  as  a  needle,  she  could  hardly  avoid  the  obli- 
gation of  nursing,  were  she  a  mother.  There  are  clearly 
matters  in  which  woman's  "  sphere  "  is  peculiar.  But  the 
good  ladies  of  this  society  ignored  these  impertinent  facts, 
and  confined  themselves  to  negativing  masculine  superiority 
— a  field  as  safe  as  any  polemical  field  could  be.  I  ought 
to  mention  that  the  clique  fiom  its  outset  was  of  democratic 
character.  On  the  committee,  Peeresses  and  Honorable 
Mesdames  and  Misses  sat  side  by  side  with  authoresses  and 
milliners  and  governesses,  and  the  meetings  were  of  a  very 
composite  material. 

For  a  while  the  discussions  and  publications  of  this  society 
were  more  dry  than  startling.  The  unexceptionable  subjects 
of  the  right  of  females  to  vote,  of  protection  to  married 
women's  property,  of  the  higher  education  of  women,  were 
treated,  if  with  no  novelty,  with  great  propriet}'.  Cicntlemen 
were  occasionally  admitted  to  learn  wisdom  from  the  ne^v 
reformers.  The  Earl  of  Ffowlsmerc  had  j^resided  at  one 
meeting ;  even  Lord  Evergood  had  taken  the  chair  at 
another  :  but,  on  the  whole,  the  males  distinguished  by  this 
privilege  were  philosophers,  men  of  a  meek  spirit  and  se- 
lected for  that  qualification.  They  never  lifted  ui)  their 
voices  in  any  but  the  mildest  applause  or  deprecation. 

But,  the  society  increasing,  a  new  clement  began  to  de- 
velop itself.  Several  very  vigorous  ladies  were  introduced. 
Mrs.  and  the  Mi.sses  Croquet,  Lady  Sojilnonia  I'lictiuil,  the 


TIIK     women's     SOCIKIV.  l8j 


Hon.  Flora  Temperley,  Miss  Virginia  Crabb,  who  had  adopted 
the  Positivist  philosophy,  Mrs.  Dart,  writer  of  three-volunie 
novels  which  just  skimmed  the  edge  of  I-ord  Campbell'? 
Act,  Miss  Dcbrett,  authoress  of  social  articles  in  a  sensa- 
tional magazine  ;  and  other  ladies  whose  antecedents  were 
unknown,  had  no  sooner  joined  the  institute,  than  they 
began  to  give  a  boldness  and  liveliness  to  the  discussions 
M'hich  disconcerted  some  of  the  elders.  Many  of  the  latter 
withdrew,  among  them  Lady  Ffowlsmere.  The  effect  of 
this  withdrawal  was  to  give  fresh  notoriety  to  the  association, 
and  to  increase  its  membership  from  that  class  of  floating 
women  of  independent  means,  strong  minds  and  no  hus- 
bands, who  occasionally  emerge  and  distract  society.  The 
institution  now  became  largely  leavened  with  a  real  mascu- 
line element.  It  was  at  this  time  that  Lord  Bantam  was 
invited  to  take  the  chair  at  one  of  its  meetings.  He  had 
expatiated  on  the  "  Sphere  of  Woman,"  in  the  "  Literary  Col- 
iseum," a  review  which  had  space  for  a  hundred  thousand 
opinions.  A  letter,  written  in  a  masculine  hand,  from  the 
Honorary  Secretary,  Lady  Sophronia  Enequil,  invited  him  to 
preside  at  a  meeting  of  the  society,  when  she  was  to  read  a 
paper  on  "  Comte's  Estimate  of  the  Feminine."  His  mother 
informed  him  that  Lady  Sophronia,  daughter  of  the  Earl  of 
Chepstowe,  was  a  young  lady  of  brilliant  talents  and  an 
original  character. 

"  I  must  warn  you,"  said  the  Countess,  "  that  the  associa- 
tion is  now  a  very  queer  one — but  then  you  like  queer 
things.     I  understand  they  have  grown  quite  shocking,  and 


1 82  LORD     BANTAM, 


that  the  most  absurd  theories  are  advanced.  The  last  I 
heard  of  was  a  motion  that  marriage  ought  to  be  made  a 
matter  of  contract  terminating  from  year  to  year  ;  a  sugges- 
tion wliich,  apart  from  its  obvious  inconveniences,  is  so 
atrociously  immoral,  that  in  my  opinion  its  propagation 
should  be  suppressed  by  law.  Sophronia  is  a  lady  with  all 
her  peculiarities,  and  very  clever  and  engaging,  so  I  would 
have  you  beware  of  her,  if  you  must  go  and  preside  o\er 
such  strange  conclaves." 

Bantam  accepted  the  honor  with  pleasure.  For  a  whole 
morning  he  dipped  into  the  "  Philosophic  Positif "  to  re- 
fresh his  memory  and  glean  some  idea  of  the  doctrines  to  be 
propounded  by  the  fair  essayist.  In  the  evening  he  drove 
to  the  hall,  where  the  intellectual  orgies  of  advanced  femin- 
inity were  held.  Toadies  were  descending  from  cabs  at  the 
door.  Others  were  coming  alone  and  on  foot.  His  Lord- 
ship began  to  think  that  lie  was  going  into  a  "  queer  "  place. 
Me  was  received  by  three  ladies  in  bonnets,  and  two  desti- 
tute of  those  accidents,  who  exhibited  short-cut  curly  hair, 
and  wore  unusually  limited  skirts.  The  Committee.  A  sol- 
itary gentleman  grinned  to  him  a  welcome.  This  was  a 
little  man  with  an  excessively  small  head,  small  eyes,  nose 
slightly  rctroussec,  mouth  large  and  full  of  teeth,  which  were 
always  glistening.  His  tall,  thin  neck  stood  up  between 
huge  shirt  collars.  He  was  dressed  in  rather  seedy  black — 
a  professional  gentleman.  Not  a  clergyman— jierhaps  a 
surgeon.     It  timud  out  he  was  a  school-teacher  and  a  Uni- 


THE   women's   society.  i8^ 

tarian  minister.  His  name  was  Chatters.  There  oftei. 
seems  a  special  providence  in  the  assignment  of  names. 

But  the  prominent  person  to  Lord  Bantam's  eye  was  the 
honorary  secretary,  Lady  Sophronia.  She  was  not  hand- 
some, nor  could  it  be  said  that  she  was  the  reverse.  Her 
face  was  a  face  of  thouglit,  perhaps  of  power,  certainly 
of  determination— with  flashing  uneasiness  in  the  brown 
eyes.  77/,?  feature  of  features  was  her  nose.  If  it  were  not 
quite  so  formidable  as  the  tower  of  Lebanon  looking  toward 
Damascus,  it  stood  forth  a  prominent  beacon  to  all  behold- 
ers. Its  proportions  overawed  the  rest  of  her  face.  It  dis- 
countenanced the  most  impertinent  boldness  in  an  observer. 
With  that  nose  before  him,  the  spectator  found  it  impossible 
to  be  frivolous  or  to  assume  an  air  of  patronage.  On  the 
contrary,  it  was  so  potential,  you  felt  it  must  have  its  way. 
You  would  have  stepped  into  the  gutter  to  avoid  its  onset. 
Perhaps  the  full  mouth  and  lips,  and  the  fine  teeth  when  they 
were  shown,  as  they  were  when  she  Avas  animated,  did  to 
some  extent  mitigate  the  tyrannical  attitude  of  the  nose,  but 
it  Avas  only  mitigation.  When  Lord  Bantam  came  under  the 
shadow  of  it  he  succumbed  to  its  influence.  Lady  Sophronia 
took  him  in  hand,  and  did  what  she  liked  with  him.  She  ex- 
plained to  him  what  line  she  intended  to  take,  and  what  she 
wished  him  to  say.  He  was  not  sure  whether  he  agreed  to 
it,  whether  it  was  rational  or  logical,  but  he  was  incapable 
of  objection.     It  was  a  case  of  nasal  duress. 

They  entered  the  hall,  which  was  pretty  well  filled.  It 
could  be  seen  at  a  glance  that  a  number  of  fashionables  had 


184  LORD     BANTAM, 


been  attracted  by  the  programme,  among  whom  were  not  a 
few  young  ladies  of  immature  years.  There  also  appeared 
to  be  numbers  of  male  and  female  nondescripts. 

The  young  Lord  sat  scratching  his  red  hair  in  searcli  of 
ideas.  Lady  Flora  Temperley  moved  that  he  take  the  chair. 
He  took  it,  and  rose  to  speak  amid  treble  cheers.  The 
ladies  affected  parliamentary  usages.     He  said  : 

"  Ladies  and  Gentlemen — or  perhaps  as  a  testimony  to 
my  acknowledgment  of  equality  I  ought  to  say — 'my 
friends,'  irrespective  of  sex  (cheers),  I  cannot  easily  express 
how  flattered  I  am  at  the  honor  conferred  upon  me  in  asking 
me  to  preside  at  a  meeting  so  important,  so  peculiar.  Time 
was  when  such  an  assemblage  for  such  a  purpose  was  im- 
possible. Anterior  to  creation  (laughter) — do  not  misunder- 
stand me — anterior,  I  say,  to  creation,  if  there  ever  was  one, 
there  must  have  existed  in  a  creative  mind  the  Idea  of  that 
human  nature  which  has  through  rising  ages  developed  into 
the  two  seemingly  diverse  if  not  antagonistic  lines  that 
we  denominate  the  sexes.  Modern  science,  ranging  the 
universe  in  search  of  truth,  and  working  witli  a  diligence  and 
accuracy  previously  unknown,  has  ascertained  with  certainty 
that  that  primordial  Ideal  was  not  double,  but  duplex  (cheers) 
— that  it  was  in  fact  duality  in  unity — it  was  that  which  now 
wc  never  see,  except  in  plants,  and  some  of  the  lower  species 
of  the  animal  kingdom — hcrmaphroditical  perfection  (cheers). 
Nay,  there  is  ground  to  believe,  that  the  original  of  us  all, 
in  the  simious  shape,  was  such  a  i)crfect  dual  unity  :  and 
although  now  undoubtedly  in  our  human  development,  pre- 


THE    women's     society,  185 

ponderance  is  given  to  one  or  other  of  its  antecedent  acci- 
dents, we  know  with  precision  that  it  is  a  matter  of  the 
merest  chance,  and  I  may  add  of  the  most  indifferent  mo- 
ment, whether  of  these  two  possible  accidents  shall  be  in  the 
ascendant.  I  say  '  accident,'  because  science  has  now  in- 
formed us,  that  the  difference  between  what  are  called  the 
sexes  is  not  matter  of  substance  (cheers),  it  is  purely  mat- 
ter of  form.  How  illogical,  then,  is  it  that  mankind  should 
for  ages  have  drawn  and  observed  distinctions  neither  justi- 
fied nor  intended  in  the  primary  Ideal !  Our  great  natural- 
ist has  by  his  researches  in  the  physical  world  proved  this 
fact — and  no  doubt  had  the  French  philosopher,  whose  ideas 
are  destined  to  regenerate  mankind  and  transform  the  aspect 
of  society  (cheers),  only  had  the  advantage  of  the  more  re- 
cent scientific  discoveries,  his  views  on  the  position  of  women 
would  have  been  seriously  modified.  Surely  the  positivism 
of  Comte  must  lead  us  to  the  same  conclusion  with  the  doc- 
trine of  Darwin.  Man  is  everywhere  man.  In  the  eye  of  a 
divine  philosophy,  of  a  correct  science,  man  and  woman  are 
imknown — all  is  man  (cheers.)  This  is  the  truth  so  impor- 
tant in  its  bearing  upon  social  relations  and  social  conditions, 
that,  no  doubt  with  convincing  logic  and  brilliant  rhetoric,  the 
fair  essayist  (murmurs) — I  beg  pardon,  the  learned  secretary 
(cheers) — will  develop  for  us  this  evening  from  her  study  of 
Comte.  I  beg  to  call  on  Lady  Sophronia  Fnequil  to  read 
her  paper." 

With  this  masterly  speech  I  must  pray  the  reador  to  be 
satisfied.     I  should  much  prefer  not  reporting  all  that  the 


1 86  LORD     BANTAM, 


honorary  secretary  said,  for  she  pursued  the  lines  she  had  in- 
dicated to  the  Chairman  with  a  frankness  as  embarrassing  to 
report  as  it  was  starthng  to  hear.  The  great  Comte  would 
himself,  though  a  Frenchman,  have  gone  mad  on  the  spot 
had  he  listened  to  half  the  extraordinary  things  said  in  his 
name. 

When  the  applause  that  succeeded  to  the  reading  of  the 
essay  had  subsided,  Mrs.  Fullalove,  a  lady  with  a  far  from 
unpleasing  tendency  to  the  masculine  both  in  her  fraiiie 
and  mode  of  thought,  made  a  clever  speech.  She  pointed 
out  liow  unjustly  woman  was  treated  under  the  existing 
"  masculine  r6gime."  She  declared  that  the  selfishness  and 
jealousy  of  mankind  shut  out  her  sex  from  fields  of  occupa- 
tion in  which  they  would  shine  with  surpassing  splendor. 
She  declared  that  deficiencies  of  education  alone  prevented 
woman  from  taking  her  stand  side  by  side  with  her  "  male 
correlative  "  in  science,  in  philosopliy,  in  politics  and  medi- 
cine. She  instanced  the  term  "  Husband "  or  "  IIousc- 
bond,^^  as  indicative  of  the  fact  that  in  an  earlier  and  more 
natural  age — of  course  she  rejected  the  foolish  and  fabulous 
history  called  Scripture — the  family  father  was  not  looked 
upon  as  the  dictator,  but  as  the  " //iwus  of  the  coequal  ele- 
ments of  the  family."  "Now,"  she  added,  "  to  modern 
wives,  this  tie  ought  to  be  designated  house-bondage — the 
nexus  has  become  a  knout,  etc."  Mrs.  Inillalove  always  de- 
serves to  be  commended  for  the  moderation  ol  her  remarks. 

Mr.  Chatters,  in  his  anxiety  to  unsex  himsilf,  wrnt  much 
farllicr.      lb'  dn  larrd  thr  anomalies  of  sexual   relations  to 


THE     women's     society.  187 

be  due  to  the  unnatural. superstitions  that  obtained  in  society 
on  the  subject  of  marriage.  He  asserted  that  large  families 
tended  to  the  degradation  of  woman,  since  they  involved  on 
her  part  the  sacrifice  of  freedom  and  placed  her  in  a  posi- 
tion of  which  men  could  take  advantage  to  keep  her  in 
subjection.  He  said  that  the  French  had,  with  tlie  quick 
apprehension  and  philosophic  acumen  peculiar  to  that 
nation,  detected  this  circumstance,  and  had  been  gradually, 
by  their  admirable  system,  reducing  marriage  to  its  proper 
status.  He  said  other  things,  at  which  not  a  few  ladies  con- 
cealed their  faces. 

Would  you  believe  it  ?  No  sooner  had  the  delicate 
subject  last  alluded  to  been  thus  broached  by  this  brazen 
and  shallow  prattler,  than  a  number  of  females  seized  upon 
it  with  avidity.  Even  tlie  noble  Chairman  began  to  find  it 
uncomfortable,  and  he  occasionally  called  the  most  re- 
fractory to  order,  but  quite  enough  escaped  to  testify  that 
the  institute  had  become  "a  very  advanced  school  indeed. 
^Vhen  a  woman  once  oversteps  the  bounds  of  prudery, 
unless,  as  is  sometimes  the  case,  she  is  an  Angel  with  a 
special  mission  from  heaven,  there  is  no  telling  what  range 
she  will  take,  and  society  may  be  forgiven  if  it  looks  with 
concern  upon  a  movement  which  seems  to  incur  even  a 
chance  that  such  assemblies  or  such  ideas  should  become 
familiar  to  the  wives  and  daughters  of  England. 


*      * 
* 


lS8  LORD     BANTAM 


III. — The  Eclectic  Religion. 

"  Mamma,"  said  Lord  Bantam,  not  many  mornings  after 
the  incident  related  in  the  previous  chapter,  "  I  was  very 
much  interested  in  Lady  Sophronia  the  other  evening.  She 
is  somewhat  transcendental  for  a  Positivist,  but  her  mind  is 
powerful  and  her  eloquence  somewhat  remarkable." 

"  Very,"  said  the  wary  Countess,  feeling  her  way  ;  "  but 
did  you  not  notice  a  strange  want  of  feeling — of  delicacy — 
or  rather,  1  should  say,  of  sensibility  ?  " 

"  On  the  contrary,"  replied  Bantam,  slightly  coloring;  "  I 
gathered,  of  course  only  from  a  very  slif^ht  notice,  that  her 
strength  of  intellect  is  very  much  invigorated  by  passion. 
You  could  see  she  is  quite  an  enthusiast — but  she  tempers 
it  admirably." 

"I  hope,"  said  the  Countess,  in  some  alarm,  "she  has 
touched  no  chord  in  you  but  that  of  admiration.  She  strikes 
me  as  the  reverse  of  temperate  ;  and  her  enthusiasm,  as  you 
term  it,  seems  to  me  to  be  extravagance.  She  is  not  fitted 
for  society — she  openly  disavows  it.  I  never  saw  her  at  a 
ball  in  my  life.  Besides,  compared  with  your  own,  her  po- 
sition is  a  very  indifferent  one." 

"Oh!"  said  the  provoking  young  man,  "my  dear 
mamma,  a  woman  is  always  expecting  a  love  affair.  I 
should  be  afraid  to  give  my  affections  to  lliis  young  lady — 
h-he  is  infinitely  above  them.  She  should  mairy  a  philoso- 
l)her." 


THE     ECLECTIC    RELIGION.  189 

"  I  sincerely  hope  she  may,"  rejoined  her  ladyshij). 
"  She  is  certainly  unfit  for  any  ordinary  being." 

'*  Nevertheless  I  should  think  her  society  is  worth  culti- 
vating. I  suppose,"  said  he,  in  ar  insinuating  tone,  "  she 
would  come  to  a  dinner  party,  would  she  not  ?  " 

The  Countess  with  bad  grace  admitted  that  Sophronia  did 
patronize  dinner  parties,  and  politically  promised  to  invite 
her  to  her  next  literary  symposium. 

Among  the  guests  invited  at  the  same  time  were  the 
Bishop  of  Dunshire,  Lady  Singleton,  and  Miss  Wycherley, 
and  Mr.  Kelso,  now  rising  into  position  as  a  historical 
writer  of  remarkable  originality  and  power.  Kelso  had  been 
watching  his  pupil's  course  with  some  anxiety,  the  more  that 
the  latter  had  not  of  late  honored  him  with  his  confidence. 
The  tutor  somewhat  reproached  himself  with  having  too 
frankly  expressed  to  the  young  man  the  results  of  his  ex- 
tensive acquisitions  and  careful  thought  before  a  sufficient 
groundwork  of  knowledge  had  been  laid  to  sustain  the 
weight.  Nothing  could  have  been  farther  from  his  inten- 
tions than  to  create  an  incredulous  Positivist  Chartist 
Socialist  infidel  out  of  his  young  charge-  He  saw  too  late 
that  all  this  came  of  one  single  error.  In  defiance  of  the 
Pauline  maxim,  strong  meat  had  been  given  to  a  babe. 

The  young  Lord  had  the  pleasure  of  sitting  between  the 
Hon.  Miss  Wycherley,  whom  he  escorted  to  dinner,  and 
Lady  Sophronia  .  The  young  ladies  were  very  friendl}', 
though  so  strangely  different.  Miss  Wycherley  bantered 
her    "learned    fricp.d"    for    deserting    the     "awfully    joW) 


190  LORDBANTAM, 


parties  "  that  were  going  on,  and  asked  her  the  title  of  het 
last  article  in  the  "  Coliseum." 

She  replied  that  she  was  then  engaged  on  one  upon  the 
"  Eclectic  Religion." 

The  answer  caused  {he  Bishop  to  prick  up  his  ears,  and 
the  Earl  intervened. 

"So,  Lady  Sophronia,  you  are  going  to  discuss  the  new 
heresy?  It  is  a  tremendously  wide  one — seeing  that  it 
stretches  over  so  many  centuries,  ages,  and  varieties  of 
thought." 

"  The  latest  folly,"  said  the  Bishop,  "  alleged  to  be  based 
on  scientific  certainties,  and  yet  its  elementary  generaliza- 
tions are  incorrect.  A  religion  which  ignores  faith  as  an 
element  of  religion  is  a  patent  confutation  of  itself." 

"  That,"  said  Lady  Sophronia,  "  is  an  awkward  way  of 
putting  it,  no  doubt ;  but  what  is  religion  and  what  is  faith  ? 
Is  not  the  latter  mere  sentiment,  unworthy  of  scientific 
observation — and  is  not  religion  a  practical  recognition  of 
scientific  facts  in  their  relation  to  the  Divine?" 

The  Bishop  and  Kelso  both  contended  that  this  definition 
was  vague  and  unsatisfactory. 

"  But,"  inquired  Lord  Bantam,  to  wliom  (his  subject  was 
a  fresh  one,  "may  I  ask,  \Vliat  is  the  Eclectic  Religion?" 

"The  Eclectic  Religion,"  replied  the  Bishop,  "is  the 
negativing  of  every  fact  and  principle  on  which  faith  in  God 
and  Christ  and  the  Church  rests.  It  is  the  ignoring  of  the 
Divine." 

"The  Eclectic  religion,"  said    Lady  Sophronia,   "is  the 


THE     ECLECTIC     RELIGION.  inl 


sum  and  substance  of  the  true  in  all  religions.  It  is  the 
new  light  breaking  in  upon  old  night.  It  is  the  destruction 
of  idols — of  superstitions — of  bigots.  It  is  formulating 
human  experience  into  a  divine  theory.  It  is  the  grand 
truth  that  man  and  man  only,  from  age  to  age  expanding  in 
wisdom  and  power,  is  the  true  divinity." 

Bantam  was  enchanted.     The  Countess  was  horrified. 

"The  Eclectic  Religion,"  interposed  Kelso  gravely,  "is 
an  attempt  to  organize  human  ignorance  into  a  system." 

Lady  Sophronia  looked  at  the  speaker,  but  changed  the 
conversation. 

When  the  company  had  gone,  the  Earl  said  maliciously  to 
Jiis  son,  who  was  retiring  to  his  lodgings  : 

"  I  wish  to  give  you  a  piece  of  advice.  Never  marry  a 
Avoman  with  a  long  nose.  Possibly  she  may  love  you,  but 
as  you  are  a  man,  she  will  rule  you,  or  you  will  have  cause 
to  rue  her." 

•  ••••••• 

When  the  young  Lord  returned  to  his  rooms,  he  some- 
what abstractedly  permitted  his  valet  to  perform  his  usual 
offices,  and  having  been  wi'apped  in  his  camlet  dressing- 
gown,  dismissed  him. 

He  felt  himself  to  be  under  an  influence  equally  novel 
and  provoking.  His  fiery  hair  seemed  in  llamcs.  His  ears 
still  tingled  with  his  father's  words.  For  some  reason  they 
had  pained  him.  He  asked  himself  JV7/j?  The  answer 
came  before  him  in  a  vision  of  Lady  Sophronia's  face,  with 
its  majesty,  its  intellectual  power,  its  flashing  liveliness— and 


192  LORD     BANTAM, 


its  dominating  nose.  Through  his  mind  passed  and  repassed 
the  words,  '■'■Never  marry  a  woman  with  a  long  nose.  She 
will  rule  you,  or  you  will  have  cause  to  rue  her." 

He  said,  "I  couldn't  think  of  marrying  such  a  woman. 
My  father's  caution  is  a  very  wise  one.  The  Duke  of  Well- 
ington was  a   tyrant Moreover,  long 

noses  are  deformities.  And  they  descend  in  families  .  .  . 
I^ady  Sophronia's  nose  is  not  so  very  long,  though  .... 
This  Eclectic  Religion  is  a  very  interesting  subject.  I 
was  struck  by  her  comprehensive  grasp  of  it.  I  should 
like  to  call  upon  her  to-morrow  and  talk  about  it  .  .  .  . 
I  must  really  get  the  Earl  to  define  the  length  of  nose  at 
which  danger  begins,  and  to  construct  a  diagram  of  de- 
grees— " 

The  youthful  legislator  retired  to  bed,  but  not  to  sleep. 
The  still  voices  of  the  night  seemed' to  whisper  the  name 
Sophronia.  Ends,  peaks,  promontories,  curves  of  noses, 
projected  from  cornices,  beyond  posts  and  through  curtains. 
Wlien  at  length  he  fell  into  a  troubled  doze,  the  Earl  ap- 
peared before  him,  holding  in  one  hand  a  Sheffield  razor, 
-  and  in  the  other — oh,  horror  !  whereat  he  awoke — between 
thumb  and  finger,  the  Lady  Sophronia's  nose. 

* 

IV. — Eclecticism  in  Raptures. 

The  ardent  hair  and  tcmpenimcnt  of  our  hero  strangely 
affected  his  action  at  this  critical  period.     A  day  and  a  night 


ECLECTICISM     IN     RAPTURES.  1 93 

of  inflammatory  thought  succeeded  the  evening  of  his  first 
social  introduction  to  Lady  Sophronia.  He  was  no  adept  at 
gallantry,  and  he  instinctively  shrank  from  confessing  to  the 
Countess  d^  penc ha? if  which,  to  her  would  seem  so  absurd — 
or  to  the  Earl  a  passion  involving  such  a  breach  of  his  nasal 
theory.  The  singularly  retired  habits  of  the  young  lord  put 
it  out  of  the  question  that  he  should  have  a  friend  capable 
for  such  an  emergency.  The  heir  of  a  regal  estate  was 
thrown  back  upon  himself. 

It  will  have  been  gathered  that  our  hero  was  singularly 
matter-of-fact.  No  sooner  had  he  ascertained  by  a  correct 
analysis  of  his  feelings  that  he  was  a  subject  of  that  emotion 
termed  love,  than  he  resolved  that  true  philosophy  dictated 
the  conveyance  of  the  information  in  the  shortest  possible 
time  and  by  the  directest  method  to  the  object  of  it.  He 
determined  to  visit  the  I^ady  Sophronia  at  her  father's  house, 
in  South  Dawdley  Street,  and  arrived  upon  the  doorstep  at 
tlie  unseasonable  hour  of  ten  in  the  morning. 

The  young  lady's  peculiarities  were  fostered  or  at  least  en- 
dured by  her  parents.  She  was  accordingly  allowed  privi- 
leges not  usually  afforded  to  unmarried  virgins  in  society. 
The  numerous  "  movements "  in  which  she  was  interested 
required  that  she  should  be  approachable  by  a  curious  va- 
riety of  people,  so  a  butler's  room  at  the  side  of  the  hall, 
about  eight  feet  square,  was  withdrawn  from  menial  occupa- 
tion and  dedicated  to  her  morning  receptions  and  social  la- 
bors. Here,  with  a  few  books,  many  papers,  a  Davenport, 
an  easy-chair,  a  stool,  and  a  small  ottoman,  she  might  be 
9 


194  LORD    BANTAM. 


found  from  ten  to  one  every  morning,  habited  in  a  short  vel- 
veteen petticoat,  a  cloth  jacket,  apparently  cut  on  the  plan 
of  a  gentleman's  dress-coat,  and  very  plain  collar  and  cuffs. 

When  the  footman  at  South  Dawdley  Street  first  opened 
the  door  to  our  hero  on  the  steps,  with  his  red  hair  and 
indifferent  stature,  he  clearly  mistook  him ;  for  he  said, 

"  If  you  were  come  to  cut  her  ladyship's  corns,  she  will 
see  3'ou  in  her  boudwoir,  if  you  please." 

The  youth's  philosophy  was  extremely  tested  by  this 
seeming  reference  to  the  fallibility  of  Sophronia's  earthly 
footing,  but  he  had  his  revenge  on  the  flunkey.  That  person's 
confusion  was  complete  when  he  received  the  card  of  the 
heir  to  the  wealthiest  of  British  earldoms,  and  "  umbly  beg- 
ging his  lordship's  pardon,"  and  explaining  that  a  "chir-rop- 
pody  gentleman"  was  every  moment  expected  to  wait  ujion 
his  young  mistress,  he  led  the  way  to  the  morning  drawing- 
room. 

"  I  beg  pardon,  my  lord ;  was  it  the  Marchioness  or  my 
young  lady,  my  lord  ?" 

<'  Oh  !  Lady  Sophronia,  if  she  is  at  liome  and  disengaged." 

When  the  lackey  delivered  the  card  to  the  young  lady  and 
suggestively  informed  her  that  Lord  Bantam  was  in  the 
drawing-room,  she  colored  faintly,  and  after  a  moment's  hesi- 
tation ordered  the  footman  to  show  the  visitor  into  her  room 
—an  order  that  for  the  three-hundredth  time  confirmed  that 
astounded  individual  of  hcv  madness.  The  struggle  in  lier 
n.inil  had  been  between  her  early  education  and  lior  new 
principles.     The  former  would  have  dictated  mamma  and 


ECLECTICISM     IN     RAPTURES.  I95 

the  drawing-room  ;  the  latter,  her  independent  self  and  her 
boudoir. 

With  her  heightened  color,  when  he  found  himself  sitting 
within  the  narrow  walls  of  her  sanctum,  Lord  Bantam 
thought  Sophronia  absolutely  handsome  ;  and  so  she  was. 
She  said — 

"  I  have  been  so  amused  this  morning  in  recalling  the 
conversation  of  last  night.  I  think  JVlr.  Kelso's  definition  of 
the  Eclectic  Religion  was  so  clever  and  yet  so  unjust." 

"  I  have  come "  said  Bantam,  passing  his  hands  through 
his  tawny  locks,  "  to  sit  as  a  disciple  at  the  feet  of  so  fair  a 
prophetess." 

"  No  compliments,  I  pray  you,  Lord  Bantam  :  I  detest 
them." 

"  I  sincerely  ask  your  forgiveness.  I  very  mucli  want  to 
hear  more  of  this  new  religion,  and  to  hear  of  it  from  you,'' 
said  our  hero,  getting  up,  leaning  his  elbow  on  the  high  win- 
dow-sill, and  looking  Sophronia  straight  in  the  face.  He 
was  distant  from  her  about  two  feet,  and  glanced  down  upon 
her — the  light  falling  over  her  brown  hair,  shining  into  her 
clear  eyes,  and  glorifying  her  majestic  nose. 

"How  shall  I  begin?"  she  said  quite  unaffectedly;  "for 
I  am  unaware  how  much  you  know,  and  what  foundation 
you  may  have  in  the  principles  on  which  Eclecticism  rests. 
Have  you  any  acquaintance  with  the  maxims  of  Con- 
fucius ;  or  the  Bhagavad-Gita ;  or  the  four  Vedas  of  the  Rig, 
Yajust,  Saman  and  Atharvan  ;  or  the  Zendavesta  of  Zoroaster, 
or  Emerson's  Essays?     I  know  you  are  intimate  with  the 


196  LORDBANTAM. 

philosophy  of  Comte.     In  these  we  find  the  propositions  on 
which  have  been  raised  the  superstructure  of  eclectic  truth." 

"No,"  said  Bantam;  "I  have  seen  none  of  these.  I 
wish  I  could  study  them  under  your  guidance." 

He  looked  at  her  again,  very  hard. 

"Oh  !"  cried  she,. laughing,  "I  am  but  a  poor  scholar — I 
should  make  a  worse  teacher.  But  I  can  tell  you  the  sub- 
stance of  the  views  which  Eclectics  hold.  We  begin  by 
eliminating  from  our  apprehensions  the  idea  of  the  Divine. 
This  idea,  as  an  objective  and  distinct  reality,  we  negative. 
We  insist  that  as  it  must  have  originated  Avith  ourselves,  it  is 
in  ourselves;  and  that  to  seek  for  the  extravagant  concep- 
tions of  the  impersonate  Divine  entertained  by  religious  and 
Bible  enthusiasts,  is  to  seek  for  the  theoretic  eidolon  of  per- 
verted fancy." 

"  There  is  no  difficulty,"  sighed  the  infatuated  Bantam, 
"  in  accepting  the  doctrine  that  the  divine  is  in  you.  But  I 
fear  that  that  divinity  is  likely  to  be  to  many  enthusiasts  a 
real  eidolon — an  object  of  worship." 

The  young  lady  arose.  She  did  not  seem  angry,  but 
moved.  She  looked  anxiously  at  the  face  now  on  a  level 
with  her  own  and  so  close  to  it.  Her  cheek  was  glowing  ; 
her  lips,  slightly  apart,  showed  the  fine  pearls  within  ;  and 
her  bosom  heaved  with  singular  and  unpliilosophic  emotion. 
Lord  Bantam  was  equally  enfevered.    He  said  : 

"  Sophronia — philosophy  knows  no  title  and  is  fettered 
by  no  ceremonies, — I  love  you.  You  are  my  divinity.  I 
accept  your  new  gospel  :    1  beseech  you,  he  \uy  icaclicr " 


BY    CIVIL    CONTRACT.  I97 

Sophronia  hastily  put  her  hand  on  his  Hps  ;  it  was  glowing 
with  heat. 

"  Eclecticism,"  she  said,  "  is  modest,  and  claims  no  praise. 
If,  Albert,  you  are  sincere  in  desiring  me  to  tread  with  you 
the  crystalline  ladder  to  the  highest  wisdom,  my  soul  is  yours 
and  yours  is  mine." 

Lord  Bantam  in  a  moment  clasped  with  his  arm  the  waist 
of  his  enthusiastic  companion,  and  in  embracing  Soplironia 
embraced  the  Eclectic  religion. 


v.— By  Civil  Contract. 

The  infamous  chiropodist  interrupted  the  raptures  of  the 
young  philosophers,  and  restored  them  once  more  to  common 
life  and  common  sense.  With  such  rapidity  had  they  passed 
from  sentiment  to  avowal,  that  they  awoke  somewhat  awk- 
wardly to  what  was  before  them.  They  parted  with  a  prom- 
ise to  meet  on  the  morrow. 

The  next  morning  at  ten  Lord  Bantam  again  stood  oh  the 
door-step  in  South  Dawdley  Street.  Lord  and  Lady  Chep- 
stowe  were  happily  late  risers,  and  two  clear  hours  were 
before  the  lovers.  The  lackey  this  time  ushered  his  lord- 
ship at  once  into  the  literary  closet  of  his  young  mistress, 
who  received  her  disciple-lover  with  joyous  fervor. 

Their  conference  resulted  in  a  determination  to  acquaint 
their  parents  at  once  with  what  had  happened. 

"We  must,"  said  Sophronia,   "however  unwillingly,  pay 


198  LORDBANTAM, 


some  regard  to  the  prejudices  of  the  world.  To  us  this  tie 
needs  no  further  confirmation,  either  legal  or  parental. 
True  souls  are  interwoven  by  transcendental  bonds." 

"  Yes,  my  Sophronia,"  rejoined  Bantam,  rather  passion- 
ately for  a  novice  in  amours,  "the  'divine  exolution'  of 
divine  souls  intertwining,  surely  this  is  of  itself  the  bond,  the 
eesthetic  cohesion,  the  real  and  glorious  marriage,  of  a  divine 
philosophy." 

Thereupon  they  kissed  each  other  very  warmly  for  those 
who  would  seem  to  be  content  with  "  divine  exolution  "  and 
an  aesthetic  cohesion. 

Sophronia,  however,  raised  a  difficulty. 

"  My  Albert,"  said  the  languishing  sophist,  "  we  must 
needs  marry  as  becomes  disciples  of  the  Eclectic  religion. 
By  that,  ceremonies  are  regarded  as  superstitious — marriage 
is  but  an  accident  of  sense — therefore  we  cannot  consent  to 
be  united  by  those  degrading  and  sensual  ceremonies  which 
the  Fetishist  religions  affect." 

"  No,"  said  her  lover,  "  we  must  not  bend  our  necks  to 
the  yoke  of  forms.  Marriage  is  with  us  but  a  spiritual  bond 
— yet  it  is  desirable  for  social  purposes  to  embody  it  in  a 
contract.     Let  us  be  married  by  the  registrar." 

"  We  will,"  she  replied,  "  without  pomp  or  ceremony. 
Let  it  be  at  once.     Let  us  delay  no  longer." 

Lord  Bantam  luckily  bethought  hiin  that,  though  it  was 
only  eleven  o'clock,  instantaneous  marriages  were  by  the  law 
of  England  impracticable,  and  they  curbed  their  impatience. 
Bantam  departed  to  the  difficult  task  of  ajiprising  his  parents 


BY    CIVIL    CONTRACT.  I90 

of  the  event.  Lady  Sophronia's  part  was  early.  Her  com- 
munication was  naturally  received  with  the  greatest  satisfac- 
tion. She  had  out  of  season  made  the  happiest  hit  in  the 
season. 

The  young  lord  first  disclosed  his  position  to  the  Earl, 
who  received  the  announcement  with  cold  disdain. 

"  So  you,  with  the  finest  prospects  in  England,  have  selec- 
ted for  your  wife  a  blue-stocking,  a  visionary,  an  atheist.  I 
wish  you  joy,  sir.  I  cannot  affect  your  fortune,"  added  the 
old  peer  in  a  tone  that  denoted  what  he  might  have  done 
had  he  been  able ;  "but  I  shall  not  be  in  the  least  surprised 
if  after  all  this  step  should  cure  you  of  your  absurd  and 
impulsive  extremism,  and  ultimately  convert  you  into  a  rank 
Fogy.  As  you  have  made  your  choice  and  are  self-willed 
enough  to  insist  upon  it,  your  mother  and  T  will  keep  our 
opinion  to  ourselves.  We  must  behave  to  Lord  and  Lady 
Chepstowe  and  the  young  lady  with  the  cordiality  proper  to 
their  position  and  ours.  We  shall  treat  the  affair  as  if  it 
were  the  most  acceptable  match  in  the  world." 

This  high-bred  resolution  affected  Lord  Bantam  consider- 
ably. But  he  had  something  still  more  unpalatable  to  com- 
municate. 

"  My  dear  father,  "  he  said  with  tears  in  his  eyes,  "  I  am 
overcome  by  your  goodness.  I  cannot  express  my  gratitude. 
The  affair,  as  you  term  it,  need  create  no  unpleasantness. 
It  will  be  very  private.  I  have  adopted  with  Sophronia  the 
Eclectic  religion.  It  is  of  course  inconsistent  with  the  pure 
spiritual  principles  of  that  philosophy  to  submit  to  any  reli- 


200  LORD    BANTAM, 


gious  or  quasi-religious  ceremony.  But  we  must  enter  into 
a  legal  contract — — " 

"  O  !  you  yield  as  much  as  that  ? "  said  the  Earl,  with  a 
malicious  smile.  "  I  wonder  your  '  philosophy'  would  admit 
of  anything  so  commonplace.  Then  you  wish  to  be  married 
before  the  registrar  ?  " 

"  We  do." 

"  Then  you  had  better  be  off  and  get  it  done  when  you 
like,  without  further  preliminary.  Neither  your  mother  nor 
myself  can  be  consenting  parties  to  such  a  godless  business. 
We  had  better  know  nothing  about  it.  Here  is  a  cheque 
for  a  thousand  pounds ;  and  if  there  is  to  be  any  settlement 
— perhaps  you  will  do  without  that,  eh  ? — go  to  my  solicitor. 
Pray  acquaint  us  of  your  marriage  when  it  is  consummated." 

The  Countess  received  the  announcement  less  calmly  than 
the  Earl,  but  her  resentment  was  not  so  deep.  She  fell  in 
with  her  husband's  policy,  and  even  went  beyond  it.  Lord 
and  J>ady  Chepstowe  had  no  reason  to  believe  that  the 
union  was  other  than  welcome  to  the  ncble  pair. 

The  wedding  was  never  believed  in  by  the  servants  of 
either  family.  Lord  Bantam  drove  up  to  the  bride's  house 
in  a  single  brougham.  The  bride,  arrayed  in  a  travelling 
costume,  bade  her  parents  an  affectionate  adieu,  and  entered 
the  carriage.  They  did  not  reappear  in  London  for  several 
months.  The  only  evidence  the  world  had  of  their  marriage 
was  the  announcement  in  the  newspapers.  As  for  the 
gossip — imagine  it ! 


AN    ECLECTIC    SYMPOSIUM.  20I 


VI. — An  Eclectic  Symposium. 

On  their  return  to  the  metropoHs  after  an  extended  Con- 
tinental tour,  I>ord  and  Lady  Bantam  took  a  house  in  Bel- 
gravia,  where  they  devoted  themselves  to  politics,  literature, 
social  science,  and  the  Eclectic  religion.  We  may  hereafter 
have  occasion  to  review  some  incidents  of  the  young  lord's 
political  life  ;  meanwhile  I  propose  to  follow  some  of  his  ex- 
hibitions in  other  arenas.  Lady  Bantam  developed  into  a 
notorious  agitator.  She  spoke  in  various  parts  of  the  coun- 
try against  the  iniquitous  bill  for  suppressing  outrageous  dis- 
tempers by  police  outrage.  She  supported  her  husband  in 
his  philosophico-radical  rabies  against  the  large  families  of 
the  Ginxes  of  society,  and  emphatically  the  French  system. 
She  lectured  on  the  "prerogatives"  of  women,  whom  she 
affirmed  to  have  lived  under  an  injustice  of  so  lengthy  a  period 
as  six  thousand  years.  In  fact,  the  newspapers  had  enough  to 
do  to  chronicle  and  write  articles  upon  Lady  Bantam's  versa- 
tile activities. 

The  Eclectic  religion  had  lately  begun  to  look  up  in  the 
world.  Originally  confined  to  a  select  and  self-elected  com- 
mittee for  the  universe  on  behalf  of  truth,  it  had  begun  'to 
extend  its  propagandism.  Several  philosophers,  a  number 
of  men  of  science  and  letters,  some  deposed  clergymen,  and 
a  few  hard-headed  persons  of  no  particular  employment,  had 
formed  an  association  of  Eclectic  evangelists.  They  held' 
meetings  in  various  parts  of  the  metropolis.  These  were 
9* 


202  LORD     BANTAM, 


called  ecclesicB.  It  was  said  the  worship  was  positive  ;  but 
it  would  have  been  more  correct  to  call  it  negative,  since  all 
the  elements  of  worship  were  wanting.  One  cannot  more 
graphically  illustrate  the  character  of  these  synagogues  than 
by  describing  the  great  annual  meeting  of  the  sect  at  its  cen- 
tral station,  the  Aryan  Hall,  where  its  Sunday  worship  was 
wont  to  be  held.  This  meeting  was  declared  by  its  promot- 
ers to  be  of  a  religious  character. 

No  expense  was  spared  to  give  eclat  to  this  act  of  wor- 
ship. The  large  hall  had  been  cleared  of  its  seats.  In  their 
proper  balcony  was  stationed  a  fine  brass  band.  At  one  end 
of  the  room  various  scientific  curiosities  were  exliibited ; 
amongst  them  a  statue  of  Purity.  At  the  other  a  collection 
of  ancient  manuscripts  and  some  specimens  of  the  Hindu 
Shasters  attracted  the  attention  of  the  curious,  over  which 
was  a  bust  of  Liberty.  Round  the  walls  were  hung  pictures 
of  the  "  great  of  all  ages."  Among  these  were  Socrates, 
Plato,  Homer,  Caesar,  Virgil,  Lucretius,  Dante,  Comte, 
Descartes,  Mahomet,  Darwin,  and  Hepworth  Dixon.  Rings 
of  immortelles  hung  below  the  frames,  and  white  cloth  amply 
festooned  around  the  room  gave  it  the  aspect  of  a  huge  hearse 
for  an  infant's  funeral.  Each  guest  was  at  the  door  presented 
with  a  laurel-wreath — emblem  of  his  immortal  humanity. 
When  the  rooms  began  to  fill  up,  the  effect  of  this  distribu- 
tion of  green  rings  was  peculiar.  Lady  Sophronia  had 
dressed  herself  in  the  character  of  Sybil,  that  is  to  say,  she 
had  framed  a  costume  suggestive  of  that  mythic  and  natural 
time.      Others  appeared  in  various  philosophic  costumes. 


AN     ECLECTIC    SYMPOSIUM.  203 

The  Eclectics,  however,  carried  out  their  principles  in  their 
dress  :  it  varied  with  the  tastes  of  the  wearers. 

The  "  Grand  Eclectic  Symposium  "  was  intended  to  be  the 
latest  and  most  perfect  manifestation  of  enhghtened  human- 
ity. It  was,  in  the  language  of  the  school,  "  to  be  the  highest 
evolution  of  the  spiritual  element,  the  physical  basis,  posi- 
tive science,  aesthetic  art,  the  literary  sublime  ;  and  finally, 
the  utmost  refinement  of  amusement  to  the  purposes  of  re- 
ligion.    The  Programme  was  unique. 


« 


J04  LORD     BANTAM. 


GRAXD     ECLECTIC     SYMPOSIUM    AND    ESTHETIC 

SOIREE. 


PROGRA[\^.SVlE. 

Ojjcniiig  (Tbonis. 
The  Universal  Prayer       .        Pope       .        Music  by  an  Amateur, 

,3ibbrc3s  ti)  Ibc  ^obLc  lljc  "j^rcsibcnt. 
On  the  Invalidity  of  the  Arguments  in  favor  of  Objective  Divinity. 

(ij^uubnllc. 
Orphce  aux  enfers        .         .         Arranged  by  Mr.  Balshazzar. 

The  Hippocampus  Minor  and  its  rela-  )  ^    „     ,  „ 

tion  to  tlie  Mosaic  Cosmogony  .    .  J  ^^^  ^''°'-  l"OXLE-i,  I-.R.S. 

Song. 
"  Foot  it  featly  hear  and  there  "      .      .      By  Mrs.  De  Terinny. 

0ulsc. 
Mepliistophilienne       .       .      Fanst. 

The  Idolism   of  Tradition,  or  the  Irra-  )    By  Prof.  Macmanus, 
tional  in  Sexual  Probabilities       .       .  )  F.R.S.,  F.G.S.,  F.L.S. 

Der  Freyschiitz  .         ,         .  Arranged  by  Von  Teufel. 

A   LUCID   INTERVAL 

^Itfrrshnuiil. 

Menu. 


Huitres  .1  Voltaire. 

.Saiimon  a  la  'J'artnre. 

Petites  6crcvisscs  revers6es. 

Lentiles  Pythagoricnnes. 

Choiix  positifs. 

Dintlon  faiifarorm6. 

Poulcts  froids  a  I'dcole  de  philosophe. 


Filets  (les  enfans  humains,  au  selec- 
tion n.itiiicl. 
Roshif  piotoplastiqiic. 
Ognons  briili^s  6clectiqnes. 
Com|X>tes  de  I'orinthc. 
Soufn6s  idi^aloglques. 
Pikt6s  dc  foie  gras. 


;3lbbrcs3. 
Protoplastic  Chaos;  or  the  Antecedents  of)  „    ,    ,     _ 
Life  and  Order f  %  Lady  Bantam. 

C'lulop. 
"  John  Brown's  soul  marching  on  "        .        .        .        By  DiSDERI. 

3fntrtli,m  (fpilociuc. 
God  and  Gammon       .       .       By  the  Rev.  Infeu.x  Noisv,  B.A. 

^in:»Ir. 
Bcncdictus  Sonnet  .  .  By  a  Distinguislied  American. 


AN     ECLECTIC     SYMPOSIUM.  20$ 

This  sonnet  contained  the  foUowinir  lines  : 

o 

"Not  seen,  imfclt,  and  yet  how  felt  and  seen  ! 
O  thou  unpractical,  impenetrable  What  1 
We  cast  with  lightened  hearts  our  dubious  lot 

In  the  dread  urn — the  elemental  bean  ! 

"  Great  All,  great  Every,  highest  of  Sublime  ; 
Inverted,  introverted,  controverted  One, 
Nature's  panergon-hyper-static  Sun  ! 

AH  hail  in  this  our  Syncretistic  rhyme  ! " 

As  Lord  and  Lady  Bantam  were  circulating  afifably 
amongst  the  mixed  crowd  after  one  of  tlie  dances,  they  en- 
countered three  gentlemen,  two  of  whom  he  immediately 
recognized.  They  were  Kelso  and  Dr.  Dulcis  the  preacher 
of  Woodbury.  The  third,  a  grizzly  man  of  enormous  head, 
was  presented  by  Kelso,  and  turned  out  to  be  the  greatest 
prophet  of  the  times — the  English  Jeremiah.  Bantam  re- 
ceived Dr.  Dulcis  with  great  cordiality,  and  learned  for  the 
first  time  that  he  had  come  to  reside  in  the  metropolis.  The 
engaging  divine  won  Sophronia's  good-will  at  once.  In  a 
few  minutes  she  was  walking  about  the  room  leaning  on  his 
arm. 

"  I  have  heard  of  you.  Dr.  Dulcis,"  she  said,  "  as  one  of 
the  most  liberal  of  sectarians.  I,  however,  hardly  venture  to 
hope  that  you  are  here  to-night  as  a  witness  of  your  adhesion 
to  our  faith  ?  " 

"  Scarcely,"  said  the  other,  smiling.  "  I  am  here  to  ob- 
serve what  the  worship  of  this  new  religion  is.  I  think  no 
phase  of  human  thought  or  devotion  unworthy  of  study  in 
the  calmest  and  most  liberal  spirit." 


2o6  LORD     BANTAM, 


"  There  is  a  touch  of  Eclecticism  in  that  sentiment,"  said 
Sophronia.  "  May  I  ask  Avhat  you  have  gathered  this  even- 
ing ?  " 

"  I  should  scarcely  like  upon  so  brief  an  examination," 
said  the  polished  doctor,  "  to  venture  an  opinion.  I  cannot 
judge  how  many  of  these  people  about  us  are  in  earnest.  I 
cannot  ascertain  as  yet  what,  if  so,  they  are  in  earnest  about. 
It  is  possibly  the  narrowness  of  my  education — but  I  find 
it  impossible  to  conceive  of  worship  without  a  Deity." 

"  Ah  ! "  cried  Sophronia,  "  my  dear  doctor,  that  is  one  of 
the  fatal  fallacies  of  all  human  superstition." 

It  will  be  admitted  that  the  Christian  Doctor  was  more 
courteous  than  the  Eclectic  lady.  However,  they  did  not 
fall  out. 

Meanwhile  Lord  Bantam,  Kelso,  and  the  Prophet  had 
been  comparing  notes.  From  the  latter  his  lordship  re- 
ceived scant  courtesy.  He  had  rather  flippantly  asked  the 
old  Philosoplier,  "  What  he  thought  of  this  ?  " 

"That's  nothing,"  said  the  Prophet;  "the  question  is, 
IVhat  must  the  Great  Almighty  God  of  Israel  think  of  this  1 
This  to  be  the  Religion  of  the  Future  !  !  Idols  of  fancy 
hewn  out  of  the  great  living  rocks  and  stones  which  He  hath 
made  and  scattered  over  the  wide  Earth  to  show  His  Power ! 
A  '  new  religion,'  (juotha  !  '  Eclectic  Church  ? '  Something 
beyond  Abraham's  God — Israel's  hope  and  helper — David's 
strength — Isaiah's  Anointed  One  !  Yea,  Christ  Himself 
left  in  llic  background  of  llic  Ages  by  a  boy  lord,  half  a 
dozen  tradesmen,  three  or  four  clever  professors,  and  some 


AN    ECLECTIC    SYMPOSIUM.  207 

dozens  of  women  of  masculine  assumptions — God  save  us  I 
How  He  must  laugli !  He  that  sitteth  in  the  Heavens  ;  how 
His  sad,  terrific  cachinnation  must  ring  and  reecho  through 
the  Eternal  welkin  as  He  watches  the  Punchinello  fantas- 
tics  of  His  little  creatures  here  below  ! " 


* 


PART    VII. 

HOW  HE  COQUETTED  WITH  THE  PROLETARIAT. 
I. — Redudio  ad  absurdum  of  philosophic  theories. 

We  are  here  compelled,  in  four  or  five  seconds,  to  pass 
•  over  a  period  of  as  many  years  in  the  history  of  our  hero 
and  his  Eclectic  spouse.  The  young  lord  had  during  that 
time,  under  circumstances  to  be  presently  explained,  con- 
tinued to  represent  Ffowlsmere.  Sophronia  had  recorded 
several  instances  of  apostasy  from  her  faith  in  the  French 
system.  Indeed,  both  the  young  people  had  somewhat 
changed  during  these  critical  years. 

As  Sophronia  began  to  be  surrounded  with  little  Bantams 
— when  she  had  to  face  the  realities  of  nature,  and  her  true 
woman's  heart  came  to  fmd  healthy  play  and  outljt  in  the 
noblest  affections — when  she  had  first  a  son  and  heir — then 
twins — then  another  son — then  twins  again,  she  began  to 
suspect  that  humanity  could  not  be  entirely  regulated  by 
utilitarian  philosophy  and  the  Eclectic  religion.  These  little 
ones  called  for  some  more  definite,  practical,  human,  ay  and 
divine  ethics  than  those  of  her  Academy.  Every  one  will 
say,  that  family  cares  had  weakened  her  understanding — but 
no  one  could  have  denied  that  they  had  softened  her  heart. 
We  cannot  trace  the  progress  of  this  change.  It  may  partly 
have  contributed  to  it  that,  so  strongly  had  the  charm  of  Dr. 
Dulcis  attracted  her  to  him,  she  took  pains  to  cultivate  his 


THE    CREED    OF    PARTY.  209 

acquaintance.  This  brought  her  into  association  with  Mrs. 
Dulcis,  a  woman  of  rare  refinement,  of  a  gentle  nature  which 
had  been  inspired  and  spirituaUzed  by  the  daily  influence  of 
her  husband.  The  friendship  springing  from  this  acquaint- 
ance was  deep  and  lasting.  Scarcely  a  week  passed  without 
some  intercourse  between  the  minister's  house  at  Bellows- 
bury  Square  and  the  aristocratic  home  in  Bclgravia. 
Sophronia  often  of  a  Sunday  drove  to  the  chapel  of  the  dis- 
senting preacher.  In  fact  she  deserted  the  philosophers  in 
the  basest  manner,  and  abjured  the  French  system  as  a 
practical  absurdity.  Exuberant  maternity  had  antidoted 
theoretic  philosophy.  Lord  Bantam,  being  a  man,  was  less 
affected  by  the  changes  and  friendships  of  life ;  but  he  enter- 
tained for  Dr.  Dulcis  a  sincere  regard,  and  viewed  his  wife's 
declinations  with  exemplary  resignation. 

*      * 
* 

II. — The  creed  of  party. 

The  defeat  of  the  Polkinghorne  Ministry  which  had  taken 
place  a  few  weeks  after  our  hero's  election,  led  to  a  dissolu- 
tion, followed  by  the  formation  of  a  Fogy  Ministry.  During 
the  intervening  month,  the  outbreak  of  a  rebellion  in  the 
only  rebellious  part  of  the  Sovereign's  dominions,  demanding 
great  and  immediate  effort,  and  threatening  incidentally  to 
involve  the  country  in  a  war  with  one  of  the  most  powerful 
of  friendly  states,  had  withdrawn  the  attention  of  the  people 
from  political  questions,  so  that  redistribution  was  suffered  to 


210  LORD     BANTAM. 

remain  an  unsolved  problem.  Social  questions  haci  again 
come  to  the  front ;  the  more  since  the  pressure  of  the  heavj 
taxation  required  for  the  expenses  of  mihtary  argiunent  with 
the  islanders  had  roused  every  one  to  an  appreciation  of  the 
value  of  the  economy  and  the  necessity  of  a  better  organiza- 
tion of  Government,  local  and  Imperial.  Some  of  the  do- 
minions appended  to  the  Empire  were  exhibiting  symptoms 
of  dissatisfaction  with  the  nature  of  their  relations — relations 
which  were  undefined,  casual,  variable,  and  dependent  on 
the  incongruous  policy  of  the  Ministers  who  chanced  from 
time  to  time  to  supervise  their  affairs.  Still  the  Fogy  Cab- 
inet held  its  own  under  the  experienced  navigation  of  Mr. 
Sardonius.  It  was  generally  admitted  that  Mr.  Polking- 
horne  could  never  form  another  Ministry,  and  the  leadership 
of  the  Popular  party  was  assumed,  in  virtue  of  his  splendid 
abilities,  by  Sir  Dudley  Wrightman.  I  need  not  say  that 
he  and  the  party  felt  peculiarly  and  honestly  irritated  at 
their  prolonged  absence  from  office. 

The  Session  of  i8 —  was  opened  by  a  speech  from  the 
Throne.  It  adverted  to  the  happy  termination  of  hostilities 
in  the  adjacent  island.  It  spoke  of  the  aspirations  of  the 
people  for  various  reforms  in  Government  organization.  It 
set  forth  a  progranmie  of  useful  measures  ;  e.g.,  for  the  rigid 
inspection  of  various  places  where  dangerous  works  were 
carried  on  :  for  securing  health  and  cleanliness  in  great 
cities  :  for  improving  the  condition  of  the  agricultural  la- 
borer :  and  for  a  complete  reorganization  of  the  navy.  Mr. 
Sardonius  was  a  minister  whose  genius  was  admired  without 


THE     CREED     OFPARTY.  211 


dissent.  Amongst  his  colleagues,  though  there  were  no  othei 
geniuses,  there  were  several  admirable  men  of  business  ;  and 
with  the  generous  assistance  of  his  rival,  there  was  no  shadow 
of  question  that  he  might,  during  a  peaceful  Session,  have 
passed  several  measures  of  immediate  and  lasting  utility. 

But  the  Populars  being  out  of  office,  like  Fogies  in  the 
same  predicament,  as  if  they  were  the  high-priests  of  politics, 
professed  to  believe  that  no  other  legislation  could  be 
beneficent  than  that  sanctified  by  passage  through  their 
hands.  They  loudly  exclaimed  that  the  country  could  not 
safely  trust  to  the  Fogies  the  conduct  of  such  measures. 
Yet  they  could  hardly  without  stultifying  themselves  chal- 
lenge their  opponents  upon  them,  since  they  acknowledged 
them  to  be  good  ones. 

Sir  Dudley  Wrightman  and  his  friends  were  at  their  wits' 
end.  He  watched  the  movement  of  his  subtle  rival  with 
cat-like  vigilance.  For  many  sleepless  nights  he  sat,  hat 
over  brow,  wearily  listening  to  debates,  every  now  and  then 
himself  rising  and  launching  a  Philippic  at  his  smiling  antag- 
onist. He  challenged  him  to  a  division  on  his  foreign 
policy,  but  as  the  foreign  minister  had  done  nothing,  was 
beaten.  He  i:)ursued  all  the  courses  habitual  to  vindictive 
party  jealousy  on  whatever  side  of  the  House.  P>ut  it  was 
clear  that  public  enthusiasm  had  not  yet  been  evoked,  and 
the  skill  of  the  leader  of  the  Opposition,  backed  by  all  his 
satellites,  had  failed  to  discover  any  point  on  which  that  en- 
thusiasm could  be  galvanized  into  action. 

Lord   Bantam,  being   in   Opposition,    worked    with    his 


212  LORD     BANTAM. 


party.     He  had  on  several  occasions  rendered  distinguished 
service  by  his  shrewd,  direct,  hard-hitting  eloquence.     On 
one  occasion  he  brought  forward  a  motion  which  received 
some  support  from  the  other  side,  in  favor  of  assistance  to 
British  emigrants ;  and  so  great  was  the  temptation  to  the 
Popular  leaders  to  take  advantage  of  the  conjunction,  they 
were  nearly  committing  themselves  to  a  policy  that  was  ab- 
horrent  to    them.     The   main  constituents  of  the  Popular 
party  were  Prig  Landholders  and  Employers  of  labor,  to 
whom  State  aid  in  any  form  was  the  crudest  of  absurdities 
and  the  direst  of  chimeras.     Yet  I  expect  they  would  have 
objected  to  the  resolution  of  society  into  its  original  atoms. 
It  was  at  this  time  that  Lord  Bantam  became  acquainted 
with  a  gentleman  who  was  a  member  for  a  Scotch  borough. 
His  name  was  Peregrine.     With  a  very  indifterent  position 
in  the  House,  he  was  nevertheless  an  inveterate  busybody. 
He  had  the  usual  Scotch  confidence  in  himself.     It  was  his 
conviction   that  he  had  repeatedly  saved  his  party,  and  he 
earnestly  impressed  upon  its  members  the  virtue  of  political 
gratitude.     If  a  vacancy  happened   in    any  oflice  when  a 
Popular  government  was  in  power,  Mr.  Peregrine  began  to 
frequent  the  Radical  Club,  and  to  show  himself  in  conversa- 
tion  with   lounging  leaders  or   ministers.     His   invariable 
disappointment  never  affected  his  spirits.     lie  had  a  faith 
superior  to  moving  mountains — it  was  a  faith  that  did  not 
believe   in   their  existence.     Taking  it  into  his  head  that 
liantam  was  making  a  position  in   the   parly,  he  look  an 
oj)portunity  to  accost  hini  in  the  lobby. 


THE     CREED     OF     PARTY.  213 

"  Lord  Bantam,"  said  he,  "  this  seems  very  hopeless  work 
for  us." 

"  I  beg  your  pardon,"  said  Bantam  ;  "  what  does  ?  " 

"  The  way  the  party  is  going  on.  No  question  on  which 
we  can  challenge  Sardonius,  and  not  a  ghost  of  a  cry  to 
raise  the  people." 

"  Well,"  said  Bantam,  "  we  cannot  help  that.  I  am 
rather  inclined  to  think  we  ought  to  rest  on  our  oars  a  while. 
Why  should  we  want  to  get  in  ?  Radicals  have  nothing  to 
give.  The  Prigs  will  use  their  shoulders  to  stand  on  until 
they  have  won  a  footing  higher  up ;  but  it  is  impossible  to 
construct  a  Radical  Ministry ;  and  as  the  Government  are 
passing  some  harmless  and  useful  measures,  why  should  we 
interfere  with  them  ?  " 

"Oh!"  rephed  the  other,  "you  must  not  look  at  it  in 
that  way.     'What's  to  become  of  the  party  ?  " 

"  The  party  may  go  to  the  d — 1,  if  it  pleases,"  answered 
the  disloyal  young  gentleman  ;  "  that  is  of  little  conse- 
quence. Why  need  we  care  if  good  is  being  done,  and 
Popular  principles  are  meantime  making  way  ?  I  have  no 
faith  in  party,  except  as  the  representation  of  principle." 

Mr.  Peregrine  stuck  his  eyeglass  into  his  eye,  and  examined 
the  new  fresco  over  the  arch  in  the  hall  where  they  were 
standing.  It  was  a  great  angel  clothed  in  white,  with  a 
sword  in  his  hand.  To  his  practical  Scotch  intelligence 
this  "  deliverance  "  was  puzzUng.     Said  he, 

"I  don't  see  the  use  of  party  at  all,  unless  it  is  either  in 
office  or  lighting  for  it." 


214  LORD     BANTAM, 


And  after  this  concise  statement  of  the  pohtical  creed  of 
nine  men  out  of  ten  in  a  great  legislature,  Mr.  Peregrine 
gave  up  our  hero  as  a  moonshiny  fop. 

* 
*     * 

III. — Parliamentary  conscience. 

Mr.  Peregrine's  object  in  addressing  himself  to  Lord 
Bantam  had  not  been  disclosed.  The  fact  was,  that  he  had 
conceived  a  very  clever  plan  for  disconcerting  the  Fogy 
Ministry.  If  there  was  any  question  on  which  a  Fogy  Min- 
istry was  sure  to  stand  firm — on  which  the  most  astute  of 
leaders  could  not  hope  to  dazzle  them  into  metamorphose — • 
it  was  the  status  of  the  Church.  Now  Mr.  Peregrine  had 
worked  out  a  combination  in  his  clever  brain  which  he 
thought  strong  enough  to  strike  at  and  overcome  that  cardi- 
nal point  of  the  enemy's  works.  He  took  it  that  the  pillar 
of  the  Church  was  the  Episcopate.  Just  at  that  time  a  very 
serious  movement  against  the  Episcopate  had  arisen  in  the 
Church  itself.  Several  of  the  Bishops  had  assumed  an  atti- 
tude intolerable  to  many  of  their  clergy  and  laymen.  Dis- 
cussions had  taken  place  upon  the  standing  and  rights  of 
the  hierarchy.  The  papers  were  filled  with  details  of  their 
enormous  salaries,  and  criticism  on  their  general  assump- 
tions. 

"  Now,"  said  Mr.  Peregrine,  "  in  England  and  Wales  the 
Church  and  Dissenters  arc  not  quite  half  and  half  In 
Scotland  the   very  name  of  a  bishop  is  enough  to  give  a 


PARLIAMENTARY     CONSCIENCE.  215 

Stomach-ache  ;  and  in  Ireland  the  Roman  Catholic  bishops 
and  priests  are  directly  interested  in  the  humiliation  of  the 
hierarchy  of  the  English  Church.  Appeal  to  this  combina- 
tion, sir,  for  the  Reformation,  of  the  Episcopacy,  and  you  will 
got  up  an  excitement  that  must  necessarily  throw  out  any 
government  that  endeavors  to  shield  it." 

Into  whose  ear  do  you  suppose  Mr.  Peregrine  was 
pouring  this  wily  incitement?  Into  those  of  the  Right 
Honorable  Sir  Dudley  Wrightman,  the  leader  of  the  Oppo- 
sition. The  only  other  person  present  was  Mr.  Carnifex,  the 
Popular  Whip,  whom  Mr.  Peregrine  had  succeeded  in 
talking  over,  and  who  had  now  presented  liini  to  his  leader. 

Sir  Dudley  received  the  hint  in  silence,  and  not  without 
pain.  His  quick  mind  at  once  grasped  the  ingenuity  of  the 
plot,  but  he  was  a  Churchman — he  had  a  sincere  affection 
for  the  Church — and  to  attack  it  in  its  most  venerable  part 
was  to  him  no  grateful  task. 

A  political  conscience,  especially  under  party  government, 
is  a  psychological  study.  It  admits  of  so  much  casuistry — 
of  such  minute  and  delicate  adjustments  to  counterbalance 
fixed  principles — of  such  a  number  of  new  patent  move- 
ments— of  such  fermentation  and  combustion — and  yet  all 
the  while  the  owner  of  it  may  be  most  sincerely  accrediting 
himself  the  honestest  man  in  Christendom. 


2l6  LORD     BANTAM, 


IV. — Stirring  up  the  Churcli. 

When  the  seed  had  been  sown  in  the  mind  of  the  Popu- 
lar leader,  it  took  some  time  to  germinate.  In  the  tirst 
place,  as  we  have  seen,  the  proposition  to  touch  the  sacred 
persons  of  the  episcopate  shocked  his  sensibilities,  ran 
counter  to  his  earliest  and  strongest  opinions.  Again  he 
unconsciously  hesitated  about  the  feasibility  of  the  plan. 
Hence,  while  on  the  one  hand  his  conscience  repelled  the 
temptation  held  out  to  it,  on  the  other  his  mind  was  weigh- 
ing the  probabilities  of  success.  Let  no  man  throw  a  stone 
at  him.  Human  nature,  like  trout,  is  apt  to  take  its  color 
from  the  bed  of  the  stream  it  swims  in. 

Other  members  of  the  party  were  consulted.  Earl 
Ffowlsmere — a  shrewd  politician  and  not  particularly  big- 
oted Churchman — thought  that  they  might  safely  embark  in 
the  movement ;  but  he  pointed  out  that  time  was  essential, 
and  that  the  success  of  the  policy  might  be  contingent  on 
the  previous  success  of  the  party  instead  of  contributing  to 
it :  since,  in  his  opinion,  it  would  be  necessary  as  a  prelimi- 
nary move  to  appoint  a  few  bishops  committed  to  the  prin- 
cij)le  of  degrading  their  own  office.  It  is  a  pity  when  the 
Church  becomes  the  strategy-ground  of  politicians  ! 

Sir  Dudley  held  many  anxious  conferences  with  his  fol- 
lowers. He  held  others  with  bishops.  He  secretly  sent 
for  and  interrogated  the  "representatives  of  the  working- 
men  ; "   and  lastly  he  entered  into  communication  with  Ihe 


STIRRING     UP     THE     CHURCH.  21 7 

Transinontane  priesthood.     The  organs  of  the  party  were 
inspired  to  blow  a  soft,  feeUng  whistle  to  the  country. 

The  Transmontane  clergy  are  ever  keenly  on  the  alert  for 
the  rising  and  falling  tides  of  public  opinion.  At  the  very 
first  breath  of  anti-episcopal  feeling,  summoned  in  secret 
conclave  ander  the  acute  counsel  of  their  Cardinal  head, 
they  had  resolved  upon  their  plan  of  action.  If  there  should 
turn  out  to  be  little  life  in  the  proposition,  they  were  to  dis- 
countenance it,  since  it  was  the  point  of  their  general  policy 
to  flatter  the  national  Church,  while  secretly  permeating  it  as 
fiir  as  possible  with  their  principles  and  rites.  But  the  Car- 
dinal foresaw  that  if  the  impending  struggle  became  serious, 
the  weight  of  his  influence  must  decide  it  one  way  or  the 
other,  and  he  proposed  to  play  for  a  high  reward  from  which- 
ever side  it  was  to  come.  One  of  the  most  important  of 
important  things  in  the  eyes  of  this  clerical  party,  was  the 
repeal  of  that  law  of  mortmain  by  which  they  were  choused 
of  not  a  few  death-bed  bequests.  The  harvest  of  priests  is 
richest  on  the  banks  of  the  Styx,  but  they  are  not  such 
cheap  ferrymen  as  Charon.  They  therefore  agreed  to  de- 
mand, as  the  price  of  their  adhesion  to  either  principle,  the 
repeal  of  the  obnoxious  Acts  ;  and  since  they  were  appeal- 
ing to  English  freemen,  and  not  to  continental  bigots  and 
slaves,  they  agreed  to  base  their  assumption  on  the  extraor- 
dinary ground  for  infallibilists  and  heretic-burners  of  civil 
and  religious  liberty  I  They  drew  up  a  pastoral.  It  was 
very  guarded.  It  awakened  attention  without  conveying 
any  information.     Both  political  parties  scanned  it  eagerly, 

lO 


2l8  LORD    BANTAM. 


but  each  was  puzzled  to  know  which  way  the  wind  was 
blowing. 

* 

V, — Transmontane  Plots. 

The  private  secretary  of  Mr.  Sardonius  was  a  Church- 
man. He  had  married  a  wife,  a  Roman  Catholic,  a  woman 
of  high  culture  and  great  cleverness,  with  a  slight  taste  for 
intrigue.  The  Cardinal's  secretary,  Father  Nugatius,  was 
her  intimate  friend.  It  was  a  curious  fact  that  many  of  the 
secrets  of  Mr.  Sardonius  found  their  way  to  the  Cardinal, 
and  that  not  a  few  of  the  Cardinal's  views  and  wishes 
reached  Mr.  Sardonius.  Thus  one  day,  when  the  private 
secretary  had  received  instructions  in  a  number  of  matters, 
he  inquired  of  the  minister: 

"  Have  you  heard  of  the  meeting  of  Transmontane  bishops 
and  their  resolution  on  the  Episcopate  question  ?  " 

"  No,"  said  Sardonius,  pricking  up  his  cars.  "When  did 
you  hear  of  it.     At  the  Club  ?  or  in  the  House  ?  " 

"  Well,  the  fact  is,  sir,"  replied  the  subordinate,  "  that 
Father  Nugatius  was  at  my  house  last  evening ;  he  is,  you 
know,  my  wife's  confessor,  and  he  mentioned  it  to  her,  but 
it  was  under  the  seal  of  the  strictest  secrecy.  I  hardly 
know  whether " 

•'What  did  he  say?"  interrupted  the  minister,  peremp- 
torily. 

"  He  said  the  meeting  was  decidedly  inclined  in  our 
favor." 


A    WILLING    SACRIFICE.  219 

"In  favor  of  the  Episcopate?" 

"  Yes.  They  seem  to  have  discussed  several  questions. 
From  what  I  could  gather  they  were  disposed  to  let  the  edu- 
cation question  remain  in  abeyance  ;  and,  as  it  appears  some 
small  sum  of  ;^3,ooo  has  been  lost  to  tliem  through  the 
operation  of  the  Mortmain  Acts,  they  intend  to  appeal  to 
the  Government  to  abolish  or  modify  them." 

"Three  thousand  pounds  !  "  said  the  acute  minister,  with 
a  twinkling  eye  in  his  grave  face.  "  Is  that  what  Father 
Nugatius  suggested  to  your  wife  as  the  extent  of  their  losses 
and  the  measure  of  their  ambition  ?  Had  he  said  three- 
score thousand  pounds  he  would  be  nearer  the  mark.  But 
why  should  they  raise  that  question  just  now  ?  It  Avould  be 
utterly  useless.  No  Fogy  minister  could  safely  make  sucli  a 
proposal  to  his  party." 

The  minister's  opinion  was  scarcely  cold  ere  it  reached 
His  Eminence.  Before  thirty-six  hours  were  gone  he  had 
also  received  unsatisfactory  reports  upon  the  frame  of  mind 
of  the  leading  member  of  the  Cabinet ;  and  in  virtue  of  a 
good  rule,  and  to  follow  a  hopeless  quest,  he  turned  his  at- 
tention exclusively  to  the  Popular  party.  He  found  them 
already  waiting  for  him. 

*    * 
* 

VI. — A  willing  sacrifice. 

His  Eminence  was  closeted  widi  Sir  Dudley  Wrightman. 
The  minister  had  been  heard  to  argue  that   the  Church  of 


220  LORD     BANTAM, 


England  was  the  purest  embodiment  of  the  religion  of  Christ, 
and  the  most  solid  pillar  of  the  State.  If  his  views  had  un- 
dergone any  modification,  one  must  admit  that  to  be  a  char- 
acteristic quality  of  views  in  general.  The  divergence  of 
men  from  the  principles  they  once  held,  is  the  effect  of  com- 
plications of  influences  so  various,  extending  over  periods 
so  protracted,  that  it  would  be  impossible  for  the  bitterest 
cyiiic  to  detect  the  vanishing  point  of  principle  and  the  ini- 
tial point  of  corrupt  motive.  At  this  moment  Sir  Dudley, 
to  tell  the  truth,  would  much  rather  have  left  the  Episcopate 
alone.  But  he  was  in  the  bonds  of  party — and  in  the  high- 
est circles  of  statemanship,  party  governs  with  a  peremptory 
rein.  It  would  be  impossible  to  analyze  all  the  reasons 
which  would  affect  the  judgment  of  men  placed  on  the  pin- 
nacle of  power,  and  by  their  very  position  challenging  the 
enthusiasm  and  confidence  of  a  general  public. 

That  day  Mr.  Carnifex  had  abundantly  satisfied  his  Chief 
that  in  the  House  itself  the  majority  of  the  Populars  were 
well  disposed  to  the  new  reform.  So  many  constituencies 
had  pronounced  for  it  that,  except  in  a  few  cases  of  more 
than  average  independence,  a  large  number  of  adherents 
was  a  matter  of  necessity.  The  Extremists  being  always  in 
favor  of  change,  would,  he  thought,  be  for  the  movement  to 
a  man.  A  (cw  Prig  Lords  and  some  county  Squires  were 
represented  to  be  still.  In  any  reform  of  religion  llic  Ob- 
structives were  exceptionally  strong,  and  specially  so  in  ihc 
Lords.  Mr.  Carnj-fex  and  others  had  given  it  as  their  opin 
ion  that  the  Transmontancs  could  turn  the  scale. 


ANEW     CHARTER.  221 

His  Eminence  was  therefore  closeted  with  the  leader  of 

the  Opposition. 

*     * 

VII. — Transmontane   Reformers. 

At  a  second  meeting  of  Transmontane  ecclesiastics  duly 
summoned,  a  pastoral  was  adopted  calling  upon  all  the  flocks 
throughout  the  kinsrdom  to  aid  the  true  Church  of  Christ 
and  the  cause  of  religious  Freedom  (!)  by  supporting  with 
their  prayers,  their  votes,  and  their  influence,  the  great  move- 
ment now  going  on  for  the  deposition  and  humiliation  of  the 
hierarchy  of  an  Apostate  Church. 


*      * 
* 


VIII.— A  New  Charter. 

There  was  high  excitement  all  over  the  country.  The 
Houses  of  Parliament  and  the  Clubs  began  to  show  signs  of 
political  fever.  The  constituencies  were  distracted  with  op- 
posing factions.  The  Bishops  everywhere  preached  vigorously 
in  their  own  favor.  The  dissenting  clergy  prayed  fervently 
for  the  degradation  of  the  Bishops.  Among  the  working-men 
opinions  were  divided.  While  a  knot  of  agitating  leaders 
formed  a  committee  to  aid  the  anti-episcopate  movement, 
large  numbers  of  independent  men  sagaciously  foresaw  that 
this  politico-religious  agitation,  in  which  they  were  only  in- 
cidentally interested,  might  delay  for  many  years  the  settle- 
ment of  those  measures  which  Mr.  Sardonius's  government 


222  LORD     BANTAM. 

were  ready  to  further.  Among  the  dissentients  was  ]\[r. 
Broadbent,  who  took  up  the  point  so  strongly  that  he  urged 
the  Social  Anti-CHmax  League  to  make  it  one  of  their  ques- 
tions, and  insist  on  postponing  the  fate  of  the  Bishops  to  that 
of  the  suffering  people. 

He  came  to  town  to  see  Lord  Bantam. 

"  My  lord,"  he  said,  "  I  am  an  old  man.  I  have  seen 
the  country  struggling  through  co!ivulsions  that  among  any 
other  people  would  have  been  reigns  of  terror.  There  is 
danger  about  us  now.  The  persistent  Prig  policy  of  plaster- 
ing and  chivying  the  people  is  bearing  its  fruit  in  bitter  dis- 
content— and  now  when  we  mi^iht  have  had  somethinsr  from 
Mr.  Sardonius — we  Avould  take  a  good  thing  from  the  devil 
if  he  were  prime  minister — you  are  all  going  in  for  a  new  po- 
litical cry." 

"Well,"  said  Bantam,  "  I  am  entirely  wilh  you  in  all  you 
say — but  what  is  to  be  done  ?  The  Whigs  are  mad  at  their 
long  exile  from  office — the  Radicals  arc  piping  for  some  po- 
litical change — and  the  country  is  perhaps  getting  tired  of  the 
monotony  of  a  long-lived  ministry." 

"  Stump  the  country  against  this  new  folly,  ni}'  lord.  Join 
the  Social  Anti-Climax  League,  and  attend  its  meetings  all 
over  the  land.  We  can  soon  make  the  Prigs  feel  our 
power." 

After  some  hesitation  Bantam  went  so  far  as  to  agree  to 
attend  a  meeting  in  the  district  of  Bellowsbuiy,  and  there,  in 
a  large  hall  carefully  guarded,  he  was  privately  introduced  to 
about  a  hundred  members  of  the  League.     He  then  learned 


A    NEW    CHARTER,  223 


for  the  first  time  that  Broadbent  was  its  Grand  President. 
He  was  struck  with  the  abiUty  manifested  by  some  of  the 
speakers,  especially  two  or  three  from  the  provinces,  and 
was  surprised  to  find  how  widely  the  association  had  ex- 
tended its  branches  through  the  country.  This  was  a  meet- 
ing of  representatives  for  the  purpose  of  framing  a  new 
charter  and  giving  a  new  impetus  to  the  League  sentiments. 
After  a  discussion  of  several  nights  the  conference  agreed 
upon  the  following  provisional  points  of  the  new  charter  of 
English  rights : 

1 .  All  men  are  equal : 

Titles  are  the  impertinences  of  tyranny. 

2.  Rig/Us  a}-e  equal : 

Power  is  only  legitimate  when  directed  to  equalize  rights  in 
fact. 

3.  The  Land  is  the  People'' s  : 

Its  enjoyment  must  no  longer  be  monopolized. 

4.  JVorh  only  deserves  remuneration  : 

Every  worker  is  entitled  of  right  to  a  decent  house,  ground 
sufficient  for  his  maintenance,  and  a  fixed  income. 

5.  //  is  the  duty  of  the  State  to  adopt  and  carry  into  effect  the  prin- 

ciples above  set  forth. 

SUPPLEMENTARY  PROPOSITIONS. 

6.  Labor  is  the  True  Aristocracy  :  the  supi'cmacy  of  labor  must  be 

acknowledged. 

7.  The  Capitalist  is  the  tyrant :  He  must  be  blotted  out  of  the  social 

scheme. 

8.  Land,  Labor,   Cooperation,   Equalization — involving  the  trans- 

figuration of  Labor  and  the  regeneration  of  Society  :  these 
are  the  cardinal  heads  of  the  new  political  gospel — the  charter 
of  the  liberties  of  mankind  ! 

When  after  high  debate  these  propositions  had  been  soi 


224  LORD     BANTAM. 

emnly  affirmed,  the  League  pledged  itself  to  advance  them 
before  all  other  Reforms.  Broadbent  pressed  Lord  Bantam 
to  become  a  member  of  the  Society.  He  at  length  yielded, 
and  pledged  himself  to  the  new  Charter.  In  a  short  time  he 
began  to  appear  at  various  demonstrations  of  workpeople  in 
that  nursery  of  agitation,  the  Middle  Counties. 

*      * 
* 

IX. — Death  and  Sunshine. 

In  the  midst  of  these  events,  there  suddenly  intervened 
an  incident,  so  strangely  out  of  tune  with  the  loud  volcanic 
heat  and  motion  of  our  hero's  history,  that,  were  we  not  all 
familiar  with  tlie  wonders  of  life,  I  should  shrink  from  intrud- 
ing its  seemingly  incongruous  feature  into  these  pages.  But 
life  will  not  adapt  itself  to  the  artist's  ideal — or  is  it  perhaps 
that  we  are  not  true  artists  who  do  not  discern  beneath  the 
bizarre  collations  of  events  a  hidden  and  divine  symmetry  ? 
Is  not  he  who  can  most  nearly  draw  the  tangled  and  dis- 
tracted skeins  together  in  some  harmony  of  consequence, 
the  man  who  will  read  life  witli  the  truest  appreciation  and 
the  profoundest  artistry  ? 

On  his  return  from  a  great  meeting  at  Squirmingham, 
Sophronia  informed  her  husband  that  Dr.  Dulcis  lay  very 
ill  ;  that  after  several  days  of  severe  fever  he  remained  so 
weak  as  to  give  his  friends  grave  anxiety.  Kelso  had  gone 
to  his  bedside  and  had  tended  him  wilii  scduU)us  care.  She 
herself  had  sometimes  relieved  him,  for  a  few  hours,  and 


DEATH    AND    SUNSHINE.  225 

evidently  this  melancholy  intercourse  had  been  productive 
of  some  strong  effect  upon  her.  Bantam  heard  this  with  un- 
feigned regret.  The  quaint,  gentle  minister  had,  by  his 
loving  tenderness,  his  invulnerable  breadth  of  charity,  and  the 
strong  earnestness  of  his  religious  faith  and  practice,  made 
no  slight  impression  on  the  young  man's  heart.  When, 
therefore,  on  the  succeeding  day,  Kelso  came  to  report  that 
the  poor  minister,  though  he  had  recovered  his  mind,  was 
clearly  sinking,  and  had  sent  to  ask  Sophronia  to  visit  him, 
the  summons  was  answered  by  both  I.ord  and  Lady  Bantam 
with  very  sad  alacrity. 

The  room  in  which  Dr.  Dulcis  lay  dying  was  a  large  one, 
with  its  outlook  towards  the  square,  the  trees  of  which  were 
a  strange  pleasure  to  him  as  they  waved  to  and  fro  outside 
his  windows.  He  had  asked  them  to  raise  the  blind  that  he 
might  look  once  more  on  the  gay  spring  sky,  and  the 
familiar  branches,  and  the  twinkling  leaves.  Kelso  was  there, 
and  Mrs.  Dulcis. 

"  Those  leaves,"  he  was  saying,  "  on  their  background 
of  glorious  blue,  remind  me  of  man  on  the  panel  of  eternity. 
That  never  passes  or  alters,  though  clouds  may  intervene  to 
darken  it :  these  die  and  fall,  and  are  blown  away. 
Whither  ?  " 

"  Ah  ! "  said  Lord  Bantam,  as  he  and  Sophronia  silently 
saluted  their  friends,  "  Whither,  Doctor  Dulcis  ?  Who  can 
answer  that  question  ?  " 

"Philosophy  cannot,    my   dear  young  friend,"  cried    the 

Doctor.     "  Positivism  declines  to  do  it — Eclecticism  strives 
10* 


226  LORD    BANTAM, 


to  ignore  the  question — and  all  men  lie  down  before  it  and 
wonder." 

He  paused  a  few  minutes,  gazing  steadily  into  the  outer 
light,  and  smiling  to  himself. 

"  I  am  looking  out  into  the  heavenly  sunlight  from  the 
gloom  of  this  room.  This  is  a  true  emblem  of  our  souls, 
prostrate,  weak,  helpless,  hardly  able  to  cry  out,  darkened 
in  by  the  curtains  of  ignorance,  folly  and  sin— and  out  there, 
There,  the  supernal  sun-glow,  immeasurable  and  everlast- 
ing !  " 

He  turned  to  Lord  and  Lady  Bantam. 

"  My  young  friends,"  said  he,  "it  is  well  that  you,  in  the 
zenith  of  life  and  prosperity,  and  intellectual  activities,  should 
look  upon  this  scene.  Here  am  I  stretched  upon  the  rack 
of  the  inevitable.  There  is  no  Eclectic  formula  for  our  con- 
duct in  the  Valley  of  the  Shadow  of  Death,  cxcei)t  oblivious- 
ness and  resignation.  For  mc  there  is  more — there  is  life 
and  hope  and  peace.  Christ  is  here  with  help  and  promise. 
Christ  goes  before  and  clears  a  shining  way.  I  needed  just 
now  a  friendly  hand  to  draw  yon  curtain,  and  let  in  the  ful- 
ness of  the  sunlight.  So  we  all  need  llic  lo\ing  hand  of 
Christ  to  unveil  for  us  the  curtained  abysm  of  God's  shining 
infinity — Christ  only  !  "  These  words  he  repeated  several 
times,  "Christ  only." 

Bantam,  respecting  the  dying  man's  enthusiasm,  replied 
with  a  whisper  of  sympathy. 

Doctor  Dulcis  looked  round  for  his  children  ;  the  haze  was 
dimming  his  eyes.     They  were  called  in.     The  fair-crowned 


DEATH    AND     SUNSHINE.  227 

child*of  former  days  was  now  a  fine  young  woman,  and  the 
velvet-coated  boy  had  developed  into  a  jacketed  stripluig, 
with  student  paleness  and  melancholy  eyes.  As  they  all 
drew  near  his  bedside,  he  gave  them  one  by  one  his  blessing, 
and  charged  them  to  meet  him  in  heaven,  with  a  confidence 
as  great  as  he  would  have  shown  in  engaging  to  meet  them 
at  the  house  of  a  friend. 

"  Now,  "  said  he,  "  sing  our  Sabbath  hymn,  Virginia.  I 
cannot  blow  the  bellows  for  you  now,  but  you  need  no 
music  !  I  think  I  hear  another  organ  playing,  but  it  sounds 
far  away.     '  The  sands  of  time  are  sinking.'  " 

As  he  folded  his  hands  on  his  bosom,  and  lay  back  on  his 
pillow,  the  children  set  up  softly,  to  a  plaintive  air,  the  song 
he  had  asked  for  : 


The  sands  of  Time  are  sinking, 

The  dawn  of  heaven  breaks  ; 
The  summer  morn  I've  sighed  for,^ 

The  fair,  sweet  morn  awakes. 
Dark,  dark  hath  been  the  midnight. 

But  ciayspring  is  at  hand. 
And  glory,  glory  dwelleth 

In  Immanuel's  land. 


Just  then  a  brighter  smile  transfigured  his  pale  features  as 
sudden  sunlight  glints  over  a  cornfield.     Mrs.  Dulcis  clasped 
her  hands,  and  hung  over  him,  looking  eagerly  down  into 
the  face  that  was  upturned  towards  her  and  heaven. 
It  was  now  only  a  Parian  mask  with  a  stony  smile. 
Doctor  Dulcis  was  no  longer  there. 

Not  a  word  was  said.     The  widowed  woman  was  weeping 


l8  LORD    BANTAM. 


in  Sophronia's  arms.  Kelso  had  buried  his  face  in  tlie  pil- 
low near  which  he  had  been  leaning,  and  his  hard  northern 
frame  shook  with  emotion.  The  choristers,  divining  the 
awful  mystery,  broke  into  sobs  subdued  by  their  fear.  Ban- 
tam restrained  himself  only  by  a  powerful  effort,  and  finally 
rushed  from  the  room. 

The  Eclectic  religion  had  its  practical  beauties,  its  bril- 
liant aesthetic  attractions,  its  noble  sentiments  and  principles, 
its  healthy  increduUties,  but  the  young  lord  questioned  in 
his  soul  that  hour  if  it  could  ever  make  men  face  death  as 
they  would  look  upon  sunshine  and  roses. 

* 
X. — Party  versus  Principles. 

Lord  Bantam's  provincial  exercitations  began  to  create 
a  prodigious  feeling  in  the  country.  There  never  had  been, 
the  Prigs  avowed,  an  instance  of  a  man  so  unconscientiously 
faithless  to  party.  Candid  men  might  have  said  that  it  was 
rare  nowadays  to  find  a  man  so  unselfishly  faithful  to  prin- 
ciple. Mr.  Carnife.x,  at  the  request  of  the  Premier,  went  to 
Lord  Ffowlsmere  and  told  him  what  he  knew  better  than 
Mr.  Carnifex,  that  his  son  was  spoiling  the  game,  and  must 
be  silenced.  The  Earl,  sending  for  the  ])olitical  prodigal, 
rating  him  most  sternly,  threatened  him  with  his  lasting  re- 
sentment, if  he  did  not  keep  quiet. 

"  You  cannot  desert  your  party  at  such  a  time  ! "  cried 
the  Karl.     "  It  is  unprecedented.     It  is  indecent !     No  one, 


PARTY    VERSUS    PRINCIPLES.  229 

not  even  the  most  Priggish  3'oung  peacocks  of  party  or  the 
most  discontented  place-hunters,  would  think  of  setting  theii 
own  opinions  against  those  of  their  leaders  in  a  crisis ! " 

"  I  am  always  deeply  sorrowful  to  be  obliged  to  disagree 
with  you,  my  dear  father ;  but  I  see  so  clearly  the  nature 
of  this  agitation  ;  its  utter  hollowness  and  want  of  principle  ; 
that  nothing  shall  induce  me,  if  you  are  determined  to  go 
on,  to  vote  for  the  motion.  This  movement  has  been  in- 
vented and  fanned  into  life  simply  for  one  purpose,  to  place 
our  party  in  power.  I  do  the  leaders,  among  them  yourself, 
the  justice  to  believe  that  you  honestly  consider  this  to  be  a 
paramount  duty  and  the  only  hope  of  progress.  But  why 
should  you  evoke  religious  and  political  animosities  at  a 
time  when  a  programme  of  social  reform  still  lies  unaccom- 
plished before  the  country  ?  Is  it  of  greater  importance  that 
the  lives  of  a  liundred  thousand  persons,  more  or  less,  a  year 
should  be  lost  from  neglect  of  sanitary  legislation,  and  the 
regulation  of  mines,  or  the  better  inspection  of  factories, 
than  that  the  symmetry  of  an  ecclesiastical  system  should 
be  made  more  perfect  or  more  consonant  with  theoretical 
freedom  by  deposing  a  score  of  bishops  ?  " 

Granted  the  young  lord  was  perverse,  egotistic,  and  not 
amenable  to  discipline,  it  must  be  admitted  that  there  was 
some  method  in  his  madness. 


230  LORD     BANTAM. 


XI. — A  Constitutional  Crisis. 

The  time  was  now  deemed  ripe  by  the  Popular  leaders  to 
strike  their  blow,  and  Sir  Dudley  Wrightman  gave  notice 
of  his  intention  to  move  that  "In  the  opinion  of  the  House, 
the  present  status  and  emolument  of  the  bishops  of  the 
Church  of  England  were  inconsistent  with  civil  and  religious 
liberty;  and  that  an  humble  address  be  presented  to  Her 
Majesty  praying  that  she  would  appoint  a  Commission  to 
inquire  into  the  present  condition  of  the  oflicc  of  the 
Episcopate  of  the  Church  of  England,  and  to  take  account 
of  the  endowments  thereof,  and  to  report  u\-)on  the  best 
means  of  referring  the  said  office." 

Every  nerve  was  strained  on  either  side.  When  Sir 
Dudley  Wrightman  presented  petitions  from  half  the  clergy 
of  the  Universities  in  favor  of  the  reform,  Afr.  Sardonius 
brought  into  the  House  a  vast  memorial  from  a  million  of 
Obstructive  working-men,  who  declared  the  Episcopate  to  be 
the  lodestar  of  their  liberties.  When  a  red-hot  Obstructive 
procured  the  signatiues  of  three  hundred  Wesleyan  minis- 
ters in  favor  of  bishoprics,  an  impertinent  Radical  came 
forward  with  a  counter-petition  from  eighteen  of  the  leading 
jjhilosophers  of  the  dny.  Tlie  AVhips  and  llu'ir  aidcs-de- 
cam[)  on  both  sides  were  eng.aged  in  eager  canvassing,  and, 
I  am  born  to  tell,  in  making  arrangements  that  would 
never  have  passed  the  keen  criticism  of  an  I'.ledion  Judge, 
Ivul  tlicy  been  the  acts  of  simple  attorneys  or  agents  in  a 


A    CONSTITUTIONAL    CRISIS.  23I 

local  contest.  Peremptory  letters  and  telegrams  brought 
home  every  available  member,  from  America,  from  I^gypt, 
from  Algiers ;  dying  men  from  Mentone  :  hypochondriac 
legislators  from  the  various  "waters:"  parhamentary 
sportsmen  from  Sweden :  an  Admiralty  steam-yacht  was 
put  into  requisition  to  hunt  up  a  cruising  party  of  Fogies  : 
and  the  Populars  arranged  for  the  carriage  to  the  division 
of  a  Parliamentary  patient  afflicted  with  small-pox,  who  was 
to  be  dressed  in  clothes  steeped  in  the  latest  disinfectant. 
It  is  thus  that  in  England  i)reparations  are  made  for  the 
decision  of  great  constitutional  issues. 

One  need  not  describe  at  length  the  debate  on  the  motion. 
How  on  the  critical  evening  the  lobbies  were  thronged  with 
members,  and  with  eager  hunters  after  the  qualified  treat  of 
a  seat  in  the  gallery.  Plow  the  police  and  doorkeepers 
made  a  rich  harvest  of  sovereigns  from  persons  unprovided 
with  tickets,  while  those  who  had  thoughtfully  procured  their 
orders  a  week  beforehand  cooled  themselves  in  a  row  on  a 
stone  seat  in  St.  Stephen's  Hall,  or  heated  themselves  in 
altercations  with  the  equally  stony  guardians  of  the  portal. 
Sir  Dudley  Wrightman  made  a  magnificent  speech.  It  was 
three  hours  long.  It  traced  the  history  of  Episcopacy  from 
the  time  of  Peter  and  Judas.  It  reviewed  the  long  line  of 
the  English  hierarchy.  It  gave  statistics  of  the  value  of 
each  bishopric,  and  compared  them  with  the  number  of 
souls  cured  by  each  bishop.  It  criticised  the  assumption  of 
the  present  tenants.  It  pointed  out  how  inconsistent  those 
were  witli   the   modern  ideas  of  liberty.     It  compared  the 


232  LORD     BANTAM, 


incubus  of  the  Episcopacy  upon  the  Church  to  the  Old  Man 
of  the  Mountain,  and  hinted  thit  the  legs  were  none  the  less 
bearable  from  the  fact  of  their  being  enveloix;d  in  silk  stock- 
ings and  gaiters.  It  showed  the  injustice  done  to  the 
Transmontane  hierarchy  by  the  inequality  of  their  status, 
and  finally  it  concluded  with  a  grand  peroration,  in  which 
the  Church,  no  longer  fanned  to  perilous  somnolency  by  the 
silken  wings  of  the  black  vampires  which  drew  her  life  blood 
while  they  pleased  her  sense,  should  wake  to  new  and 
glorious  energies  of  being,  etc. 

As  soon  as  the  motion  had  been  seconded  by  Mr.  Kiteh- 
ingman,  a  rising  politician,  our  hero  rose,  and  amidst  ringing 
and  reiterated  cheers  from  the  Fogy  benches,  declared  him- 
self in  favor  of  the  principles  enunciated  by  his  leader,  but 
opposed  to  the  motion.  He  denounced  it  as  an  ill-advised, 
ill-timed,  and  dangerous  trifling  with  the  interests  of  the 
body  i^olitic :  he  warned  the  House  that  in  view  of  the 
uneasy  symptoms  exhibited  by  the  working-classes,  safety 
demanded  immediate  attention  to  fir  different  legislation. 

*'  Let  me  try  to  show  the  House,"  said  Bantam,  shrewdly, 
"whereon  the  artisan  discontent  builds  itself,  and  why  it  is 
taking  the  shape  of  bold  revolutionary  demand  instead  of 
constitutional  procedure.  Consider  all  the  measures  intro- 
duced into  Parliament  during  the  past  ten  years.  How 
many  there  have  been  of  a  distinctive  political  character  ! 
How  many  have  dealt  with  the  interests  of  the  higher  and 
middle  classes.  And  how  many  acts  of  beneficent  legisla- 
tion have  been  modified,  crippled,  or  post]5oned  altogcthei 


A    CONSTITUTIONAL    CRISIS.  233 


in   the  same  selfish  interests !     Education — the   education 
for  these  very  classes,  granted  to  them  at  length,  it  is  true, 
but   granted  to    them  upon    terms    they  do    not    approve, 
granted  to  them  subject  to  modifications  introduced  in  the 
interests  of  bigotry.     Had  this  House  been  constituted  with 
a  due  share  of  artisan  representation,  is  it  possible  that  that 
scheme  could  ever  have  received  the  assent  of  Parliament  ? 
We  undertook,  we,  a  select  body  of  ai-istocrats,  manufac- 
turers,  and   stock-jobbers,  undertook    to   legislate   for   the 
associations  which  are  formed  for  self-preservation,  and  to 
uphold  the  rights  of  labor.     To  you  these  seem  tyrannical 
instruments  of  compulsion,  but  you  forget  that  the  inordinate 
and  natural  advantages  of  capital  in  this  country  enabled  it 
to  hold  labor  in  iron  hands,  and  to  press  it  down  with  hy- 
draulic force,  and  that  if  the  balance  is  at  all  better  adjusted, 
it  is  due  to  these  associations.     Yet  when  you  are  appealed 
to  for  a  generous  concession  to  them  of  such  rights  and 
privileges  as  are  accorded  to  any  conmiercial  association, 
you  testify  your  fear  of  what  }'ou  are  obliged  to  concede 
with  one  hand,  by  threatening  with  the  other!     Again,  take 
another  case,  you  proclaim  the  dogma  of  Government  non- 
intervention in  many  hopeful  utilitarian  projects,  but  you 
turn  round  upon  friendly  associations  framed  for   mutual 
help,  and  abnegating  your  own  doctrine  that  men  should 
take  care  of  themselves,  you  most  inconsistently  organize 
an  inquisitorial  machinery  to  protect,  as  you  protect,  artisans 
from  cheating  each  other.    Where  you  can  do  anything,  you 
fail ;  when  you  see  your  way  to  interfere  in  anything  with  a 


234  LORD    BANTAM, 


hope  of  acquiring  greater  power,  you  are  too  quick  for 
action.  From  year  to  year  you  suffer  thousands  of  Uves  to 
remain  subjected  to  terrible,  hourly  danger — a  danger  every 
now  and  then  culminating  in  some  awful  catastrophe,  too 
often  the  result  of  the  diabolical  selfishness,  niggardliness, 
and  indifference  of  men  rolling  in  money,  regarding  more 
the  interests  of  their  cattle  than  the  well-being  and  safety  of 
those  whose  labors  win  their  wealth.  So,  in  a  hundred 
ways,  you  defeat,  you  disconcert,  you  grind  down,  you 
obstruct,  you  madden  tlie  surging  masses,  and  no  wonder 
they  feel  themselves  to  be  driven  to  but  one  remedy — the 
remedy  of  Continental  reformers — a  revolution.  It  is  not 
necessary,  I  believe,  that  ample  capacities  of  good  style  lie 
in  our  time-honored  constitution  ;  but,  sir,  for  God's  sake, 
I  call  upon  every  lover  of  his  country,  and  every  lover  of 
himself,  to  make  the  House  more  flexible ;  make  your 
policy  less  rigid ;  bring  it  more  into  sympathy  with  tlic 
great  millions  outside — or  look  out  for  your  lives!" 

One  must  admit  that  there  was  a  good  deal  of  fluent  Kcl- 
soism  in  this  speech.  The  House  heard  it  with  curiosity. 
The  Fogies  during  the  debate  made  a  good  deal  out  of  it, 
but,  though  not  a  few  Populars  in  their  secret  consciences 
went  with  the  too  impulsive  orator,  the  claims  of  party  and 
their  own  interest  tied  them  down  to  their  predetermined 
votes.  On  the  third  night  of  the  debate,  after  a  terribly 
sarcastic  speech  from  Mr.  Sardonius  and  a  fine  rejily  from 
his  rival,  the  Ministry  were  defeated  by  the  small  majority  of 
fiinc,  and  resolved  to  appeal  to  the  country. 


A    CONSTITUTIONAL    CRISIS.  235 

Meanwhile  colliery  explosions  continued  to  blow  their 
scores  at  a  time  of  human  machines  into  cinders,  leaving 
ample  families  to  supply  objects  of  charity  to  the  ratepayers  : 
big  brewers  or  distillers,  and  little  publicans  continued  to 
fatten  on  the  blown  corpses  of  the  prey  they  pursued  with 
unrestricted  license ;  men  and  women  perished  in  filth  and 
effluvia,  carefully  maintained  for  the  purpose  of  assisting  their 
exit  from  a  world  of  rates  and  taxes  by  thoughtful  "guardians 
of  the  poor:"  an  epidemic,  sweeping  over  the  Continent, 
waved  its  black  flag  across  the  Channel  towards  the  hopeful 
fields  where  no  legislation  and  the  principles  of  Magna 
Charta  combined  to  invite  its  attack  :  and  the  navy,  the 
guardian  of  the  honor  and  existence  of  free  England,  was 
left  to  be  reformed  in  the  face  of  the  enemy. 

It  is  thus  that  party  government,  amidst  its  rivalries  and 
throes,  jerks  aside  to  chance,  or  delay,  or  oblivion,  the 
precious  interests  of  millions,  and  discounts,  at  increasing 
usury,  the  dwindling  possibilities  of  social  conservation. 


* 


PART   VIII. 

HOW  HE  CAME  TO   HIS   ESTATE. 
I. — The  rulin2  passion  strong  in  death. 

While  this  great  movement  was  pending,  and  Lord  Ban- 
tam at  Shufflestraw  Castle  was  concerting  Avith  Broadbent 
measures  that  would  have  led  to  the  conversion  of  that  feu- 
dal domain  into  a  middle-age  community,  the  noble  prole- 
tarian was  suddenly  summoned  to  London  by  the  informa- 
tion that  the  Earl  had  had  a  seizure,  and  was  lying  in  a  pre 
carious  state  at  the  town  mansion.  The  young  lord's  feel- 
ings as  he  pursued  his  rapid  journey  to  the  metropolis  were 
naturally  tumultuous.  It  seemed  as  if  all  he  had  been  do- 
ing had  been  done  without  reference  to  the  contingency 
irresistibly  suggested  to  his  mind.  So  often  do  wc  act  with 
one  eye  blinded  to  contingencies  of  our  existence  ! 

When  he  reached  the  house  in  Hiton  Place,  the  aspect 
of  old  Trayfoot  was  far  from  reassuring. 

"  The  Earl  is  very  ill,  my  lord  :  there  are  two  doctors 
with  him  now.  He  recovered  consciousness  about  an  hour 
since,  but  his  weakness  gives  great  alarm.  The  Countess  is 
with  him,  my  lord." 

Entering  the  ante-room,  the  young  lord  signed  to  one  of 
the  i)hysicians,  who  coming  out  gave  his  hand  a  peculiar 
pressure. 

"  You  must  go  in,  my  lord.  He  has  asked  for  you  two 
or  three  times." 


RULING    PASSION    STRONG    IN    DEATH.        237 

The  Earl,  noticing  the  doctor's  movement  Avith  the  quick 
susceptibility  of  illness,  said  : 

"  Is  Albert  come  ?  " 

Lord  Bantam  went  forward.  His  mother  holding  the 
Earl's  hand,  looked  at  her  husband  with  the  firmness  of  a 
true  woman,  but  with  a  pallid  face.  Her  white  hair  and 
clear-cut  features  seemed  to  shine  with  a  sort  of  silver  light 
in  the  shadowy  room. 

As  Lord  Bantam  took  his  other  hand,  the  Earl's  features 
lighted  up,  and  for  a  moment  or  two  wore  the  aspect  so  fa- 
miliar to  frequenters  of  the  House  of  Peers  when  he  was 
about  to  address  them  in  a  great  debate. 

"Albert,"  he    said,     "you  will    soon   be    Lord   Ffowls- 

mere "     The  Countess  could  not  restrain  the  hand  that 

softly  stayed  his  lips ;  but  the  Earl  went  on.  "  Yes,  I 
know  it  is  coming — it  has  come  at  last.  You  have  latterly 
given  me  some  anxiety.  I  deeply  and  sincerely  regretted 
the  wildness  of  your  opinions,  because  I  knew  the  time 
would  come  when  you  must  give  them  up.  I  knew  it  was 
coming — it  was  coming " 


Lord  Bantam  remained  silent,  and  watched  with  a  fasci- 
nated gaze  the  weak  breathings  of  the  old  Earl  as  he  paused 
for  a  few  moments. 

"I   think   you  have  gone   too   far,"  he   continued.     "F 
never  objected  to  your  thinking  for  yourself.     A  young  man 
is  none  the  worse  for  being  original  and  active ;  but  there  is 
no  excuse  for   being  revolutionary.     I  wished  to  see   and 
warn  you  before   I  died.     You  arc  about  to  succeed,"  he 


238  LORD    BANTAM. 

went  on  with  a  firm,  proud  voice,  "  to  the  richest  title  in 
England — be  worthy  of  it.  A  peer  cannot  be  a  proletarian. 
You  would  be  judicious  to  acquiesce  in  the  progressive  ten- 
dencies of  the  day ;  but  with  the  interests  we  have  at  stake, 
we  cannot  afford  to  do  more  than  acquiesce.  You  will  learn 
that  it  is  your  interest  to  follow  the  people,  not  to  prompt 
them.  Believe  rae,  on  my  dying  bed  I  solemnly  tell  you, 
the  policy  of  my  life  has  been  a  Prig  policy — and  the  Prig 
policy  is  the  safety  of  the  aristocracy  of  this  kingdom.  I 
had  hoped  to  see  you  take  the  lead  in  that  policy.  Yes  !  " 
said  the  Earl  witla  sudden  vehemence  and  raising  his  voice, 
"  I  say,  my  lords,  that  I  am  prepared  to  defend  to  the 
death  that  policy  by  which  the  ancient  institutions  of  this 
nation  are  upheld  in  safety,  while  reform  pursues  its  course 

with  secure,  moderate  and  gradual  footsteps.     I   say " 

The  strained  voice  dropped,  and  in  a  moment  the  Count- 
ess's arm  was  under  the  white  head,  and  it  lay  with  closed 
eyes  upon  her  shoulder For  a  mo- 
ment the  lips  moved.     It  was  only  a  whisper. 


"  There  was  a  rich  merch.-int  in  Rotterdam, 
And  every  morning  he  said — " 


But  Earl  Ffowlsmere  never  said  "  I  am"  accain. 

The  new  Earl,  clad  in  a  simple  suit  of  black,  was  sitting 
in  that  study  into  which  Trayfoot,  nearly  twcnt) -five  years 
before,  had  precipitately  borne  the  announcement  of  his 
birth  to  the  man  now  lying  dead  in  the  cliamber  above. 

Trayfoot,  gray  and  portly,  in  the  blackest  black,  was  also 


RULING    PASSION    STRONG    IN    DEATH.        239 

there.     The  young  Peer  -was  surrounded  by  papers.     In  his 
hand  he  held  a  well-covered  sheet  of  foolscap. 

"  This  estimate  of  Booking's,  Trayfoot,  is  very  excessive, 
I  hope,"  said  he,  looking  hard  at  the  butler,  "you  have  not 
arranged  to  take  a  commission  on  my  father's  funeral  ?  " 

"  Certainly  not,  your  lordship,"  said  Trayfoot,  rather  in- 
dignantly.    "  Those  people  never  pay  commissions." 

.  "  Then,"  said  the  Earl,  ''  this  bill  is  extortionate.  It 
makes  the  honor  of  a  burial  in  Westminster  Abbey  altogether 
too  dear.  Seven  hundred  and  seventy  pounds  !  Twenty- 
five  guineas  for  the  hearse  :  ten  guineas  for  the  use  of  a  '  vel- 
vet pall,  satin  lined  : '  '  two  hundred  and  ten  silk  hatbands,' 
at  thirty  shillings  each  !     What  do  you  think  of  it  ?  " 

"  It's  extortionate,  as  your  lordship  says  :  but  they  never 
alter  their  estimates,  I'm  told." 

Trayfoot  had  in  fact  demanded  of  the  undertakers  one 
per  cent,  on  their  bill,  which  they  had  curtly  refused.  His 
concurrence  Avith  the  young  Earl's  opinion  was  therefore 
genuine. 

"  Well,  now,"  said  our  hero,  sighing,  "  I  desire  every  re- 
spect to  be  paid  to  my  honored  father's  memory,  and  nearly 
the  whole  of  the  Ministry  will  be  at  his  funeral,  therefore  I 
suppose  we  must  accept  this  estimate." 

"  They  said,  my  lord,  that  an  estimate  for  a  funeral  in 
Westminster  Abbey  was  very  unusual,  and  that  they  only 
gave  it  in  consideration  of  your  lordship's  high  position,  but 
they  would  not  be  bound  by  it  within  a  few  hundred  pounds 
or  so." 


240  LORD     BANTAM, 


Trayfoot  was  having  his  revenge. 

"  Oh  !  they  said  that,  did  they  ?  But  this  estimate  I  see 
is  signed  by  them — and  I  shall  hold  them  strictly  to  it. 
They  have  clearly  put  down  double  the  number  of  hatbands 
that  will  be  required.  I  wish  you  therefore  on  the  day  of 
the  funeral  to  keep  a  strict  watch,  and  take  a  memorandum 
of  the  number  actually  supplied.  You  will  also  be  good 
enough  to  count  the  number  of  attendants  and  servitors. 
My  father  must  be  buried  without  regard  to  expense,  but  I 
will  not  be  imposed  upon." 

The  funeral  over,  and  Messrs.  Bookings'  bill  triumphantly 
reduced  by  a  clearly  proved  overcharge  of  167/.,  which  made 
them  regret  their  parsimony  to  Trayfoot,  the  Earl  and  Count- 
ess, with  their  children,  left  London  for  Shufflestraw  Castle. 
There  for  a  week  the  young  Peer  gave  himself  up  to  a  mas- 
tery of  the  whole  of  the  estate  accounts.  It  was  some  satis- 
faction to  find  tliat  his  fathers  unrivalled  business  powers 
had  left  him  nothing  to  criticise. 

He  was  one  day  surprised  by  an  intimation  from  his  ser- 
vants, that  a  large  body  of  rough-looking  men,  headed  by 
Broadbent,  had  passed  the  East  Lodge  and  was  approaching 
the  Castle.  The  Earl  imnjediately  sent  off  a  groom  to  the 
Ffowlsmere  Police  Station,  asking  that  a  detachment  of  the 
force  might  be  sent  to  the  Castle.  All  the  males  employed 
in  the  Castle  or  surrounding  grounds  were  collected  and 
hastily  armed.  They  were,  however,  disposed  out  of  sight. 
As  the  proletarians,  marching  three  abreast,  turned  the  last 
curve  of  the  avenue  towards  the  great  gate  of  the  Castle,  the 


RULING    PASSION     STRONG    IN    DEATH.        241 

Earl,  accompanied  by  Trayfoot  and  a  stalwart  servitor,  de- 
scended to  the  steps  which  led  to  the  drawbridge  and  awaited 
the  arrival  of  his  unwelcome  visitors.  Plis  appearance  was 
greeted  by  a  ringing  cheer,  which  spite  of  himself  agitated 
him  greatly.  It  seemed  to  be  a  joyous  knell  at  his  father's 
death.  Drawing  them  up  opposite  the  steps,  their  leader, 
remaining  covered,  approached  Lord  Ffowlsmere  and  famil- 
iarly offered  him  liis  hand,  which  the  other  took  with  silent 
and  cold  placidity. 

"  I  sympathize  deeply  with  your  loss,  my  brother  citizen," 
said  the  old  man.  "  Humanity  is  the  same  everywhere,  and 
rank  foregoes  no  sorrow.  But  the  past  is  past.  Let  the 
dead  bury  their  dead.  Life  is  in  the  present  and  before  us. 
We  now  have  to  deal  with  the  fact  of  your  auspicious  suc- 
cession to  the  dignities  and  possessions  of  your  father.  On 
this  we  have  come  to  congratulate  you  and  ourselves  and  the 
people  of  England." 

A  faint  blush  passed  over  the  Earl's  face  as  he  silently 
bowed  an  acknowledgment. 

"We  have  communicated  with  our  friends  throughout  the 
county,  and  have  drawn  up  an  address,  which  this  deputa- 
tion is  here  to  present  on  behalf  of  the  Social  Anti-Climax 
League." 

Once   more    the   Earl    saw  Broadbent  draw  forth    those 

broad-rimmed  spectacles  and  ui;ifold  a  sheet  of  proletarian 

paper.     Once  more  did  the  old  man's  gruff  voice  read  to  him, 

with  uncouth  emphasis,  a  proletarian  address.     It  was — 
II 


242  LORD     BANTAM. 


'■'■From  the  Presidents,  Vice-Presidents,  Councils,  and 
Associates  of  the  '  Social  Anti-Climax  League'  of  the 
People  of  England,  to  their  fellow -citizen,  Albert  Au- 
gustus Adolphus  Loftus  Cicely  Chester  Bantam,^  com- 
monly called  Lord  Bantam,  and  now  termed  Earl  of 
Ff owls  mere." 

It  stated  that  as  brethren  of  one  "  whom  we  hold  in  high 
regard,  we  heartily  express  our  sympathies  with  you  in  the 
severe  and  sudden  family  affliction  which  has  befallen  you ; 
and  we  trust  that  you  will  be  sustained  in  it  by  that  pure 
and  high  philosophy,  which,  recognizing  in  every  event  the 
movement  of  the  inevitable,  rests  in  the  supreme  dignity  of 
resignation." 

It  proceeded  to  congratulate  him  on  the  attainment  of  a 
position  v/hich  would  enable  him  to  carry  out  practically  the 
principles  he  had  so  nobly  professed.     It    referred  to   the 
propositions  of  the  Bellowsby  Charter.     It  reminded  him  that 
he  had  declared  his  adhesion  to  them,  and  concluded  thus: 
"  We,  therefore, your  brother-citizens  and  associates  in 
the  League,  relying  on  your  honesty  and  sincerity,  in- 
vite and  pray  you  to  take  the  lead  in  the  new,  great 
social  movement  for  the  transfiguration  of  Labor  and 
the  regeneration  of  Society." 

The  I-'arl  received  the  address  with  some  embarrassment. 
Immediately  facing  him  was  the  sturdy  trunk  and  leonine 
head  of  the  olcj  shoemaker,  and  below  his  late  associates  in 


RULING    PASSION    STRONG     IN     DEATH.       243 

the  League,  all  waiting  for  him  to  take  the  lead  in  the  trans- 
figuration of  Labor.     He  hesitated. 

"Well,  my  lord,"  said  Broadbent,  "we  wait  your  answer. 
Surely  you  have  made  up  your  mind.  -We  are  prepared  to 
follow  you  to  the  death." 

"  No  doubt — a — Mr. — Broadbent;  but,  Mr. — Broadbent 
and  my  good  friends,  I — I — have  lately  had  to  reconsider 
the  subject  of  this  address  with  some  care,  and — in  foct,  gen- 
tlemen— I  have  seen  reason  to  change  my  opinion." 


FINIS. 


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